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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263214">Cursed with Caring</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceylon_and_Cyanide/pseuds/Ceylon_and_Cyanide'>Ceylon_and_Cyanide</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Diabolik Lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amusement Parks, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Drama, Dubious Consent, F/M, Fluff, Kidnapping, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Sexual Harassment, Slight Yandere, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Victim Blaming, canon compliant romanticization of abuse, please please read the tags and warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:02:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>160,783</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceylon_and_Cyanide/pseuds/Ceylon_and_Cyanide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You were cursed to die unless someone you loved decided to save you. You were fine with this, and tried to make the Sakamaki's regret how they've treated you by being overwhelmingly kind and caring until your dying breath.</p><p>Now you've survived by some miracle, and you have no idea what to do with a life you were prepared to leave.</p><p>(Loosely based off if the Bloody Bouquet CDs happened before anyone fell in love with the MC)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sakamaki Kanato/Reader (one-sided), Sakamaki Reiji/Reader, Sakamaki Subaru/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>257</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. What a lazy curse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The black rose’s thorn has cast upon you an unwavering curse. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your blood shall fester into a poison that reaches byond the grave and earth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your fate is sealed, though you may survive,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If the one who holds your heart drinks your blood dry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The curse shall take you swiftly, if by this you do not abide. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“It rhymes I guess, but the meter sucks.”</p><p>“Oi, what does this even say?” </p><p>“I think it says I’m gonna die.”</p><p>“Bitch-chan~! Don’t say that so easily!”</p><p>“Look, it says it right here. The one who holds my heart or whatever needs to drink like, <em>all </em>my blood, or else I just die. Or something.”</p><p>Laito pouts and grabs the letter from you. He reads it, his eyes scanning the paper several times before his face settles in a frown.</p><p>Ayato tries to tear the letter from his hands. </p><p>“Are you sure you’re reading it right?”</p><p>“Now what other way could we read this, hmm~?”</p><p>“Give it here!”</p><p> </p><p>Ayato snatches the letter, wrinkling the paper. His intense expression doesn’t waver for a solid minute as he stares at it with his brow furrowed. Eventually he gives up, and tosses it over his shoulder. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, you’ve got it right. Let’s get Reiji to deal with this.”</p><p>Unbeknownst to him, while Ayato was pretending to know how to read, Laito had already gathered Reiji and the other Sakamaki’s into the main hall. </p><p>“Please, explain this nonsense.” Reiji pushes his glasses up on his face with a gloved hand.</p><p>“Someone sent a cursed bouquet to hurt our beloved little bitch. It seems like she’s not long for this world~”</p><p>You fight back a frown over how carefree Laito is about your impending mortality, and at being called... <em>that name</em>. You should be used to it by now, but it's still… bothersome. The pressure you’ve been holding on your finger to stop the bleeding is becoming hard to ignore. </p><p>“It’s my fault, if I didn’t try to pick up the bouquet I wouldn’t have pricked my finger and gotten cursed in the first place.”</p><p>“At least you are aware of your own incompetence,” Reiji sighs, “Now please share with me what you know.”</p><p>You walk over to where Ayato threw the letter that arrived with the bouquet, bend over to pick it up, and deliver it to Reiji. Maybe it’s too much to ask of Ayato to pass it himself. </p><p>“Hmm… I see…” Reiji mutters after carefully combing over the letter. When he finishes with it, he hands the letter to Kanato. “Perhaps you should be using this time to make your peace. If you request it, I shall help you put your affairs in order.”</p><p>How kind of him.</p><p>“Thank you for your offer. I think I need a little time to process this, but I’ll get back to you soon.” You say with a business-like smile, giving a clumsy bow. You aren’t comfortable with Japanese formalities yet, but you’re trying.  Maybe it's too late to make much progress. Nonetheless, you won't be letting a fated death get in the way of showing people proper manners.</p><p>“Stock the fridge with pudding before you die,” Kanato scoffs with barely a change to his bored expression. </p><p>Subaru reads the note, tosses it it to Shuu, and storms off. Shuu casually lets it fall to the floor, and follows after. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>You lay down on top of the covers of your bed, your cellphone next to you. That bloody bouquet of black roses is sitting in a vase on your bedside table, because the brothers agreed that you should hold onto it for “curse related reasons” or something. You’ve been at this vampire-infested house for maybe 3 months now, and you’ve done everything you could to stay on their good sides, but none of them are attached to you enough to want to try to save you, or even show some concern over the fact that you're soon to die. </p><p>All those days, baking for Kanato and letting him dress you up in unflattering, childish dresses,  praising Ayato and putting up with his harrassment, and trying to form a genuine friendship with Laito despite <em>his</em> harassment… not to mention taking care of Shuu and doing your best to be gentle and kind to Subaru even under the threat and sometimes actuality of physical violence… all for nothing. And the worst offender is Reiji, who you thought you formed an actual bond with while doing household chores together. Even if it almost always ended up with you undergoing some kind of torture at his hands, the fact that he kept asking for your help again made you think he had maybe at least an ounce of fondness for you… Like you held some kind of importance to someone.</p><p>And now your days are numbered, and no one cares enough to keep count. </p><p>You turn to lie on your back. Maybe you should just sleep it all away. Maybe they always saw you as someone to use, and not as a part of the household. Maybe it would actually kill them to show a little kindness to you, or even each other. </p><p>Maybe you should kill them with kindness, make them feel guilty for making you feel so useless, unloved, and alone for the time you’ve spent with them. Sure, you had those kinds of feelings before you met them, but you dealt with them, and sure as hell weren’t having your negative thoughts constantly validated. You’ll be so goddamn <em>nice </em>and <em>selfless </em>that at least one of the Sakamakis is gonna feel awful about this years down the line. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>So there you are, in the kitchen, with a fridge full of various flavors of macarons and puddings, and a table full of the remaining ones that won’t fit in the fridge. Doing all that baking was physically taxing, you’re overheated and sweaty, your arms feel like <strike>pudding </strike>jelly and your glasses are foggy from the oven heat and your own sweat. And yet you decide to continue your crusade of weaponized kindness anyways, by inviting the triplets and maybe Reiji to a tea party to use up the extra sweets. Tomorrow you’ll prepare a bunch of frozen takoyaki that Ayato just has to toss in the pan and fry, but for today you’re hanging up your apron and basking in the praise you’ll receive for your baking skills. </p><p>Kanato is the type that doesn’t want to wait for things he likes, Ayato likes to be first, and Laito and Reiji are bastard men, so you carefully plan the order you’ll invite them based off that. </p><p>First you knock on Ayato’s door. For some reason there’s a sock on it. He doesn’t answer when you knock the second time, so you open the door anyway. </p><p>You decide to forget what you saw. </p><p>Next you knock on Laito’s door. There is also a sock on it. You feel scared. Your blood runs cold when he moans and says, “Nfu, come in~!”, and you quickly shout that there’s tea and macarons in the dining room before getting the fuck out of there. </p><p>Since the triplets have rooms way too close to each other’s, considering what they apparently get up to constantly, you end up not nearly as far away from Laito’s cacophonous moaning as you’d like when you go to knock on Kanato’s door, and it seems like the moaning is only getting louder with every beat of your heart. Kanato meets you promptly, but you almost wish he hadn’t. </p><p>“Since I’m… dying… soon, and won’t be able to bake for you… I’m serving tea and sweets in the dining room right now. Would you like some?”</p><p>He stares at you with big and innocent, yet tired and condescending eyes. There’s an unspoken agreement between the two of you to not address the background noise. </p><p>“We’ll be there in a moment. Don’t start without us.” He clutches his stuffed bear, Teddy, and slams the door in your face, knocking the delicate, lacy sock off the door knob.</p><p>“<em>What the fuck, what the fuck,” </em>you think to yourself. </p><p>Getting denied by Reiji turns out to be a much less horrifying experience. He tells you to get out of his laboratory and tells you that your tea brewing technique isn't up to his standards, but at least no socks or lewd moans are involved. So hey, that’s a win. </p><p> </p><p>When you return to the dining room Laito is reclining in a chair, eyeing you expectantly. He leans forward and rests his chin on his hands. </p><p>“Mmm~ this spread looks amazing, but if it were you that was spread I don’t think I could hold back.”</p><p>For a minute your innocent mind thinks he’s implying that he wants to open up your rib cage and drink blood directly from your heart, but then you remember sex is a thing, and that spending time with him has burnt any innocence you had out of your brain. </p><p>“Hey, I’m always willing to spread my arms for a big, platonic hug!” you say in your goofiest, host of a children’s show-est voice ever. Laito pouts but doesn’t look too disappointed. You're never sure when he's being serious and when he's just trying to get a rise out of you. Luckily, there's little he can do when you turn him down in an unappealing enough way.</p><p>“Say, could it be…? Did you plan this for just the two of us?” he raises an eyebrow, and would almost look seductive if it weren’t for that horrible fedora he insists on wearing. Before you get a chance to deny it (shyly, maybe stuttering cutely so it sounds like a bad coverup, to prevent him from taking it as a true rejection and attacking you out of anger), Kanato enters the room clutching Teddy. Laito fixes himself to look a modicum less sleazy, but it isn’t very noticeable. </p><p>“Wonderful,” Kanato says, eyes fixated on the mountain of sweets, with a smile you would’ve found precious and adorable if he hadn’t once tried to make you eat a raw liver he took out of a rat right in front of you while making that same face. Somehow it still fills you with warmth and pride when he starts digging in to some raspberry pudding without waiting for anyone else to arrive. You pour him some black tea. </p><p>Laito offers his teacup to you and you pour him some too. You really want to say something mean and snarky, or just not pour any, but over the past few months you’ve learned to bite your tongue and just do what they want. Maybe you should act out instead of doing the “kill them with kindness” routine. Let your death be as yourself, instead of the person they’ve turned you into. </p><p>Still, you fear a violent, painful death by their hands more than you fear a somewhat natural death by curse. You pour yourself some tea too and wait for it to cool. Judging by the color and smell, it’s much better than Reiji says it is, although half of his criticisms might be coming from just not liking you very much. After this, you’re going to put everything you have into brewing a fresh pot of tea, and you’re going to take it to him. Even if he isn’t blown away by it, maybe seeing you earnestly seek his approval will give him a hollow feeling a couple years down the line when he’s feeling lonely and you’re long gone. </p><p> </p><p>The tea party goes well, with you brushing off Laito’s teasing politely and changing the subject, and Kanato recounting embarrassing moments in Laito’s life to get him to shut up. The two go back and forth on this for a while, in a kind of playful anger, and you catch one of those rare glimpses of when the Sakamaki’s actually act like brothers. Even if your plan is mostly based on spite, this is something you wanted to see, too. They treat each other better than they treat you, but there’s still a kind of distance and resentment you relate to. <em>No one should have to feel so alone </em>, you think, despite the plan being to make them feel loss and loneliness with your death, <em>I shouldn't feel this alone</em>. </p><p>Your takeaway from the conversation is that one time Kanato started crying and screaming at a burger joint because he was too tall to fit in the McDonald’s PlayPlace, and ended up sneaking in anyways and getting stuck while a bunch of kindergartners laughed at him. The runner up to this grand prize is that one time Laito decided that a particularly curvy looking tree was rather appealing, and ended up with fire ants biting his dick until it swelled to twice it’s size, which he proudly showed to a maid he was having an affair with. She ended up puking all over him, and she ran all over the estate crying for a medic to amputate his horrible, malformed, diseased penis. You file these stories away in your mind. Even if you can’t use them for blackmail later, they may be the best memories you make in your remaining days.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>You brew another pot of tea and take it to Reiji, along with two macarons and a rosehip-flavored pudding. You chose a middle quality Darjeeling mixed with fresh rose petals you harvested from the garden, so you wouldn’t waste his good tea leaves, and because your intermediate level of tea knowledge made you unfamiliar with any of the less common, maybe more appropriate teas he had available. You chose a pot and teacup with a delicate rose pattern, made of china like his other dishes, but with no fancy gold embellishments or sculpted details. It is a pleasantly handsome, unoffending and unimpressive teaset to go with the fragrant yet unoffending and imperfect tea you brewed. The tea seems well made to you, but in case Reiji finds it disgusting and undrinkable, it’s best to keep the presentation humble. </p><p>You knock on the laboratory door. He’s been there all night. He’s never told you what he works on. When you were in high school you weren’t the best in chemistry class, though even if you were there’s no way you’d understand the mixture of science, alchemy, and magic he uses. Perhaps it’s beyond human understanding, and even further beyond your caring, although the thought of him producing poisons and testing them on you often crosses your mind.</p><p>He calls for you to enter. You cautiously balance the tray on one hand before opening the door. Deciding between kicking the door closed and being reprimanded for closing it improperly, or leaving it open and being asked to close it despite already having that intention. You choose to be treated like an idiot instead of earning his undeserved malice.</p><p>“I brought you some tea and sweets,” you say with a smile, walking to the seating area to place the tray on the table.</p><p>“Close the door,” he says without looking up, like you predicted. You start to walk out the door.</p><p>“Stay here, there is something we must discuss,” he catches you by surprise.</p><p>“Why is there only one teacup?”</p><p>Because he calls you presumptuous when you assume you’ll be having tea together.</p><p>“I forgot the other, I’ll be right back,” you say and close the door behind yourself. </p><p>Spending all night baking has you spent, you really don’t want to deal with this anymore, but how often does Reiji invite you to have tea with him, or ask you to talk? It’s obviously about something serious/important, but you’re kind of excited, and that scares you. Being eager to spend time with someone who treats you horribly isn’t something normal or healthy. But he isn’t cruel all the time, and maybe the crumbs of kindness, sincerity, and vulnerability he gives makes it worth it. It shouldn’t, but it does.</p><p>You grab the matching teacup and return to the laboratory. </p><p>“Are you alright?” your heart would skip a beat if you didn’t know where this was going.</p><p>“No, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” you let it happen anyways, he really, really enjoys being an asshole.</p><p>“You took so long, I wondered if you injured your leg.” His smile is so smug and mocking despite what could’ve been kind words. How much effort would it be to fully invest in the act!?</p><p>“I’m so sorry, I’ll be faster next time. What did you wish to discuss?”</p><p>You sit across from him on the couch, and pour tea for both of you. Very carefully, under his heavy gaze. Your hands are shaking, and you spill a drop. </p><p>“How careless,” he mutters under his breath. You shrug it off and continue.</p><p>“It’s been decided that to send you off properly, we’ll fulfill a request of yours."</p><p>That sounds… vague.</p><p>“May I ask what kind of request you mean?”</p><p>“Anything within reason.”</p><p>You take a moment to think. It has to be something that’ll make a happy memory that will sour over time. Or maybe just a happy memory. You’re kind of losing your desire for a spiteful revenge. Something that involves everyone, hopefully gets them out of the house, and forces them to spend time with each other…</p><p>“Can… can we all go to an amusement park?”</p><p>“An amusement park?” Reiji doesn’t seem amused by this.</p><p>You haven't been to one in years. It’s a childish request, maybe a little bit indulgent, but a fun day out with friends and family is something common for people to do on holidays. According to the anime you’ve watched. It occurs to you that you’ve never gotten a chance to live a very full life. </p><p>“That can be done. I’ll arrange everything, and we will go tomorrow morning.”</p><p>“Thanks, sorry for the trouble,”</p><p>“It <em>is </em>rather troublesome,” he takes a sip of tea,</p><p>It comes as a surprise to you that he’s eaten both macarons and taken a large chunk out of the pudding already. Does he… <em>like </em>the snack set-up you arranged? You know you shouldn’t feel as happy as you do over this, but you don’t fight it. And you know better than to ask how it is, he’d rather nitpick everything you did wrong than admit it’s good, so the fact that he’s holding back on the criticism is the most shining mark of success you’ve ever received from him. Or maybe he’s just distracted by the arrangements he’s going over in his head. </p><p>“If that’s all, you may leave,” he says, sipping the tea. You consider offering to put away the tea set, just to make him say that he wants it, but decide not to. He’d see right through you and say something horrible, so there’s no point trying to get even an indirect verbal compliment. You wish him goodnight and head to your room. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>You’re in the hallway of the second floor, outside your room, when all of a sudden you’re pinned against a wall by an angry, intimidating man. That’s just what life is like here. </p><p>You try to look bored by this, but you’re honestly terrified and don’t have the composure or energy to hide it. Narrowed eyes will do for now. Subaru stares at you with a burning red and leans down to your ear, hot breath making your blood race, and continues down to your neck. You grab his shoulders and try to push him away, but he doesn’t budge. He’s too strong, and you’re too helpless. He presses his  soft lips against your pulse with an uncharacteristic gentleness, and licks you slowly. You’re confused, but you relax your muscles.</p><p>“S-Subaru?”</p><p>Once you lower your guard, he bites you full force. He pierces your skin and you cry out, clutching him tighter and tensing up. Just as soon as it happened, he lets you go.</p><p>He turns to the side and spits out a mouthful of your blood.</p><p>“Just checking. The curse is real.”<br/>
<br/>
He spits to the side again and disappears just as swiftly as he appeared.</p><p>“<em>What the fuck, what the fuck</em>,” you think to yourself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Saved by ghosts and capri-sun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As a warning, some of the ickier tags start to show up here.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the parking lot of the amusement park, in front of the limousine that's drawing far too much attention to yourselves, someone in a mascot costume hands Kanato a balloon with the character’s face on it. He stares with an open mouth and you’re afraid he’ll start to scream, but instead he closes his mouth and narrows his eyes. That isn’t very comforting either. </p><p>You yawn and stretch out your back. That morning you woke up early to prepare some snacks, so you wouldn’t have to waste money on over-priced and less tasty park food. To make up for the lack of sleep you napped during the car ride, but kept getting woken up by Ayato’s hand up your shirt, whispering, “Go back to sleep.” Normally when stuff like this happens Subaru gets pissed off and tells him to knock it off, but he’s been distant and lost in thought all day. Going out in the day is like staying up late for vampires, so you guess it’s expected that they be kind of out of it. </p><p>“Let’s go on the biggest rollercoaster!”</p><p>“I think the water rides are more her style~”</p><p>Ayato and Laito appear on either side of you and grab your arms. You realize your mistake of wearing a white t-shirt.</p><p>“Yeah, a rollercoaster sounds fun!” you say. You know if you struggle out of their grip they’ll only get more interested, so you force yourself to relax and go with it. </p><p>Reiji is speaking to a woman at the ticket booth. The smile he gives her is so uncharacteristically kind that it gives you the heebie-jeebies. He calls your group past the gate and distributes the ride passes.</p><p>“You can split off, but I suggest you stay in small groups in case I have trouble reaching you.”</p><p>“M’kay, bye,” Shuu shrugs and walks off towards the lazy river.</p><p>“H-hey! What did he just say!” Subaru follows after him. You’re kind of disappointed that you won’t be seeing much of them during this trip.</p><p>Ayato and Laito still have their hands on your arms, but have completely forgotten you and are arguing over which ride is best. Kanato gets handed another balloon. Reiji pushes up his glasses and frowns. What a mood.</p><p>“Um…” you say, looking at a brochure, “I think the haunted log ride might have everything you guys want. It’s scary, there’s water, and a huge drop at the end. Plus look at the vampires!” You can’t help but chuckle at the cartoon-y, Count Chocula looking characters baring their fangs and hissing in the sample pictures of what the ride looks like. </p><p>“That’s rather distasteful,” Reiji mutters.</p><p>“I think it looks fun!”</p><p>“Ya know, it’s probably scarier than those guys make it look.” Ayato lowers his voice and leans in, “Sure you can handle it?” </p><p>“What? Of course, you’re way scarier. I just love cheesy Halloween looking shit.” He grins when you call him scary and his eyes darken.</p><p>“I mean, look at the way you dress. It’s horrifying.” You smile innocently and nudge him, gesturing to his single rolled up pant leg. He pouts.<br/><br/>“Huh?! I look sexy as hell!”</p><p>“Oh, nii-chan, keep telling yourself that…”</p><p>“Shouldn’t you be on <em>my </em>side?!” </p><p>“I am, I am, it’s just… a bit painful looking at you sometimes…” Laito pouts and mimes wiping a tear from his eye.</p><p> </p><p>Kanato tugs at your sleeve. </p><p>“Let’s ditch them,” he whispers and starts leading you off. You know you can’t say no, so you let out a surprised yelp to get some attention before you’re spirited away. Now there are three men gripping you and this seems way too much like the shoujo manga you read last week for your liking. Maybe you should’ve tried to read all the shoujo manga on your list to prepare for your death, get some of that light-hearted fluff to cheer yourself up and make the inevitable seem beautiful. Instead you’re starting to draw the crowd away from two park workers wearing bird costumes putting on a skit.</p><p>“Hey! What are you trying to pull here?!” Ayato grabs Kanato by the collar and lets go of you. </p><p>“Calm down, you’re drawing too much attention,” Reiji pushes up his glasses and sighs.</p><p>“Maybe seeing Bitch-chan’s shirt turn transparent will make you feel better~”</p><p>Sucks to be them, you knew about the water park in advance and brought a raincoat, plus a spare change of clothes.</p><p>Kanato pouts. “You’re right, let’s go.” <em>What the fuck, what the fuck, </em>you think. How did <em>that </em>manage to calm him down?!</p><p>Kanato holds your wrist as you walk to the ride, and Reiji walks next to him. You pass a kid holding hands with both his parents and look at Kanato expectantly. He glares at you and tries to move away from Reiji, who grabs his wrist.</p><p>“Don’t wander off, or else you’ll get lost,” Reiji says without giving you or Kanato a glance. Ayato is cackling behind you while Laito is kind enough to try to hold back. Kanato is seething, but stays quiet. You worry that the short time you’ve been at the park has pushed him too far. </p><p>You know for a fact that Kanato likes you and is willing to try to keep it together, just a little, to impress you, but he’s been mistaken for and treated like a kid all day and it probably won’t take long for him to lose it. Despite his delicate features and slight build, he’s noticeably taller than you and his hands are much bigger than yours. He’d probably look his age if he dressed more mature, and if he wasn’t carrying Teddy by the paw, but you kind of dig the style. You find his childish demeanor endearing, as well as thoroughly unattractive. Unlike the other Sakamaki’s you don’t have to deal with the discomfort of being attracted to someone who treats you like shit when you spend time with him, and it’s truly comforting. You definitely aren’t going to tell him this.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>In the confusion of being herded onto the ride, you end up putting your bag in a cubby without getting a chance to grab your raincoat. Ayato and Laito can’t stop grinning as they take the seats on either side of you.<br/><br/>“Don’t be afraid to cling to me if you get scared, m’kay?” Laito says with a wink. You lean away.</p><p>“Get with the program, she prefers me,” Ayato says and puts his arm around your waist to pull you closer.<br/><br/>This would be a lot more flattering if they had actual feelings for you, and weren’t treating this like some kind of long-term conquest. You lean against Ayato because out of the two of them, he’s the least likely to do something that would get you arrested for public indecency. He hums in approval, which you can feel vibrate in his chest, and holds you tighter. </p><p>Ayato looks down at you and gives you a satisfied look that simultaneously fills you with heat and makes your blood run cold. You draw away and stare ahead, but you’re locked in his grip, and by the ride’s safety bar.</p><p>The ride begins to move and the log boat starts to rock back and forth. You can hear Reiji and Kanato two rows back muttering about the tasteless decorations. It’s mostly plastic skeletons, sometimes doing silly things, sometimes reenacting torture scenes, lots of bats and fake chains, and gallons of fake blood poured over everything. There are actors with chainsaws pretending to attack each other, and others coming closer to the boat, making creepy noises and threatening to kill you, but you’ve dealt with worse. The royalty-free music and sound effects start to drown out their voices.</p><p>There’s something almost cathartic about how the people in the seats behind you are spooked by this while you’ve dealt with so much worse. So often you feel like a coward for submitting to the Sakamakis, but putting yourself in situations like this makes you feel in control for once. You’ve recently become fond of horror movies for the same reason. If these are the things that scare people, maybe you’re braver than you think. Still, the fact that you’re scared so often in your daily life means that your circumstances are uncommonly horrific, which scares you even more. Maybe you shouldn’t think too hard, and feel proud that the man in the Jason mask running at you with a butcher's knife feels silly and fun rather than terrifying. The log boat rocking back and forth gently in the water helps lull you into a peaceful state.</p><p>You’re genuinely frightened when the woman behind you screams, and you end up clinging to Ayato. </p><p>“H-hey, I told you not to do this in public…” she whispers. </p><p>You feel a chill and hold Ayato tighter.</p><p>“It’s so dark in here, no one will know…” a man whispers next to her. </p><p>You consider stepping in.</p><p>“H-hey…” </p><p>But if you step in, what will happen to you?</p><p>“S-stop!"</p><p> </p><p>You struggle out of Ayato’s grip but can’t break free. You’re covered in sweat.</p><p>“Shhh… Leave them alone,” Laito whispers next to you and wraps an arm around you.</p><p>You’re frozen in place as you listen to the woman’s protests. It’s too much. The way you’re being held feels suffocating. You can feel your pulse in the tips of your fingers and the taste of bile reaches your mouth.</p><p>You try to say something, to tell the man to stop, but your throat is too dry and your lips feel like they've been glued shut.</p><p>A cluster of “ghosts” made from white cloth covering balloons and tied at the bottom fall from the ceiling, followed by a chorus of cartoonish “oooh”s and ghostly moans. You swear you heard Reiji yelp.</p><p>Behind you, the woman looks relieved and the man looks pissed, but he withdraws. <em>Thank god </em>.</p><p>You shiver and cling to Ayato. He pulls you closer and Laito loosens his grip. As long as you don’t resist, nothing like that will happen to you. Your stomach settles but the feeling of uneasiness doesn’t go away. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly you’re falling. The passengers behind you scream and cheer. </p><p>You can’t feel a thing.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“W-what are you doing?”<br/>“No one can ogle you if they can’t see anything,” Ayato mumbles and continues pressing his hand against your upper chest.</p><p>His hand is pressing deep into your cleavage, which would now be visible through your soaked white shirt if it wasn’t for him. </p><p>“I-I have a jacket I can put on…” you have the option here to sound less hesitant, to not stutter, but when you sound confident he takes it as a challenge and won’t change his mind. You make yourself sound meek on purpose so someone else with actual power can step in. Having to make yourself seem so pitiful disgusts you, but it's the only way you can protect yourself.</p><p>“But isn’t this so much better?” He grins and his eyes become predatory. He takes one of your breasts in his hand and jiggles it, his gaze following every movement. He palms your other breast and squeezes the nipple between two fingers. You feel a heat growing in your chest and blood flush to your face. </p><p>In the split second where you’re deciding between freezing and pushing him away, Reiji drapes his jacket over your shoulders. It’s just as soaked as your shirt, but it’s darker and made from a thicker material, completely covering you.</p><p>“I think this should suffice,” he says.</p><p>Ayato makes a disappointed noise and backs off. You call out your thanks. </p><p>“Didn’t you prepare in advance?”</p><p>“I didn’t get a chance to put on my raincoat,”</p><p>“You should have been more thorough,” Reiji sighs. </p><p>Wordlessly, you follow behind the group to the next ride, a rollercoaster chosen by Ayato, and pull Reiji’s coat tighter around you. You wonder what would’ve happened if he continued. You feel the blush on your cheeks darken.</p><p> </p><p>Laito falls back to walk beside you. He’s expectantly looking at your face but you’re too lost in thought to notice. </p><p>“Hello~?” He asks and waves a hand in front of your face.</p><p>“What’s up?” You ask, blushing at your own thoughts.</p><p>“Just wondering what’s got you so hot and bothered. Certainly it’s not me or my brothers, is it?”</p><p>You aren’t entirely sure how true it is that vampires can tell when you’re turned on. It’s kind of hit or miss when they say they know you’re in the mood. When they do get it right though, it’s mortifying. </p><p>“Oh my, how did you possibly know? It’s all I can think about, every waking moment!” You say in a higher, more dramatic voice, and bring a hand daintily to your chest in mock shock. Even if they might not be able to tell when you’re turned on, they <em>can </em>tell if you’re lying. In this case, to keep a secret, you just need to fuck with them.</p><p>“My, my, of course being around the likes of us fills you with lewd thoughts. You can’t help it.” Laito leans closer.</p><p>“I know, ‘tis the bane of my existence!” you take a step away and bring the back of your hand to your forehead in a big, sweeping motion and look off into the distance. A moment later you return to your regular posture and voice. You chuckle and say, “But seriously bro, what’s up?”</p><p>Laito frowns.</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“You can tell me what’s on your mind. That’s what friends are for.” You give a kind, supportive smile and Laito starts to look uncomfortable.</p><p>“What’s in the bag?” He asks, changing the subject.</p><p>“Some snacks, I made cookies this morning and grabbed some bags of chips. There are juice pouches too. Want some?”</p><p>A moment later you’re walking like the coolest kids in the park, drinking some Capri-sun. You wish you brought shades.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/><br/>Waiting in line for the next ride, you hand out snacks to everyone. </p><p>“Hey Chichinashi, I bet I can finish before you!” Ayato says as you open the straw for your Capri-sun. You’re not sure why he calls you that, judging by the way he treats you there's no way he believes it's fitting. </p><p>“Cool, what do I get if I finish first?” </p><p>“You’re not gonna.”</p><p>“But if I do?”</p><p>“Whatever you want, I don’t care.”</p><p>“And what happens if you win?”</p><p>“I get to suck your blood!”</p><p>“Do I have to remind you why we’re here?” Reiji interrupts.</p><p>For a moment Ayato has a look of what might be the realization that you’re going to die soon. Maybe he’ll realize that you deserve to be respected, and that he should at least try to get his act together and act like a real friend for at least this one day.</p><p>“If I win, we do something dirty.”</p><p>You resist the urge to face palm and settle with a grimace instead. Luckily you’re in public and there are no negative consequences to you kicking his ass at drinking a small amount of sugar water very, very quickly.</p><p>“Reiji, can you be the judge?”</p><p>“If I must.”</p><p>“Cool, thanks.”</p><p>You turn to Ayato. “On the count of three.”</p><p>The moment Reiji counts to 3 you completely inhale your Capri-sun.</p><p>“Wooow, didn’t know you were so good at sucking~”</p><p>“Do you ever think before you speak?” Kanato shouts at Laito and covers Teddy’s ears. It would be adorable if he weren't so terrifying, or if he weren't an adult man who dresses like a Victorian Era orphan boy.</p><p>“Well, the winner is clear.”</p><p>“Oi, I’m calling a rematch.”</p><p>“I know me winning was just a fluke, but can’t you let me have this, at least once? It’s not like I could win against you normally.”</p><p>“Fine, whatever. As long as you know who’d <em>really </em>win.” Ayato crosses his arms and looks away. “So, what’s your request?”</p><p>What you want is pretty much for Ayato and Laito to stop harassing you for the rest of the day, but it’s not like you could openly say that.</p><p>“I want Reiji to hang out with me for the rest of the day!” You grin and grab his arm. Reiji stiffens up and his eyes slightly widen. Touching him was a risky move, but you need to come across as a little bit innocent and dumb for this to work. </p><p>“I don’t believe I’m part of this bet.”</p><p>“But you were the referee, you’re involved!” You pout. Is he trying to mess with you? If anyone can see through a deception it’s him. If you make it any more obvious that you’re trying to make sure you’re not alone with those two, they’ll get suspicious.<br/><br/>“Hey! This bet was between us! Whatever you’re asking, it should be from me!”</p><p>“Isn’t it normally “the winner makes the loser do whatever they want”? Since you didn’t actually lose, you shouldn’t get punished.”</p><p>“That- that’s true but-”</p><p>“Easy now, Ayato. No one likes a sore loser. It’s even less attractive to actively try to <em>be </em>the loser.” Laito puts a hand on Ayato’s shoulder, who shrugs it off.</p><p>“Fine, fine, whatever.”</p><p>“Then I suppose I’ll comply,” Reiji nods and takes your hand without sparing a glance.</p><p>He moves the two of you further up the line and away from the triplets. Even through the glove you can feel the coldness of his hand. Your hair is still wet, but your clothes have mostly dried since the log ride. It’s getting far too warm for your liking, but you pull his jacket tighter around yourself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. This is fine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Unfortunately this isn't a shoujo manga</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reiji actually really likes rollercoasters. When he rides them he makes the same expression as when he tortures you. Seeing him like that gave you the heebie-jeebies at first, but it quickly became endearing. You think for a second that there’s something childish and pure about his enjoyment for punishing you, but as soon as you hear the thought you realize how wrong that is. But maybe it’s true, that he enjoys the time you spend together. Maybe he gives you the heebie-jeebies because he feels it’s all he has to give. You can hope, at least.</p><p>“My clothes are dry now, do you want your jacket back?” You ask while sitting beside him on a bench. The group is taking a break for a bit. Kanato is finally getting some cotton candy, and Laito and Ayato are off doing who-knows-what. </p><p>“Keep it for now,” his posture is so straight you find yourself fixing your own out of self consciousness. </p><p>You nod your head. He leans back and looks up to gaze at the sky. Now paying too much attention to your posture, you lean back as well with your back straight as possible. It’s not very comfortable, but you hold the pose.</p><p>“You’ve been handling this surprisingly well.”</p><p>You assess his tone, looking for any kind of malice or sarcasm, but it seems he’s being genuine. It catches you off guard.</p><p>“What do you mean?” you ask.</p><p>“You know what I mean.”</p><p>You sort of do, but aren’t entirely sure. That’s why you’re asking. But asking again would ruin the flow of the conversation and piss him off. You follow his gaze to the ferris wheel spinning downward in the distance.</p><p>“I don’t think the reality of it has hit me,” you sincerely hope you’re talking about the right thing.</p><p>“I don’t think it’s hit any of them,” he sits up and turns to you. </p><p>Would it be too obvious you’re mirroring him if you sit up too? You sit up anyways and look at him. You think you see a faint tinge of sadness in his eye, but his face is otherwise neutral and cold.</p><p>“I’m just trying to make the best of it,” you sigh and stretch your back, glancing away for a moment.</p><p>“I appreciate what you’re doing for them.”</p><p>Reiji is probably the Sakamaki who cares the most about his family. The others inconsistently fluctuate from being friendly to outright hating each other. Reiji is civil, at least, and is strict yet supportive towards all of them except Shuu, who you really haven’t  gotten a handle on his relationship with, aside from the fact that it’s bad. If anyone is going to thank you for doing something for their brother, it’s him, but you get the feeling he’s saying this to comfort you. </p><p>“You know, despite everything, I’m pretty fond of you guys. I want to make some good memories together while I can.” You wish it were a lie.</p><p>“I promise, you will.” His sincerity, or at least what you perceive to be sincerity, gives you the heebie-jeebies once more.</p><p>“I know I’m a human, and my lifespan is nothing to you guys, and the time we’ve spent together will feel like just a moment… but if you remember me, I want you to remember me fondly. That's all.”</p><p>The tinge of sadness in Reiji’s eyes grows until it’s undeniable, mixed with a shocked confusion. He furrows his brow in thought and looks away. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything.</p><p>“You don’t have to remember me or anything, just because I want you to. It’s probably better to forget, it would probably be effortless, since I’m so inconsequential, and will leave no impact on your life and all... Eh, I sound so greedy right now, sorry.” You ramble on for a bit and vent. Reiji’s looking your way, frowning, but his eyes are out of focus.</p><p>He nods at you. “Is it greedy to want recognition?”</p><p>“Not if it’s for something of note. Like doing well at something, or having ambition. I’m here wanting recognition for just being alive. Isn’t that kind of too much?” </p><p>Reiji crosses his arms, then brings a finger to his lip in thought. You notice how long and slender his fingers are, how soft his lips look, and how noble and sculpted his features are. His gaze turns to you and you quickly look away. </p><p>“Maybe it is.”</p><p>Of course it is.<br/><br/>“But you <em>do </em>deserve recognition for the things you’ve done for others.”</p><p>Wait, what?</p><p>Your face heats up and tears well in your eyes. What is this?  Maybe he’s just using “you” to address the hypothetical self, rather than the person he’s speaking to. You return your gaze to his face. He’s looking at you so intently you feel like a sample under a microscope. Your lips part for a moment in shock, but you press them closed and look away.</p><p>“I suppose you do…” you respond. You’re completely lost. A tear falls from your eye. Why are you like this? He’s not praising you, you need to stop taking this personally, but still…</p><p>You lean back. You need another moment to process this, and some distance so you don’t make a fool of yourself. You don’t want him to see your face. Another tear falls, and you use every ounce of willpower in your being to keep your face from showing any signs of weakness. </p><p>Before your back can hit the bench as intended, Reiji leans back and places an arm behind you. Now you’re leaning back into his arms. And you’re still wearing his jacket. Your face heats up again. You want to take off the jacket to cool down, but can’t find it in yourself to do so.</p><p>“You’re misinterpreting me on purpose,” he leans close to your face and whispers in a low, soft voice that makes you shiver.</p><p>If this continues you’ll make a fool of yourself somehow, you’re sure of it, but you don’t want to separate.</p><p>“I honestly believe… you deserve recognition. More than anyone else.” You manage to whisper.</p><p>It takes everything you have to not sob, and you’re breathing heavily and irregularly. The fact that you’re becoming so emotional disgusts you, and you can only assume he’s disgusted even more.</p><p>His arm shifts, holding you tighter around the waist. Surely he’s trying to squeeze you tightly, to make you feel pain, crush your organs to send you to the grave before the curse takes hold, but he simply miscalculated the amount of strength needed, resulting in the gentle touch you’re now experiencing. </p><p>“How strange…” he whispers under his breath, barely audible. </p><p>You wait in anticipation for what happens next. As he holds you and looks into the distance, you find yourself only being able to pay attention to his expression, the way he’s touching you, the way his lips slowly part...</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going on the teacup rides next.” Says a monotone voice behind you. You flinch and move away from Reiji, who’s now glaring at both you and the speaker.</p><p>“We decided without you since you were busy with… this.” Kanato says, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head. He hugs Teddy possessively. He'd probably kill anyone that tried to take the toy away from him.</p><p>By “we” he means his two brothers, who seem to have abandoned him to bother two young women working at an information booth. You kind of feel bad for him. You feel worse for the two women.</p><p>Neither you nor Reiji manage to say anything, and the silence becomes increasingly awkward.</p><p>You nod your head, give two thumbs up, and a half-hearted smile. “Great!”</p><p>The other two triplets join back up with you, and Reiji looks pissed. As much as you’d like to continue speaking with him in private, you’re not sure you could handle anymore, and are glad Kanato interrupted. You pull Reiji’s jacket tighter around yourself.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Why aren’t we spinning?” Kanato demands more than asks.</p><p>“You need to spin the wheel for us to move.”</p><p>“You do it.”</p><p>“Okay…” your smile is pleasant, but you wish it was more obvious you were faking it, to show your discomfort. </p><p>“We need to go faster than them,” he says as Ayato and Laito twirl by in a red and green teacup. It’s a fun, leisurely ride for all ages, but thanks to vampire strength they’re going at least three times as fast as the other passengers. Ayato’s cackling maniacally and spinning the wheel faster and faster, while Laito squeals and holds on to the edge of his seat. Back when you were a kid you had a cat who was afraid of car rides and would make that same look whenever you took him to the vet. You’d rather not go so fast.</p><p>“I don’t think I’m strong enough, but I’ll do my best!” You smile and beam. Reiji, the third passenger, has taken out a paperback book and is ignoring the both of you. You hope he doesn’t get motion sickness.</p><p>You spin the wheel, which has more resistance than you expected, and the ride begins to very slowly revolve. Most of the other teacups have three or four passengers all spinning at once. You look to Reiji for help, but he continues ignoring you.</p><p>“Are you really so useless that you can’t manage a children’s ride?” Kanato raises his voice.</p><p>“Haha, seems like it.” You say with a sheepish smile and apologetic tone, still trying to get the ride to turn.</p><p>Kanato growls and grabs the wheel, giving it one big turn that flings you to the side. The ride starts twirling, almost as fast as Ayato and Laito’s, and you realize that there must be a cap on how fast the rides spin. </p><p>You cling to the seat to ground yourself, and Reiji is forced to put down his book. Kanato doesn’t seem happy with this.</p><p>“How do you make it slow down?!” he asks, accusatory, like it was somehow your fault.</p><p>“We can try turning it the other way, or wait for it to slow on it’s own.” You calmly suggest.</p><p>“Then do it!”</p><p> Wait for it to slow down? Can do!</p><p>You start trying to turn the wheel in the other direction, but only manage to give yourself rug burn on your hands, so you stop.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?!”</p><p>“I’m not strong enough to slow it down.”</p><p>“Try harder!”</p><p>You look to Reiji for assistance, but he gives you a cold look and averts his gaze.</p><p>“I’ll keep trying,” you nod at Kanato.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You feel like a more pious person could find spiritual clarity from the pain of trying to slow down a speeding teacup ride. You, however, can find nothing but rug burn and pain whenever you try to touch things with your raw palms. </p><p>The ride did slow to a comfortable speed eventually, but you attribute that more to the “wait for it to stop” technique than turning the wheel in the opposite direction. You aren’t bitter about this at all. </p><p>The triplets discuss the next ride. Earlier, you wanted to ride the carousel or ferris wheel, but right now the thought of anything that spins is making you queasy.  Laito is standing his ground on the fact that he doesn’t want to ride anymore rollercoasters, and Kanato is siding with him. You doubt you have any say in the matter, but you agree. </p><p>They settle on exploring the water park, where you see Shuu floating down the lazy-river, fully clothed and asleep in an innertube. You worry that he'll catch a cold. Reiji pushes up his glasses and frowns. If you had a different kind of relationship, you’d tease him over how adorably grumpy he’s being. </p><p>You consider offering him his jacket back, but you’ve done it so recently it might seem like it’s bothering you. It’s a hot day and the jacket’s thick and warm, so there might be some truth to that. Still, you kind of like having it wrapped around your shoulders.</p><p>You see Subaru on a bench by the lazy-river exit and wave. He pretends not to notice, but you definitely made eye contact.</p><p>“Hey, Subaru!” you yell.</p><p>He continues to ignore you.</p><p>“S-dog!”</p><p>He grits his teeth and continues ignoring you.</p><p>“Yo Subes!”</p><p>He’s balling his hands into fists so hard his knuckles turn white.</p><p>“Suby-pie!”</p><p>You’re afraid he might draw blood from how deeply his nails drive in to his palms.</p><p>Ayato is completely losing it behind you. Maybe this is why Subaru keeps beating you up.</p><p>“Hey, baby bro!”</p><p>Somehow this gets on his nerves enough to draw a reaction.</p><p>“What?!” He growls at Ayato.</p><p>“How’s it going?”</p><p> </p><p>Subaru goes back to ignoring you guys, and Ayato takes a seat next to him. He starts saying something you can’t hear, that’s making Subaru even angrier. You don’t want to be around for this, but Laito and Kanato ran off somewhere and you’re not ready to be alone with Reiji again. </p><p>“Ayato-sama! That was really fun!” You take a seat next to him and give Subaru an apologetic smile. </p><p>“Heh, you bet it was!” Ayato grins ear-to-ear and leaves Subaru alone to focus on you instead. Not saying anything because he’s probably too busy patting himself on the back. </p><p>“Planning on going on any rides?”</p><p>“Yeah, you and me are going swimming,”</p><p>“I didn’t bring a bathing suit.”</p><p>“That’s fine,” he says, leering at you, still smiling. You tug Reiji’s jacket over your chest. You aren’t dealing with this again. </p><p>“Oh, sorry, I promised Reiji we’d go on the ferris wheel!” you say, praying to any deity who’ll listen that Reiji plays along. You suppose he would be that deity…</p><p>“The line is long, we’d better be going,” Reiji says, grabbing your arm and leading you away. Is this a coincidence or are you religious now?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Thanks for that.”</p><p>“He was being too distasteful.” Reiji pushes up his glasses again. </p><p>“You can let go now, you know~” and he actually does. How could you forget, flirting doesn’t work on this guy?</p><p>You’ve got too much pride to outright ask to hold his hand, and you shouldn’t want to anyway, so you gently clutch the end of the sleeve on the jacket he gave you. This is kind of pathetic. It would suck to be on a date with a guy like this.</p><p>“Hey, are we actually going to the ferris wheel?”</p><p>“That’s where you said we’re going.”</p><p>“I know, I just didn’t count on you taking me seriously.”</p><p>“Were you not being serious?”</p><p>“Well, sorta. It was mostly to get away from Ayato.”</p><p>“Then we don’t have to go.” Reiji stops in place. So it’s going to be like that. </p><p>“I-I’d like to go on the ferris wheel with you.”</p><p>He smiles smugly to himself. That bastard. But you end up waiting in line together anyways. He pulls out his book again and you scroll through posts on your phone. Something about this feels weirdly domestic. Weird, yet delightful. </p><p>The light dims as the sun begins to set. You put your phone away and look over at Reiji, who continues reading. It makes you jealous that vampires can see so well in the dark. </p><p>It doesn’t escape you how romantic and shoujo manga-y it is that you’ll be riding a ferris wheel at sunset, with a pretty boy who happens to be a vampire. Your heart would be going “doki-doki” if he had a decent personality. Instead your heart is pounding out of fear and anxiety.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You’ve never been on a ferris wheel before. The compartments are surprisingly large, and the wheel turns surprisingly slowly. The walls are all made from a see-through plastic that wears the scratches, dirt, and grime of many years and disrespectful ride-goers, despite the beautiful scenery you can see out one side. On the other side there’s just the parking lot. The experience is weirdly public, like the people riding the ferris wheel are on display, rather than the scenery they should be watching. </p><p>Reiji sits across from you, about five feet away, watching the same scenery, as the compartment shakes and swings precariously. You don’t understand how shoujo manga made this seem romantic.</p><p>“The view is rather interesting, don’t you think?” You can hear the sadistic smile in his voice.</p><p>“Of course, did something catch your eye?” says your morbid curiosity.</p><p>“The open area in front of the carousel.”</p><p>You see the couple from the log ride. The man is saying something to the woman, and she’s visibly distressed, her face is red, she’s shaking and holding onto herself. The man is angry and standing in a dominating position. You feel a pang in your chest and wish you could save her. You wish you could’ve done something for her when you had the chance, even if it wouldn’t change this outcome, at least she’d feel like someone was on her side.</p><p>“I should've helped her…” you say. You don’t know what he expected or wanted, and you’re not in the mood to play along anymore.</p><p>“She deserves this, she was cheating on him.”</p><p>“What makes you think that?” you’re too tired to get indignant, but what he said pisses you off. Your voice sounds too calm, too accepting of his cruel accusation.</p><p>“The way she was pushing him away earlier. Someone else is on her mind.”</p><p>“Don’t you think there are other reasons she’d reject his advances? Like being in public? Or not being in the mood, or interested?”</p><p>“Humans are vile things. I advise you to expect the worst, it’s often true.”</p><p>You’re not going to argue with this, not right now and not with him. Standing up for her now won’t do anything for her, she’s not here to witness it. The person he’s talking about is a symbol of the worst of human sin he’s constructed in his mind for the sake of making a point, it’s not even her, there’s no point defending it. This is about him, not humanity, and definitely not a single person. Maybe he just needs to vent.</p><p>“Who hurt you?” you sigh. You could be more subtle, and less insulting, but you’re not in the mood. Later you’ll probably kick yourself over this. Probably end up losing sleep. But that’s a problem for future you.</p><p>“Try to understand. You don’t know these people. Involving yourself in their troubles, sympathizing with them, will only weigh you down. Becoming attached is foolish.”</p><p>“If you never connect with people out of fear of getting hurt, you’ll live one dull-ass life.”</p><p>“When you live for centuries every interaction becomes meaningful. You repeat them in your head countless times until your every mistake begins to haunt you. For the sake of your peace of mind, choose your battles.”</p><p>“I guess that’s why we’re different. Since I’ve always known I’d die one day, I get to pick them all. Is it lonely, being so detached?”</p><p>You look over at Reiji. You’re glad that there’s a physical distance between you, and that you’re both looking out the window. It makes it easier to speak honestly, without getting caught up in your actions and reactions. Looking at him now, though, you can’t put your finger on what kind of expression he’s making. It perplexes you.</p><p>He doesn’t answer you and you feel like you’ve severely fucked up. You’re not smart enough for serious conversations. You should’ve changed the subject. Without a doubt, you’re losing sleep tonight.</p><p>“Perhaps if you don’t pick any... Or just one...” he trails off. You wait for him to continue but he’s lost in thought. No matter how inconclusive this conversation was, you feel like you learned something about him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There’s maybe half an hour of light left when you pile into the car. Shuu is completely soaked and sitting next to you. You can feel the cold radiate off his body.</p><p>“Here, I brought some towels,” you say, rummaging through your bag and handing them to him. He doesn’t take them.</p><p>“C’mon, you’ll catch a cold.” You say, gesturing for him to take a towel.</p><p>“Dry me off yourself,” he mumbles. You call his bluff and start patting him dry.</p><p>The car ride is the usual tense silence. Kanato, sitting on the other side of you, falls asleep and leans his head against your shoulder. You want to cry from how cute that is. Subaru is sitting across from you, he’s looking out the window right now but occasionally turns to glare at you. This makes you want to cry too.</p><p>You continue drying off Shuu. This would probably be easier if you could take off his sweater and wring it out, but there’s no way in hell you’re asking him to strip. You wonder if he’s already caught a cold from spending all day like this. You wonder if he’s ever grown mold from never drying off or changing his clothes. You suddenly don’t want to touch him anymore, but goddammit you’ve got something to prove.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You carry Shuu upstairs, dry him off properly, change his clothes, and tuck him in to bed. Your arms ache from moving him around so much. If you had a couple more months left to live, you’d surely develop some truly impressive biceps. Too bad you’ve got about a day or two left.</p><p>You sigh when you leave his room and don’t bother closing the door gently. He can sleep through anything, anyways.</p><p>“Reiji?” you ask, seeing him standing outside his least favorite brother’s door.</p><p>“I figured you’d need something to warm you up. Please follow me.”</p><p>You realize you’re still wearing his jacket. </p><p>“Taking care of that good for nothing… must be quite chilling…” </p><p>“Don’t worry, your concern is quite <em>heartwarming </em>,” you giggle.</p><p>He glares at you and leads you to his room in complete silence. Such a <em>cold</em> reaction…</p><p>He holds the door open for you, and offers a seat at his table. Even though he fancies himself a gentleman, it’s rare that he actually shows such consideration for you. It seems like he’s been going easier on you lately, and you do genuinely find it heartwarming, outside of the bad pun.</p><p>When you sit at the table you see that the tea has already been poured. It’s a deep reddish-purple, with a slightly citrus scent. Maybe pomegranate? He pours some for himself and sits across from you. </p><p>“Thank you for the tea, would it be alright if I drank it?” You ask, just to be sure. </p><p>“Yes, that’s what it’s for,” his tone is noticeably less condescending than you expected, but still stings.</p><p>You take a sip. You were right, it’s pomegranate tea. The fruity taste is sharp, but you can still make out the depth and delicate notes of the finely brewed black tea. It is by far superior to the tea you brew.</p><p>“It’s delicious!”</p><p>“Of course it is. With a few decades of practice, even you may come close to this skill level.”</p><p>“M’kay, how far can I get in a day?”</p><p>“How pessimistic. Surely this will work itself out.”</p><p>“I dunno, the curse was pretty clear.”</p><p>“I assure you, this will work itself out.”</p><p>You look into his eyes. Nothing unusual, but he does have resting anime-villain face.</p><p>“So, what did you put in my tea? Some kind of cure?”</p><p>“Not quite.”</p><p>“Trying to kill me before the curse does? That’s a pretty cool way to fight fate, I’m up for it.”</p><p>“It’s rude to try to ruin the surprise.”</p><p>“Whaaatever,” you say, stretching your back and purposely taking on a casual posture. </p><p>“I’m going to be honest: I’ve accepted my death. No matter how much effort I put into it, I don’t think I’m going to improve anything about my life. Even before I became a sacrificial bride, I wasn’t exactly <em>happy</em>. I’d lost contact with any friends or family I once had, and sure, there were things I enjoyed, but none of it was enough to outweigh how <em>hopeless </em>my life seemed. I was numb before I came here, and even though I feel more now than I did before…” You trail off. You don’t think you can say what you’re thinking.</p><p>“I think I might be incapable of happiness.”</p><p>Reiji stares at you, something dark lurks beneath the surface.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’ve been talking about myself too much lately. Dying’s got me feeling sentimental, that’s all.”</p><p>He reaches for your hand.</p><p>You drop your cup onto it’s saucer, the sound clatters throughout the room.</p><p>You can hear your heartbeat, and you’re sure he does too. It’s far too slow. There’s a pressure in your chest and you struggle to breathe. Whatever was in that tea is probably kicking in right now.</p><p>He lifts your hand against his face, and kisses your palm. The strength drains from your body. You’re scared, but you accept it. Like getting a shot.</p><p>His lips brush against the slowed pulse of your wrist. He suckles at it gently before pressing his fangs into the vein, puncturing your flesh. You’re warm, too warm, but you can’t bring yourself to remove his jacket.</p><p>Reiji slowly sips at your blood, like he’s sampling and analyzing the flavor.</p><p><br/>“Truly disgusting,” he says, “such a waste...”</p><p>Even though it’s the curse's fault, you’re filled with shame.</p><p>He continues drinking. His mouth is wet against your wrist, warmer than the cold hand holding your own, but not quite warm. He gingerly laps at your wound until the blood stops oozing out, then stands and pulls your arm upward, forcing you to stand though you lack the strength to support yourself.</p><p>Reiji pulls your weakened body towards him, so your head rests against his chest. You can’t hear his heartbeat. His hand runs through your hair, then tightly grips it and yanks your head back, making you look him in the eye. There’s that smile again, predatory and sadistic. Like when he’s riding a rollercoaster. He places an uncharacteristically sweet kiss upon your forehead, then yanks your head to the side and plunges his fangs into your neck.</p><p>It hurts, it hurts terribly, but you don’t care. Your body is limp against him. You know he only needs to pierce you with his fangs once, then he can suck the blood out, but he keeps them in anyway. Tugging at and stretching your flesh, hurting you in a place so deep no one should be able to reach… he keeps driving them in further and drinks in everything he finds. You can’t help but lean into it and moan. You try to lift your arms to hold him closer, but you lack the strength to do even that. </p><p>He lifts his face from your neck, one hand holds you by the waist, keeping your body pressed against his, and the other tenderly cups your cheek. You whimper at the empty feeling his fangs leave behind. With his thumb he wipes a tear from your face. When did that get there? He looks into your eyes, so strongly conveying an emotion you don’t want to think about, that you can’t help but return it. He presses his lips against yours. If you ever knew how to kiss, you’ve forgotten it by now. You manage to weakly, clumsily kiss him back. Hopefully the drug masks your inexperience. He deepens the kiss and holds you tighter, then draws back. The way he’s looking at you this time is different. It’s too soft. You can’t find it in yourself to reject it, even though you know you don’t deserve this.</p><p>Reiji dips down to bite into your neck again, in a fresh spot. He digs his fangs into you, deeper than before. Beyond looking for a vein to pierce, it feels like he’s trying to rip out your throat. You try to struggle, but nothing happens. This isn’t the worst way to die, is it? The blood pours into his mouth, you feel the heat of it against your cold skin.  </p><p>He draws away again. You feel cold, so cold. He lifts you into his arms and your head falls against him once again. His body is warmer now, from drinking your blood. Warmer than yours, at least. </p><p>He reverently places your limp body on the bed, and covers it with his own. With the weight of him over you, you feel you’re being swallowed. You want more, but can’t reach for it. His knee presses down and parts your own, and his hands move upward to touch your chest. He’s kissing your neck, not biting it, and you’re not sure if you prefer this or the pain. You try to call his name, but the only sound you make is a weak, “Rei…” that makes him look at you, and you see a smile through your eyes that you can barely keep open. He holds your hand, delicately, like you might break, and kisses it gently on the palm. It stings. Your eyes close.</p><p>Now he’s drinking from right above your collarbone. Your head rests on his pillow, your shirt and his jacket must have been removed at some point, and his own shirt hangs open, unbuttoned. Your vision is blurred, but he looks so happy to see your eyes open again. He kisses your mouth again, deeply, forcing his tongue past your lips that easily part for his. You moan so weakly it could pass for a particularly heavy breath. He returns it, and you feel the vibration run through your body. You wish that this were happening under different circumstances, but you can’t refuse him. You want to be closer. Even if it’s like this. </p><p>Reiji presses against your leg, so hard, so urgent, but doesn’t do anything more than grind himself against your heat. He removes your bra and begins to gently caress you while drinking from a fresh spot above your collarbone. You can feel heat pool between your legs, excessively, but you don’t have the energy to feel ashamed. You close your eyes and give in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Go back to sleep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What do you do with a life you don't want?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lemme be real with you here, this is my first fanfic and I don't know how to write smut.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div class="userstuff">
  <p>You wake up to find yourself in someone else’s bed. Wearing someone else’s shirt. And just that. You pull it tightly around yourself to preserve some amount of modesty.</p>
  <p>Someone’s in the shower.</p>
  <p>Your head is foggy, a horrible headache and maybe dehydration, and your body is weak and cold. Maybe anemia. You’re in a house full of vampires, after all. You remember going to the amusement park with everyone yesterday, and you remember what happened after that. You don’t want to think about it until you’re in your own room. You need to properly process it. </p>
  <p>You wonder if Reiji thinks less of you now, for needing his help to break the curse, and becoming so helpless after being drugged and having all your blood sucked. You know that none of that was your fault, and all to do with the curse, but you can’t help feeling responsible. Your blood must’ve tasted awful, too. He really went through all that trouble.</p>
  <p>You need to go to your room, drink some water and rest. Before that you need to leave a thank you note or something… but first you need to get up.</p>
  <p>You try to bring yourself to your feet. You manage to stand for a few moments before your legs give out and you fall.</p>
  <p>Instead of hitting the floor you find yourself in someone’s arms. Their skin is hot, wet, and bare, and you’re afraid to look.</p>
  <p>“...thanks,” a weak voice says, too pathetic sounding for it to register as your own.</p>
  <p>“Just rest for now,” Reiji whispers, hot breath brushing against your ear.</p>
  <p>He’s handling you so delicately that you feel powerless, like a burden. You try to look him in the eye.</p>
  <p>He isn’t wearing glasses, and looks so much softer because of it. More vulnerable. Strands of wet hair cling to his face, and his skin looks so smooth and shiny. You can’t stand the sight of it for too long, it feels like you’re not supposed to see him like this. </p>
  <p>He sits on the bed, keeping you in his arms. You thank whichever deity is appropriate that he’s at least wearing a towel.</p>
  <p>“I have some questions,” you say, with a less meek voice this time. </p>
  <p>“I’ll answer as best as I can.”</p>
  <p>The cloud of your brain fog makes you think it’s appropriate to adjust yourself in Reiji’s hold, so that you can wrap an arm around him and snuggle closer. So cozy…</p>
  <p>“Is the curse-”  you’re cut off by a yawn.</p>
  <p>“It’s taken care of. See?”</p>
  <p>He sinks his fangs into one of his previous bite marks, reopening the wound, and savoring the taste as your blood surges forward for him. You whimper and squirm in his arms, and bring a hand to clutch his shoulder while he moans against your skin. He draws away with a chuckle.</p>
  <p>“Delicious.”</p>
  <p>When he draws away you snap back into reality. </p>
  <p>“How did you manage to break it?”</p>
  <p>“By drinking your blood, of course.”</p>
  <p>“Then what was the drug for?”</p>
  <p>“In case you refused.”</p>
  <p>You pull his shirt tighter around yourself, but don’t draw away. </p>
  <p>“You could’ve asked me first, ya know.”</p>
  <p>"How unromantic.”</p>
  <p>You frown. Consent is important. But isn’t this situation kind of different? Maybe those kinds of rules don’t apply to you anymore. Or at least, they don’t mean anything in Reiji’s eyes, and if you want to please him you’ll have to understand his way of thinking. There might be a difference between how vampires and humans view consent that you’re not catching on to. Of course, vampires see humans as prey, but more human-like ones, such as the ones you know who live among humans, might see them as more. But the vampires you know don’t see humans like that, not entirely. For the most part you’re prey, and sometimes you’re a housemate, or whatever this situation makes you. </p>
  <p>You desperately try to make sense of this situation, so you can believe it’s not as bad as it seems, because you can’t find it in yourself to be angry at him despite his actions.</p>
  <p>You hum and lean against him.</p>
  <p>“I was ready to die. You didn’t have to put yourself through that.”<br/><br/>He shifts his hold on you, an arm around your back and thighs, pressing your knees to your chest, so he can pet your hair and press a kiss against your head.</p>
  <p>“No you weren’t. You have so much left to do.”</p>
  <p>You nuzzle against his hand. He begins stroking your thigh.</p>
  <p>“What makes you think that?”</p>
  <p>“Look at your current state. You didn’t wish to throw your life away, what you truly wanted…” he trails off, his gaze falls from your eyes and skims over your body, “was to hand it over to someone.”</p>
  <p>“Mmm,” you hum, “no, not really.” you say, stretching out your back.</p>
  <p>Suddenly Reiji’s nails dig into your thigh, so sharply you can feel the skin tear. You cry out.</p>
  <p>“Such insolence. The conditions of the curse were that <em>if the one who holds your heart drinks your blood dry, </em>it would be lifted. Seeing how I was able to save you, I own your heart, and you belong to me.”</p>
  <p>You sigh. You don’t have any dreams or aspirations anymore, they were beaten out of you long before you met the Sakamakis. Maybe you can make being loved your new reason to live, since it would be insufferable to continue without one. And despite everything, you <em>do </em>adore Reiji, more than you’re comfortable with. You don’t know if you’d call it love. You don’t know what that is, not really, not to any meaningful degree, but it’s something. If you’re good, you might even end up loved in turn.</p>
  <p>“That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”</p>
  <p>“Are you trying to say that that is not the case?”</p>
  <p>“I’ve never belonged to anyone before. I’ll do my best, but don’t blame me if I bore you.”</p>
  <p>Reiji loosens his grip on you, and you feel blood drool from your wounds.</p>
  <p>“Then I will teach you everything you need to know.”</p>
  <p>“Thanks, that makes me really happy.” You cuddle closer. Maybe this could work out. As long as you’re submissive, he’s so much kinder to you. This agreement might make living here more enjoyable, too. The weight of this isn’t lost on you, though, and you’re afraid that the pressure of conforming to his wants and ideals may crush you eventually, but those are thoughts for another time, for future you to deal with. For now, you’re wrapped in a warm embrace and a foggy mental state, and you drift off into sleep.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <hr/>
  <p> </p>
  <p>A loud knocking, more like pounding, on the door wakes you up. It’s hard enough to make the floor shake, apparent in the surface of the water glass placed next to you. You try to ask who it is, but your voice is too weak. You take a sip of water and try again.</p>
  <p>“Hello?” you croak.</p>
  <p>The knocking stops. </p>
  <p>“Are you alright?” It’s Subaru’s voice, he sounds hesitant, but he's masking it under aggression. Like usual. It’s not very effective.</p>
  <p>“Yeah, why?”</p>
  <p>You don’t get a response. You stand on wobbly legs and walk to the door. When you open it and pop your head out, no one’s there. You shrug, then return to your room to freshen up. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <hr/>
  <p> </p>
  <p>During your shower you found bite marks in places you don’t remember being bit, and in places that aren’t so easy to cover with your clothing. You didn’t expect this to be Reiji’s style. All it’ll take is some long pants, high socks, and collared shirts to deal with this. Not the most comfortable in the summer heat, but you don’t want to broadcast to the world that you may have fucked a vampire. It’s still pretty unclear to you whether or not that happened, but it would be rude to ask. It was also rude of him to drug you, but there are different standards here. You might end up asking, just so you get a chance to tell him that it’s rude to drug people, but you’re new to being so open with him and you don’t want to push it too far at once.</p>
  <p>Still feeling weak, you go to the kitchen and make yourself some food. You make extra, just in case one of the brothers appears and demands some. Ayato walks in but doesn’t say anything to you. Not even when he starts a grease fire trying to fry the takoyaki you froze for him. </p>
  <p>He pours your glass of water on it and it explodes over the entire stove and parts of the counter.</p>
  <p>“Can I try?” You ask. A bead of sweat falls down the side of Ayato’s face and he nods, not looking at you. You grab some of the cleaning rags and begin to smother the fire.</p>
  <p>“Yeah... there’re two kinds of kitchen fires, and one you put out with water and the other you put out by smothering it, so since the water didn’t work it must’ve been this one, ya know?”</p>
  <p>It would be a lot easier to say, “Dude, you put out grease fires by smothering them,” but you’re not one to openly correct Ayato.<br/><br/>“... thanks.”</p>
  <p>You’re starting to get the heebie-jeebies.</p>
  <p>“No prob, bob,” you shoot some finger guns at him.</p>
  <p>He weakly finger guns back.</p>
  <p>“What’s up bro? You can talk to me,” you say, putting out the last of the fire.</p>
  <p>“You’re not my bro!” Ayato snaps. Ouch, his words hurt more than his bites… “...Are you and Reiji in love?”</p>
  <p>Well that’s a loaded question.</p>
  <p>“Huh, he was pretty unclear about that…”<br/><br/>“Are <em>you </em>in love with him?” He folds his arms. You go to the sink to wash the burnt gunk from the takoyaki pan.</p>
  <p>You want to say <em>seems that way </em>or <em>as far as I know </em>, which are more honest to your feelings, but end up saying, “Yes,” to make it clear that you're under someone's power now. If any of the brothers make a move on you, you’re the one that’s gonna get punished.</p>
  <p>You dry off the pan and hand it to him.</p>
  <p>“You’re gonna make them.”</p>
  <p>“Cool,” you shrug and grab some oil from the cabinet.</p>
  <p>Ayato comes up and hugs you from behind, leaning down to rest his chin in the crook of your neck. </p>
  <p>“There’s still time to choose me, ya know.”</p>
  <p>“If I had a choice in the matter, maybe I’d consider it, but love doesn’t work like that.” You don’t know how love works either, but you heard that line in a shoujo manga once.</p>
  <p>“Then I’ll show you why I’m the best,” he growls. His fangs graze your neck.</p>
  <p>“Dude, stop. Reiji’ll be pissed.” You struggle out of his grip. </p>
  <p>“What if I promise to make you feel good? Better than he ever could?” His voice is a low growl as his arms constrict around you, bringing you closer to himself.</p>
  <p>You writhe, desperate to get away. You don't want this, and you definitely don't want Reiji to punish you for this.</p>
  <p>“Don’t! I belong to Reiji!”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Saying that simultaneously fills you with disgust and pride. Disgust at implying that you only have value in belonging to a person, but pride in the fact that someone cares enough to keep you around. You tuck that away into a deep dark corner of your mind so you don’t have to think about it anymore.</p>
  <p>“Eh, whatever. Your blood's nowhere near as good as Chichinashi’s anyway.” He lets go of you easily and you calmly go back to cooking. You're almost disappointed by how easily he gave up, is it that easy for him to ask someone to be his?</p>
  <p>“I’ve been meaning to ask, who’s Chichinashi? You call me that name sometimes, too.” Finally, you’re getting some lore on this boy.</p>
  <p>“You don’t need to know.”<br/><br/>“I swear I’ll burn these takoyaki if you don’t tell me.”<br/><br/>“Fine, fine, I’ll tell you.” he clearly doesn’t believe you, but didn’t really need much convincing to spill the tea.</p>
  <p>“She’s a sacrificial bride we had, years ago. Best blood I’ve ever tasted, but flat as a board. Unlike you, pretty okay blood, but <em>top-tier </em>tits.” He comes up behind you gain and rips open your button-down, making buttons fly everywhere. You’re the one who’s going to have to clean that up.</p>
  <p>“What the fuck!” you yelp and instinctively drive your elbow back, which you instantly regret when he pins it behind your back.</p>
  <p>“Just having some fun. Go back to what you’re doing.” He says as he massages your breast. </p>
  <p>“I’m Reiji’s, remember?”<br/><br/>“As long as I don’t fuck or suck, it should be fine.”<br/><br/>“I’m burning these takoyaki.”<br/><br/>“Do that, and I’ll suck you dry,” he growls. His grips tighten, cutting off circulation in your arm and threatening to crush your breast.</p>
  <p>“S-sorry, it was just a joke.”</p>
  <p>“If you’re so sorry, you’ll accept my punishment, right?” </p>
  <p>“O-of course,” you hate yourself a little more for this.</p>
  <p>He leans down to examine your neck. “Reiji really went to work on you, huh? Maybe I’ll leave a message to let him know who’s fangs you like best.”</p>
  <p>He trails bite marks across your neck and back, light enough to not draw blood, but hard enough to break the skin and leave a mark.</p>
  <p>“Did I tell you to stop cooking?” he growls.</p>
  <p>“S-sorry,” you gasp and flip the takoyaki. “Should be ready in 2 or 3 minutes.”</p>
  <p>When you flip all of them, he turns you around, eyeing your chest. He undoes your bra and lets your breasts bounce free, then takes both nipples into his mouth and sucks without biting. You try not to look at him. That lustful face is disgusting. </p>
  <p>Your body betrays you and begins to feel warm, your face flushes. Ayato releases your nipples before pushing your breasts together and licking a line between your cleavage. He nuzzles his face against one, then bites into the other, moaning and greedily drinking your blood in noisy gulps. His hands pinch and twist at your nipples, and you can’t help but whimper at the pain and pleasure.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The timer is what saves you.</p>
  <p><br/><br/>“H-hey, the takoyaki are ready.”<br/><br/>“I’m busy,” he mutters and bites into your other breast.</p>
  <p>“N-no!” you yelp, swearing to yourself you didn’t just moan. “They’ll burn.”</p>
  <p>“Let them.” </p>
  <p>“I would, but I’m making them for you so I wanna do a good job!” </p>
  <p>He slowly and reluctantly lets go of your breasts, then gives them a jiggle for old times sake. You want to take another shower.</p>
  <p>“Fine! Bring’em out,” he calls out while walking to the dining room. </p>
  <p>You feel like you need to apologize to Reiji for this. Guilt and shame drape themselves over you, old friends who stay by your side through thick and thin. You fix your bra, the least you can do to cover up, and bring out a plate of takoyaki for Ayato.</p>
  <p>He forces you to stay with him as he eats, but he’s generous enough to let you stay covered up. You’re too tired to fight anymore.</p>
  <p>After he finishes, you go to Reiji’s laboratory to face whatever punishment he has for you, for being punished by someone else. This is definitely a kink for these vampires, but not for you.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <hr/>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I see…” Reiji mutters after you tell him what happened. “In my eyes, it seems you’ve been punished enough.”</p>
  <p>You aren’t crying, but your eyes are wet and you can’t stop shaking. Probably a pathetic sight for anyone to take in.</p>
  <p>“I hope you refrained from allowing my brothers to see you in this state.”</p>
  <p>“O-of course I didn’t. Even if it’s you, I hate showing this side of myself.”</p>
  <p>“You will need to learn to accept showing me, at least. Partnerships where the participants hide from each other are more likely to fail.”</p>
  <p>“As reassuring as that is, why am I the only one who’s vulnerable when we’re together?”</p>
  <p>“It’s because you’re weak. The bar for vulnerability is placed much lower for you than it is for me. From my point of view, we are on completely even terms.”</p>
  <p>“I don’t think anyone else could possibly see it that way, but I’ll take your word for it,” you sigh. As sarcastic as you sound, you mean it. It’s something to hold on to at least. The truth is too pathetic for you to accept.</p>
  <p>“You are so, incredibly, weak.”</p>
  <p>“I get it already.”<br/><br/>“Please let me finish. Because of your weakness, you should feel free to call on me in times of trouble. I’ll have a familiar watch over you and alert me if you call for help.”</p>
  <p>“Really?!” you perk up. Instead of having to navigate dangerous scenarios with varying levels of success, you can just summon Reiji to wag his finger at people and look grumpy. </p>
  <p>“Yes, but if you abuse this power I reserve the ability to refuse.”<br/><br/>“That’s fair, it would be pretty rude to bother you constantly over really petty things.”<br/><br/>“Precisely.” He finishes whatever it is he’s making and places it in a glass cabinet.</p>
  <p>“And before I allow you to use it, you will have to be properly trained.”<br/><br/>“To say your name?”</p>
  <p>“Correct.”</p>
  <p>He grabs your chin and tilts it up so you look him in the eye.</p>
  <p>“I’ll teach you how to <em>properly </em>call out my name.”</p>
  <p>Your eyes go wide. So you <em>are </em>getting punished after all.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <hr/>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You hate the dungeon. It’s cold and damp, and every sound manages to echo and amplify till it fills the entire chamber. Reiji has you cuffed by the hands, standing upright in the center of one of the cells. He’s holding a whip as well as a chain connected to the cuffs. With a quick tug, he has you arching your back and presenting your clothed back side to him. </p>
  <p>“Thank you for letting me keep my clothes!” you call out to him.</p>
  <p>“I’m not some kind of pervert.” He says, testing his whip. You flinch at the sound, but can’t see what he’s doing.</p>
  <p>“You will be calling out my name with every strike. I’ll be starting now. Are you prepared?”</p>
  <p>“Aye aye, captain!”</p>
  <p>He strikes you on the back hard enough that you stumble forward. You're kept relatively in place by the restraints keeping your hands above your head.</p>
  <p>“Are you prepared?”</p>
  <p>“Yes sir!”</p>
  <p>“Better.” He says, “And if you behave yourself, there will be a reward at the end.”</p>
  <p>By reward, you’re 90% sure he means he’ll suck your blood so your hopes aren’t too high, but it beats any punishment he gives, which would be some painful bondage <em>then </em>getting your blood sucked.</p>
  <p>He begins to whip you, counting each strike. The moment each lands, you call out his name, the sound warped by the pain of being hit. </p>
  <p>Underneath your clothes, you feel welts grow and open, oozing blood as you call Reiji’s name. This isn’t the kind of thing you’re good at handling, but you try to hold on and do as you’ve been commanded.</p>
  <p>You begin to feel disconnected from your body, completely numb to the sensations yet aware of a stinging pain. Reiji’s strikes are growing faster and more erratic, and your voice is calling out his name as rapidly as it can to keep up, not matching the strikes, but the echoes keep him from noticing. </p>
  <p>His breathing is heavy, and you think you can hear him laughing. You hold on to that as pulses of black start to fill your vision. You can no longer keep your back arched, nor can you stand upright. Instead you’re hanging by your wrists, and barely able to whisper his name with your hoarse, over-used voice. It's becoming harder to differentiate the weakening echoes from each of your desperate attempts to call out for Reiji.</p>
  <p>When a particularly strong strike flings your unconscious body forward and causes you to silently swing back and forth by your wrists, Reiji decides he’s had enough.</p>
</div><div class="meta group">
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Eat some rose hips, then you'll be happy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You probably need a band-aid. Maybe two.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You wake up in a warm bath, scented with lavender and bergamot oils. You sink down deeper, leaving your nose uncovered, and take in the soft warmth and smells. The welts on your back tug open, and you’re afraid the blood will stain the water.</p><p>Reiji enters, wearing a bathrobe and carrying a jar of something. You pop your head out of the water.</p><p>“So you’ve woken up.”</p><p>“Yeah… would you mind catching me up on what happened?”<br/><br/>“You took your training very well, holding on even after your consciousness left.”</p><p>Does that mean you kept whimpering his name after you blacked out, or that you just didn’t tell him to stop? You don’t really have control over what you do when you’re unconscious, so you think in the first case the praise would be undeserved. Plus, what if you can’t recreate that effect? Would he take it as a betrayal if you fell asleep and leaned towards someone else? </p><p>“That’s good… I don’t really have any control over that,  so I’m glad I could still be obedient…” </p><p>He sits at the edge of the tub and sprinkles a handful of what’s in the jar into the water.</p><p>“These are bath salts.”<br/><br/>“Thanks, I was trying to find a way to ask.”</p><p>“I do not go out of my way to harm you. Everything I do to you is for your own sake.”</p><p>“I know, I just get scared easily.”</p><p>Reiji begins to take off his robe. You snap your head to the side, averting your gaze.</p><p>“Do you not want me to join you?”</p><p>“No! It’s fine, I’m just not used to this yet!”</p><p>“Face forward.” He walks behind you and starts to strip. The bathwater is warm, but not warm enough to excuse why your skin is turning so red. </p><p>“Stand up,” he commands. You tense up and immediately do as he says. Your legs strain to carry your weight, and you’re afraid that you’ll fall. You hate how often your body fails you.</p><p>Reiji steps into the tub behind you, then sits, pulling you down so you sit between his legs. With one arm he pulls you snugly against him, while the other rests on your knee. He leans down to smell your hair, and you’re thankful that it seems he cleaned you off before putting you in the tub.</p><p>Half zoned out, your gaze is drawn to his large hand, and long fingers massaging the soft part below your knee. Your attention travels along the path of bite marks running up your inner thigh. Thinking about what must’ve happened the other night, you hold yourself and shift, pushing your back against the strong chest of the man behind you. The arm around you pulls you closer, and he places a kiss on your cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Is something on your mind?”</p><p>You can’t find it in yourself to ask what happened that night, maybe it’s better to just leave it alone.</p><p>“Would it be okay if… I hold your hand?” You ask, forming the question as you speak and not entirely sure where that want came from.</p><p>“Of course,” his deep voice rumbles in his chest, and you can feel it through your body. You lean in to it before tentatively reaching for the hand on your knee, to hold it in both of your own.</p><p>The size difference between your hands is laughable, yet somehow satisfying to you. You press your back against him more, and he pulls you closer. He’s looking down at you, but you think that if he raised his chin it could rest on top of your head. It occurs to you that, because of your inability to look at him for long without getting flustered, you never realized how large he is. </p><p>You lace your fingers with his and bring his hand to your mouth, squeezing it and placing a chaste kiss on it’s back. He squeezes back, and lifts his other hand to tilt your face towards him, so he can give you a proper kiss. The tension in your body completely melts away as you eagerly reciprocate.</p><p>When you raise your hand to hold his face against your own, his returns to pull you tighter against his chest. Stretching your back in this position strains the thin tissues holding your wounds closed, but you don’t care, you instead concentrate on Reiji’s soft lips against your own, and the possessive hold he has on you.</p><p>Far too soon for your liking, Reiji breaks the kiss and loosens his grip on you. You’d prefer to be lost in his touch forever, but that isn’t realistic. </p><p>Without letting go of your hand, Reiji shifts your position so you sit on his thigh and your side rests against his chest. Now you feel far too exposed. Your unoccupied arm is crushed against his chest and you can’t move it to cover yourself. His gaze lowers and begins to scrutinize your body, and you resist the urge to struggle against him.</p><p> </p><p>“H-hey, this is kind of embarrassing!” You squeeze your legs together and curl up against him so you can hide as much as you can from his view. </p><p>“Stop struggling. There isn’t an inch of you I haven’t already seen,” he sighs.</p><p>“S-seriously?!” While you’re still struggling to hide your body, your main goal right now is to hide how deeply you’re blushing by burying your face in his shoulder.</p><p>“Is it not obvious?”</p><p>“It makes sense, but it’s still embarrassing!” you pout. It doesn’t occur to you to let go of his hand to cover yourself. “I just need some time to get used to this.”<br/><br/>“Take all the time you need. I am very patient.” </p><p>“Thanks…” you don’t really trust those words, and he’s clearly amused by your discomfort, but all you really need is for him to acknowledge that this is difficult in order to make you want to try harder.</p><p>You shift to a more natural, comfortable position, leaning against Reiji’s chest. Once more you lift his hand to your lips and give it a chaste kiss. You smile and look at it fondly before turning your eyes up to look at him. His eyes have softened, but there’s still a strong bout of “resting anime villain face” going on there. You think it’s cute.</p><p>You realize that at some point he removed his glasses, so they wouldn’t fog up from the hot water. That’s why his eyes look so much softer. You wonder if he often has an expression like this, and you just can’t tell because of his glasses. You let go of his hand and wrap both arms around his shoulders, your chest is squished against his, and the side of your face rests against his shoulder. You blame the dream-like state projected by the bath for making you act so shamelessly.</p><p>“Would it be greedy if I asked to kiss you again?”<br/><br/>“Disgracefully so,” he says. Your blood runs cold and you realize you’ve gone too far. Your heart is pounding. “Although… since you performed so well in your training, I suppose I can indulge you.”</p><p>He presses his lips against yours, and you slowly melt against him, gently caressing his lips with your own. When he moves to deepen the kiss, you give in and let him explore your mouth with his tongue. You moan into it, and his hand reaches up to grip your hair, pulling it tightly, and forcing your face closer to his own. Each of the whimpers that escape your mouth are muffled by his lips and tongue, laying claim to you while you eagerly submit. For a moment he draws away, but before you have time to process it he bites your lip, hard, enough to break the skin, but not enough to draw blood. He laps at your swollen lip before continuing the kiss.</p><p>Reiji’s elegant fingers delicately trace the wounds on your back, running up and down the lines carved deep in your flesh by his whip. With two fingers, he spreads the skin and reopens one of your wounds, making you cry out. He silences you with his kiss, then continues stroking the welt, now beginning to ooze blood. Slowly, gently, he strokes your wound, masking the stinging sensation with his sweet kiss. You tighten your embrace, and put more passion in your kiss, anything to make him concentrate on your lips against his rather than on increasing your pain.</p><p>His finger leaves your wound and he draws back from the kiss. Your faces are close, too close for your liking, but you try to make eye contact without looking away. His expression not long ago was peak composure with a hint of sadness, but now he’s grinning, with crazed and sadistic eyes. You can feel his heavy breaths against your face as he looks at you with condescension and glee.</p><p>Reiji lifts his fingers, covered in your blood, to his lips and licks them clean. You aren’t sure how much effort he put in to suppressing his moans at tasting your blood without breaking eye contact, but you wish it was more. He grips your chin and claims your lips again, biting and smearing blood, forcing his tongue too far, too deep in your mouth and down your throat, but by the time you realize what’s happening he’s already drawn away, leaning in closer and brushing his lips, red with your blood, against your ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Was this what you wanted?” You can hear that smile in his voice. Like when he’s riding a rollercoaster. Like when he hurts you. Such a pure happiness.</p><p>“I suppose so…” This isn’t what you wanted, not in the slightest, but you can’t imagine any better outcome.</p><p>“Good girl…” he whispers, some mix between a purr and a growl, you can’t put your finger on what kind of animal he reminds you of, but without a doubt it’s something inhuman.</p><p>“Reiji…” you whisper, feeling weak and falling against him. The taste of copper has made it's home on your tongue. His hand that isn’t holding your chin comes up to support your back and hold you closer. He looks at you expectantly. </p><p>“The water’s getting cold…” despite saying this, you make no effort to move, stuck in the blissful trance of no longer being hurt and being held safely in Reiji’s arms. Whether or not you're safe is debatable, but you certainly feel that way. </p><p>“We can’t have you getting sick,” he says, his expression is back to normal, cold and stern, but with a slight, soft warmth underlying it. Maybe times like this make everything worth it.</p><p>He scoops you up, carrying you princess-style to his bedroom. You spend a few moments enjoying it before saying, “I can walk, you know,” but he doesn’t put you down. You smile to yourself.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You wake up before sunset the following night, too tired to sleep, and maybe missing the feeling of sunlight on your skin. You can't remember if that was something you enjoyed before you became nocturnal.</p><p>When you go for a walk in the rose garden, you always run the risk of being attacked by one of the Sakamakis, or having to escape without being noticed while they give angsty monologues about one of their past relationships. Because of this, despite your love of roses you tend to avoid the rose garden. Luckily the bright sunlight is on your side, and for once you have the chance to admire the roses to your satisfaction.</p><p>What you’re after are the harlequin roses you saw during your first week at the mansion, and maybe some rose hips for a snack. </p><p>You aren’t entirely sure how the garden is arranged, or even who takes care of it, considering the brothers only use the place to brood, bring girls, or have a snack, and none of them have shown even the faintest interest in gardening. In addition, there’s no way one person could take care of the rose garden alone, let alone the surrounding grounds, too. It’s probably left up to the invisible servants or familiars, but <em>someone </em>has to give them orders, and it could be Reiji, but more likely the father they all refuse to tell you about. </p><p>Finally you come upon a white rose bush producing a healthy harvest of rose hips. You pop one in your mouth and enjoy the sweet, citrusy flavor.</p><p>There’s a crash a couple yards away.</p><p>Subaru is thrashing at the rose bushes, tearing them from the ground, and you can see blood spilling down his hand from where the thorns dug in. You wince at how painful that must be. He’s roaring, growling, inconsolable. By now you know to leave him alone. You continue harvesting the rose hips. There are tons of white roses, he can’t tear up all of them, but right now you’d rather not let their fruits go to waste. You spit out the seed and pop another into your mouth.</p><p>By just standing there, you manage to steal Subaru’s attention. He stands in place, holding an uprooted rose bush, seething with anger, although no longer destroying anything. You wave and call out to him.</p><p>“Hey! Want some rose hips?” you show him what you have in your hand. He looks pissed, but also confused.</p><p>“Can’t say I’m a fan of white roses, but their fruits are really sweet. Want some?” You lightly jog up to him and offer some fruit. Since you were cursed he’s been acting weird around you, and though you really wanted some alone time, this is probably the best chance you’ll get to figure out what’s going on.</p><p>“Sure,” he mutters and grabs a handful. He chews and swallows without tasting a thing. You frown.</p><p>“You aren’t supposed to swallow their seed.” </p><p>He looks at you in disgust for a moment, then confusion.</p><p>“Taste anything?” you ask, desperate to keep the conversation alive.<br/><br/>“Of course not.”</p><p>“Was the texture good at least?”</p><p>“No.”<br/><br/>“Oh, sorry for making you eat it.” This really isn’t working. A drop of crimson blood falls to the ground, splashing on the white petals Subaru scattered during his fit.</p><p>“Hey, give me your hands, I’ll clean you up.”</p><p>“Fuck no.”</p><p>“You’ll get an infection.”<br/><br/>“Vampires don’t get those.”<br/><br/>“Really? Fucking sweet. You should still clean your wounds though.”</p><p>“Fine, whatever.” He drops the rose bush and extends his hand to you. You wet your handkerchief with the water bottle you were carrying, then start to clean the wound.</p><p>It’s mainly deep pinpricks that remind you of your own bite marks. You suddenly feel less fond of roses.</p><p>“Roses are nasty things,” you mutter, mostly to yourself, but Subaru nods like you just spoke the wisest truth. “Can’t say the same about rose hips, though. It’s like their one redeeming quality is what they produce after the flowers wilt.”</p><p>“What the fuck are you talking about?” Subaru snaps, his voice is frustrated, yet hushed. He doesn’t draw his hands away.</p><p>“Heck if I know. You’re all good here,” you finish cleaning his hands. The wounds have already clotted and begun to close thanks to his metabolism, so you don’t see the need to bandage them. “If we’re gonna tear up the rest of these roses, lemme grab us some gloves first. Always use protection.”</p><p>“I’m done.” He turns to walk away, hunched over and hands in his pockets.<br/><br/>“Really? I was hoping to keep you around for longer.”</p><p>“You trying to get your blood sucked or something?” Subaru faces you again and approaches aggressively.<br/><br/>“Nah, I’ll keep my bleeding internal for now. I wanted to ask what’s been up with you lately.”</p><p>“Nothing’s up with me.” He stops in front of you, slightly closer than what’s comfortable, but not as invasive as this place has made you used to.</p><p>“Then why do you keep acting like you have something to say to me?”</p><p>Subaru takes a step closer, towering over you. This is the discomfort you’re used to.</p><p>He glares into your eyes for what feels like an eternity. You hold his gaze to show you’re not going to back down. After a bit you notice that he’s blushing and beginning to pout, and you start cracking up. </p><p>Subaru scoffs, pushes you back, and takes a step away. It’s incredibly obvious to you that he’s holding back his full strength, which makes you smile. </p><p>“Why do you trust my brothers?”</p><p>“Oh, I definitely don’t trust them all the time. I just give them the benefit of the doubt.”<br/><br/>“That’s dumb as hell. You realize we’re all monsters, don’t you?”</p><p>“If I stayed on guard all the time, it would be way too tiring. It’s easier to just roll with it. Plus, if I never lower my guard, we’d never get to be friends.” Some part of yourself was hoping that he’d be able to see through you, but that’s clearly not going to happen. It's... a hollow feeling.</p><p>“We aren’t friends!” Subaru looks away and crosses his arms, but doesn’t try to leave.</p><p>“Do you… see me as family, then?”<br/><br/>“Fuck no!”</p><p>“That’s no way to speak to your big sister!” you wag your finger and pout, holding back a laugh.<br/><br/>“God, I fucking hate you!” he lifts you up by the collar. Maybe you pushed it too far, but you can’t stop smiling. He’s blushing and grumpy, and you’re only 50% convinced he’s going to try to hurt you. He glares at you again, trying to maintain eye contact, but you’re smiling and holding back giggles. He quickly looks away.</p><p>He throws you to the ground and storms off. You feel the thin membranes holding the welts on your back begin to tear and reopen, and thorns pierce through your skin and clothes. You weren’t able to get to the bottom of what’s going on with him. Maybe you should’ve acted more serious, but you can’t help but tease him.</p><p> The rose hips you were carrying are gone. In the distance, Subaru pops something in his mouth.  You smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Death and the Maiden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is what you get for trying to read an actual book.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div class="userstuff">
  <p>Someone’s watching you.</p>
  <p>You don’t really care though, and go back to reading on the couch in the living room. It’s been who knows how long since you last actually picked up a physical book, and you’re having trouble getting back into it. Maybe this particular book just sucks. You stare at the page some more, trying to make sense of rows and rows of prose, and find whatever meaning is hidden in between. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Early in the night, all of the brother’s are home aside from Reiji, who tends to get back just a bit past midnight. In the beginning of your stay Ayato would occasionally go to work with him, but those instances have dwindled. You wonder what kind of job Reiji has that can afford the cost and upkeep of a house like this. Maybe it’s all covered by their father/benefactor. It’s hard to imagine any of these guys holding down a desk job. The image of Kanato and Teddy in matching business suits comes to your mind and you exhale sharply through your nose, the way you laugh when you’re alone. Then you think of the workplace harassment scandals Ayato and Laito would cause and suddenly it’s less funny. </p>
  <p>Before you came to the mansion, you were in Japan to teach English. Advanced Conversational English, since your Japanese was far from fluent back then you could only teach people who knew English already and wanted to polish their skills. The language school you taught at was mainly for adults and sometimes older, ambitious high school students. Younger students loved your class because you had a focus on youth and internet subcultures, and helped them understand what their favorite English-speaking celebrities and personalities were saying. To get a better grasp on what your students were interested in you ended up spending most of your time on the internet, scrolling through social media, resulting in your current inability to pay attention to mountains of conventionally formatted text. You stand by the fact that it was a scholarly pursuit to better understand language, but still curse it for making your other scholarly pursuits more difficult. Maybe you should switch to poetry instead, something more concise than whatever it is this author is rambling about.</p>
  <p>You don’t get up, continuing to stare at the page. After coming to the mansion you kept working remotely for a while, but were so caught up in the cycle of having your blood drunk then passing out that it completely slipped your mind to renew your contract. You don’t know if you’d be capable of returning to work anymore. Your co-workers were a tightly knit group that you couldn’t intertwine with, and though your students were fond of you, the strict divide between teacher and student prevented you from getting any closer. It can be considered a happier time because of the freedom you had, and the lack of a looming threat, but you weren’t happy. You were just going through the motions, and you still are.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You close the book. The heavy cover makes a too-loud sound that echoes in your head, which falls backward to stare at the ceiling. You should resent your situation more.</p>
  <p>You can’t find the strength or willpower to get up. It’s just one of those days, isn’t it? Your voyeur takes advantage of your stillness and approaches.</p>
  <p>“Hey, I’ve decided to let you hold Teddy,” Kanato says, holding the bear out to you. </p>
  <p>The unspoken rule is not to look at Teddy, not to speak to Teddy, and not to touch Teddy <em>or </em>Kanato. </p>
  <p>“Really? That makes me so happy,” you smile and put your unread book aside. “May I?” You extend your arms partially, enough to show you’re eager but not enough to urge him to hand the bear to you. This isn’t an offer he’s making you, you’re going to end up holding Teddy whether you’d like to or not.</p>
  <p>He passes you his dear friend, who you gently place on your lap. One hand rubs lazy circles on his head, and the other casually hugs him close. Kanato closely watches your movements. His mouth is open slightly, and he visibly relaxes. </p>
  <p>“Thanks, I’m really grateful,” you smile at Kanato, then return to admiring Teddy. </p>
  <p>You’ve always loved stuffed animals. You notice the neat stitches where you’ve repaired him in the past, as well as the much neater and more professional stitches that someone seems to have done a long time ago. The thread color is slightly off and doesn’t match Kanato’s eye for detail, but whoever did this was clearly skilled and made an effort to hide the seam, which was only uncovered by years of wear. Perhaps it was another sacrificial bride. You’re not going to ask.</p>
  <p>Looking up, you notice that Kanato is beginning to seethe. His teeth are clenched, and pain, confusion, and rage fill his eyes. He looks so lost and helpless. You try to assess what you did wrong so you can add it to your list of rules, and prepare yourself for whatever happens next, whatever it may be. You’ll apologize after he finishes with you.</p>
  <p>Kanato continues watching you, looking hurt. Guilt washes over you, but you’re not sure what for.</p>
  <p>“Would you like to sit with me?” You try. Maybe he’s lonely without Teddy.</p>
  <p>Kanato steps forward and looks you in the eye. You match his gaze with an inviting expression. Eye contact is too much for you sometimes, but under these non-ideal circumstances you’re getting better. It’s like when someone throws you in the ocean to teach you how to swim.</p>
  <p>His gaze is angry, dominating and burning. He probably wants you to look away, but you think it would be cruel to reject whatever emotion he’s trying to convey to you, so you hold steady. You let your smile falter a bit to reveal the genuine concern you feel for him. As you’ve slowly learned his rules over the past months, you’ve found it easier to be around him, it’s often quite enjoyable, in fact. Or at least more so than some other interactions. You want to do good by him.</p>
  <p>The two of you stay like that for far too long. Your eyes are beginning to dry out. He scowls and snatches Teddy from your arms. That’s fine, that’s where he belongs. You should apologize now, before he storms off.</p>
  <p>“I’m sorry. Would you mind telling me what I did wrong? I don’t mean to upset you like this,” you frown and try to look him in the eye to plead, but he turns his head to the side.</p>
  <p>“Why are you like that?”</p>
  <p>“What do you mean?”<br/><br/>“The way you are.” He refuses to clarify.<br/><br/>“Oh. I’m not sure... There’s not much I can do to change what I am, but I can try to improve if you tell me what’s wrong.”</p>
  <p>He looks your way again, squinting as he scrutinizes your expression. You aren’t a good actor, but he’s never called you a liar before, never told you to stop acting so calm. Maybe you’ve been putting on a show from the moment you met, and he has no idea what it looks like when you’re completely honest. That thought is a bit too pathetic for your liking.</p>
  <p>“I don’t hate you.” He says bluntly, clearly, like a declaration.</p>
  <p>“I’m glad,” you smile up at him. Your heart was racing earlier out of fear, and you feel your face flush in relief. There’s a good chance he’ll misread that and you curse yourself.</p>
  <p>“I don’t hate you.” He says again, faltering, like what he really wants to ask is <em>“Why don’t I hate you?” </em>You tilt your head while maintaining your warm, accepting look.</p>
  <p>Kanato scowls, his gaze burns you again, only briefly meeting your eyes before quickly moving up and down your body. He clutches Teddy so tightly you’re afraid his nails will tear through the fabric. You keep smiling, mainly because it’s what’s most appropriate, but partially because you don’t know what else to do. </p>
  <p>He stomps and marches off somewhere. You decide it’s best to wait a bit before finding another book. </p>
  <p>It makes you feel kind of warm that he doesn’t hate you, apparently, but you wonder why it seems to bother him so much. Is it because you’re a human? Or maybe he’s having trouble making sense of feelings of attachment for someone other than himself and Teddy. If he accepts you into that little world only the two of them occupy you’d feel honored, though you doubt the likelihood. Still, he let you hold Teddy, not just for repairs, and that’s good enough.</p>
  <p>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </p>
  <hr/>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Ironically, your hunt for an actual book has led you to a free internet library, where you chose a collection of poems by an author whose name you barely recognized. If they’re famous enough that even you know them, they’re probably pretty good. You lay down on your bed and scroll through it’s pages.</p>
  <p>Reading through the first several poems, you realize that this woman pretty much writes about nothing but yearning and death. She portrays a humanized death as a gentleman who treats the act of dying as an inevitability, but not something to be feared. It’s a bit beautiful, and you’re taken in by her works for the next few hours.</p>
  <p>You hear someone clear their throat, and you see Reiji standing in your doorway. It comes as a surprise that you didn’t hear the door open.</p>
  <p>“Welcome back!” you smile and put your phone away. Reiji closes the door behind him and sits next to you on your bed. You sit up.</p>
  <p>“Thank you. It has been a long day.” He looks at you expectantly.</p>
  <p>“I’ll make you some tea. Be right back.” You get up and start to leave.</p>
  <p>“No,” he pulls you back, “I’ve decided on this as my refreshment.”</p>
  <p>He tenderly brushes your hair aside and gently kisses your neck before plunging in his fangs. This time he’s careful not to cause you any unnecessary pain, and you find yourself wrapping your arms around him, leaning in to the feeling.</p>
  <p>“I-I see…” you gasp, careful not to disturb him as he licks and swallows mouthfuls of blood. You begin to feel weak and dizzy. When you can no longer hold yourself up, he lifts an arm to support you and caress your back. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>When he finishes drinking, he draws away and allows you to stay curled up against him. He seems comfortable in the silence, but you find it foreboding. Something tells you that he wants you to thank him for this. As much as you’ve started to enjoy having your blood drained, much to your own confusion and slight disgust, you don’t want to reward this behavior or else he might start doing it more often, more painfully. Instead you nuzzle your head against his chest, hoping he’ll realize how much you enjoy cuddling, rather than being devoured.</p>
  <p>“How was your day?”</p>
  <p>“Are you trying to anger me?" he sighs, "I said earlier that what I had to deal with was exhausting.”<br/><br/>“Sorry, it sucks that you have to deal with that.”</p>
  <p>He moves to rest his chin on the top of your head. </p>
  <p>“You deserve better,” you mutter, unsure if you mean it or if it’s a stock phrase to please someone. You want to mean it.</p>
  <p>“You are correct. It is unfortunate that others don’t come to the same realization.” He says, so smug, so arrogant, it’s adorable. Knowing you can get away with it, you reach for his hand resting on your legs and give it a squeeze.</p>
  <p>“Maybe they just need more time.”</p>
  <p>“How long did it take for you to realize my worth?”</p>
  <p>He asks the question with a change in tone, accusatory, like he doubts you. It makes you tilt your head in confusion, but your body doesn’t betray you by tensing up.</p>
  <p>“It depends what you mean by that. From the start you’ve always been way more competent than anyone I’ve known, although you were kind of scary.” He still terrifies you, quite often, but that doesn’t need to be said.</p>
  <p>He doesn’t seem pleased by your answer.<br/><br/>“But… I think it was more impressive because of how intentional you are about it. You have an image of someone you want to be in your head, and put in a ton of work and effort to be that person. Aside from that, it takes a ton of discipline and restraint to act as dignified as you do, especially considering the people you have to interact with. You’re already a genius so you could probably get by doing a lot less than you do and still seem better than everyone else, but instead you’re putting in the effort to come across as all polite and gentlemanly.<br/>It’s really impressive, how polished you are, but it’s probably super tiring, too. If I kept myself so tightly under control all the time, I’d probably crash and have to sleep for a year cuz of how tired I’d get... You’re really strong. Probably more than I’m capable of understanding.”</p>
  <p>You ramble on, pouring out what’s more a stream of consciousness than an actual answer. You talk too much and realize <em>you need to shut the hell up </em>, but Reiji listens closely to your every word and nods along. You continue despite your best interest. </p>
  <p>“And sometimes I see something below the surface, I’m not sure what but it’s emotional and passionate, and I want to know more about it. And sometimes you say things, too, that make it clear you’ve been thinking on it for a long time and have come to some amazing conclusion, and I want to know your thought process along the way. Don’t know if I’d be able to understand it, but I wanna try. I want to understand you. I guess… maybe it’s because I realized that you, already an impressive person, are actually a lot more impressive than you let on? Just... in a way that I don't think most people would expect. Maybe that’s why I think so highly of you.” It goes unspoken that you see him so highly he's unreachable. You fear that if you say those words he'd realize they're true and abandon you.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You look up to see him deep in thought. </p>
  <p>“I see…” he says, but you doubt it because of how incomprehensible that verbal vomit was. Blame the poetry for making you think you could articulate better than you can. </p>
  <p>“And now I’m gonna shut up forever. Sorry.” You say. </p>
  <p>You’d like to hide your face against him, but he’d probably prefer you not get any closer. You try to make it less obvious you’re tensing up and prepare for him to push you away, call you an idiot who doesn’t understand him, and leave. </p>
  <p>“Don’t. It would be highly inconvenient for me.” He pulls you closer against him, still resting his chin on your head. “From now on, please refrain from holding back when we are alone together.”</p>
  <p>“Sorry about that…” you sputter, wishing you could hide your face. “Same to you, though. Please don’t hold back around me. I want to be the kind of person you can completely relax and be yourself around.” Maybe you’re asking too much, but since you said some stupid shit already you can’t make this any worse. </p>
  <p>“Such a dangerous thing to say…” </p>
  <p>Reiji lifts you off his lap, and you struggle to keep upright. He sets you down again on your bed, straddling your hips and pinning your wrists so you lay before him. Leaning down, he presses his lips against his fresh bite mark and hums in satisfaction. </p>
  <p>You know that if you struggle he’d take it as a rejection, and you can’t find it in yourself to do that to him. </p>
  <p>“I shall grant your wish,” he whispers against you with a voice deep and smooth. You shiver and press your legs together. </p>
  <p>He stops you by drawing away to lift your thigh and settle between your legs. He kisses the tender skin of your inner thigh through the fabric of your pants and looks up at you with a predatory smile. His lean fingers trace over where your legs are joined. You can’t help trying to pull away, but he grabs your thighs and pins them down. </p>
  <p>“S-Sorry, that’s too much for me to handle.” You say, squeezing your eyes closed. </p>
  <p>“Did you not ask that I stop holding back?”</p>
  <p>“I-I did, but I meant emotionally! For stuff like this, even though I want to go along, I can’t help getting embarrassed. You can do what you want, but I’m not sure I can keep up.”</p>
  <p>Reiji sighs and lays on his side next to you, supporting his head with his hand so he can look down at your face. </p>
  <p>“I will consider your feelings, but I won’t hold back.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He leans down to kiss you, something you’re much more comfortable with, and you wrap your arms around him to eagerly reciprocate. He rolls on top of you, holding his upper body above you by resting on his forearms, and pressing his hips hard against your own. </p>
  <p>His kiss is gentle and methodical at first, so you can match his pace. Once you follow along, however, he becomes more urgent and forceful. He supports himself with one arm as he moves his other hand to tangle in and pull at your hair. You gasp at one particularly sharp tug, and he uses the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. </p>
  <p>It’s beginning to be difficult to breathe as he dominates you with his kiss. It’s getting difficult to concentrate. With his increasing urgency the only thing on your mind, he undoes the fastenings on your pants and begins to slide them off your legs. He draws away, leaving you gasping for breath, as he slips them off and tosses them aside, not stopping to fold them. </p>
  <p>As your consciousness returns you try to cover yourself up, but Reiji’s forceful kisses press you down against the mattress, one of his large hands pins both your wrists above your head, and the other caresses your soft flesh, slowly moving upward to cup your heat. Once again he delicately traces your slit, this time with only the thin barrier of your panties preserving your modesty. When you squirm to get away you only press yourself further against his touch and are forced to moan at the sensation. </p>
  <p>“You’re being such a good girl,” he whispers against your lips before continuing his conquest. </p>
  <p>His touch is too gentle and teasing, you find yourself bucking against him for more rather than writhing away. He lets out a satisfied moan that reverberates through your body. </p>
  <p>Far too quickly, he draws away from your core. You whimper against his lips, and he breaks the kiss to chuckle. He starts to undress. </p>
  <p>You’re frozen in place, trying not to stare as lean muscles are revealed, and you try your best to remove your own clothes in turn, but are overwhelmed by the situation. It takes you 8 tries to undo one button with your trembling hands. </p>
  <p>After removing his upper garments Reiji realizes your struggles and sighs, before coming to your aid. </p>
  <p>“You are <em>so </em>helpless…” he mutters while taking in the sight of your newly exposed skin, some degree of admiration in his tone. You try to pull the unbuttoned shirt around yourself but he rips it away. He shoves your shoulder against the bed so you lie down again, and resumes his position above you. </p>
  <p>Reiji leans down to continue his greedy, domineering kiss and you melt against him, raising your hands to his back to bring him closer against you and feel his muscles shift beneath his skin. </p>
  <p>He repositions himself between your thighs and grinds desperately, erratically against your core, with a tight grip on your hips to keep them against him. His breaths are growing heavier, and you feel the corners of his mouth shift upward. You know that if you open your eyes you’d see his expression, that same sadistic smile you’ve seen before. Proof that he’s lowering his guard, just a little. This isn’t how you originally wanted him to open up to you, but if this is the way he chose to pour out his feelings, you’re willing to accept whatever he gives. </p>
  <p>Reiji stops grinding but doesn’t break the kiss as he removes himself from his pants and pushes your panties aside. You’re glad he can’t see and you’re glad you can’t see. You pull him tighter against yourself and kiss him more voraciously, keeping his attention so  he doesn’t get curious. His fingers trace against you once more, and you shiver at the directness of his touch. You feel his smile grow wider as he feels the wetness of your folds. </p>
  <p>He replaces his fingers with the tip of his length, running it up and down your lips and gathering wetness to make penetration easier. As nervous and inexperienced as you are, you’re just as desperate as he is and want him to take you already. You buck your hips to urge him on, and he breaks the kiss to look down at you and chuckle. As expected, he has that look on his face. You’re not sure he’d be able to stop himself if you change your mind. </p>
  <p>“Reiji…” you moan, wrapping your legs around his hips and pleading with him to continue. He hums in approval. </p>
  <p>“I am not cruel. Tell me what you want.”</p>
  <p>“I want you, Reiji.”</p>
  <p>“You have me,” he stops rubbing the tip against you, your attempts to pull him back barely do a thing. You’ll have to be specific. </p>
  <p>“I want to be closer to you.”</p>
  <p>He presses against you again, harder, but doesn’t go further. </p>
  <p>“I need your express consent.” </p>
  <p>“I-I want to be intimate with you.”</p>
  <p>“Then I’ll hold you in my arms till dawn comes.”</p>
  <p>“I-I want you inside me!”</p>
  <p>“How lewd,” he purrs. “Though it’s much better.”</p>
  <p>He presses into you, forcing himself in all the way despite your tightness. He lets out a loud, strangled moan that makes you blush even more than you were already, as he buries himself in your core. It hurts, a searing pain like you’re being ripped apart, but you hold him closer, encouraging him deeper. Despite the pain, or maybe because of it, something about this is immensely satisfying and you find yourself clenching down on him, drawing out another gasp. He gives a small thrust and you’re forced to whimper and writhe beneath him. </p>
  <p>Reiji smiles down at you, the same intensity of that sadistic smile but much softer, with hooded eyes. It isn’t good for your heart. You reach up to cup his cheek and he begins to kiss you again, domineering and forceful, but now you’re used to it and can keep up. Out of consideration for you he doesn’t begin moving just yet, letting you adjust to his size. He has to hold your hips still to prevent your writhing from tempting him. </p>
  <p>“You’re doing such a good job,” he whispers. Hearing his voice so dripping with pleasure makes you want more. </p>
  <p>“You feel…amazing,” you manage to say between heavy breaths. “You’re amazing.” You nuzzle against his head. </p>
  <p>He begins to move, slow and gentle strokes that caress every inch of your heat, that end in a hard and forceful thrust. He’s too big to properly fit, but refuses to use any less than his entire length, resulting in this gentle, sensual, yet rough and painful treatment. You cling to his shoulders and cry his name each time he forces himself past your deepest point. You feel something build inside you, and start gripping him tighter, clenching and causing him to moan against your skin. He reaches a hand between your bodies and starts working your clit to bring you to completion. </p>
  <p>You cry out Reiji’s name and feel yourself go limp as you reach your climax. His thrusts become even more erratic and harsh, increasing in velocity as he chases his own. His moans turn into growls, he holds you tighter and furrows his brow in concentration. His hold on you is so tight it’s crushing. You want to be held tighter. </p>
  <p>Reiji finishes with a stifled moan, steadily and gently thrusting into you as he pours out his seed. You bask in the warmth and afterglow and try to ignore thinking about the consequences of that. When he finishes he collapses on top of you, shuddering. You cradle him against your chest, needing to be closer. His expression is one of pure bliss, something you’ve never seen on him before. So soft. It fills you with awe how innocent he’s capable of looking and how expressive he can be. His gaze meets yours with gentle eyes and he rolls on his side, shifting up the bed to pull you against his chest instead. You stay like that, curled up against each other until you drift off into sleep. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <hr/>
  <p> </p>
  <p>When you wake up Reiji is holding on to you while he rests. Bright rays of daylight slip past the barrier of your room’s curtains.  His arms are tight around you, too tight but not as much as you’d like, as if he’s afraid you’ll escape. You snuggle closer, bringing a leg over his hip to increase skin contact. The way he’s holding you against his chest, you can’t see his sleeping face. A bit disappointing, but this is fine too.</p>
  <p>Reiji shifts, constricting his arms around you, and stirs awake.</p>
  <p>“G’morning,” your voice is slurred from the drowsy comfort.</p>
  <p>“I truly, deeply apologize,” he winces. Not knowing what he’s talking about and enjoying the rumble of his deep voice, you nuzzle closer.<br/><br/>“For what?”</p>
  <p>“For showing you such… indecency.”</p>
  <p>Images of being drugged and being whipped come to your head.</p>
  <p>“Because of your words, I was unable to maintain my composure.”</p>
  <p>“Why are you apologizing? I enjoyed it.” There are things he should apologize for, but not last night. Not unless you raise your expectations.</p>
  <p>He raises a hand to pet your head.</p>
  <p>“I’d prefer to show you a better side of myself.”<br/><br/>“That’s unfair. Too tiring. Didn’t we say we’d stop holding back around each other?”</p>
  <p>Reiji hums. You’re afraid the gap between you will widen.</p>
  <p>“Are you willing to accept the consequences of this decision?”<br/><br/>“Yeah, it’s not something to say casually, ya know?”</p>
  <p>“I wonder if you can comprehend the weight of this.”<br/><br/>“There’s a good chance I don’t, but I can take anything that happens.”</p>
  <p>“If I put my trust in you, you must promise not to betray me.”<br/><br/>Dropping your casual demeanor you utter, “If I did something like that… why would I still be alive?” </p>
  <p>“I’m glad you know your place.” He sounds convinced, however something in his voice betrays sorrow, maybe disappointment. Not the usual cruel disappointment. Like it’s directed at himself.</p>
  <p>“If you ever start to hate me.. It wouldn’t be too bad to die by your hand.”</p>
  <p>Thinking of your small mistakes and your greater ones, the times you've embarrassed yourself in front of him, you’re resigned to know you’re not his perfect woman. You aren’t refined, and you lack skill in any of the categories he holds in regard. It’s only a matter of time before your insufficiencies prove too much and he realizes his mistake in saving you, keeping you at his side. It was cruel of him to give you hope that you could be loved or accepted, but you can’t find it in yourself to hold it against him. This is your own fault. Reiji kisses you on the head, gently, apologetically, and you hold each other in silence until you return to sleep.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bonus points to anyone who knows what poem/poet the reader was talking about.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Too cold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Subaru's one super dude.<br/>Time to retire those car jokes.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just gonna remind you of the trigger warnings in the tags. Stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following night you couldn’t get out of bed til hours past your usual waking time due to the soreness Reiji left you with. He’d already left by that time. You’re not sure how early he leaves. Probably during the day since he works with humans, maybe later since when you spoke in the morning he wasn’t in a rush to go anywhere.</p><p>You spend too long in the shower. Not any longer than you normally do, but you always end up so lost in thought and savoring the warmth that you lose track of time until the water runs cold. You put on a towel and return to your room. </p><p>Reiji’s there, waiting. You wonder when he got back, when he came into your room without your knowing. You hope you haven’t kept him long. He embraces you, letting your towel fall to the ground and exposing your wet skin to the chilly night air. You lean in, closer, searching for warmth against his cold body. You’re shivering.</p><p>He doesn’t say much, instead treating you gently and tenderly until you beg for more,  whispering your name and coaxing you to reveal your body with his praise. When you fully submit he reveals his ferocity, plunging in to you with wild abandon, pinning you down and groping your body with bruising force. His growls and moans fill your room, overpowering your own sounds. He ejaculates deep inside you, and admires the sight before continuing to take you, again and again until you pass out. As far as you know, he keeps on going long after you're gone.</p><p>The process continues several times, you end up losing track of them. You wake up, wash off, Reiji uses you until you lose consciousness, then you wake up, wash off, and lose yourself again. The first couple times you were glad you were becoming more intimate and he was showing affection for you, but now each instance is becoming excruciating since your body has no time to heal. You’re starting to believe that this is some well-deserved punishment he’s devised, for letting yourself believe you were worthy of being treated as his equal.</p><p>After the first few days he starts bringing you food and water before having his way, supporting you in his arms and feeding you by hand since the strength to do so yourself has been drained from your body. Then he would take you to the bath, where he’d clean off the sweat, grime, and evidence of the previous night before having a drink of your blood, then dessert between your legs, and the main course on your bed. Even with your mental capacities dulled it doesn’t escape you that the times he’s gentle are much gentler than he’s ever been, and the times he’s rough and harsh have become equally as extreme. There’s nothing you can do to fight it, so you give in and hope that he’ll hurt you more so that later he’ll be even kinder.</p><p> </p><p>Days go by where your only connection to the world is Reiji, until just before sunset there’s a knock on your door, a violent pounding. Shrouded in brain fog you look to your side to find yourself alone in bed. </p><p>“Hello?” says your hoarse voice.</p><p>Subaru whispers your name through the door, as if his pounding didn’t already draw attention.</p><p>“It’s too early,” you roll over and try to go back to sleep.</p><p>Subaru kicks down your door, breaking the wall where the hinges are attached. He looks out of breath, frantic, and worried.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” You might be a bit more worried about the door, although seeing him so desperate gives you the heebie-jeebies. You sit up to speak, revealing bruises, scratches, and bite marks, and maybe a few square inches of unmarked skin.</p><p> </p><p> Subaru’s eyes widen as he examines your injuries. He half-heartedly leans the broken wreckage of the door against the hole he made, to give a sense of privacy. He grits his teeth and balls up his fists, before looking you in the eyes with rage. Your attention falls to the sheets pooled at your waist. You don’t remember what they were yesterday, but you get the feeling Reiji changed them while you were asleep.</p><p><br/><br/>“What day is it?” he asks, shaking, his rage isn’t directed towards you.</p><p>“Dunno.” It’s cold, but you can’t bring yourself to pull up the blanket.</p><p>“You’ve been gone…” he growls, holding back something you don’t care to determine. Why is this so hard for him? “For two weeks.”</p><p>“Huh…” you tilt your head. “That seems too long.” It’s starting to hurt to hold yourself up.</p><p>“Get up!” He pulls your arm and you collapse to the floor. You’re physically incapable of standing up, but you aren’t trying too hard either.</p><p>“...sorry.”</p><p>“Here, whatever.” He scoops you up in his arms and carries you out, kicking the broken door to the floor. In the halls you pass Laito, who looks away and makes no comment.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Subaru returns to his room you’re lying exactly where he left you, propped up by pillows on the bed he doesn’t use, eyes dull and glazed over. You hear a bath running in the other room. If Reiji finds you here he’ll feel betrayed. You try not to cry, thinking of how hurt he’ll be, or how he'll hurt you without any gentleness to follow after. Maybe if you play your cards right you’ll be able to get out of this without any trouble, even if you don’t actually have any cards in your hand.</p><p>“Eat this.” Subaru demands, holding a sandwich. You have no appetite, and no strength to feed yourself. Despite this you try to reach for it, managing to lift your arm just a bit before your sore muscles give out. So pathetic. He should’ve left you where you were. </p><p>Subaru groans in frustration and starts to feed you himself. You comply as he forces you to take too-big bites of the slimy and flavorless thing, there’s a good chance he made it himself. Somehow, you find it absolutely delicious. When you finish it he holds a glass of water to your lips and helps you drink.</p><p><br/><br/>“Thank you…” you say, partially out of obligation. If you stayed put Reiji would have come to take care of you without a doubt.</p><p>“Come here.” He picks you up again, your body is limp like a doll’s but you try to struggle anyway, to no avail. Whatever strength you’ve gathered from the meal isn’t enough against him. It wouldn’t make a difference even if you were at peak performance.</p><p>He places you in the tub, hot unscented water that you slowly feel yourself dissolve in. The pain of your bruises fade away, but any open wounds start to sting.</p><p>“You can wash yourself, right?”</p><p>“...yeah,” your voice is too weak to sound convincing. He nods and leaves you alone.</p><p> </p><p>You’re lost in the feeling of warmth until the water cools to room temperature and Subaru appears again, crossing his arms when he notices you’re still completely dry from the shoulders up. He grunts and wordlessly begins to wash your hair, settling behind you and averting his eyes from your bare form. Over and over again he opens his mouth to say something, but each time he loses the nerve. Whatever he’s doing is completely lost on you as the only thought that fills your head is <em>it’s too cold </em>, and you shiver in the cooled water. </p><p>“...thanks. Sorry about this.”</p><p>He grunts again, you can’t tell if he’s angry. You hope he isn’t.</p><p>“I need to go back to my room. Reiji will be mad at me.” You start to stand up despite knowing your sore muscles won’t be able to support you. Subaru pushes your shoulders down, too gently as he miscalculates his strength and your weakness, but you don’t resist. You’re both aware you won’t be able to make it there on your own.</p><p>“You were gone for two weeks.” </p><p>“... sorry.”</p><p>“Stop apologizing!” </p><p> </p><p>You flinch when he raises his voice, lacking the energy or strength to control your reaction. His fingers are digging in your shoulders, pressing against bruises and reopening bite marks. You’re shaking, and know it can’t be explained away by the cold. Subaru draws back, maybe he didn’t mean to scare you, maybe you shouldn’t always be so afraid, but you can’t help it. Drops of blood roll down your shoulder and mix with the water.</p><p>“What did he do to you?!”<br/><br/>You don’t answer, but the answer is obvious enough now that he’s seen your body. His tone isn't accusatory, it's demanding and almost a little pleading, but you still feel guilty of something. Subaru growls and throws a washcloth into the tub, making you flinch again. </p><p>“Sorry…” he apologizes, out of practice, unsure of how to sound. </p><p>You try to leave the tub again, this time he wraps an arm around you and helps you stand. He’s cold too. You let him wrap you in a towel and carry you back to his room.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a pile of your clothes on his bed, and he gestures for you to let him dress you.</p><p>“I can take care of this myself.” </p><p>“Yeah, sure you can.” He roughly tugs your shirt over your head. </p><p> Subaru tries to avert his gaze, but is forced to look at your legs when he puts on your skirt and panties. Noticing the extent of your injuries and their placement, he scowls and begins to vibrate in rage. You try to move away, resulting in you falling backward. The waistband of your skirt rips in Subaru’s hand, but he pulls it into place regardless, then walks to the corner of his room. You sit up, balancing on your elbows after regaining some of your strength.</p><p>“I swear I’ll kill that fucker!” Subaru growls and punches a hole straight through the wall. You flinch but he doesn’t pay attention.</p><p>“It’s fine, I was okay with it.”<br/><br/>“Like hell you were!” He’s seething. He moves to his desk and picks up his chair then swings it down, causing splinters to fly into the air. You cover your head and cower, aware that this anger isn’t for your sake. You let him act out and are thankful that you aren’t counted among the things he destroys on his tirade.</p><p> </p><p>When he finishes destroying most of the furniture in his room, Subaru asks if you can walk. You can stand, but your steps are unsteady. You’d probably be able to go wherever you need to on your own, but he gets impatient at your slowness and tosses you over his shoulder while you make a weak attempt to struggle free. </p><p>You’re carried to the living room, where the Sakamaki brothers, excluding Reiji, have gathered. There’s tension in the air that disappears when Subaru enters the room with you. </p><p> </p><p>“Oi, she still alive?”</p><p>“Yep,” you say, struggling out of Subaru’s grip. He lets you down but you end up keeping a hand on his arm to keep your balance.<br/><br/>“Where have you been?” Kanato demands, strangling Teddy in his arms. He seems especially hurt by your disappearance, you’re filled with guilt once more.<br/><br/>“Sorry, I was occupied with Reiji.” You give a clumsy bow, made clumsier by your current physical state. When you try to stand upright again you lose your balance and Subaru has to catch you. He tells Shuu to make room on the couch for you, then guides you to sit next to him. You hate being treated so helplessly. Instead of apologizing to Subaru again and angering him, you thank him with a weak smile. Somehow that seems to hurt him more.</p><p>Once you’re settled Subaru turns to the others to speak.</p><p><br/><br/>“He was keeping her locked up.”<br/><br/>“I wasn’t locked up. There weren’t any restraints. I was just… occupied.” You try to explain.</p><p>“Occupied… how?” Laito leans forward and rests his chin in his hands. The difference between his serious and regular face is something you’ll never get used to. </p><p>You don’t know how to answer that. It would require words you’re not comfortable saying out loud. Too scary. Luckily Subaru steps in to explain again, equally vague.<br/><br/>“Isn’t it obvious?!” He gestures at you and Laito looks up and down your body, less lecherously and more clinically. Either way he does it, it’s unpleasant.</p><p>“I didn’t know he had it in him…” Laito frowns and shakes his head.</p><p>“Any guy that does this to a woman is scum.” Subaru grunts, crossing his arms and leaning on the couch so he’s directly behind you. You’re suspicious as to why he’s taking this so personally.</p><p>“Will one of you guys just come out and say what's going on?” Ayato says before Subaru has a chance to do anything in his rage. </p><p>“Nii-chan, just look at her…” </p><p>“He locked her up so he could fuck her.” Shuu sighs. This is the first time he’s gone out of his way to join a conversation. </p><p>“That’s not what happened…” you wish. Even though what he’s saying is partially true you don’t like the way it’s being said. </p><p>“Huh? There’s no way you can get this beat up just by fucking.” </p><p>You shrink away.</p><p>“Hey, tell us what really happened!” Ayato demands, standing up and towering over you. You feel so small. You aren’t entirely sure of what happened, but it’s starting to hit you that it wasn’t good. Maybe Reiji got a little too carried away, maybe you shouldn’t have given in so much, but you <em>did </em>tell him to stop holding back, and you <em>did </em>say you’d accept everything, no matter how much it hurt. In the end, it was entirely your fault.</p><p>“It’s my fault this happened, sorry for causing so much trouble.” You bow again, keeping your head down.<br/><br/>“Stop dancing around the issue! Tell us what happened!”</p><p>“Lay off!” Subaru appears before you and pushes Ayato backwards. It looks like they’re about to fight. You’d be touched if it wasn’t so clear that it isn’t you Subaru is defending. You’re less interested in talking about your own issues that you aren’t ready to process, and more interested in knowing <em>what the fuck happened to him </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, now, Bitch-chan will tell us everything when she’s ready. For now we should be figuring out how to hide her before Reiji comes home. I volunteer to keep her in my room.” It’s weird seeing Laito act as a voice of reason, but he <em>is </em>the one triplet that’s most likely to reach out to his brothers. He has a caring side hidden beneath his usual demeanor, but it’s hidden way too deep for you to want to approach. </p><p>“You’re far more dangerous than Reiji. She’ll be staying with us instead.” </p><p>“You and the bear? Really?” Ayato scoffs, “She’ll be a hell of a lot safer staying with me!” </p><p>You think of all the times he’d drunk your blood till you were light in the head, before groping you until happenstance caused him to stop, or deliriousness allowed you to stop remembering. </p><p>“You’ll be staying with Shuu," Subaru demands, "He’ll keep you safe from those perverts.”<br/><br/>“I will?” Shuu murmurs, opening one eye.</p><p>“Look, all I need to do is talk with Reiji and this will all be sorted out. Like I said, it’s my fault-”<br/><br/>“How can <em>any</em> of this be your fault?!” Subaru grabs you by your shoulders. You flinch and he lets go, but if there isn’t one already you’ll definitely be left with a bruise. “You can talk with him after he has time to calm down.”</p><p><em>“Maybe you need some time to calm down”  </em>You think, but shake it off. It’s too rude, you don’t mean it. He's looking out for you, or at least something like that.</p><p>“Why does it have to be me? You’re the most invested in this.”</p><p>“She’s not <em>safe </em>around me.” So he realizes it too.<br/><br/>“I’m not sure I’m comfortable hiding out in Shuu’s room, that would probably piss off Reiji more than anything else.”<br/><br/>“See? Let her pick from the volunteers.”<br/><br/>“Yeah, I can hide out with Kanato, and if Reiji comes looking I can pretend to be a doll. Problem solved!”<br/><br/>“You’re staying with Shuu!”</p><p>Subaru looks like he’s at his tipping point, and you know that if he starts to do something there’s a very low chance that his brothers will do anything to stop him. At this point it’s best to just give in.</p><p>“A-alright…”<br/><br/>Across from you, Kanato is fuming.</p><p>“Don’t I have the final say in this?”<br/><br/>“<em>Please </em>take care of her.” Subaru says with clenched fists. Begging is definitely not something he’s used to. Shuu and Subaru look at each other with expressions you can’t comprehend, until it seems like they’ve come to some kind of unspoken agreement.</p><p>“Fine then.” Shuu says. “Let’s go.” He gets up and leaves. Before following him you look around the room. You feel like there was more to be said, but you know that with your currently lowered speed you’ll soon be left behind. You shout “Sorry!” before giving a small, clumsy bow and stumbling after Shuu. </p><p> </p><p>You don’t like this set up, but for now you know better than to defy Subaru. Later you’ll look for a chance to discuss things with Reiji and get a chance to smooth things out, preferably with a third party present, definitely not Shuu, and then things will go back to normal, or at least to the degree that you aren’t actively avoiding someone you care deeply about. You don’t dislike Shuu, in fact, you have a strong sympathy for him. In another life you could have been good friends. But staying with him feels like the greatest betrayal to Reiji and it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Slowly stumbling through the hall, you plan how to escape this situation.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Hungry...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Is this really any better?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This contains probably the least sexy handjob in the history of the world. I'm so sorry.</p><p>Once again, read the warnings and tags, and stay safe! Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sleeping in Shuu’s room is starting to make your back hurt. He invited you to share his bed but the look in his eyes told you he wanted more than you were comfortable with, resulting in you sleeping on his chair with your legs swung over it’s arms. Despite the aches you got from sleeping in that position, the soreness in your muscles has faded significantly and you’re finding it easier to move. </p><p>Reiji’s still at work this time of night, so your confrontation will have to wait. You go to the kitchen to make your first proper meal in what feels like forever, but has been confirmed to be two weeks.</p><p>Two weeks.</p><p>He kept you in that state for two weeks and never realized something was off. Reiji isn’t looking good here, no matter how hard you try to justify his actions. Your go-to explanation would be that as a vampire he had trouble understanding what’s abnormal behavior for a human, but he’s smarter than that and Subaru caught on that something was up without even seeing you. Once you talk to Reiji everything will get cleared up. </p><p>You’re tempted to heat up some of the stockpile of takoyaki you froze in the fridge, which has significantly declined past your what you expected it'd be around now. In the fridge there’s about a third of the sweets you made left. How can the triplets stand eating the same thing every day? Maybe Laito’s bringing girls over and sharing food with them. It’s kind of disappointing that if you died the gift you left them would be gone so quickly, but maybe flattering that they like your cooking so much?</p><p>You decide against making takoyaki since Ayato gets possessive over them. Instead you settle on instant noodles, the kind you just pour hot water over and wait, and use the remaining hot water to make some tea, the kind in a bag that Reiji curses but you don’t see the problem with. </p><p>Finishing up, you go back to Shuu’s room for a bath, right before Reiji usually gets home. You try to keep it short but end up dissolving in the water, only making your exit once you’re shivering from the cold. You sneeze. You’re surprised you hadn’t caught a cold earlier, it’s about time your actions caught up with you. Shuu’s still in bed when you get out. You’re envious of him, not feeling pressured to live in accordance with other people’s expectations and doing only what he feels like doing immediately. Maybe that’s not who he is, though. Your grasp on him isn’t as keen as you’d like. For a while, long ago, you’d spend days at a time in bed, forgetting to eat or bathe despite desperately pleading with yourself to do something, and trying not to succumb to the idea that this life isn’t worth living. You’re terrified he’s going through something similar. You try to wake him up. </p><p> </p><p>You shake Shuu’s shoulder and he rolls over with an irritated look. He’s been awake the whole time. </p><p>“You alright?”</p><p>He turns over and closes his eyes. </p><p>“Want me to get you a snack or something?”</p><p>He makes an annoyed sound. </p><p>“Mmkay, since I’ll be stuck with you for a while, just ask me if you need anything, within reason.”</p><p>You turn to walk away. </p><p>“A bath.”</p><p>“A bath?”</p><p>“It was really rude of you to take one without me. Now it’s my turn.”</p><p>“Cool, I’ll draw one up.”</p><p>You nod and walk to the bathroom, fully aware that he’s opened one eye and is looking you over. You’ve given him baths before, unfortunately, and it always ends up a sort of power struggle between him trying to get you to do something lewd, and you trying to be a decent person and help him out. The worst part is he makes you strip him, and even get in the tub with him a few times. This time probably won’t be any different, but your tiredness has given you an idea. </p><p>“Bath’s ready.” You’re met with silence. </p><p>“You know what to do.” Shuu doesn’t make a move. </p><p>You carry him, more like drag him, to the bath and toss him in. </p><p>“Sorry, I’m still feeling weak and can’t do much more than this. I’ll be washing you <em>and </em>your clothes.”</p><p>“Mmhmm.”</p><p>It was stupid of you to expect more of a reaction. You wash his hair quickly, then pour liquid soap into the water until it’s nice and bubbly. </p><p>“I’ll leave you to soak for a bit.”</p><p>He doesn’t nod, doesn’t make any kind of reaction. You thought it would be fun to tease him a little, but he’s so lethargic and unresponsive that you only feel guilty. A couple minutes later you return and drain the tub. </p><p> </p><p>“Quitting already?” He murmurs without opening his eyes. </p><p>“Once the water’s drained I’ll hose you down with the shower head, then dry you with the hair dryer.”</p><p>“Is this some kind of play Reiji introduced you to? Not very exciting.”</p><p>You don’t want to do this anymore. </p><p>“What’s up with you guys anyway?”</p><p>“Do a better job and I’ll tell you something good.” His words pique your interest. If you get some leverage against Reiji, you might be able to get him to listen to you and consider your feelings more.</p><p>“Better job of what?” You start rinsing him, fully clothed, with the shower head. “Your bath’s done.”</p><p>Shuu opens his eyes and looks at you, then down at his crotch. He’s hard. </p><p>“Didn’t you say this wasn’t exciting?” At this point you don’t bother hiding your disgust, he’s completely aware and it’s very likely that he’s into it <em>because</em> of that.</p><p>“It was already like this.”</p><p>“And it <em>stayed </em>like that?”</p><p>“Too lazy to let it go down.”</p><p>You keep rinsing him, repulsed by the fact that he got turned on by your intentionally impersonal, utilitarian treatment of his favorite way to lewdly tease you. </p><p>“What exactly do you want me to do?” You start drying him off, starting with his hair, avoiding looking at his dumb, handsome, frighteningly serene face.  </p><p>“Isn’t it obvious?”</p><p>“You’ll need to be more specific.”</p><p>“Get me off. I’ll leave the details to you.”</p><p>“Well… cuz of my injuries I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle that sort of thing...”</p><p>“Then blow me.”</p><p>“I don’t have any experience with that, I’ll probably do a bad job and end up biting it off.”</p><p>“Use your hands.” </p><p>“These things? They’re so small I doubt they could make you feel good at all…”</p><p>“Then strip.”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“I’ll do it myself. Just give me something to work with.”</p><p>“N-no!” After your bath you were finally able to understand the full extent of the marks Reiji left on you. It horrifies you, the aftermath of those delirious weeks. Subaru’s reaction makes sense now. There’s no way in hell you’re showing this to anyone else. It’s too disgusting. </p><p>“Then take care of it.”</p><p>“Just… let me finish drying you off first…”</p><p>He lets you take your time before carrying him back to his bed, eyes never leaving your body. The corners of Shuu’s mouth curl up into a lecherous smile as he closes your eyes, waiting as you struggle with the fastenings on his pants. You’ve dealt with undressing him before, but you’ve never had to do <em>this</em>. It’s all for the sake of learning more about Reiji, though, and maybe having something to help you get through to him and get out of this situation. None of this knowledge does a thing to stop your hands from shaking. </p><p>“Can’t even do something like this?”</p><p>“I-I changed my mind, I can’t do it.”</p><p>“Then leave. Don’t come back.”</p><p>You’re not sure how much this kind of betrayal weighs against what Reiji did to you. You’re <em>so </em>desperate to know more about him and even the playing field that you’ll do anything, and for god's sake, you can’t under any circumstances leave this room and risk running in to him. You swallow your pride, dignity, and sense of autonomy, and try again.</p><p>“I-I’ll try my best, but I’m not sure if I’ll do a good job...” You try not to look at his face as you unbutton his pants.<br/><br/>“That’s a good girl, take as many tries as you need.”</p><p>You work his pants down, just low enough that his cock springs free. It’s long, thick, and pale. It’s soaked in precum and has a strong, musky smell. Not necessarily bad, but overpowering. Somehow, despite doing the bare minimum of physical upkeep, he managed to keep his dick pretty nice, which, although it raises questions, has come to benefit you. It wouldn't do to barf all over it, although it might help you get out of having to touch it. When it bounces out you jump back to avoid being hit in the face. Shuu smirks down at you. You blush and avert your gaze to the wrinkles on his sweater and hesitantly reach out your hand to touch him. </p><p>His size dwarfs your hand, and you’re unable to wrap it fully around him. He thrusts up in your hand and releases a small, gasping moan with an innocent face before letting it fade back to his teasing grin. You grit your teeth and squeeze him with all your strength, managing to get your thumb and pointer finger to meet for a second.</p><p>“Lewd woman… I’m not into pain. If I was… then that’s not nearly enough.”</p><p>You try to ignore him and pump your hand up and down his shaft, testing your technique, eyes fixated on his sweater. You can only manage to work less than half his length, and on top of that your hand can’t even handle his girth. While it’s clear you should be using both hands, you’re determined not to give him the satisfaction.</p><p>You pick up the pace, paying attention to what elicits a good reaction, but he’s starting to make louder and louder exaggerated moans, on purpose, just to mess with you. You start to count loose threads on his sleeve to tune it out. Still, holding him like this and being under his predatory gaze is starting to make you feel warm, despite your freezing skin. After a few minutes it becomes clear that as much as he enjoys making you uncomfortable, this isn’t working for him at all.<br/><br/>“Take off your shirt.”<br/><br/>“That’s not part of the deal.”<br/><br/>“Do you really think I can get off like this? You’re more turned on than I am. So selfish… You lewd woman.”</p><p>When vampires can tell that you’re aroused it’s mortifying. You shiver in disgust at yourself, what you’re doing, and your own reaction to it. You want this over with, now. You take off your shirt.</p><p>It’s cold, too cold, and you start jerking Shuu off with newfound purpose, holding his cock as tight as you can and pumping it as fast as possible. His eyes widen, very slightly, when he sees your bare skin. He frowns and sits up, weakly pushing you away.</p><p>“Nevermind, I’m not in the mood.”</p><p>You take it as a slap in the face that the man who <em>coerced </em>you into doing something so intimate with him rejected you after seeing your body. </p><p>Shuu moves to cover you with your shirt, hiding your repulsive form from view.</p><p>“I’ll tell you what you want to know.” He says, as consolation for your failure. You don’t need his pity, and you don’t want to be anywhere near him.</p><p>“Later. I need to finish up here.” He sighs and turns on his side. The tell-tale slapping sounds of jerking off begin, and the acidic feeling of bile swells in the back of your throat. You quickly pull your shirt on and run out. You can’t be there anymore.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Running down the hall with heavy breaths and weeping eyes isn’t the most stealthy choice, but your mental capacities are out of sorts from the horror of what happened. Maybe it doesn’t count as a betrayal since you stopped halfway through, but you still agreed to it, but you didn’t want to, but it very nearly felt <em>good </em>, but you were disgusted by it, and in the end you got what you wanted, almost, but you still feel like a piece of human garbage. At this point you know Reiji won’t take you back, he deserves better, but at the very least you want him to know that it’s not his fault…</p><p>But it is, it is his fault, right? That violation of trust, taking advantage of your emotions and keeping you hostage, what you have or had isn’t a relationship, is it? But whatever it is you never formally ended or halted, and you did <em>that </em>with not just his brother, but the person he hates most, and all you want to do is beg for forgiveness, but even that’s too greedy, you don’t deserve kindness after what you did, you just want to go back to when you didn’t have to think, only lose yourself in Reiji’s attentions…</p><p>But that’s not a life you can return to. He won’t want you anymore, and you can’t handle any more of that. He’s a reasonable man, almost to a fault, and all this turmoil will be solved when you confess everything to him and talk through these problems. Whatever punishment he deems fit will wash away the worst of the guilt, and the rest you’ll learn to live with, and if he allows it, you’ll make it up to him over time. Right now, though, you’re a wreck. You need to be alone in your room so you can pull yourself together. In your current state you don’t realize that your room is exactly where he’d wait for you.</p><p> </p><p>A hand covers your mouth from behind and drags you away. You’re shoved into a dark, closed off place with your attacker on top of you, pinning you down.</p><p>“What the fuck are you doing?!”</p><p>You go limp. Whatever punishment Subaru has for you leaving Shuu’s room when Reiji’s home, you just need to take. You want to go to your room, wash off again, and sleep for a long time. You’re torn between feelings of self hatred and extreme lethargy. It’ll probably be better to go to sleep, so you don’t have to feel for a while.</p><p>When you don’t say anything for a bit too long, Subaru loosens his grip. He makes no move to let you out of his coffin, however, and despite being trapped you appreciate the darkness. There's less to take in. Subaru curses under his breath then rolls on his side, pulling you to face him though you can’t see. He’s being incredibly considerate, trying to treat you delicately and not hurt you, but in your clouded haze the efforts are lost on you. </p><p>“What happened?” His voice is a soft growl. There’s a sharp edge of anger but at least you can take comfort in the fact that it’s not aimed at you. Neither is his concern, but being incidental is better than being hated. If he’s going to project onto you, at least he’s not projecting something he wants to destroy. At least, that’s how it seems so far.</p><p>“I’m… not sure.”</p><p>He sighs and rubs circles on your back, like he’s trying to comfort a child using some technique he learned in a manual. You feel small, pathetic.<br/><br/>“Sorry about this, I can’t stay with Shuu anymore. Will you be upset if I go back to my room?”<br/><br/>“The door’s gone, dumbass.”</p><p>“Sorry.”<br/><br/>“It’s my fault.” He grumbles. You take it as an apology. “None of this is your fault.” His mind is elsewhere when he’s saying this. It’s so close to being what you need, but whoever he’s saying it to is far away. </p><p>“If that’s the case, then it’s not your fault either. This world kind of sucks.” That’s probably what he needs to hear, directed at him and not some far off entity. You wonder if he loved one of the past sacrificial brides, but she met a terrible fate by his brother’s hands. It would explain a lot of his behavior, but there’s something more to this.</p><p>“It’s that man's fault!” He says through gritted teeth, pressing his face to your chest. There are tears, lots of them. Maybe that’s why he’s keeping you blinded by the dark. You pull him closer and pet his hair. He’s getting some kind of catharsis from this, more than what he gets from destroying furniture and walls and rose bushes. You’re doing your best to encourage this form of coping instead.</p><p>“If he never… If I was never…” he’s sobbing ugly, snot filled sobs. You’re crying too. You can pretend for now that you’re the one he was trying to comfort, if you really, really try. This is the closest to comfort you’ll possibly ever get.</p><p>“It’s disgusting,” you whisper, “and horrible, but you’re not. You deserve better than this place, but I’m glad you’re here with me.” Everyone wants to feel better than their circumstances, wanted, acknowledged. </p><p>Something you said struck a chord with him and he cries out louder, echoing through the coffin and making your eardrums ring. It doesn’t matter if there’s lasting damage, you’re glad you did something right. Maybe later he’ll tell you what happened, what made him like this, and you’ll be able to say the same. </p><p>“It’s not much, but I’m here for you.”</p><p>He clings to you tighter, you wonder how that small, worthless offer meant anything to him. Still, he clings to you and your words desperately like it’s something he was starved for. His sobs begin to fade and soon he’s breathing steadily, sleeping quietly against your chest. You stroke his hair. It’s incredibly soft. Maybe you’re starved too. </p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Confrontation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Subaru doesn't know how to talk to girls.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There are spoilers in case you don't know Subaru's backstory.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pale moonlight peaks over the edge of the coffin when you awake the next night. You’re alone, and the lid is ajar.  Looking out, you see Subaru on the balcony gazing out at the full moon. </p><p>You call out his name and begin to approach him, but he makes no move to turn around. You stand beside him and look out, neither of you feeling the need to turn to the other. From here is a perfect view of the rose garden, dark and shaded in the night, white roses seeming to reflect the light of the moon. The air is cold and heavy, and he takes a breath to collect himself before speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“My mother wishes she never gave birth to me.”</p><p>You don’t know how to respond. He continues before you have to.</p><p>“She calls me disgusting, <em>filthy </em>. And it’s true.” He’s tense, but closes his eyes in contemplation. It’s more of a recitation than something you say to a person. A confession, perhaps. You wonder if he’d be saying this even if you weren’t here.</p><p>“I don’t see it,” you shrug. You decide to risk it and swing an arm around his shoulders in a comforting half hug. He tenses up again and you’re afraid he’ll strike out. You keep your arm around him. After a bit he settles into it and leans against you. </p><p>“It’s because of that man. What he did to her… is just like what Reiji did to you.”</p><p>You want to ask who “that man” is, but don’t want to interrupt him. At least things are starting to make sense. However, it occurs to you that he might not actually understand what went on between you and Reiji.</p><p>“It destroyed her. Sometimes she doesn’t recognize me. Sometimes she thinks I’m him, and…”</p><p>He’s shaking, shuddering at the memory of whatever he leaves unsaid. You squeeze his shoulder. You don’t want to be compared to this woman. You’re yourself. You don’t want to remind him of something so upsetting.</p><p>“Why don’t you realize how disgusting I am?” His voice is almost a whisper. “You should be <em>repulsed</em> by me...”</p><p>“Cuz you’re <em>not</em> disgusting. At least, as far as I’m concerned. If I had to describe you… it’d be sweet. Maybe a lil bit grumpy.” Your tone is completely off for whatever mood is being set. Too easy, too casual, too teasing. You need to distance yourself from this, but maybe this is going too far. You don’t want to ignore his emotions, but you can’t feel that way under any circumstances, one step closer and you’ll be lost. You only have the energy to be honest.</p><p>“Why can’t you understand?!” He swats your arm away and you stumble to the ground. You land on your ass and feel the shockwave shoot up your back. Subaru kneels over you and slams a hand down inches from your face. You close your eyes and breathe in. This is fine. It’s your fault for not behaving appropriately. You feel the pressure of his hips pin you down, but it’s drowned by the pain running through your spine, combined with your previous injuries.</p><p>He leans down to snarl in your ear. </p><p>“My parents were cousins. Blood relatives. I’m the result: a monster. Can you keep treating me this way, knowing this?!”</p><p>You open your eyes and meet his with a tired look before glancing away. </p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>He yanks a handful of your hair to the side, forcing you to bare your neck to him. </p><p>“Do you finally realize the kind of person I am?” He hisses, breathing heavily against your skin. </p><p>“What does it matter, though? That only says something about them, and it’s not like it was your choice or anything. You’re the one who gets to make yourself who you are.” Maybe this is the difference between vampire and human values, that something so minor and, in the past, <em>common </em>, can hold such a negative weight that it results in this kind of reaction. Maybe as someone who has no experience with that kind of situation you can't understand his pain, only offer comfort. Maybe it’s sympathy for his mother that makes the feeling so intense, or there’s something more to it that you’re missing. </p><p> </p><p>Subaru slams your head down against the stone floor, rattling your skull before standing up and looking serenely out over the balcony once more. Dark spots pulse before your eyes, accompanied by a dull pain.</p><p>“That’s just like what she said…”</p><p>“Your mother?” You stand up, trying to gain your balance. </p><p>He growls and grips the banister till it splinters. Wrong answer. </p><p>“Get out of here before I destroy you.” His voice is steady, deliberate, barely masking an intensity. The banister creaks. You realize the full moon and remember it’s consequences. </p><p>“I don’t have anywhere else to go...”</p><p>“Then I’ll take what I want.”</p><p>Suddenly he’s before you, too close, looking down with burning red eyes. He sneers and grips your chin with a bruising strength. His thumb roughly runs over your lip and he leans down, millimeters from meeting it with his own, while forcing you to look at him. He’s waiting for some kind of response. The expression in his eyes is... something you can’t admit without losing the ability to be comforted by him. You refuse to acknowledge it. </p><p>Subaru wraps an arm around your waist, too tightly, and pulls your body flush against his. Your lips still haven’t touched. In his hold, you can’t struggle. All you can do is tremble and keep your eyes open, refusing to give him what he’s pleading for. Neither of you are in any state to make this kind of decision.</p><p>Just as suddenly as he came up to you, Subaru pushes you away. When you start to fall backward he catches your arm and pulls you against him again, this time you’re able to right yourself and step back. </p><p>Subaru’s eyes are wide, he’s shaking again, and just for a moment he’s staring at his clenching hands. He snaps out of it and swings his arms down to completely break the banister before turning to you again. </p><p>“If you won’t go, I will. Stay in the room, at least until sunrise.”</p><p>He jumps off the balcony, something you’ve seen the other vampires do dozens of times before, but it still fills you with fear for just a second. You look down over the side, but he’s completely gone. You shiver.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When sunrise comes Subaru still hasn’t returned. While you understand he’s being considerate, you were still horribly, horribly bored. All you could do was take another too-long bath and stew in your thoughts. It’s becoming excruciating, depending on others like this and being helpless to their moods. You want that inch of freedom you took for granted back. You want to be alone and not have to care for others. You’re so tired. </p><p>You sigh and collect yourself. You have to talk to Reiji. </p><p>You go to the kitchen first, make a pot of tea as a peace offering. A modest set, a medium quality but finely made tea, aesthetically pleasing because of correct choice and pairing rather than particularly exquisite craftsmanship. You’d like to add something to the leaves, to make it unique and personal, but all you can think of is roses. Your hand comes up to touch the bruise Subaru left on your chin. You let your fingers press into it and feel the pain throb. There’s nothing you can do, you finish preparing a pot of plain black tea.</p><p> </p><p>This time of day, Reiji would normally be in his room asleep. You don’t want to disturb him, but you <em>need </em>to speak immediately. You gently rap at his door with one hand, while the other balances the tea service. There’s no answer, as you expected, but you continue knocking, just a bit louder. Whatever anger he has for you ruining his sleep isn’t nearly as terrifying as letting this continue.</p><p>The weight of the tea service is lifted from your hand, and someone corners you against the door.</p><p>You turn around to see Reiji’s cold expression looking down at you. Your pulse picks up and you suddenly feel warm, too warm, and you desperately want to run away to cool down, but you’ve made up your mind to deal with this. If you wait any longer it’ll only be worse. If you let a wound sit without treating it, it could fester and rot until it destroys the surrounding flesh, and the entire thing needs to be cut off.</p><p>“Should I invite you inside?” He scans you with his eyes, examining the exposed marks on your skin, stopping at your bruised chin.</p><p>“T-that would be nice, thanks.”</p><p>Reiji sighs and releases you, then reaches behind you to open the door. Maybe you should’ve stepped aside. </p><p>His room is as neat and orderly as always, aside from the broken glass covering his floor and the crumbling walls that once surrounded his windows. A bookcase had fallen over, scattering crumpled books across the carpet, mixed with shards of wood and metal alike. Before you can ask what happened he gestures for you to ignore it.</p><p>He places the tea service on the still immaculate table, and offers you a seat. Daylight pours through the hole in the wall, along with a cool breeze you’re thankful for. You sit down and feel the surprising amount of tension you didn’t realize you were holding wash away. Reiji stares at you with an expression you can’t quite parse, something cold but not cruel, and taps his fingers against the table.</p><p> </p><p>“I came here to apologize for what happened.”<br/><br/>“I was told that you had nothing to do with this.” Reiji glances to the wreckage of his room.</p><p>“Yeah, I… don’t actually know anything about that. I meant avoiding you all of a sudden.”<br/><br/>“I had hardly noticed.” He huffs. You’re put off by the contrast between his intense gaze and distant words.</p><p>“Then why did you keep me like that?” </p><p>He takes a while to respond. Too long in your opinion. You wonder if you should’ve worked up to the question more, but you need something to justify everything immediately.</p><p>“Were you not the one who told me I had no need to hold back? I merely acted on your wishes.” He scoffs, overplaying the arrogance to the point it pisses you off.</p><p>“You also said you weren’t cruel. I want to know how this happened.”<br/><br/>Reiji picks up an empty teacup. You realize that just because this is a confrontation doesn’t mean manners are thrown out the <strike>broken</strike> window. You pour him a cup, then one for yourself. He swishes the hot liquid around, taking in the scent and color. Hopefully it’s to his liking. Maybe you shouldn’t be concentrating on that right now.</p><p>“I lost control of myself, simply. It is in the nature of a vampire to become possessive, therefore it is prudent that they choose strong partners.”</p><p>“So it’s my fault for being weak.”<br/><br/>“I won’t oppose you if that is the conclusion you draw.”</p><p>“What was your reasoning, though? Didn’t it occur to you that I could… break?”</p><p>He hasn’t taken a sip of his tea yet. Something at the bottom of his cup has taken hold of his attention and refuses to release it. You drain your cup in an instant and grip the fragile thing tightly as you wait for his response. The breeze coming from the hole in the wall is starting to give you goosebumps.</p><p>“I-” he bares his teeth in a hesitation, struggling to say something. “I failed to take it into account. The part of me I showed you is… something I have yet to fully comprehend. It never occurred to me that it would become so extreme and that you would suffer for it. The reason I must remain disciplined is to prevent such… <em>incidents </em>from occurring. Giving in to such base indulgences can become addicting for my species, made particularly worse when our partners show such willingness.”</p><p>Maybe it was your mistake for refusing to deny him, ultimately enabling him, but when you became incapable of taking care of yourself and unable to see a world outside of him, he <em>must </em>have seen that something was wrong. Or else… does he think that’s a normal way of seeing love?</p><p>“Didn’t you… notice that something was wrong with me?” You turn your gaze from your empty teacup to the broken wall. Reiji’s hasn’t moved from his tea, which has probably gone cold by now. Some leaves have gathered on the rubble.</p><p>“Of course I did. Part of my indulgence was…” he trails off. You aren’t having any of it.<br/><br/>“Please tell me. I need this to make sense.”</p><p>He clears his throat and looks at you, pleading. Not for forgiveness but so that he doesn’t have to confess. Your gaze offers no sympathy. He swallows.<br/><br/>“Part of my indulgence was… to have you completely to myself. To have you depend on me, look at only me, and not think of anyone else.”</p><p>The taste of bile creeps up your throat. Manners aside, you go to pour yourself a second drink before he’s even touched his. Maybe it’s not too bad, to have someone want you enough to try to completely dominate your life and consciousness. Maybe it’s a kind of obsession that only stems from genuine care. Maybe it would be nice to give in and completely rely on someone instead of dealing with this painful, troublesome world. You wash away the bitter acidity with a mouthful of tea, somehow tainted with the taste of roses without your doing. </p><p> </p><p>“That… doesn’t sound bad… but it is,” you struggle to convey your own conflicting feelings.</p><p>“I am aware.” Reiji solemnly bows his head. Almost a proper apology. “Doesn’t… sound bad?” He lifts his head. The look in his eye matches the disgust in your own, though mostly shows confusion with a touch of shock. He looks pained.</p><p>“I don’t understand it myself.” You swish the remaining tea in your cup. The bitter taste remains, but you can’t bring yourself to drink it. “I care about you more than I’m comfortable with. Even after this, I’m finding it difficult to resent you.” You give up on finishing your tea.</p><p>“Then if you accept my apology, I would like to continue our partnership.” If he refuses to offer one, at least he says the word. The other… is too vague for your liking but that’s a conversation for another day.</p><p>“I accept,” you nod.</p><p>“Wonderful.” Reiji finally drinks his tea. “Delicious,” he says with a smile, even though the taste has started to turn your stomach.</p><p>“But… I still have to apologize for some things. And… there are boundaries we need to set, just so something like this doesn’t happen again, if you still want to continue after I tell you what I did…”<br/><br/>Reiji puts down his cup. “Well then, let’s hear it.”</p><p> </p><p>You start to explain what happened with Shuu, dancing around the subject at first, trying to imply as much as possible to get the point across, not wanting to actually <em>say </em>what happened less you speak it into existence and the reality hits you like a speeding truck. You briefly mention that it was because you wanted information, but refuse to clarify what kind. This does nothing but make you seem worse in your own eyes, but you know that Reiji will put a stop to it if he learns that you’re trying to dig up information on him. He doesn’t interrupt, and only asks questions when appropriate, never pressing too hard or forcing you to speak in too much detail, only enough to clarify. By the time you reach the end and say, “I think Subaru tried to kiss me,” tears are pouring down your face. Reiji’s eyes are stoic, and he frowns before handing you a handkerchief. </p><p>He’s silent for too long. Perhaps there’s a horrible rage brewing beneath his cold exterior, and soon you’ll catch the brunt of it. He sighs and pushes up his glasses.</p><p>“Is that all?”</p><p>“Y-yeah, again, I’m really, really sorry. I know you might not be able to forgive me, but at the very least I want you to know that I accept that I’m completely at fault for this.”<br/><br/>“Are you now? As far as I see it they coerced you, or pushed themselves on you. You lack the charm or charisma to properly seduce anyone, not even my lustful brothers.”</p><p>You’re taken back by his reaction. It’s nothing like how it played out in your head at all. He’s so accepting, calm, even bored by your confession. It’s like none of it was significant at all. Even what happened with <em>Shuu.</em> </p><p>“If it upsets you so much, I can make it so you thoroughly forget the sensations of their touch. We would have to use your room, of course, considering…” he gestures to the hole where his window used to be.</p><p>“Subaru ripped off the door.”</p><p>“I am aware. The repairman should be arriving around noon today. Could it be that you are unable to wait until then?” he smirks. “You must be insatiable.”</p><p>“A-about that,” you change the subject as blood rushes to your face, “we need to set boundaries, so stuff like that doesn’t happen again.”<br/><br/>Reiji frowns and adjusts his gloves.<br/><br/>“What are you proposing?”</p><p>“Not doing it two nights in a row anymore, so I have a chance to recover.”</p><p>“And what else?”</p><p>“That’s all I thought of.”<br/><br/>“In that case, it should be easy enough to follow. You will have to learn to satisfy me in other ways, of course.”<br/><br/>He doesn’t see this “partnership” as just <em>that </em>kind of thing, does he?</p><p>“Of course, please teach me well.” You nod. It’s best not to ask about that now.</p><p>“This tea is getting cold. Are you going to prepare more, or do you expect me to drink a product of inferior quality?”<br/><br/>“Sorry about that. I’ll make more right away.” You nod and stand up. Reiji follows you.<br/><br/>“I will be assessing your technique. That tea was drinkable, but there is <em>much </em>more room for improvement.”</p><p>“Understood!” You turn to him. You’ve missed that soft look in his eye.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Kinda nice if you don't think too hard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reiji tries very hard to seem cool in front of you</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So anyways, I write vampire porn.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reiji looks at you expectantly. </p><p>“So… wanna stay here until the wall’s fixed?”</p><p>“It seems that I have no choice.” He nods. </p><p>It seems that you had no choice either, not that it bothers you. At the moment, you can’t bear to be away from him, even sitting through his boring discussions of logistics with the repairman just to stay in his presence. Your door was fixed rather painlessly, but it’ll be a few days before the gaping hole in Reiji’s wall can be repaired. While at some point you took a nap in Reiji’s bed as the damage was being assessed, he’s stayed up all day. Now the two of you are finally settling in for bed as the sun sets, almost as if you were living like regular humans. </p><p>You climb into bed and eagerly wait for Reiji to join you. He gracefully lays down at your side, before climbing over you and kissing your lips. </p><p>“Weren’t we going to sleep?”</p><p>“Mmm, no, I believe I made my intentions clear earlier. Have you forgotten?” He says and kisses you deeper, tenderly. Your arms move to pull him closer and press your chests together. He begins to settle more of his weight on you. </p><p>“I thought you were teasing me,” you moan between kisses. </p><p>“Am I being clear now?” He presses his growing erection against you and you grind up against him. </p><p>“Very clear, <em> so </em> clear,” you gasp as he pierces your skin with his fangs, high on your neck. </p><p>He bites down with a crushing force, exactly enough to give an intense pain but not an unbearable one. You clutch him tighter and writhe beneath his form, but he holds steady and drinks mouthful after mouthful of your blood. When it gets too much you cry out his name. </p><p>“Reiji…”</p><p>“Yes, my darling?” He purrs against his bite mark. </p><p>“I need you, so badly…”</p><p>“I know, but you’ll have to be patient. Tonight you will learn <em> exactly </em> why I am superior to the others.”</p><p>You reach up a hand to pet his hair.  “I already know you’re the best, but if this is what you want then so do I.” You kiss the side of his head and take in his scent, elegant yet masculine. He must’ve put a lot of consideration into choosing his soaps and colognes to have such a fitting fragrance. </p><p>Reiji’s hands travel up your shirt to gently caress and knead your breasts, before lifting the offending garment over your head and covering them with nips and kisses. He stops at a bite mark just over your nipples and presses it with his finger. </p><p>“How indecent, to mark another mans prized possession...” </p><p>You hate yourself for blushing at the word “prized” and ignoring “possession”. When he sucks at the mark you can’t help moaning, and when he covers it with his own you cry his name as his fangs sink into you once more. </p><p>“Good girl, continue calling out for me...” he murmurs before creating another new bite mark over the first. Reiji’s deft fingers move to pinch and roll each of your nipples while palming the surrounding flesh. All you remember from that encounter with Ayato is disgust at him and at your own arousal. None of the pleasure Reiji provides.</p><p>He removes his fangs, and soon after abandons your sensitive breasts to undo the buttons of his shirt. You sit up and lean forward to help him, leaving a trail of kisses as you expose each new inch of his skin. You run your hands up and down the subtle contours of his abdomen, before massaging his strong shoulders and sliding the shirt off his arms. He plants a forceful, possessive kiss on your lips before all too quickly moving down to both your breasts, then the softness of your belly, and finally stops to caress your thighs and press a chaste kiss to your clothed heat. </p><p>Reiji gently lowers the waistband of your shorts, then pulls them off your legs. He looks up at you as he lifts your thighs over his shoulders and begins to teasingly kiss and lick your core through the thin fabric of your panties. Desperate for stimulation you find yourself squeezing his head between your legs, before trying to spread them apart as quickly as possible to avoid hurting or suffocating him. Reiji tightens his grip on them and pulls them closer together around him, nuzzling his face against the soft flesh before returning to suck and lick your clit in earnest. </p><p>You struggle against him as the feeling overwhelms you, but his hold is steadfast. You find yourself climaxing with his face between your legs and he pulls you closer, moaning and savoring your pleasure. When you settle down he releases you, then wipes his face on his abandoned shirt before kissing you again. You can taste the sweet and salty taste of yourself on his lips. </p><p>“Delicious,” he whispers into your ear. “Perhaps more so than even your blood…” he delicately laps at the bite mark on your neck. “It would seem that further research is required, but that is for another night.”</p><p>You whimper at the implication that that night is when you’ll be continuing, until he buries his face in your hair and lifts his hips to remove his lower garments. You reach out to help him, but your shaking hands have to be guided by his own and it’s the same as if he did it himself, aside from your not too subtle attempts to brush your fingers against his soft skin. Once his pants have been removed, he slides off your ruined panties.</p><p>He moans into your ear as he frees himself, with his chest pressing against yours you feel every vibration and can’t help but moan in turn. You cry his name again and reach out one leg to wrap around his hips and pull him closer. </p><p>“So greedy…” he mutters as he lowers his hips to line up with your entrance. </p><p>“I know…” you whisper in his ear, “only for you.”</p><p>His hips stutter and his length jabs at your inner upper thigh, missing it’s mark. </p><p>“S-such dangerous words…” he breathes. His breath and face are hot against your skin. Has he always made such reactions? You pull him tighter against you, knowing that with his strength it’s completely ineffective unless he’s willing. More of his weight falls against your chest and it’s becoming even more difficult to breathe, but you savor the intimacy of it. He lines himself up again and presses into you, slowly yet forcefully working his way to your depths, not nearly as painfully as the first time. Each time it seems he can’t go further he slightly  draws back and thrusts in again, until you’re ready to accept the entirety of him. </p><p>It takes time, and you’re both panting and covered in sweat by the time he’s fully hilted in your core. Despite cumming minutes ago you find yourself close to reaching the edge again. Above you, Reiji’s shaking and barely able to hold back small, sharp, occasional thrusts as he waits for you to adjust to his full length and girth. </p><p>“Does it still hurt?” he struggles to say, looking down at you with a longing, heated expression. His face is red, sweat glues his hair to his face, and his glasses have been fogged up since long ago, but he’s holding back for your sake. You smile. You’re so thankful, and he’s so lovely and adorable. You wrap your legs around him tighter and buck your hips against him. He lets out a desperate, whiny moan through his gritted teeth. </p><p>“It hurts, but in a good way. <em> Please </em> start moving.” You beg and buck your hips again. </p><p>“So… <em> ha </em>… desperate for me.” Why he’s still trying to keep up the image of being in complete control is beyond you, especially with everything you’ve learnt about him, but it’s still endearing. </p><p>Reiji’s clearly holding back, pulling out of you in long, tender strokes that let you savor the feel of him against every inch of your depths, but slamming back into you immediately after, followed by one or two fast, harsh, shallow thrusts. Each time he pounds into you he hits your deepest point with unforgiving force that has you melt into his arms even more, making the tender exit seem like an unneeded but necessary apology. You prefer the harsh thrusts, the reveal of his passionate desire and need to be closer to you, but are acutely aware that you wouldn’t be able to handle it if he maintained that punishing, bruising pace. </p><p>“Reiji… amazing… You’re amazing…” you moan, pulling him closer in your vice-like grip. </p><p>This spurs him on, and any gentleness is gone as he drives himself into you with the exact force you feared yet longed for. At least you can handle it if it’s only for a short time. </p><p>It only takes a few thrusts for him to send you over the edge, and your desperate cries of his name send him after you. His pace picks up as he chases his release, chanting your name like a prayer, and you can do nothing but cling to each other as you ride the feeling out. </p><p>The last waves of your orgasm are leaving you when he cums inside in several long bursts. Your tummy bulges slightly from the sheer amount of it, only returning to its natural state when he begins to go soft and pulls out, letting his plentiful seed spill from you. You wonder if all vampires produce this much, or if it’s just him. </p><p>Completely spent, you roll out from under Reiji and curl up against him, ready to drift off into sleep. He presses your shoulder backward so you’re lying on your back and climbs over you once more. He has that look on his face that you haven’t seen in a while, sadistic, excited, pleased with himself. Only this time it’s less predatory, like he’s a starving animal but willing to share his meal with you. You know you should be disturbed, fearful, but you’re oddly entranced. Unlike before there’s an odd sort of affection underlying it, and you feel the urge to give in. </p><p>“Do you really think this is enough to satisfy me?” He chuckles. After just moments ago crying your name and humping you like an animal in heat, can he really expect you to be appropriately terrified and aroused by this kind of performance? Unfortunately nothing has changed, and you find yourself heating up, turning red, and somehow managing to get even <em> wetter </em> as he starts to kiss you again, biting hard enough to break the skin without drawing blood and bruising your tongue with his own. </p><p>For the rest of the night you’re under him as he savagely thrusts into you while maintaining just the barest amount of composure to hold back and not break you. The number of times he ejaculates has no effect on the amount of cum he produces, and by the time you’re too tired to continue you’re completely drenched. He pulls you against his chest and places a tender, chaste kiss on your forehead, and lets you speak nonsense to him until you both fall asleep. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You wake up alone in bed, covered in Reiji’s congealing cum. It’s absolutely disgusting and your first move is to go to the bathroom and clean off, but your legs give out when you try to stand, and you land with a loud thud. Something about this horrifies you, like you’re falling back into old patterns.  </p><p>“It’s about time you woke up,” Reiji says, entering the room, “I just began running the bath.”</p><p>He goes to help you up and you hug him. </p><p>“Not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment, but you <em> must </em> wash off first. Although, since this is my own fault you have my forgiveness.”</p><p>You really want to ask if this is a normal amount for vampires, but don’t want to ruin the domestic mood. The two of you take turns rinsing the grime from your bodies, which you clearly ended up with the worst of, and enter the warm, lavender scented bath. </p><p>You sit on his lap and together enjoy a nice, comforting silence as Reiji’s hands begin to move up and down your body, mapping out bumps and curves, before settling between your legs and stroking your lips. </p><p>“Didn’t we agree not to do this two days in a row?” You half-heartedly ask, knowing that in the end he’ll end up doing whatever he wants. </p><p>“It's still the same day, but should you be unwilling I won’t continue.” His attentions turn to kneading your thigh and breast instead. </p><p>“Thanks, I’m still really sore from earlier. It was nice though…” you purr under his ministrations, nuzzling your head against his firm bicep. </p><p>“You held out beautifully, my darling,” he mutters. You’re glad he acknowledged how burnt out you were at the end. Luckily, you stayed conscious the entire time. You realize that that’s not lucky, that’s probably one of the bare minimum requirements. Perhaps you should raise your standards, but with what’s available to you you’ll only ever be met with disappointment. </p><p>Humming in approval is the only appropriate reaction you can think of. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I received a letter from my father.”</p><p>“Oh, you mean “that man”?”</p><p>“I have no idea what you are talking about.”</p><p>“Never mind, what does it say?”</p><p>“Tonight this household will be having dinner as a family. Would you care to help me with preparations?”</p><p>“Sounds like fun!”</p><p>“If you prefer, I can guarantee it won’t be.”</p><p>“No, no, fun is good. What can I do?”</p><p>“I’ll have you prepare dessert, as well as side dishes.”</p><p>“Is that because Laito called me a side dish when we met?”</p><p>Reiji leans close and whispers to your ear, “Need I remind you of my promise to erase the memory of other men from your mind? Shall I act on it now? Here, in the kitchen, where anyone can walk in and see your lewd expressions?” You blush and step back. </p><p>“Or my offer to stop your fun?” He smirks. </p><p>“Oof, you’re too good at this…” you say, pretending to be in pain. “Got any preferences for what I make?”</p><p>“Whatever you think is suitable.” Reiji pulls a pan and large pot out of a cabinet. </p><p>“Cool, mind telling me the main dish, so I know what to complement it with?”</p><p>“Penne alla vodka. I have no desire to suit their tastes this time around.”</p><p>“Hah, I totally get it. Pasta’s easy to pair so we’ve got a lot of options.” You look in the fridge to find that there is very little food or ingredients other than the sweets you made. “Or not?”</p><p>“Let me see.” Reiji appears behind you, looks in the fridge and frowns. “It seems we will have to do some shopping…”</p><p>“Sorry, I usually do it but I was kinda out of it for two weeks…” you glance at Reiji and playfully elbow him in the gut. </p><p>“I already apologized for that!” His face is red. You’re not sure what to make of the situation and it’s aftermath, but you <em> really </em> appreciate this sort of peaceful existence, so you’ve decided to channel your resentment, fear, and guilt into some good ol’fashioned ribbing. You may have forgiven, but you sure as hell won’t let either of you forget. </p><p>“Yeah, I know~” you tease. </p><p>“Hmph, that aside, we should leave now before the shops close.”</p><p>“I think they might already be closed…”</p><p>“There’s one with an excellent selection that closes at 2am, about a half hour drive from here. We should leave at once.” Reiji slams the kitchen door shut. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When the two of you get back to the mansion with the groceries you pass Subaru and say hi. He stops for a moment, with a look of rage and betrayal before storming off. Despite your sympathy for him, you know you don't owe him a thing. You’ll stay friendly and civil, not pushing any boundaries or letting him push yours, and leave him to deal with that particular issue on his own. You’re tired of how one-sided your conversations with him are, and how easily they decline into violence, but can’t find it in yourself to wholly resent him. You’ll be there to comfort him once he’s ready to behave.</p><p>The look he’s giving you turns to pure rage and hatred, and you realize it’s actually being aimed at Reiji, who’s coldly looking down at his younger brother. You’re drowning in the tension oozing off the two and want to tell them to knock it off, but instead stand there, next to Reiji, arms aching from the overstuffed bags of groceries you’re carrying. Finally they sneer at each other and go their separate ways. </p><p>“So that’s what happened to your room?”<br/><br/>“Was it not obvious?”</p><p>“No one else does that sort of thing, but I’m still hazy on the details. Mind filling me in?”</p><p>Reiji starts putting groceries away, starting with frozen and refrigerated items, and you start with the dry goods.</p><p>“To keep it short, you are more popular than you realize.”<br/><br/>“You realize I’m not that smart, right? I don’t get what you’re saying.” You sigh.</p><p>“He told me to stay away from you.” Reiji sounds incredibly bored.</p><p>“Oh. Well… that’s not gonna happen. At least, on my end.”<br/><br/>“Mine was a similar answer.”<br/><br/>“That’s why he trashed your room?”</p><p>“He broke the window before we even began to speak. Perhaps he ran out of things to break in his own room. You were there to witness it, correct?”</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>“Did he hurt you?” Reiji is suddenly before you, prodding at the bruise on your chin. You wince.<br/><br/>“Only a little… not much at all,” you push him away and he complies.</p><p>“Then he doesn’t have the right to say anything.” Reiji scoffs.</p><p>“You hurt me too. It’s not like it’s a big deal.” You immediately realize how wrong it is once you say it. You <em> know </em> that this isn’t how healthy relationships are. If you heard someone say something like that you’d be compelled to call the cops, or at least try to convince them to leave their partner. However… that thought easily gets pushed from your mind as Reiji tenderly leans down to kiss your forehead.</p><p>“I don’t mean to hurt you.”<br/><br/>“I know… it just sticks with me.”</p><p>“Then you should let it go. Don’t dwell on such detestable memories.” He kisses you again</p><p>“Mmm, you’re right... “ trying to talk about this with him will lead you nowhere. “Where’d you put the basil?” You switch the subject. You can deal with these thoughts and feelings later, not now, not when you can choose to be happy for a while instead. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Penne alla Vodka</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things are pretty weird right now, but also maybe better???</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The tension could be cut with a knife. You smile throughout dinner, ignoring Subaru glaring at Reiji and tearing his bread with his teeth so brutally you wonder if it wronged him in some way, and instead desperately forcing your attention to some mild, senseless curiosities like if vampires actually <em> like </em> garlic, in spite of the legends, because no one seems bothered by the almost gratuitous amount of garlic you and Reiji used to season the meal. You mentioned to him that you liked the taste of it, and he immediately started mincing three more cloves for the sauce in his penne alla vodka. Yes, wouldn’t that be interesting? How did those legends start anyway? Why does Subaru look one wrong move away from leaping across the table and attacking, and how do you stop this from happening? Maybe vampires started the legends to make humans more delicious to eat, garlic is good for the heart and arteries, you hear.</p><p>Your heart races when Subaru slams his fist down on the table and storms off, still tearing into that bread. You’re too overwhelmed with relief to immediately realize it might be a good idea to chase after him for a chat, but you aren’t going to risk his wrath or Reiji’s jealousy. </p><p>Reiji pushes up his glasses and sighs, the others relax their posture. No one is talking, Shuu sits across from Reiji, earning a kick to the shin whenever he falls asleep at the table, and neither Ayato nor Kanato has made much of a dent in the food on their plates. Vampires don’t have to eat human food, when they do it’s because they enjoy the flavor or texture. You’re kind of disheartened that all this food you and Reiji worked so hard on will go to waste, but the entire idea of a dinner party <em> was </em> forced by their father, and the portions were served by  Reiji. It’s not like they chose to sit here and have food on their plates. You, Reiji, and Laito are the only ones eating like normal. When the two of you eat dinner together it tends to be kind of quiet, but never this much. Laito seems to be completely ignoring his surroundings, eyes dark and posture less laid back than usual but not necessarily formal. He’d have an almost mysterious air to him if it wasn’t for the fedora and fur-lined pimp jacket.</p><p>Shuu and Ayato leave, one by one, silently except for the sounds of their chairs scraping and squeaking against the floor. Laito and Kanato are the only ones sticking around for dessert. As you serve him Kanato keeps demanding you add more to his plate, piled high with the cookies you made. For the illusion of diversity you made several flavors and colors of dough based on the same recipe and arranged them to create a variety of different combinations and patterns. He seems to think that there’s an actual difference between the square strawberry-chocolate cookie and the circular strawberry-chocolate swirl, and orders you to give him each and every variation and combination. At least he likes your baking. Laito sits at the table, quietly drinking his tea and nibbling a cookie. His gaze is drawn to the window and the waning moon. </p><p>Satisfied with the towering pile of sweets, Kanato retires to his room. For the most part alone, you sit with Reiji and enjoy each other’s company.</p><p>“I keep expecting these to go differently. You guys aren’t exactly besties but even this is kind of a lot. Is it cuz your dad ordered you to hang out?”</p><p>“Pay more attention, there was one particular perpetrator who contributed most to the mood.”</p><p>You decide to do something about that later, but it’s not in your best interest to say it out loud.<br/><br/>“I hope things work out between you two.”</p><p>“Mmm, I do not see my own involvement in this matter, is he not the one at fault for being so protective of what isn’t his?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m kinda uncomfortable with it too, but he <em> is </em> your younger brother…”<br/><br/>“Perhaps I should speak to him about this, then…” Reiji sighs and pushes up his glasses, "Though I hope it’s obvious to you that his behavior is completely inappropriate.”</p><p>“I know, maybe I should talk to him first, since it’s sorta my fault anyway, plus it’ll make it easier for you if he gets that nothing weird is going on.”</p><p>“Weird such as?”</p><p>“Not my place to say, but his heart’s in the right place, I think.” You believe it for the most part, but it’s very important to add “I think”, so that your companion knows you’re on his side.<br/><br/>Reiji stares at his tea and makes no move to wipe his glasses as they fog up. With that stern face he’s unmistakable as an anime villain. You smile to yourself.</p><p>“That vodka sauce was delicious by the way, can you teach me to make it next time?”</p><p>Reiji’s attention is still on the steaming cup of tea in his hand. You don’t repeat your question.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Laying in bed with his arm around you, you turn around to face Reiji. His eyes are half open and drowsy, his glasses are on the bedside table, and his hair is slightly mussed up. The morning light, which you’ve come to associate with going to sleep, peaks just slightly through the black-out curtains and gives you the perfect view of his relaxed, comfortable face right before sleeping. So adorable.<br/><br/>The sweet, innocent moment hardly lasts before you notice his hand lazily traveling over your body, skimming over the curve of your waist and hip as you lay on your side, pressing into your soft ass before reaching where it meets your upper thigh, and coaxing you to wrap your leg around his hip. You go with it, cuddling closer but still looking at his face. He strokes your leg reverently and wraps his other arm around your waist, bringing your bodies even closer. This kind of intimacy isn’t something you could’ve expected from him when you first met, or even after you got to know each other better. You never thought about how he would be in this kind of scenario before, kicking those thoughts from your mind because you thought you knew nothing would ever happen until suddenly it did, leaving you completely lost.</p><p>He once said that he thought of you as equals when it came to showing vulnerability. You’ve completely trusted your body to him and even opened up about your thoughts more than you ever have with anyone before. Though it honestly isn’t much it was still tough, but you always assumed this made your relationship one-sided, with you at a disadvantage. Maybe this kind of physical affection is tougher for him than you realize, and the moments he’s soft and dotes on you even moreso. You thought he was being condescending when he said he saw you as equals, but it occurs to you that it <em> might </em> actually be true. He’s just that repressed.</p><p>Still, even if physical affection is a huge stride for him, you want emotional affection too. You can’t recall him saying something like “I love you” or any kind of compliment towards your appearance. At that, your only evidence that he’s attracted to you is that he seems to really, <em> really </em> like sex. And that can be explained away as the result of you opening the floodgates on his sexual repression. Once he gets his fix, or realizes he could do it with someone more suited to him, will he leave you? Your personalities don’t match at all. Your speech patterns, the way you dress, the way you carry yourselves, it’s all so different that you have no idea how the two of you fit together. </p><p>You realize that now he’s looking at you too, such a cold and distant look beneath sleepy eyes. He’s deep in thought about something too, but it isn’t your place to ask. You wonder if he ever thinks about this relationship too, not just about you as a possession that could potentially be stolen or damaged by others. </p><p>“Hmmm…. Beautiful? Or maybe handsome… I can’t decide…” you inquire aloud, voice quiet and laced with sleep. You smile sadly yet full of dumb, blissful affection and reverence as you gaze into his eyes.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Reiji mutters, annoyed but at least entertaining your silly musing.<br/><br/>“Which word describes you best… maybe gorgeous… or even cute…” you continue to tease.</p><p>“Cute?” He asks, climbing on top of you. “Is that really how you see me?” he whispers in your ear in a low voice, completely aware of what it does to you.<br/><br/>“Sexy works too, but it’s too crude for you.” You pretend to try to squirm away and he pins you down.</p><p>“I dare you to insult me again.” His fangs poke into your skin and you push invitingly against it.<br/><br/>“Mmm, if I can’t think of the right word, I guess “perfect” works.”</p><p>Reiji purrs in agreement and bites into your neck, enjoying the feeling of his fangs in your flesh before tenderly and leisurely sucking and lapping at your blood. You cry out in pain and suddenly feel him growing hard and rubbing himself between your legs. Of course it would devolve into this. He starts to remove your clothes.</p><p>“W-wait, I don’t want to do this right now," you interrupt. Reiji draws back and looks down at you.<br/><br/>“I’m just not in the mood to go all out… you can drink my blood and I’ll do something else for you if you want...”</p><p>Reiji looks down at you. “Of course,” he nods. Something soft, as well as confusion is mixed into his otherwise cold expression. He lies down again, and turns you on your side so he can hug you from behind and finish drinking your blood.</p><p>“Sorry about this…”<br/><br/>“Nonsense, there’s no point if you aren’t willing.”<br/><br/>“But I don’t want to disappoint you.”<br/><br/>“Do I seem disappointed?” He takes a deep drink of your blood and moans, so loud that you squirm in second-hand embarrassment. Is he trying to… joke with you? You don’t dare risk laughing.</p><p>“I dunno…”</p><p>“Shall I make that sound again?”<br/><br/>Oh god it is a joke. You can’t stop laughing at the thought, and you feel him smiling against your neck.<br/><br/>“I’m glad. Now get some rest.” </p><p>He kisses the back of your neck and adjusts his hold on you.</p><p>“You too…”</p><p> </p><p>At some point in the night, when he thinks you’re fast asleep, you hear him say something to you, so quietly you can’t understand it. You end up thinking about it all night, unable to fall asleep, completely aware that the man holding you is also awake.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There’s a man in the garden. Watching you. You can’t make out any distinguishing features other than he’s incredibly tall, but not so much that it’s impossible for him to be a human. Earlier you thought you saw something but brushed it off. Back then he was further away, standing in the woods, but now he’s in the middle of the rose garden. Something about him is off-putting, other than the fact that he’s standing in the middle of a garden, at midnight, on the premises of what’s known by the locals to be a haunted mansion. He’s looking directly at you. Even though you can’t see his eyes clearly there’s some kind of intent behind them and you’re not sure what.</p><p>“Hey Reiji, can you check this out?” You ask, pulling at his sleeve and guiding him to the window.</p><p>“What is it?”<br/><br/>You only turned your back for a moment, but the man is already gone. </p><p>“There was a man there a second ago. He was standing in the garden, looking in the window.”<br/><br/>Reiji adjusts his glasses and looks out, “Perhaps you’re imagining things due to stress.”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe.” You shrug. He kisses you on the forehead before going off to work.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You curse yourself for saying you’ll take care of the dishes and that it’s fine to leave them soaking overnight. When you helped make dinner Reiji did most of the work and you made a huge mess, so you felt it was the least you could do despite being so tired, but past you never remembers that future you also hates cleaning dishes. Especially after they soak, and all that icky, wet food and floating bits are swirling around…</p><p>You’re surprised to walk into the kitchen to see Ayato at the stove, and the sink emptied. That takes care of that. As curious as you are, you try to make your escape before he realizes you’re there. Of course, being a vampire with powers that you barely understand, he notices you and calls out.<br/><br/>“Yo, Chichinashi, want some?” He gestures to the pan of slightly charred but otherwise delicious smelling takoyaki. You ignore the fact that he calls you by a nickname meant for someone else.</p><p>“Is it okay?”<br/><br/>“Yeah, why else would I be offering?”<br/><br/>“Cool, I’ll have some.” You say, hoping it isn’t a horrible decision. It’s clear he’s plotting <em> something </em> but you’re not sure what. It’s probably a bad idea to eat these, but you were the one who made and froze them, and it doesn’t look like he’s added anything to them.</p><p>“I’ll grab the sauces and bonito bits,” you offer.<br/><br/>“Nah, I’ve got it.” He boasts over something so lacking in notability.</p><p>“Thanks Ayato!” You always feel awkward adding “sama” to the end of his name, but do so anyway when it's appropriate. This time, maybe growing too comfortable in the fact that at least one person cares about you not being terrified and disgusted constantly, you forgot the honorific. You tense up and wait for him to reprimand you.</p><p>“You bet!” He grins, cocky and smug, but whatever punishment you were anticipating never comes. You set the table in silence. Surely it’ll come later. You adjust your clothes, making sure nothing is too flattering or revealing, and sit down to eat with him. </p><p>“So… how was your day?” he asks with a pleasant smile that sends chills down your spine.</p><p>“I… um… just woke up. How about you?”</p><p>“Also just woke up,” he responds normally before returning to smiling at you with that ridiculously pleasant smile. If it reached his eyes he’d be handsome and comfortable to be around, but instead you can hardly look at him. You focus on your food, watching the bonito bits dance and crinkle from the steam coming off the takoyaki. You take a bite.<br/><br/>“Delicious! Great job Ayato-sama!”</p><p>“Of course they’re great, I made them!” He flashes that cocky, toothy grin you’re more familiar with. “Well, you made them, but I cooked ‘em!” He hesitated for a moment but returned to his usual prideful self. You’re surprised that he even acknowledged you had something to do with it, but relieved he isn’t making <em> that </em> look again.<br/><br/>“You did a great job cooking them, though. Are there still some left or should I freeze some more?”<br/><br/>“You don’t have to do anything.”<br/><br/>“It’s no problem, plus it saves time.”</p><p>“Just don’t push yourself too hard, okay?” The horrendously pleasant smile returns.</p><p>You don’t know how to respond to that. Several moments go by as you devise the proper response, but even the one you decide on is… lacking.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>More moments go by. You start to shovel your share of takoyaki in your mouth before they go cold.</p><p>“Cuz… with everything that’s been happening…” Ayato reaches an arm up to rub the back of his neck and looks away.</p><p>“Are you… pitying me?” You can do absolutely nothing to hide the shock on your face anymore.</p><p>“Uh…” he cringes, “Maybe…?”</p><p>“Well… please stop? I like the way you usually are. I appreciate it if you want to be nicer to me, but please don’t try to force it, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable for my sake.” You say, which roughly translates to: Stop, I’m terrified this’ll lead to you thinking I owe you something for this.</p><p>“Look, I just don’t want you to end up leaving!” He snaps. You flinch at the sudden change in tone.<br/><br/>“Sorry,” he huffs and recomposes himself. Ayato looks down at his food, trying but failing to put the pleasant smile back on.<br/><br/>“It’s fine, I overreacted…”</p><p>“I don’t want you to leave, too,” he sighs, not looking at you, poking at the takoyaki he’s barely touched.</p><p>“You don’t have to worry, I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. I don’t even think it’s an option for me, I’m technically a hostage…” you try to joke, but it’s a bit too real and just brings the mood even further down.</p><p>“Do you really see it that way?” He asks. You’re not sure you can respond truthfully without breaking out a shovel to dig your own grave. You swallow your pride and answer correctly.</p><p>“Nah, not really. Maybe at first, but I’ve come to really care about you guys. I don’t think I could handle being away from you all. Especially Reiji. If I <em> was </em> allowed to leave, I don’t think I’d even want to.”</p><p>Ayato looks up from his food and turns to you. Your unwavering mask of acceptance and kindness versus his scrutinizing gaze. Several moments later he sighs in relief, now bearing a pleasant smile that’s genuinely comforting. You do a double-take.</p><p>“Good, I’m happy.” He turns back to his food and eats with gusto. You taste your final takoyaki to find it’s gone cold. He really loves these things.</p><p>“I need to do some chores now, but please feel free to come to me if you need to talk. I’m here for you.” You smile at him before going to wash your plate and utensils. Ayato nods before going back to his meal.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's an interesting sort of twist I've got planned that I hope I can get to before next weekend. Might not be interesting to anyone but me, but goddamn I want to write it. Also, next chapter I get to write Kanato again... He's one of my faves but plays a really small part in this fic. Maybe next time he'll be a focus, but I can't imagine a relationship between him and a sacrificial bride that doesn't start off as something way more off-putting than I feel comfortable or capable of writing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. White Lace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You've got priorities, sorta.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please read the content warnings this fic is tagged with, and remember to stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, mind if I ask you something?”<br/><br/>“Of course.” </p><p>You’re in Reiji’s laboratory and he’s doing whatever it is he does in there after getting home from work. This would probably be the time to ask about what he does, but the past few times it’s gone completely over your head and there’s something else that you’ve been waiting to ask him all day.</p><p>“Are there any brides still alive?”</p><p>“It depends on what you consider “alive”.” He answers casually, not looking up from the slide he’s examining under an antique-looking but probably magic microscope.</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>He turns to you and frowns. </p><p>“If your mental faculties shut down and you were unable to control your movements or bodily functions, would you consider yourself alive? If you completely lacked awareness of your surroundings, and were unable to recognize the ones you once held dear?”</p><p>“I guess I’d know I’m alive, but it’d be hard for others to tell… It sounds awful…” you frown, not quite up for the ethical debate the aggressive bite to his tone is calling for.</p><p>“Even if you were conscious and aware of yourself, would you still be capable of calling that existance “life”?”</p><p>“Look, with proper technology or assistance someone in that scenario could live a perfectly happy life, if these women are suffering isn’t it because you guys didn’t care enough to help them?”</p><p>“It is not our fault they were so weak and stubborn to fall into such a state,” he scoffs. Isn’t it completely their faults? If you throw a plate and it shatters it’s not the plate’s fault for being fragile, it’s yours for knowing it’s fragile and putting it through that while knowing the consequences. You dare not say this to Reiji. He’d just say something like, “I’m well aware,” and take it as a personal attack on what he did to you, what feels like years ago. It’s time to get back on topic.</p><p>“Mhm,” you nod. “What I actually meant with my question is if there’s a sacrificial bride who left this place of her own volition.”</p><p>There’s a smug look on Reiji’s face, like he thinks he changed your opinion. Your incredibly vague, “It depends on the situation” sort of opinion that wasn’t even completely opposing him in the first place. He hasn’t won or anything, you’re not going to start looking down on people for needing accessibility devices or daily assistance, and the entire situation is pissing you off more and more because there’s no way you can defend these people without earning his wrath. You clench your fists and concentrate on the things Ayato and Subaru said, someone leaving, someone comforting him before, someone probably in the same position as you who ended up escaping them and leaving them to sort out their issues themselves.</p><p>“There was a young woman who vaguely fits that description. Yui Komori. She was not much different from our previous brides other than her rather delicious blood. The way I see it, she only survived so long due to the order our father gave, that we must not kill her.” Though he’s still positioned to look into the microscope, his eyes are unfocused.</p><p>“So why did she leave?”</p><p>“There were some… issues… with my brothers.”</p><p>“Such as?”</p><p>“Must I really spell it out?” He sighs and straightens up, pushing up his glasses. “They became too emotional, too possessive, and we had to send her away to keep her safe from them. Shuu was the only one to be given her location, though I managed to locate her on my own. Apparently, despite no longer being a possible sacrificial bride, she was important enough that she was assigned a new role in my father’s plans.”</p><p>Reiji walks over and sits on the couch in front of you. “Are you worried you will end up numbered among the deceased?” He reaches for your hand and brings it to his lips. “I’d never let such a thing happen to you.” He turns your hand over and kisses your wrist gently before harshly biting into the center vein. You feel the nearly full strength of his jaw crushing you and cry out, shaking from the pain, clenching your teeth to hold back wails and control your breathing. Your heart is racing and you feel a deep, dark bruise begin to form.</p><p>Blood is dripping down your forearm, certain to stain your clothes, and you concentrate on the contrasting colors of flesh and blood. Your fingertips begin to feel numb. Drops of blood fall onto the table between you. You’ll have to clean that up later, won’t you? If you get to it before it sets you’ll only need some water and detergent, but if it sets you may need to break out steel wool and some more specific cleaning products. You’ll have to ask Reiji where he keeps them later. You try to move your fingers. They're stiff and beginning to cramp. Something in your wrist brushes against Reiji’s fangs, something that shouldn’t be touching anything but your own insides, and you can’t hold back your cry. If the stain’s too tough you may have to revarnish the table. </p><p>He removes his fangs from your wrist and tenderly laps at the discolored flesh until the gushing blood slows to a trickle, then looks up to you with a smile. Slightly softer than the one he normally makes, during times like this and on rollercoasters. Does he think this is a pleasant moment for you? You try to smile back but your facial muscles want you to sob instead. </p><p>Your smile breaks like a dam and you begin to sob, loud and ugly. Reiji gets up to sit beside you on the couch, wiping tears from your eyes and delicately holding your wrist and pressing kisses to it, you feel the pressure of each kiss through your entire bruise. You try to move your hand and more blood gushes out, which he leisurely laps up, not letting a single drop fall.</p><p>“My apologies… I just can’t stand the thought of losing you…”<br/><br/>“I-It’s fine,” your wound stings as he licks it again, so rough your fingers curl, shooting bolts of pain down the tendons and muscles in your arm. You cry out again and curse yourself for showing such weakness. Reiji moans when you grimace and you’re caught between the urge to run away or completely submit to him. You crawl onto his lap and rest your head against his chest, listening to the calming silence of his heart.</p><p>“I’m not planning on leaving, I just want to know more.”<br/><br/>“All the knowledge I possess will be yours eventually, you need to be patient.” he whispers against your skin, cold breath soothing the pain only slightly. “We have an eternity together, after all.”<br/><br/>You smile and look up at him, his expression is so soft and loving you’re starting to forget why you hurt so much. </p><p>“I look forward to it.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Before going off to work the next morning Reiji cleans your wound and changes your bandage. You’re so lost in his gentle touches that you don’t start looking for a hint of remorse in his face until halfway through. You hope you just missed it earlier on.</p><p>If your… whatever he is… won’t tell you, you’ll have to get information on your own. Partner, he said before… but honestly you’re terrified he actually considers himself your master. “Partner” could be such an intimate thing to call someone, but only if you actually know what kind of relationship you have. What does he even see you as? A lackey? Side-kick? Henchman with benefits? Something you don’t want to think about? </p><p>You shake this from your mind and gather up the courage to knock on Shuu’s door.</p><p>“Go away, I’m busy.” His tired, lethargic voice calls. Napping or masturbating?</p><p>“You said you’d give me info!” You knock louder.</p><p>“Later… you’re so annoying…”</p><p>You really hate being so aggressive, but you keep knocking.<br/><br/>“You said that last time!”</p><p>“And this time too. Don't you get the picture?”</p><p>“Just open the door already!”</p><p>“Do you think I’m the kind of person who remembers to lock doors?”</p><p>You stop knocking and try the door, which opens easily. You enter uninvited, manners are pretty lax around Shuu. It's rare for you to put up your usual guards around him. Until recently he hasn't shown any interest in forcing you into anything, mainly treating you with a teasing condescension instead of with the predatory intent of his brothers. He’s lying on his bed, on his back, fully dressed, with his headphones in his ears and his eyes closed. The usual state you find him in. You plop down to sit on his bed next to him.</p><p>“You said you’d give me the hot drama on Reiji.”</p><p>“Those are words neither you nor I say.” He opens one eye and raises a brow at you.</p><p>“Just taking it for a test drive.”</p><p>“Really crashed and burned.” He rolls over to face away from you.<br/><br/>“Hey! Get back here!” You turn him over again and he makes no move to resist. “You said you’d tell me something about him and I’m here to collect.”</p><p>He sighs and sits up, cross legged and facing you.</p><p>“Unfortunately I seem to remember… sorry about that.” He looks away and rubs his neck. Actually looking sort of… apologetic? Remembering what happened, you try not to wince or back away.</p><p>“I’d like to forget it. Just tell me the hot drama.”<br/><br/>Now it’s Shuu’s turn to wince. “Please stop saying that.”</p><p>“I won’t stop until you tell me. Now spill the tea.” This makes him wince again.</p><p>“Is that how <em> that </em> happened?” He looks at your bandaged wrist. You hide it behind your back.</p><p>“Tell me and I’ll tell you.”</p><p>“Fine…” He sighs and takes out his earbuds. “What did I say I’d tell you again?”</p><p>“Something about why Reiji hates you so much.” You don’t try to hide your exasperated look. Weirdly enough, you're back to finding it easy to be yourself around this guy.</p><p>“Isn’t it kinda obvious?”<br/><br/>“No, he’s fine with your other brothers who behave leagues worse than you.”<br/><br/>“I’m the oldest so he expects more. Makes sense enough.”<br/><br/>“It really doesn’t. The worst thing you do is literally nothing. Aside from me, you’re pretty decent to everyone, cold at worst, which is much better than openly antagonistic.”</p><p>Something you said hits him differently than you intended and he looks at you from beneath heavy, tired eyelids for a moment before continuing to look away.</p><p>“When we were kids,” he yawns, putting sharp teeth he rarely uses on display, “our mother favored me. I did well, worked hard, was a pretty decent kid, but Reiji was more ambitious, and worked harder. She only favored me because I was the oldest and the most viable heir for our father, even though Reiji <em>clearly</em> wanted it more. He resented me then, though it wasn’t nearly as bad. Then something really icky happened and I realized there’s no point in working hard, so I lost the stick up my ass and ended up... like this. Our mother never really caught on to the fact Reiji actually <em> wanted </em> to be suffocated under all her expectations, so he still hates me for all that to this day.”   </p><p>You take a moment to absorb the information.</p><p>“That’s enough for today.” he yawns again. “You can leave now.”</p><p>“Didn’t you want to know what happened to my wrist?”</p><p>“Not really. You can tell me if you want but I’m not gonna pay attention.” He dramatically flops backward onto the mattress, kicking out his legs so they fly in the air and he lies on his back, then rolls over facing away from you. Is he normally such a drama queen? </p><p>You give yourself a knock on the head for actually considering talking about what happened to you yesterday and get up to leave. You turn back to look at him when you close the door, only to find him looking your way. The moment you make eye contact you slam the door shut. At least the information you got is useful.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>You lie in bed, ignoring some youtube video you’re watching on your phone. Reiji’s got some self esteem issues. Thinking back on some of the things he’s said in the past, it kind of makes sense. But there’s <em> got </em> to be more to why he hates Shuu than just their mom playing favorites, right? Shuu left out a lot of details, what does “something icky” even mean? It could be anything from spilling baked beans on his pants to arson and murder. You were already well aware that Reiji wants to be praised and acknowledged, but you were unaware of how robbed of it he was till now. Going forward you’ll dote on him more, you decide, but you’re not going to go out of your way to avoid Shuu. You hardly see him anyway, and you aren’t by any means close. There’s no reason to be rude to him, either. It’ll just feed into the weird one-sided rivalry they have.</p><p>It dawns on you that Subaru already sees you as a replacement for his mom, which give you the heebie-jeebies, and Reiji might see you as a similar substitute too. Maybe not projecting on you as much as his youngest brother, but you wonder if his possessiveness is from knowing his brothers' lack boundaries or because he wants to be the only one you care about. He gives off the impression of a level-headed man, but you know he is far from that. If you could just figure out what he wants from you, what he gets out of your relationship, you could use it to to keep yourself out of less than pleasant situations.</p><p>You squeeze the bandage over your injured wrist and feel the pain spread. You move your fingers, much more aware of the inner workings of your hand, wrist, and forearm than ever before. All the tendons and muscles feel like strings, flexing and relaxing, like you’re controlling a marionette. You pull each string, one by one, to curl and uncurl each individual finger. Even though you try to isolate them one by one, the others get pulled with them. Everything’s so tangled together…</p><p>Shuu asked you about the bandage before. Was he worried about you? No, he was trying to change the topic, it’s obvious. He said you could talk about it aloud, but it was clear he didn’t actually care. Maybe you <em> should </em> talk about these things, but it’s not like you have anyone to open up to, and even if you were decent at making friends online, you’re only allowed to keep your phone under the promise that you won’t try to contact anyone. Your online activity is probably being monitored. There really isn’t anyone you can talk to, is there? If things get really bad, you could always angst to yourself in the garden like the brothers do. Maybe they need someone to vent to, too. You put more pressure above the bite mark, feeling the pain deep inside your wrist.</p><p> </p><p>Your door opens, easily, nevermind the fact that it was locked, and Kanato walks in, dressed up in formal wear ranging in color from black to dark grey, accented with deep and lavender purples. You would’ve preferred to have more time to yourself, but welcome him in anyway. Whatever is going on, you don’t really have a say in it, although you can’t get over how adorable he looks, more like a stereotypical vampire than usual.</p><p>“You’re coming with me.”</p><p>“Sounds good!” you nod.</p><p>Kanato drags you by the sleeve into his room. It’s frilly, childish, and rather ornate, just like his personal style. There was a point where you’d venture out of your apartment and make the pilgrimage to Harajuku to try on some lolita fashion and get disappointed by how you wore it each time. Not long ago Kanato had you trying on similar dresses meant for someone with a much different body shape than yours, with equally depressing results. You’re not meant for fashion, you’ve decided, and hope your rather comfy and casual look doesn’t clash too hard with the surroundings.</p><p>There’s a round table set in the middle of the room, with dolls and stuffed animals in chairs surrounding a pile of sweets on the table. You recognize some of the cake designs from popular local shops.</p><p>Kanato looks at the table and frowns.<br/><br/>“Go make some tea.”</p><p>“Of course, what kind?”</p><p>“Black tea, something sweet.” He doesn’t clarify any more. The tutoring you received on tea from Reiji helps you fill in the gaps, however. Something fruity but still elegant, without being childish, using lots of leaves and a reduced brewing time to prevent the tea from growing bitter while maintaining a strong flavor. The fruit normally takes a longer time than leaves to give flavor, so you’ll use the freeze dried apples you added to the pantry for this very purpose. Reiji is against using something so modern, but it fits this scenario well. For the pot, something ornate to fit the aesthetic, preferably colorful and with fine details. When you present it on the tray, you’ll include a doily, as well as more cups than necessary so you can place them before Kanato’s precious toys who he treats better than you most of the time. You’re actually kind of excited about this.</p><p>When you come back with the tea, Kanato is standing by the bed.</p><p>“You took too long.”<br/><br/>You took the exact minimum amount of time to make the tea. It takes time for water to boil, and the time you let the tea brew, 3 minutes, is actually quite short compared to, say, green tea that takes significantly longer. You didn’t even let the water fully boil, either, so it won’t burn the drinker if they try to drink it immediately after it’s been poured. No one except the needlessly skilled tea-maker you’ve become could make tea this fast, and you’re absolutely <em> seething </em> with rage that he thinks anyone could get this done faster.</p><p>“Sorry about that, I’ll try to be faster next time.” You smile.</p><p>“Good, now come here.” He gestures to the bed and you’re absolutely terrified for exactly one second before you see the dress he laid out and become terrified in a much more tolerable way.</p><p>“Isn’t it lovely?” He smooths out an imaginary wrinkle on the dress. It’s very fluffy, a poofy, gathered and tiered skirt made of several layers of a slightly opaque material, and lined with an abundance of ruffled lace. The lacy neckline dips low into the fitted bodice, and the transparent sleeves, made from one layer of the skirt fabric, puff out, only to be gathered in again inches above the wrist, ending in a ruffle. It’s completely white, and all you can imagine is him throwing a full teapot at you and blaming you if the dress gets stained.</p><p>“It’s really pretty!” You smile, careful to direct the praise towards him and his taste rather than the dress itself.<br/><br/>“Then why don’t you try it on?” he softly commands. </p><p>It really is gorgeous, but you don’t feel comfortable wearing it at all, especially because white stains so easily.</p><p>“You’d let me? Thanks!” You wait for his reaction. Nothing. “Where should I change?”</p><p>“Here is fine, isn’t it?” He’s really going to make you do this, isn’t he?</p><p>“It’s just a bit embarrassing…” You turn around when you reluctantly unbutton your shirt, not that you can preserve your modesty much, but you’ll at least try. </p><p>When you turn around to reach for the dress you see Kanato looking at you with a blank face and big, unblinking eyes. You grab the dress, careful not to damage it, and turn around again to put it on. There’s a full length mirror on the other side of the room, right next to one of his wardrobes, which you only realize now is giving Kanato a complete look at you while you change. This is… fine… right...? </p><p>After you pull the dress over your head you finally remove your pants and look in the mirror. Surprisingly it fits pretty well on top, something you’re not used to at all with these kinds of dresses. Unfortunately the bottom doesn’t flare out much at all despite the amount of material. You can see a more fashionable person than you wearing this, but it doesn’t quite go with the aesthetic Kanato has going.</p><p>“You forgot the petticoat.” He says, dragging you toward the mirror and opens the wardrobe, pulling out one of many huge, fluffy skirts meant to shape these kinds of dresses. How could you forget something you didn’t even know about? Peeking into the wardrobe you see several more dresses in different styles yet equal floof. It’s like something out of a fashion vlog.</p><p>You put on the underskirt and the dress comes together, actually fitting and flattering you to your increasing surprise.</p><p>“Cute…” he smiles and you blush. You actually <em> feel </em> kind of cute for once.<br/><br/>“Thanks! It’s only cuz of your good taste, though. Normally these kinds of dresses look awful on me.”<br/><br/>“I know, that’s why I had it custom made.”<br/><br/>“You… what?” Shit, how do you backpedal from such a rude question?</p><p>“I had it custom made since you look so ugly in everything else I have.”</p><p>“That hurts… even though it’s true...” you laugh it off. You no longer feel so cute.</p><p>“You’re not done yet, let me take care of this.” He gestures at… all of you. What was that compliment for, then?</p><p>Kanato starts combing through your rather unkempt hair and arranges it neatly, before placing a thick, lacy headband on your head. Now you fit in with the rest of his room.</p><p>“Good,” he smiles, glowing with praise. Your heart can’t take much more of this. You try not to blink so you don’t disturb the moisture gathering in your eyes. “Now let’s have tea.”<br/><br/>“Thank you for all of this,” you smile easily without meaning to, “will the other guests be drinking too?”</p><p>“What other guests? Those are toys, are you stupid?” He asks.</p><p>“Maybe just a bit.” You laugh and pour tea for him, then Teddy, then yourself. </p><p>Kanato takes a sip of tea and you pray it’s not cold. He seems satisfied and you take a sip from your cup. Not the ideal temperature according to Reiji, but still nice and hot. </p><p>“The sweets in the fridge are running low, when are you making more?”</p><p>“Ah, I didn’t realize. I’ll make more tomorrow morning.”</p><p>“You need to be more aware of these things.”</p><p>“You’re right, I’m just a bit empty headed. Thanks for reminding me. Is there anything in particular you want me to make?”</p><p>“This is exactly what I mean!” You flinch for a moment when you think he’s about to slam his hand on the table, but reaches for a cup of chocolate custard instead. “You should be able to anticipate my tastes!”</p><p>“Well… I know what you usually like, always sweets, for flavor usually fruits like apples, raspberries, and strawberries, as well as more simple chocolate and vanilla. For chocolate, you like it especially rich, milk and white but never dark, and for vanilla you like creamy and smooth textures. You’re willing to eat more bitter things, like a matcha swiss roll, but only if it’s paired with a sweet buttercream. Matcha tea itself is something you’d never drink.”</p><p>Kanato is silent for a second, looking at you with a blank face. You smile at him, looking for anger, aggression, any sign of danger, but don’t see it. He’s tense, but not shaking. More like he’s frozen and doesn’t know how or what to respond.</p><p>“I-I’d just like to know if you’d like anything specific. If there isn’t, I’ll just default to whatever looks best when I’m buying supplies.” You flash a bigger smile and close your eyes for a second. You’re not sure if you’re allowed to look directly at him, so you look into your cup of sweet black tea, smelling the light notes of apple. You reach for a sweet, cutting yourself a small square of dark chocolate gateau, probably too bitter for Kanato, and take a bite with your fork.   </p><p>“Why do you keep acting like this?” He asks in a small voice. You pity him for a few moments too long before having to remind yourself what he’s capable of.</p><p>“I’m just a bit empty headed, that’s all. I really am trying to be better. Sorry for all the trouble…”</p><p>“That’s not what I mean!” Kanato stands up. You flinch at the change of tone, and your heart skips a beat when you almost spill your tea. It’s best to put the cup and fork down for now.</p><p>“Stop acting like you care about me!” He stabs his fork into the table, plates and teacups clatter from the impact, and the wood around the fork splinters. He tries to take it out, but it’s stuck. Your entire body tenses up as you fight the urge to cower away.</p><p>“Isn’t it only natural that I care about you and pay attention to your tastes?” You ask and hope he doesn’t ask for clarifications.</p><p>He slowly walks around the table towards you, pulling out your chair so you face him. You’re cornered in by his imposing form and the arms of the chair. You look up to him with a curious face and tilt your head, keeping your face as close to innocent as possible. If he looks into your eyes and sees the full extent of your fear, will he feel like he's been betrayed? That your concern for him has only been a lie for the sake of self preservation?</p><p>Kanato places his hand on the now exposed side of your neck and presses his thumb roughly against your pulse. You can feel the blood in your veins racing against the pressure of his touch. Bright red stains of blood start to blossom on the bandage around your wrist. Kanato’s nose twitches as he notices the scent and his violet eyes darken. He bends down so his face is the only thing in your field of vision.<br/><br/>“Can you really say you care about someone who fills you with this much fear?” He’s grinning ear to ear with big, excited eyes and exposed fangs. Even like this, those eyes seem so empty.</p><p>“Yeah,” you smile with a chuckle. Sometimes when you’re afraid all you can do is laugh. “I guess I can!” You give him another closed-eyed smile and lean forward so your forehead touches his. An affectionate gesture you felt was the right move in the moment, but now feels absolutely absurd. </p><p>He jumps back and the hold he has on your neck tightens, cutting off your airway. Through your blurred and teary vision you see a look of shock in his big eyes, and maybe something akin to horror. With a shaking hand he takes the knife you used to cut the cake earlier and licks off the remaining crumbs and frosting while maintaining eye contact. His grip tightens even more and spots of black fade in and out of your vision. Something red drips down the cleaned knife.</p><p>He lets go of your neck and you gasp for breath.</p><p>“Thanks for letting go!” You chirp, rubbing your neck once you’ve barely recovered. He, however, is shaking and staring at you, holding a knife. You’re still trapped between him and the chair. He’s still looking directly into your eyes with that look of shock and horror. You’re not sure what move to make and take a chance.</p><p>“How about you cut us some strawberry shortcake next?” </p><p>He’s still for a moment. You try to relax your body, whatever he does next will hurt less if you don’t carry so much tension.</p><p>Suddenly his face is buried into the crook of your neck, and the tip of the knife is pressed against your collarbone, threatening to break the skin with even the slightest pressure of a too-deep breath. He’s shaking, clutching your shoulder with his free hand, and making a shuddering sound like a sob. With trembling hands you reach to pat his head. He cuddles closer and you make the move to rub his back. You try to think of something less condescending than “it’s okay” that gives the same kind of reassurance. Unable to find the words, you lean down to kiss his forehead. His tears begin to wet your skin. You sigh, believing the worst of this is over.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He screeches, so loud it sends your ears ringing. The tip of the knife drives into your collarbone, between your flinch when he started screaming and the added force of him driving it into your flesh, you’re not sure which caused the initial piercing. He swipes the knife to the side, cutting you deep, but at least not driving it in any deeper, and flings it off somewhere in his room. It hurts terribly, the combined harsh sting of a fine cut and the throbbing pain of a deep wound. You can’t find your voice to apologize or reassure him, only able to smile at him with teary eyes.</p><p>His eyes meet yours and his fury grows, grabbing your bruised and bandaged wrist with a crushing pressure, you can feel the warm blood start to ooze out as the wound opens more, and every ounce of force rings throughout your entire arm. You clench your teeth and try to maintain your smile, now more of a grimace, as you hold back the cry of pain you so desperately want to let out. </p><p>“You’re afraid, good…” he whispers, leaning down to your ear. He moves to your chest, licking up the blood spilling from your collarbone to your breast, paying attention to each red rivulet, starting with a sucking kiss at the base of each drop and traveling up to their origin at your wound. He’s so tender, acting like your blood is some precious, sweet syrup that he’s content to savor, that you think you can turn your attention to this instead of the horrific pain and possibly irreparable damage he may end up doing to your arm. </p><p>Once the blood spilt by his knife is cleared away, Kanato licks and kisses your wound until the blood flow slows to an ooze, and loosens his grip on your wrist. You try to move your fingers, but as Kanato is blocking your view and the only sensation you feel in your hand is a harsh, pulsating pain, you can only hope they can still move.</p><p>Kanato wipes his thumb against your wound, gathering the remaining blood, and smears it on your lips.</p><p>“Perfect… this was exactly what this outfit needed…” He purrs with a reverent look and slightly hooded eyes. The hand that isn’t crushing you reaches up to cup your cheek and he molds his lips against yours, pressing against them tenderly, amorously, despite the fact you’re incapable of reciprocating, only capable of breathing heavy and shaking with fear. He draws back with a delirious smile, lips painted red with your blood.</p><p>He kisses you again, squeezing your jaw, trying to gain entrance to your mouth, but you clench your teeth and hold your ground. He hums, disappointed, and applies a bruising force that pries your jaw open. He thrusts his tongue into your mouth and moans while you’re unable to hold back your fearful, pained whimpers any longer. He caresses your tongue with his, trying to coax the right reaction out of you, but all you can manage is a miserable sob.</p><p>He draws back again, hooded eyes now squinting with rage, and that bruising force threatening to break bones.</p><p>“Why aren’t you enjoying this?!” His grips on your face and wrist increase, too much for you to handle and you cry out. Your vision is hazy,. It's been for some time but you're only realizing it now.</p><p>After a moment his eyes uncloud, just slightly, and he loosens his grip on your jaw, perhaps coming to the realization that you couldn’t speak like that. Even with full control over your mouth, you can’t find the right words. You open your mouth, but it feels too foreign to you. All you can do is whisper, “...sorry.”</p><p>Kanato is shaking again, tears pouring down his face and doing nothing to hold back his sobs.</p><p>“Get out!”</p><p>“I’m… sorry…”</p><p>“Get out!” </p><p>He flings you from the chair, towards the door. You try to open it with your good hand, but you’re too slow for him. He storms over, opens the door, and pushes you out before slamming the door shut.</p><p> </p><p>You land on your hands and knees, and your bandaged hand gives out from under you. You struggle to stand up, eventually you’re able to stand on wobbling legs, using the wall to keep your balance. Somehow your dizzy head can remember where your room is and you slowly limp towards it. You look down at your wrist and the bloody bandage. At least you didn’t stain the dress.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Soap and Gauze</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Does this count as aftercare?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Consent is sexy, but it's also like the bare minimum.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s taking too long for you to reach your room. Your blurred vision and the maze of halls and doors you never realized was so complicated are messing with your sense of direction. For a moment you see someone open a door, step out, then go back in and close it again. Unable to lift your head, you were unable to see anything other than their socks, some color muddied by the surroundings melting into it. You stumble forward once, twice, but now your muscles are straining, burning, so hot it feels like if you push them any more they’ll sear and separate from your flesh. You close your eyes and rest, just for a moment, to recover before continuing. You’re lost in the darkness beneath your eyelids for a second too long and feel your head dip down, then your legs give out from under you.</p><p>You land on the floor. You’re fine with this. In a second you’ll recover enough strength to get up and move again. You’ll have to change and return the dress to Kanato, won’t you? And you’ve put off cleaning for a few days, there’s still so much to do. But for now, you’ll close your eyes and rest, just for a moment.</p><p><br/>You’re being carried by someone, princess style, and your weak legs bounce with each step. They’re walking so fast it’s making you tired. You try to struggle out of their grasp, you can still walk, you were only resting, just for a moment, there’s no need for this. The person opens a door, yours, and places you on the bed, so soft... You drift into sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Now you’re sitting, propped up by pillows, and something is being poured into your mouth. Bitter and sour. Too bitter, too sour, you try to spit it out but their hand shoves your jaw shut and pinches your nose, you’re forced to swallow. They wipe the spilt liquid from your chin and give you something else. Lighter, flavorless, refreshing. You manage to lift your heavy eyelids, just barely.</p><p>The dark colors, straight posture, you try to say Reiji’s name but it comes out as barely a whisper.</p><p>“Good, you’re awake.” He cups your chin and tilts your face up to him. After a few blinks you’re able to open your eyes fully.</p><p>You try to ask what happened, with your scratchy voice and dried out lips, but he gently hushes you.</p><p>“Drink this first, it will make things easier,” he lifts the glass of water to your lips and you drink. You reach your good hand up to it, but you start to feel pins and needles when you raise it too high. </p><p>“Please let me take care of this, you aren’t in any state to be moving.” He pours more water into your mouth, which you swallow as greedily as you can manage.</p><p>You ask what happened again, missing words but getting the point across. Reiji sighs and pushes up his glasses.</p><p>“You were found like this in the hallway. You seemed to have been wandering for a while before collapsing.”</p><p>“I see… thanks... for…”</p><p>“Hush now, you needn’t speak until you recover your strength.”</p><p>You don’t argue with this, you’re struggling to understand his words, forming your own is just more work.</p><p>“You’ve lost a large amount of blood. If you’re willing, will you try drinking this again?” He lifts a glass of a deep red liquid, the one he fed you before. “Don’t worry, it’s only cranberry juice.” He adds, not that you would mistake it for blood. You try to nod your head “yes”, but after lowering your chin it takes longer than expected to raise it again. </p><p>He helps you drink the juice, careful not to spill a drop. You’re glad it doesn’t stain the dress, you’ll need to return it to Kanato later. Slowly, the cup starts to empty and he takes it from your lips.</p><p>“Now, would you like to go to sleep or should I prepare a bath first?”</p><p>“A bath… sounds nice…” you start to regain your voice. </p><p>Reiji nods and leaves.</p><p>You try to clench and unclench your good hand. It feels strange, numb, but it’s possible. You try it with your injured hand. You have to fight against the heavy, dull pain in your wrist and are unable to exercise a full range of motion before hitting the wall of stinging pain and a gush of blood from your bruised wrist, but at least your palm and fingers can still move. The moment you try to rotate your wrist you’re hit by the pain again, like you’re stretching it far beyond what’s possible and the tendons, skin, and muscles are threatening to rip apart. You feel the strain up your arm, into your elbow, but no further. You flex your bicep to test it, completely fine aside from the residual tension shooting ripples of pain through your forearm down to your hand. </p><p>You look down at the wound on your collarbone, when you move your shoulders you can feel your skin tug at the bandage neatly taped in place, but it’s so high up you can’t see it. Your lips are so dry you can taste blood. </p><p>Reiji’s standing before you now, wearing a bathrobe, and looking at you with a softer than neutral expression. </p><p>“You look like a doll…” he says with a tone you wish betrayed some kind of emotion. He walks up to you, tenderly caressing your injured wrist before sitting down and tracing the skin above your dress’s neckline, pressing against the softness of your breast, before following the line of your arm down to your uninjured wrist and holding your hand. He brings it to his lips easily due to the limpness of your body, and presses a kiss to your palm before he starts undressing you with expertise you should’ve expected.</p><p>He places you in the tub and gets in behind you, acting as a support so you can sit up. Your wounds are elevated and dry, and you lose yourself in the warm water and gentle scents he has chosen. Something earthy, herbal, that feels energizing against your skin. You find the strength in yourself to be able to readjust your legs and straighten out your back.</p><p>“This feels nice,” you hum with a renewed speaking ability. “Did you put something in the water?”</p><p>“Some medical herbs to help your recovery, ease your pain, and increase circulation. Most of your recovery will have to be done through rest, nutrition, and hydration. For now, just relax.”</p><p>“Thanks for this,” you relax against him, feeling each inhale and exhale of his chest and the way his soft breath blows against your hair. </p><p>“When you’re done I’ll change your bandages and add a poultice, and when you’re ready, you’ll tell me what happened, won’t you?” His hand travels up your body to your chest, below your wound. He squeezes the top of your breast and pushes it upwards so it disturbs the healing flesh of your wound. You flinch away from the stinging pain his gentle touch delivered.</p><p>“I-I’ll tell you, please stop,” you twist away from his hand, fully aware he could’ve kept going if he truly wanted to.</p><p>“I got cut during a tea party with Kanato… He kissed me, too, but I resisted, which is part of the reason he threw me out. I’m not sure about the rest of what was going on… Sorry, I should have done more to fight back…” you uncomfortably confess, unwilling to talk about what happened but obligated to do so.</p><p>“You <em> should </em> have fought back more, he is easily the weakest of us. Even if you are so weak that he can completely overpower you in this way, were you unable to call for me? Did I not make it clear that I would appear by your side if you needed help, so long as you call my name?”</p><p>The memory of that had completely slipped your mind till now, drowned in the memory of the “training” he put you through as part of his promise of protection. All you can remember is a terrible, delirious pain and waking up in a bath similar to the one you’re in now, with your back covered in deep welts carved by his whip. The fog over your brain keeps you from thinking any more on the significance of that.</p><p>“Sorry, it’s all so fuzzy, all I remember is how much your training hurt,” you try to laugh it off.</p><p>“Should we try it again, to refresh your memory?” His arm snakes around your waist.</p><p>“No!” you thrash, trying but unable to escape his grip. Your bandaged wrist falls into the tub and you cry out as the warm water invades your hypersensitive wound. </p><p>You catch yourself and are filled with shame over your reaction.  Reiji silently looks down at you, still holding you close. After a moment he speaks again.</p><p>“Was it truly so terrible?” He mutters against your ear.</p><p>“I-I don’t know, I’m just so tired of being in pain...” You shudder and stare blankly ahead, paying attention to his breathing and not the wet bandages and pulsing wrist you’ve repositioned on the edge of the tub.</p><p>“Isn’t the pain so much more <em> delicious </em> when <em> I </em> am the one delivering it?” He whispers into your ear again, something dark and hungry lacing his voice.</p><p>“It’s… more tolerable, but still not something I enjoy at all. It hurts too much.” You try to relax your hand, the tension only makes it worse.</p><p>“Hmm,” he hums against your neck, disappointed. “If that’s the case, there are other ways to make you call my name…” His fangs ghost against your neck too close to your racing pulse.</p><p>“But then again, feeding from you now could be dangerous to your health…”</p><p>You sigh in relief.</p><p>“If it weren’t for last night I would have you calling my name in ecstasy again…” your face flushes when you hear his smug, satisfied smirk through his darkened tone.</p><p>“Would you like that? This restriction was placed by you and you alone…” his voice drops and he begins to caress you, searching for your most sensitive parts.</p><p>“T-there’s no way I could stay conscious if we do it when I’m like this…” you can’t help but lean in to his touch despite your awareness.</p><p>“Of course…” he wraps his arms around your waist again. Missing the stimulation, you put your good hand on his arm and snuggle closer, turning your head to kiss him.</p><p>“Once I recover, I’ll do whatever you want,” you were too caught up in the moment to think through your dangerous promise and instantly regret it. “Within reason.” You add after a pause. Reiji chuckles.</p><p>“I <em> will </em> hold you to it. Prepare yourself.”</p><p><em> Within reason </em> , you repeat to yourself, <em> within reason </em>.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You wake the next night to see Reiji next to you, holding your bandaged wrist in a way that might be described as delicately had it not hurt so horribly, and examining your hand. You shift under the blankets as you get ready to spend another ten minutes, and maybe ten minutes after that, still in bed. He looks over to you with a drowsy, sad-eyed smile. </p><p>“Even at my worst, I would never hurt you this badly,” he sighs.</p><p>“He crushed it,” you mutter and pull up the blanket, chilly from the morning air.</p><p>“Only a sprain, aside from the bite and bruise. You will make a full recovery, but it may leave a rather disagreeable scar.”</p><p>“Will you hate me if it scars?” You curse your lack of filters after waking. You’re slipping.</p><p>Reiji pauses for a moment. You open your eyes and see him looking at you again with those sad eyes, sans smile. </p><p>“Do you truly see me as such a shallow person?” He looks disappointed.</p><p>“I don’t know. I don’t know how you see me.”</p><p>He sighs and kisses your hand, gently but hard enough to make you wince as the pain shoots through your arm. He carefully places it beside you and pulls you into a hug.</p><p>“In time, you’ll realize.” He sighs, still looking at you with those eyes, refusing to actually tell you how he feels. Why is it so painful to see him like this?</p><p>“I miss you when you’re at work.” you confess. As embarrassing as it was, you manage to make his eyes go wide. At least this is a preferable look. “I know you have to, and I’m really proud of you for being the only person here with an actual job, but even with everyone else, I get so lonely.” You fight the urge to cuddle against him until he initiates it himself by pulling you closer.</p><p>“Tomorrow I’ll take the day off, to oversee your recovery.”</p><p>“Thanks… sorry for the trouble.”</p><p>“It is no trouble at all. I’m glad you’re being honest.”</p><p>You wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in his chest.</p><p>“What is your job, anyway?” You ask, too embarrassed  to continue down that topic.</p><p>“You get so confused each time I answer… To put it in words you may be able to comprehend, I oversee several branches of my father’s company that focus on pharmaceuticals.”</p><p>“That sounds cool, are you working on anything interesting?”</p><p>“To be honest I am thoroughly disinterested by the flawed and primitive research methods of human scientists. All I can do per our promise to not heavily interfere with human scientific development is hint at the proper methods to pursue. Having to hold back so much that I know, while they continue to be completely wrong, is… tiresome.” He sighs. You can relate.</p><p>“Is that why you’re in your lab so much?”</p><p>“There is something else I am pursuing, though I do take joy in the stimulation I get from treading new ground with my research. Yes, perhaps once I succeed I will tell you more.”</p><p>“Can you at least tell me what you’re working on?”</p><p>“No, not yet. Even if you understand I doubt you would approve.”</p><p>“I’ll try not to think too much about it, then.”</p><p>“Wonderful.” He kisses your head and combs his fingers through your hair. “On that note, there is something else I have been considering for a while now.”</p><p>“Oh? Can you tell me about this one?”</p><p>“Certainly, since it may involve you should you agree.”</p><p>“Then tell me, won’t you?” you playfully nudge his shoulder.</p><p>He gives a short chuckle. “It has been on my mind for quite some time, but moreso after you made clear your interest in leaving, and even more after I discovered your reason.” </p><p>You frown at his misunderstanding. “I wasn’t planning on leaving…”</p><p>“Of course, of course,” he brushes it off. “But in case you were, we could live somewhere else together, leave these brats to fend for themselves. Would you like that?” You feel him smile against you.</p><p>“Maybe… so long as we can visit from time to time. I’d worry about them.” While partially true, you also don’t want to be removed from your sources of information on Reiji or Yui Komori. Even more, the image of Subaru tracking you down and destroying whatever house or apartment you move to immediately came into your mind.</p><p>“Why do you care about them so much?” Reiji traces your bandaged collarbone with his graceful fingers, brushing lightly against the skin surrounding the bandage itself.</p><p>“They’re your family, they’re important to you, so they're important to me, too.” You’re not sure where you’re getting this from.</p><p>“Perhaps we will visit on weekends…”</p><p>“That sounds perfect.” You hum against his chest, not wanting to explore the topic more. Reiji may not be perfect, but at least you know what to expect from him, right? No, you’re in danger around him barely any less than the others. And away from the mansion, there won’t be any Subaru there to save you in a misguided attempt to repent for whatever blame for his mother’s situation he unjustly assigns to himself.</p><p>“Of course, the only reason I’ve stayed here so long is due to my father’s request that I take care of the others. When whatever he is planning is finished, then perhaps we can leave together…”</p><p>“I’d like that… this way we have more time to teach the others to take care of themselves…”</p><p>The hand entwined in your hair harshly grabs a handful and tugs at the roots. You move your head backward to lessen the tension, and he jerks your head further back so you see his cold expression.</p><p>“I’d advise you not to think so much on other men while in the bed we share.”</p><p>“Sorry about that… they just depend so much on you…”</p><p>“Now tell me,” he tugs your hair again, making your neck stretch back, pulling on the skin of your barely healed cut. “Why do you care about them so much more than me?”</p><p>“W-what are you talking about?” You gasp against the pain. “If I cared about them so much, then why would I be so willing to devote myself to you?” </p><p>Reiji scrutinizes your face for any signs of betrayal and your blood runs cold under his icy gaze.</p><p>“You were the one who was able to break the curse, remember? My heart belongs to you!”</p><p>You internally wince at such a cheesy line, but he seems satisfied and relaxes his grip, moving his hand instead to tenderly cup your cheek.</p><p>“Yes, you belong to me…” he smiles, too thrilled, too possessive, threatening to change the mood of this encounter into something you don't think you could endure.</p><p>“Yeah, I belong to you, whether you like it or not.” You smile and bring your hand up to his, cuddling closer and pressing a chaste kiss to his palm, trying to keep things as close to light and wholesome as possible. He gazes at you, pleased, almost lovingly, and pulls you against his chest again, willing to let you rest for a few more minutes before getting ready for the day.</p><p>A troublesome thought passes through your mind, of Subaru ambushing you and drinking your blood shortly after you were cursed, before his strange obsession developed, or at least was revealed to you. If Reiji had decided to leave you to rot, would Subaru have been able to break the curse? You push the thought from your head. Relatively safe in Reiji’s arms, you try to think only of him. Even if it hurts, isn’t it the closest thing to love you have?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Laundry Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chores are annoying.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There’s someone in the garden again. You see him through the suds as you clean the dusty glass of the window. Scrubbing at the glass harder you can tell he resembles the man from before, but since you didn’t get a good look earlier you can’t confirm it. </p><p>“Huh, who could that be?” Laito murmurs, far too close, looking over your shoulder. </p><p>“You see him too?”</p><p>“Yeah, do you know him?”</p><p>“No, do you?”</p><p>“He looks familiar, but I’m not sure…”</p><p>You realize that through the dirty window the man can’t see you, and this is your chance to catch him. Normally it would be dangerous, considering the kinds of people that have been appearing in your life lately, but if you can rope Laito into joining you, you might be able to survive the encounter and figure out what’s going on. </p><p>“Can you come with me to go talk to him?”</p><p>“Trying to start an affair with a tall, dark, stranger when you already have my dear, bespectacled brother? How scandalous...” </p><p>“Knock it off, I’ve seen him lurking around here before. Will you <em> please </em> give me a hand with this?”</p><p>“I’m always willing to lend my hand to you... But I’ll need more details…” he whispers, leaning closer. </p><p>You brush him off. “I’ll do the talking, just come with me as backup.”</p><p>He leans close again, batting your hand away when you try to brush him off this time. “And what do I get in return?” </p><p>Laito’s pressing against your back, you stumble forward and he wraps his arms around you, keeping you in place. Suddenly he’s close, too close, breathing and giggling in your ear, making lewder sounds to get a rise out of you. You close your eyes, sigh, and try to stay calm, casual. </p><p>“I’ll make you look good next time you bring a girl over.”</p><p>“You’re missing the point of this, aren’t you Bitch-chan~?” he whispers in your ear, dark and heavy. </p><p>“Aren’t you the one trying to change the subject? Just come with me before he gets away, we can discuss this later.” Your trick to sounding convincingly bored in these situations is to separate yourself from your body, ignore what’s happening, and focus on the words alone. The pressure of his body against yours, the sound of his panting breaths, and the feeling of his chin against your shoulder, threatening to rest on your bandaged collarbone, are making it difficult to maintain this separation. Everything in his being is keeping you horribly focused on the here and now. </p><p><em> “You don’t need to speak with him.” </em> He says in a voice that hardly sounds like his own, just for a moment. “I think I remember where I know him from now… if you’re a good girl for me, I’ll tell you all you need to know~” He’s inching closer, you realize he has you trapped. Just keep ignoring whatever tone he’s trying to set and it’ll be fine. Something like that. He’ll get bored and give up. </p><p>“Though I’d like to take my time, it can be quick if that’s what you’re into… Or I could draw it out, take your mind off such silly, ugly things….” he sighs and tilts his head. His blushing cheek is warm against yours. “Play nice and I’ll tell you something good~” he whispers slowly, breathily, directly in your ear. </p><p>Though it isn’t much worse than usual, you find yourself thrashing in his arms trying to get away. He holds you tighter, grinning against your neck. You hear him say something but can’t make out the words, drowned out by the echoing sounds of your pounding heartbeat. All that’s going through your head is “<em> get out get out get out”, </em>or at least the instinct of it since you can’t find the words, any words, for anything, at all. Nothing he said, nothing that he could possibly say, could ever justify what happened, what could happen, what's happening. You can feel your pulse through your entire body, throbbing painfully, numbing you. He says something again that you can’t hear, concerned, maybe. You struggle harder, which part of the act is concern? He’s whispering something, the way you whisper to a cat that got startled and is hiding under a couch. Disgusting. You struggle in empty air after he lets you go and backs away, and you fall against the window, sliding down the wall and crumpling against the floor. </p><p>When did your breathing get so heavy? You sit on the floor, leaning against the wall, hugging your knees until you calm down and stop shaking. When did it get so cold, when did you get so tired, can you take a nap now, right here?</p><p>Someone calls your name. It’s Laito, it’s been Laito. Who were you expecting? </p><p>You shake your head, collect yourself, and jump to your feet, trying to seem energetic but in your mind coming across as more clumsy and dorky than anything. Hopefully he wasn’t paying attention. Your heart is still racing after whatever happened, so fast you can almost feel that it's made out of fragile flesh and tissue, convulsing in your chest, capable of shorting out and skipping beats if this continues. Rationally, you know it can't pop, but you're still terrified it may.</p><p>“Sorry about that!” You apologize with a smile so big and cheesy it forces your watery eyes closed. There’s no way to make the situation less awkward, the best thing to do is make it something to laugh at. </p><p>“Do you really hate me so much…?” Laito asks, in that serious tone again, detached and empty, looking in your direction but focusing on something out that opened window. </p><p>You shiver again and hug yourself, following his gaze out the window but keeping your body facing his. The man isn’t there anymore. You lost your chance. </p><p>“No one likes being forced into that kind of situation, ya know.” With a light, almost teasing tone you say the most obvious explanation. It feels terribly wrong.</p><p>“Hmmmph…” he lets out a long sigh and approaches you, reaching out and gripping your chin so you look at him. Your shaking eyes focus on the corner where the hallway turns, anything but him. “You won’t hate me if you give me a chance…” he leans in and parts his lips, but let’s you slip away when you take a step back, away from him. </p><p>“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” It’s too cold, maybe since you’re so close to the window, maybe it’s just you. You rub your arms. “Every time I try to talk to you like an actual person, you…” You can’t stop shivering, hands feel numb, you curl your fingers to your palms to keep them just a little bit warmer. “You keep acting like that and pushing me away. If you hate me so much just act like it. This is just annoying.” You huff. It’s too cold for damage control. </p><p>“Oh? So you <em> do </em> like me~” he slinks over to you, and you shrink away as his arm wraps around your shoulders. “I won’t push you away anymore, Bitch-chan, so be good for me…” Your words had no effect. The thought of calling for Reiji comes to your mind, but even if his familiar gets the message to him, is he too far away to get here in time to help? You’ve gotten yourself out of worse situations before. Even if you end up hating yourself more, everything, even this, has to end eventually. If things get bad enough you can always just wait for it to finish. It’s so easy, how weak are you to be troubled by it?</p><p>You push Laito away to no effect at first, but he sighs and lets you go after letting you struggle out of his grip for a while. When you realize you’re free  you’re met with such a disappointed face you almost wish you just let him do whatever, until you remember your own disgust. He grabs your wrist, the unbandaged one, and raises it to his face, returning to his teasing persona with an exaggerated pout and sad eyes. </p><p>“Bitch-chan…” he whines, “you’re such a little fool.” his voice drops and his fangs hover over your wrist, dipping down to press against the center vein.</p><p>You accept it. Laito looks up at you with a sultry and treacherous smirk, pressing his fangs slowly against you so you can fully appreciate their sharpness against your sensitive skin. If he’s going to do it, can’t he just get it over with quickly? All things pass, this too, but you just want it to be over now. It’s tiring, and you’re <em> so </em> cold. You still need to bring in the laundry.</p><p>Perhaps your dull expression of contempt, boredom, and acceptance is what makes him lose his appetite. He sighs again with that disappointed face and looks up at you again with a frown. He drops your hand unceremoniously and disappears down the hall, leaving you shivering by the window next to a bucket of soapy water. You crouch to the ground, close to the wall, holding yourself for a moment before moving on. It frustrates you, how long it takes to finish cleaning those windows.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The laundry billows in the wind, strung up and pinned against the backdrop of the dark, starry sky. You’ve always loved the look of clean white sheets drying outside. Even though you’re supposed to hang them in the sun, to let the UV rays disinfect them, this lifestyle doesn’t let you spend much time in daylight. Drying laundry outside is more of an indulgence for you now than anything else. You watch the lacy white dress and petticoat flutter in the pale moonlight, reflecting the slightest ethereal glow as if it was a ghost. The ghost of a beautiful woman who met a tragic end on these grounds… it’s likely several already exist. If you count as beautiful maybe you’ll join them one day. You aren’t quite sure what the criteria are. Without a doubt, that dress is beautiful, but looking at it reminds you of such ugly things. Maybe beauty isn’t such a good thing after all. Maybe the ranks of ugly ghost women is where you’ll find your home soon. </p><p>Yui Komori, the only one who made it out okay, was a special case. You’ve already lasted much longer than average in this home, and have somehow already managed to escape certain death, as well as so, <em> so </em> many near death experiences. Maybe your luck is running out. However much a person is given in a lifetime, you’re burning through it fast. You wonder how much of it was spent on the cost of getting Reiji to be fond of you. If you’re given a certain amount of luck in life, and your life ends when your luck runs out, you think you’d be satisfied turning it all in in exchange for Reiji genuinely falling in love with you, even if it's just for a moment. Everything you’ve been through, every terrible thing, maybe you’d be able to see it as worth it, or incidental, if you could just be known, loved, and appreciated by one person. </p><p>It’s a childish thought. You’re not even entirely sure if what you feel is love. You’re almost certain it’s not. It’s a desperate attachment because there isn’t anything else for you to cling to. If it wasn’t him, would you have attached yourself to anyone else so easily? You already had feelings for him before he cured you, but could you have easily abandoned them if Subaru were more assertive? Instead of submitting to Reiji and being his toy or pet or… whatever he sees you as, would you be playing substitute-mom/anger management counselor to Subaru right now in another world? A yes-man to Ayato? A doll and pastry chef for Kanato? Though you can see yourself in those scenarios, with Reiji it’s just so much more endurable. If you met him as equals, while he’s putting on the front of being human, your crush could’ve led to a friendship, then a relationship, and you’d break down his walls slowly, over time until he revealed he was a vampire, and you would’ve accepted him, and he’d accept you with all your ugly faults. It would be so, <em> so </em> much less painful.</p><p>But that’s not the kind of person he is, and he wouldn’t have fallen in love with a lazy foreigner who speaks like an overly casual dork. All the shared hobbies you have you’ve learned from him. All the chances you’ve had to grow close to him are the aftermath of being terrorized. If you met under different circumstances you’d surely have feelings for him, so elegant and polite, yet so snarky and passionate despite his shallow attempts to hide it. He’d still be a jerk, but wouldn’t be able to go too far or harm you under the protection of social obligations, and his moments of kindness would just seem more meaningful. An unrequited crush is all it would amount to. Unless he sees your infatuation and takes advantage of it… then what? Would he steal you away to the mansion and keep you as he does now? At least since the reason you’re here now isn’t because of him, you can pretend that being with him was your own choice and not something inflicted on you. Even if it was inflicted, however, at least it was him and not someone else. As long as it’s Reiji it’s fine. </p><p>Whatever this is, it’s incredibly close to love on your end. It’s heartbreaking that you might feel such a pure emotion for someone who could never return it. Under different circumstances… he’d just be even further from returning it. If this is the best possible scenario for your relationship, it’s incredibly hopeless. You fold the last sheet and place it in the laundry basket, the lovely fabric flowing in the wind is gone and only heavy clothes are left. Folding them is just more work. Your arms are starting to get tired. You fall to your knees and watch that horrible, hideous dress flutter in the moonlight with it’s ghastly glow. How does it keep going like this?</p><p>You don’t want to be terrified of Kanato, you like him too much. You want to know him better. But he likes you too much, it seems, and not in the same way you do. It would feel life betrayal if your expectations weren’t so low. Maybe you’re getting somewhere, and this is the rock bottom the two of you will soon recover from. He couldn’t rationalize his feelings, but maybe he had some kind of breakthrough after what happened. Your hand rises up to your collarbone, over the bandage, and up to the bruises on your neck. Everything is numb from the cold. Maybe after this you’ll brew some tea, return the dress, and apologize. You don’t want to lose the chance of having an actual, genuine relationship with someone. Friendships can be just as fulfilling as a romance. You just need <em> something </em> warm in your life. Tea and love, green and black, platonic and romantic. </p><p>Something inside of you is pleading with you to say something about how you feel, but your actual self is aware that there’s no one you can speak to about this. Reiji will listen, but it will only trouble him at best, and at worse lead to you being punished for being ungrateful. You wish he’d rely on you more so you could rely on him as well. This kind of one sided relationship is far too lonely, no matter how close you become physically. Maybe to unlock emotional intimacy you’ll have to go through the physical side first, the opposite of how it’s normally done. The way things are going you’re starting to hate physical intimacy, but it’s still all you have. Your only way to be closer. So, for that dumb reason, you yearn for it, for the slightest chance of maybe having a normal relationship with Reiji. It’s better now than it used to be, but… you don’t understand each other at all. He talks about having an eternity to figure things out, but for now you’re mortal and wish he’d just open up to you more, yet you refuse to be any more open on your side out of fear of vulnerability.</p><p>“I’m… an idiot.” you sigh, looking up at the waning moon.</p><p>“What kind of shitty prayer is that?” Shuu’s lying on a bench not far from you, pointing out the strange position you're in. Was he here the entire time?</p><p>“Not a prayer, I’m just… being weird.” You shake it off and stand up, devoting yourself once more to folding and putting away the laundry.</p><p>“Just keep it down, you’re ruining my nap. If you want to keep me up so badly you’ll have to do something more than that pathetic comedy routine.”</p><p>“Got it, I’ll shut up.”</p><p>You turn away from him and continue your task, getting careless as you try to finish it quickly. You’re not in the mood to be around him, or anyone. You were supposed to bake sweets today but have put it off till now out of fear of confronting Kanato, now you might have to put it off even longer till tomorrow. All you have the energy for is watching some dumb anime you’ve seen a million times while drinking a cup of hot tea that goes cold in your hand before you take the first sip. You go inside to switch the full laundry basket for an empty one. </p><p> </p><p>When you return Shuu is sitting up, looking over a hedge into the garden. You follow his gaze to the man from before, even taller and more intimidating in person. Light brown hair tied back in a messy ponytail, and ferocious multi-colored eyes you can’t think of a way to describe without slipping into poetics. He doesn’t see you, focused on Shuu, and his gaze melts into something tender yet conflicted that pains you to watch. You’re frozen. Shuu looks like he wants to say something and starts to stand up.</p><p>The tall man’s eyes widen and he glances away. His eyes narrow when he notices you, standing there, slack-jawed, holding an empty laundry basket at your side. You have questions for him, so many, but words escape you. He looks back at Shuu, frowns, and says something you don’t hear before easily sinking into the darkness of the garden.</p><p>You run up to the hedge, looking out and searching the darkness for him, but don’t see anything.</p><p>“Shuu, do you know him?”</p><p>Shuu doesn’t say anything, staring shell-shocked in the direction the man disappeared into. Even with a vampire’s night vision, he must be impossible to find.</p><p>That man… is he after Shuu? What’s their relationship? Friends? Lovers? Past rivals? Even though their interaction was brief, there’s no way they could’ve been enemies. You’re intrigued, but you’re also reluctant to spend enough time with Shuu to figure out what happened. Asking Reiji about it will only end poorly.</p><p>Shuu doesn’t respond to you, and it feels cruel to press the issue further. He’s still recovering. You return to the laundry, folding the garments slowly and carefully as you’re carried away by theories of who that man is and what’s going on. Perhaps Shuu fell in love with a sacrificial bride, a serious relationship, to the point where her family knew and approved of their love, especially her older brother. Then something horrible happened, not his fault but he blamed himself for it, and she had to leave, stuck in a hospital he can’t visit. From time to time her brother sneaks onto the mansion’s grounds to update Shuu on her condition…</p><p>It’s completely nonsense, someone like Shuu is too cruel to have ever experienced such a tender emotion. A beautiful and tragic tale like that would never be associated with someone like him. Maybe you’re being too hard on him, you were never this harsh on him before… nevermind, nevermind, it’s best not to think about that now. You shake the thought from your head and tear one of Subaru’s many identical black shirts from the clothesline. The “snap” of the clips brings Shuu out of his shocked state and he slumps against the arm of the bench he’s laying down on. Before he has a chance to put his headphones back in you repeat your question.</p><p>“Shuu, do you know him?”</p><p>“Why are you so interested in other men? If you really want to know, why don’t you come here and-” he stops himself mid sentence when he sees you stiffen up and your eyes fill with tears.</p><p>“No, no, sorry about that, that was a mistake.” He shakes his head and looks down to the side, refusing to take in the sight of what he’s done to you. “An old friend, that’s all. Don’t be afraid of him, even if he seems kinda scary he’s still a good guy. Really loud, though.”</p><p>“T-thanks,” you turn away, not convinced of his apology, cautious of whatever his intentions are after what he started saying first. His words are his weapons. Whatever he tries to do, no matter what he holds over your head, you can refuse. Just finish up and get out of here.</p><p>“About before… I’m really sorry about that.”</p><p>You turn to look at him. He’s staring directly up at the sky. Saying words that don’t hold much weight, but it’s much scarier if you remember what happened every time you see him, so you try to forgive him anyway.</p><p>“It’s fine.” You chirp, offering a smile he doesn’t turn around to see.</p><p>He frowns with a sigh, then puts in his headphones and rolls over away from you. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t accept your forgiveness, you just want to stop having it weigh on you. Maybe if he’s haunted by his actions enough he’ll change. Being haunted by your own actions… just makes you lose your backbone. The difference is between him realizing the repercussions him abusing his power has on others and feeling regret, and you realizing how little power you have and feeling fearful and helpless. He needs to treat others with respect, and you need to stop ending up in those situations. If anyone deserves to have this weigh on them, it’s him and not you. Still, even with these thoughts, you can’t help but blame yourself. Something about this doesn't seem right.</p><p>It’s getting too cold for your taste. Shuu shivers on the bench so you throw one of his warmer sweaters at him. You tear the rest of the clothes off the line and throw them into the basket, you’ll fold them when you’re inside. Right now you need to be warmer, maybe make some tea and watch some tv, you can’t be where you are any longer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Laito's actually a super interesting, complex character in HDB, but we never really get to see much of it cuz in his route the heroine sort of just breaks down and submits to him instead of challenging him to be better. It's a horror game so it makes sense that they'd give us such a terrifying, hopeless scenario, but I really want to explore that side of him. Unfortunately I'm uncomfortable writing how lewd he constantly is and how dark he can potentially get for longer than a short scene, so as a shout out to the games I'm gonna have him show depth for like 2 seconds then forget all about it lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. angery boi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You should probably take some time off, just to be sad.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this chapter is short! This scene didn't really fit with the rest of what I've got planned for the next chapter, so I made it it's own thing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lacy underwear was never your style and you’re starting to regret that. If you were waiting for anyone else to get home and join you in the bed you share, plain panties and an oversized t-shirt would be perfectly sexy and cozy. Unfortunately you’re in some kind of partnership with a man far more refined than your average young adult, and you’re not sure your functional and normal underwear will prove titillating enough for your plan. Maybe he’s more of a lingerie guy. He’s definitely a whip guy, but seems to be leaving that out of the equation since the time he whipped you half to death. You’re not sure if you’re supposed to thank him for that, or if it’s just basic decency not to whip someone till they pass out. Maybe if it comes down to it, you could offer to let him whip you again to help achieve your goal. </p><p>You decide to wear just panties and one of Reiji’s shirts, something proven to affect him but not necessarily special. Too bad you don’t have someone to go shopping with, although lingerie shopping wasn’t really something you could have done with the kinds of friends you once had anyway. The thought of going lingerie shopping with any of the Sakamaki’s is just… It would end in someone calling the police, for sure. You sigh yet again as it’s hammered into your head that pretty things aren’t meant for you. Maybe that’s why your relationship with Reiji is so weird. He’s too pretty. Maybe if he got a bowl cut he’d love you. Maybe you’re so enamored by him that you’d find him gorgeous even with a bowl cut. You’re disgusting. </p><p>In front of your mirror, you undo the top and bottom few buttons of the shirt, trying to make yourself look appealing though your entire figure is hidden by the oversized shirt. This… probably isn’t very sexy.</p><p> You’re starting to put your clothes back on when you hear a knock on the door. Not the one that opens to the hall, but the door to the balcony. You ignore it at first, probably a prank, or one of the brothers trying to start something. You’re too tired to deal with them, that’s why you’ve locked yourself in your room half the night. </p><p>The knocking continues, a loud and thunderous knock you start to recognize. You run up to the door before he gets a chance to shatter the glass. </p><p>Subaru stands there, looking at you like a cat caught in the rain. It’s almost cute. You open the door, purposely trying it while knowing it’s locked, then fumbling around to unlock it, so that he gets a chance to cool his head before you let him in. You’ve lost a door to him far too recently and don’t want a repeat of that, not until at least another month passes. If you’re still alive by then.</p><p>“Subaru, what brings you by so late?” You greet him, pleasantly, casually, not the best choice for a cynical, angsty guy like him, but there’s still leeway and you can make a full recovery. </p><p>He storms into the room immediately and flings his arms around you. </p><p>If you tried to struggle free, would his white-knight characteristics kick in and he’d release you, or would his grumpy boi persona overpower it, making him just tighten his hold? You just stand there, frozen for a moment before realizing that he <em> isn’t </em>holding you horribly tightly for a nefarious purpose, and this is meant to be a comforting hug. You tentatively return the hug, adding a hearty and platonic pat on the back for good measure. </p><p>After a moment he starts to slump against you comfortably, calmly, and you lose your cautiousness. </p><p>“You okay?” You ask, giving him a comforting squeeze. Subaru trembles for a moment and you brace yourself. </p><p>“Idiot!” He growls through gritted teeth. “You’re…” he trails off and hisses at his own inability to speak. </p><p>“He’s taken you captive again.”</p><p>His uneven breaths tickle your ear and warn you that diffusing the situation will be more difficult than you have the energy to deal with. All you can do is delay him lashing out. </p><p>“I’m not a captive,” you give a calm, cooing tone to your whispering voice and caress him like you’re telling a child who broke an expensive vase that all that matters is that they didn’t get hurt. “Reiji and I talked things out. We’ve set boundaries. I’m perfectly safe.”</p><p>Subaru picks you up and throws you on your bed, and you’re not sure how you made such a big mistake this fast. You cringe away when he slides your shirt off your shoulder and bends over you, a hand beside your head and his face too close to your own. </p><p>“Did you get this while being <em> safe </em>?” His fingertips roll over your bandaged collarbone and move up to encircle your bruised neck. </p><p>“T-those are from Kanato, Reiji helped me after he found out…” you turn your head away from his heated gaze. </p><p>“Then why did I see Laito carrying you here with a bleeding neck the other day?”</p><p>“Laito? I don’t remember that… I fainted in the hall and woke up to Reiji treating my injuries.” Subaru’s face is getting closer to yours, or maybe you’re just getting more aware of him. It’s too much. You close your eyes and try to detach yourself from the situation. Just focus on talking, stalling, calming, getting out of this. The thing about Laito is something you’ll have to process later.</p><p>“What do you think that guy did to you while you were passed out?” His voice is obviously strained, holding back, but his uneven breathing has turned to gasps and sighs. He’s trembling above you and his face is flushed. Grimacing at his reaction would only cause problems so you try to hold it back. He doesn’t seem aware of how he's turned on by the thought of what happened to you, or may be he's just that deep in denial. Either way, and maybe for your own good, you ignore it.</p><p>“I don’t know and I don’t care. I ended up safe, and that’s what counts.” Subaru’s hand tightens around your neck, not enough to cut off your breathing but enough to make your bruises ache. </p><p>“Even now you’re not safe.” He settles more of his body weight on top of you. Right now, for sure, you don’t want to see the face he’s making to go with that darkened tone. </p><p>“Unfortunately, I trust you not to do anything icky.” You chuckle. <em> Lighten the mood, lighten the mood </em>. If he wants to see you vulnerable he won’t get to. </p><p>“Idiot!” He roars, too close to your ear, sits up, and slams your injured wrist down beside your head. You howl in pain as the feeling shoots up your entire hand and forearm. </p><p>Subaru’s eyes widen as he sees your other bandage, you look up to him and he’s shaking at the sight of the swollen, discolored flesh. It surprises you too, and you tentatively test your range of motion. It’s fine, it hurts and looks awful, but you can still move. He caresses your wrist and hand in a way that’s meant to be soothing but just exacerbates the pain. It doesn’t register to him when you try to move away, or maybe he doesn’t care. </p><p>Unable, or more like unwilling, to take it anymore, you look at him with the most pleading eyes you can muster. He doesn’t let go of your wrist, but stops his caress and you feel him stiffen up as he lets out the barest, stifled gasp. You don’t think you’ve made this kind of expression in front of him before, is it that shocking?</p><p>“Please… stop… it hurts...” you glance away for a moment with watery-eyes you didn’t have to fake, and return to pleading with him with the most pathetic look you’ve ever made. This feeling of being small and helpless… it doesn’t matter whether or not you’re feeling it, you need to get it across, even if this isn’t how you’d naturally express it, if you did feel that way, which you don't. Something about making yourself appear vulnerable is unsettling, resonates too deep. You start to sob.</p><p>Subaru gets off you and sits at the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head. You lay there for a moment. Why are you crying? This isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, but for some reason you’re being overtaken by an emotion that, while you can identify it, thinking it’s name will only make you feel worse. You need to get yourself together. Yes, you’re weak and there’s nothing you can do, but you can still…</p><p>You don’t know. You don’t know. You just want to lay there and cry but Subaru is shaking and if you don’t step in he might end up hurting himself or others. If you could stop time, you’d cry yourself out and take a long nap, then when you recover you’d let time restart and calmly reassure him, figure out what’s wrong, and help him any way you can. Unfortunately you have no such ability, and as hopeless as you feel, you need to continue on.</p><p>You sit up, next to him, and give him another platonic pat on the back. What this situation really calls for is a hug, but you aren’t willing to take that risk. </p><p>“Thanks for backing off, you really are a good guy,” you say, sounding unconvincing with your sobs, but you can work with this. “You’re too good for what you’ve been put through, you deserve better.”</p><p>Subaru’s still shaking. You let the silence set in, too tired to make any more of an effort, and curl up with your knees to your chest. He left the door open earlier, and the cold air is starting to hit you. It would be inappropriate to grab a blanket now, wouldn’t it? You curl up tighter. You realize that this entire time you’ve been wearing close to nothing. If he noticed that the shirt you’re wearing is actually Reiji’s, would the reaction be disgust or rage? Probably a mixture of both. You can’t understand him, other than he cares about you to some extent and he’s prone to harsher violence than the others. If you could just talk without the threat of physical harm, everything would be so much simpler.</p><p>You calm down, keeping those thoughts and feelings that made you cry bottled up, focusing on Subaru instead. He’s stopped shaking, but he’s still hiding his face. </p><p>“Subaru… I’m happy here. I love Reiji and I care about all of you <em> so </em> much. I’m fully aware of how dangerous this place is and that I’m likely to die here, maybe even soon, but you don’t have to worry about me. This is what I want.” You smile and pat him on the back, hoping that this reassures him at least a little.</p><p>Subaru slowly looks up at you, with a look of horror and concern you didn’t expect, but may have been secretly hoping for. Even though you were trying to be honest, what you said just doesn’t sit right with you. It’s not normal. Your smile wavers and you relax your expression to whatever it may be. Trying to be comforting right now is hopeless, you’ve decided. “Sorry, that sounded bad.” You stare forward, it’s easier to be honest when you don’t have to look at someone.</p><p>Subaru looks away from you, but at least stops hiding his face. “He’s ruining you.”</p><p>“I was already like this, long before I came here. Maybe that’s why I’ve been able to put up with everything for so long.”</p><p>“You don’t deserve what’s happened, either. You deserve better.”</p><p>There you are with those tears again. You’re too emotional lately. It’s getting annoying. You wipe your tears away. “How can you say that? You hardly know me.”</p><p>“I know you better than anyone here.”</p><p>“You don’t. You keep making assumptions and comparing me to other women. Maybe they’re the ones you think deserved better.”</p><p>Subaru doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“Sorry, that was awful to say. You deserve better than me, too.” You sigh.</p><p>Subaru stays quiet and just sits there for another moment before getting up, going out the balcony door, and leaving you alone. Even though he closes the door behind him you still feel terribly cold, so you crawl under the blanket and fall asleep, completely forgetting whatever you were trying to do before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, do you guys think it would be weird for me to include a dumb illustration I made in the next chapter? Let me know if you've got an opinion!<br/>Also, I have no idea if Subaru in this counts as a yandere.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. 180 degrees for 2-3 minutes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Neither of you guys know a goddam thing about romancing someone.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You wake up when a weight is lifted off the mattress. You’re hit with the cold night air as the blanket shifts.</p><p>“You’d best be out of bed by the time I finish my shower,” Reiji pets your head fondly as you snuggle deeper in the cozy, sleepy cocoon of a warm bed. You’re so lost in the comfort, so seduced by the call of another 5 minutes of rest, that your plan from the night before almost completely slipped your mind.</p><p>“Wait!” You shoot up, surprising even yourself as you’re hit by a moment of light-headedness. Reiji raises an eyebrow, aware that you’re not one to get out of bed easily and something must be up. “I’ll join you!” You scramble to your feet, clumsily as you’re still half asleep.</p><p>“Such eagerness is rather indecent… though I suppose I can allow it so long as you only show it to me,” he smirks. Did he really have to insult you if his immediate reaction is going to be such a pleased expression?</p><p>“It’s too early to be decent.” You yawn and stretch your back, remembering halfway through to try making a show of it. You raise your arms high above your head, raising the hem of the shirt you’ve borrowed from him, trying to get his attention by revealing even more of your bare skin. He doesn’t seem to notice. You excuse yourself to the bathroom to brush your teeth, since morning breath will only impede your valiant quest. You aren’t sure if vampires have to brush their teeth. Reiji’s disciplined enough that, since you’ve never seen him brush his teeth, it can be excused as him doing it after meals when you’re not paying attention. Shuu definitely doesn’t, and his breath doesn’t smell bad from what you’ve experienced, but he also very rarely eats human food. Maybe there’s some kind of antibacterial secretion in their saliva that keeps their breath fresh. If a vampire’s fangs were to rot out from poor dental hygiene, would they starve? </p><p>You forget what you’re doing while you’re zoned out thinking of this and gag a little on your toothbrush. Good thing Reiji didn’t see, you’re supposed to be sexy right now. Looking at yourself in the mirror, with messy hair and a mouth full of toothpaste, it’s not really working out. You finish brushing your teeth and fix yourself up, then start the shower. </p><p>“You ready?” You poke your head out the bathroom door and look to Reiji, who’s sitting on the bed.</p><p>“You can shower first if you’d like, though I was the one who brought it up initially.” He sighs and you know he’d be pushing up his glasses if he had them on.</p><p>“I thought we were showering together.”</p><p>“Did I not say it was indecent? If you’re content to debase yourself by showering with a man, as well as willing to accept the consequences… then I’ll join you.” He’s grinning like a maniac and you wish, just once, he’d make this easy for you.</p><p>“I’m cool with it.”</p><p>“Say it properly.”</p><p>“I accept your terms and conditions.”</p><p>“Say that you’re willing to debase yourself, and <em> enthusiastically </em> consent to the consequences of placing yourself in such a vulnerable position.”</p><p>“Seriously?”</p><p>He’s taken on a more serious expression to intimidate you, but you know him well enough to notice the aura of excitement around him. He makes a condescending face at you that makes you feel like garbage until you remember how childish he’s being.</p><p>“I-I’m willing to debase myself for you, and I enthusiastically consent to anything you may want to do with me.” It’s too embarrassing to say in a seductive way, too clinical, so you grip the hem of your shirt and look away as you spit out the words.</p><p>“Next time I expect you to use the exact words I give you, but with such lovely presentation…” suddenly he’s before you and tilts your chin upward to look him in the eye, “I will allow it.” A smug, shit-eating smirk spreads on his lips when he sees how dark you’re blushing. </p><p>“Now, it’s time you return this to me,” he slips the shirt you borrowed off your shoulders, “If you’re so fond of my clothing, I can have a set made for you in the same style. Why would you settle with something so ill-fitting?”</p><p>He knows exactly why.</p><p>“Will you tell me?” He tilts your chin up again and you sharply look away.</p><p>“I like it cuz it smells like you…”</p><p>“I didn’t realize I give off such a strong odor. My apologies.”</p><p>“It’s not that, I meant the smell of your cologne.”</p><p>“If you like it so much, I’ll prepare a batch of the scent for your personal use. I can make a scent more suited to your tastes, if you’d prefer.”</p><p>“It’s not the same.”</p><p>“Of course there will be some variance between batches, especially when produced on such a small scale, but I assure you I am precise with my measurements.”</p><p>“It’s more than just the scent!” You whine. A sadistic gleam has settled into his eyes and you wonder how you thought for a second that this would be easy. </p><p>“I see… So, were you trying to tempt me by marking yourself as my own, or are you simply aroused by wearing my dirty clothes?” </p><p>“I… I was trying to tempt you. Is that so strange?” </p><p>“It is. What are you really trying to do, attempting to seduce me in such a way?” </p><p>Only an attempt?</p><p>“Be warned that should you lie, I’ll be forced to carve the truth out of you with my whip.” Smirking like that, you doubt he’d have to be forced to chain you up in the dungeon again.</p><p>“I just… wanted to do intimate things with you.”</p><p>“You’ll have to be more clear. Is sleeping beside each other not intimate enough?”</p><p>“I wanted to do something… sexual with you...”</p><p>“Good girl,” he growls. “Then, I’ll give you what you want…” He slips the rest of his shirt off of you, letting it crumple to the floor, and closes the space between your bodies.</p><p>“Wait!” You yelp, pushing him away to his confusion and indignation.</p><p>“Aren’t I doing exactly as you requested?” He huffs.</p><p>“The water’s still running, and I wanted to do something specific, for a specific reason, and you might not want to do it if you know the reason.” You look away, blushing. You planned from the start to explain the reason to him before actually doing anything, but you also thought you’d be able to fit it in more smoothly and naturally.</p><p>“Then speak.” He crosses his arms and frowns.</p><p>“I want to use my hand to… please you… since the only time I’ve done that was with <em> that guy </em>, and I can’t stand it. The thought of what happened is disgusting. So I was thinking that if I do that with you, I’ll have better memories of it and it won’t get in the way in the future if you ever ask me to do it.”</p><p>Reiji continues to stare at you with squinted eyes.</p><p>“Does that make sense?”</p><p>“So what you’re asking me to do is make you forget ever doing something like that with another man?” He starts to make <em> that </em> face again.</p><p>“Yeah… only phrased less eloquently.”</p><p>“Then tell me exactly what you want to do, and why.”</p><p>“I want you to make me forget ever doing something like that with another guy, because… it was disgusting and you’re the only person I want to be this close to.”</p><p>Reiji looks taken back by your claim for a moment, then recomposes himself.</p><p>“G-good, but you need to use the proper word for the act you keep referring to.”</p><p>“I don’t think any of the words for it are proper.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t it be the one most commonly used?”</p><p>“I’m not sure which one you mean, would you mind saying it first yourself, just so I can know?”</p><p>“I refuse to give you the answer to such a simple question!” He starts to blush and you smile at how bad he is at being teased. “Choose whichever term you prefer, so long as you make yourself clear.”</p><p>“I… want to give you a handjob…” you internally cringe as the words leave your mouth. Reiji’s face has gone even redder. </p><p>“Good… Now this time say the rest of it.”</p><p>“The rest of it?” </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>You consider backing out for a moment, but you’ve been through enough embarrassment, you’re not letting your efforts go to waste.</p><p>“I-I want to give you a… handjob… because I want you to make me forget ever doing that with another man, because he’s disgusting and you’re the only person I want to be this close to.”</p><p>You feel like an absolute fool for saying something like that, but Reiji looks <em> very </em> satisfied. </p><p>“Good girl…” he leans in to whisper against your ear. “Now, let’s go before the water runs cold.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You’re in the shower together, and though the shower itself is large and luxurious, there’s no way you can both be under the water without some amount of clinging, and his stand-offishness and your shyness have started to make things awkward. Now you’re standing in the steaming shower, neither of you under the water or looking at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.</p><p>“Um… how should I do this?” You ask, trying to keep your physical cringing from reaching your voice.</p><p>“Weren’t you the one who planned this?” Reiji sighs, “Kneel.”</p><p>Your face goes red and you immediately fall to your knees in front of him.</p><p>“So eager?” He smirks.</p><p>“Would you prefer if I weren’t?” You pout.</p><p>“Though there is a certain charm to that… it’s something we can explore later, once you have the slightest clue on what to do or how to please me.”</p><p>Ouch.</p><p>“Then please teach me.”</p><p>“Give me your hand.” </p><p>He guides your hand to wrap around his cock. It’s a snug fit, but at least you can wrap your hand entirely around it. It’s your first time seeing it this close. It’s not nearly as large as it’s felt in the past when he’s penetrated you, but it isn’t small either. The shape is… lovely. If that’s an appropriate descriptor. You can’t really think of another word to describe it. Before you even touched it there was already a wet, milky sheen to it’s head, and an additional glob of precum oozes out as he coaxes you to pump your hand up his shaft.</p><p>“You were already this hard?” You grin. So you <em> do </em> have an effect on him.</p><p>“Does it matter?” He hisses through gritted teeth, the hand that was guiding you lets go to tangle in your hair instead as you take control.</p><p>“Maybe… since I’m starting to get the feeling that you <em> like </em> me~” you tease, wishing your other hand was in any state to help you with this endeavor. To give him more stimulation you start twisting your hand around him with each stroke, varying the pressure, trying to find what works best to coax out those moans he’s trying to hold back.</p><p>“When did I ever say that I- <em> ah~ </em>d-didn’t like you?” You look up to him, seeing the blush that paints his face, mouth open and panting sporadically, eyes hooded and unfocused… this is a sight you’d like to see again. For now you’ll have to commit it to memory.</p><p>“You’ve never made it clear what your feelings towards me are.” Seeing a drop of precum drip down the side of his wet shaft, you start to get an idea of what to do next.</p><p>“I-is this really the time for that?!” He grips your hair tighter and lets out an especially loud, lewd moan. If somebody else heard it, they’d never let him live it down.</p><p>“I suppose not… just something to keep in mind. I’ll just shut up for now.” You lick some of the precum off his shaft and take the tip into your mouth. Salty, and a bit sweet. Not exactly fine cuisine, but right now it’s delicious. You’re so caught up in swishing your tongue over it, licking up and sucking every bit of it, you’re caught completely off guard when Reiji starts trying to thrust deeper in your mouth.</p><p>When it hits the back of your throat you start to gag, but he ignores it and tries to fit in the rest. After a moment, when your gagging fails to subside, Reiji removes himself and watches as you recompose yourself.</p><p>“Sorry… I’ll try harder… if you still want to continue…” you wipe your mouth off and clean your hand under the running water, still warm.</p><p>“No, I got carried away… please forgive me…” His expression is completely composed and earnest, despite the dark blush covering his face, uneven breathing, and angry red of his erect and cum covered cock,.</p><p>“Then, can we keep going?” You smile. You stand up, pressing your body against his and tossing your arms over his shoulders.</p><p>“Of course,” he leans down and breaths against your neck, lifting you by the thighs so they wrap around his hips and effortlessly plunging himself into your soaked pussy. You cling to him for balance as he thrusts into you, much more composed than you expected based on his earlier behavior, teasing you with slow strokes. You squeeze your legs tighter around him, begging for more. Faster, harder, anything he has to offer.</p><p>You try to hold out, but after a while you’re a mess, whining and begging for him to fuck you harder. </p><p>“Such a perverted woman…” he picks his head up from your neck to look you in the eye with a smirk.</p><p>“At least I admit it, unlike you…”</p><p>“You only admit it with my help.” He punctuates his words with the hard thrust you were looking for, and you melt into his arms.</p><p>“Should I be helping you admit it too?” This time it’s too hard, too deep, and you aren’t prepared for it, crying out and holding on to him desperately to not be overpowered by his force.</p><p>“Are you trying to get punished?” He slows down, back to that teasing pace.</p><p>“No, sorry, I’ll be good.”</p><p>“Darling… you’re <em> such </em>a good girl...” he moans and picks up his pace, giving you exactly what you need until you both climax.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Reiji is the kind of person who drinks tea all day and night. He doesn’t need to take in fluids other than blood, but still craves tea and thirsts for it more than one would expect. In his lab, you were reading a hardcover copy of the book you found on your phone. Reiji found it for you in the mansion’s library. Which has an organization system it seems, but it’s completely different than the Dewey Decimal system you grew up with, nothing is alphabetized since the books aren’t separated by language, and somehow Dante’s <em> Divine Comedy </em> happens to be placed next to the copy of the <em> Twilight </em> saga Laito picked up as research material for picking up girls decades ago, because human literary history is too short to be organized into classics and contemporary the way demon literature is, so from here on out you’ll have to rely on Reiji to find anything for you. </p><p>Anyway, while trying to read this book and being absolutely confounded by the libary's organization system, Reiji asks you to make him some tea, since he’ll be done with what he’s doing soon and would like to take a break.</p><p>“You seem prone to using the lower quality china, and while I respect your hesitance to use something more valuable or that will outshine the quality of the tea you brew, I’m making the request that you not hold back this time around. There is a rare tea I’ve gotten my hands on that I’d like you to prepare for me, and I give you permission to choose whatever tableware you think suits it best.” </p><p>“Got it!” You nod and head to the kitchen, abandoning the book you were unable to focus on to instead lose yourself in the meditative and menial chore of preparing tea. The leaves he told you about have an earthy flavor with light, floral notes, so the pot should have muted colors with accents of some bright pastel. If not pastels, then gold or brass metallic accents, something with warm tones. </p><p>There’s shouting coming from inside the kitchen. You stop in the hall and instead stand behind the wall of the doorway and listen in. Once it passes you can continue your task. Hopefully it doesn’t take too long. </p><p> </p><p>“You need to get your act together or you’ll drive her away!”</p><p>“Hah?! Aren’t you and Reiji the ones ruining it? And he’s actually starting to get his shit together, so it’s really just you.”</p><p>“What about Kanato? How do you think she got those injuries?!”</p><p>“That shrimp?! Hm… no, that checks out, a real man would’ve cut a bit lower…”</p><p>“The hell are you saying?! You trying to start something?!”</p><p> </p><p>You hear something clatter, and, already pissed that these two are discussing you behind your back, use that sound and potential threat to Reiji’s precious tableware as an excuse to convince yourself to walk in, humming a loud, cheery tune and ruin the mood of this… vampire rumble. Baby fight. You aren’t in the mood to come up with something more clever.</p><p>You don’t say anything to Subaru or Ayato, purposely ignoring them, and they can’t bring themselves to look at you either. Once the water boils they’ve already cleared out.</p><p>When you take a look at the leaves you’ll be using you realize that it’s a first flush batch, with a brighter and fresher flavor than you expected. The matching tableware should have brighter colors, maybe jewel toned accents and a light wash of a paler color. You settle on a floral pattern with red camellias, anything but roses, though you still have a bias towards flowers. The brew time is short and you make it back to the laboratory in a short enough time that Reiji doesn’t seem visibly disappointed by you.</p><p>“Did I say we’d be taking our break here? You don’t listen at all, do you…” Reiji sighs.</p><p>“I listen well enough to know you didn’t give me any further instructions than to make you this specific tea and use whatever china I see fit. Where will I be setting this down?”</p><p>“Follow me, it’s a bit of a surprise.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You follow Reiji to the garden, slowly due to your poor night vision, thanking whichever deity has chosen to bless you when he leads you out of the white rose section into the red, where a table is already set up with a tiered stand of sandwiches and sweets. Lucky for you, the area is illuminated by countless candles, casting a warm light you can actually see in.  He gestures for you to place the tea service on the table, and you pour a cup for each of you before taking a seat. </p><p>“How long did it take to set this up?” you can’t hold back your smile. This seems sweet, you’ll try not to look further into it.</p><p>“Though I didn’t time it, I’d estimate roughly half the time it took for you to prepare the tea.”</p><p>“Yeah, that checks out.” Where did he make the sandwiches if he didn’t go to the kitchen? There’s no way he had time to go to the store and buy some… “Used your familiars to help you?”</p><p>“Not my personal familiars, but the mansion’s invisible servants.”</p><p>“Huh, so what’s the difference between them?”</p><p>“Do the names not explain it already? Invisible servants take care of household affairs, the work of servants, and familiars are basically tools for us to use as we please, to a degree they are an extension of ourselves.”</p><p><em> So the difference is in how much you respect them? </em> You want to ask, but you have no idea what these creatures are like, you’ve never had any interaction with them other than what the brothers command them to do to you, and you’ve never even seen them before. The entire concept just seems dehumanizing. Unless they’re not human? </p><p>“Are they sentient?”</p><p>“The servants are, but for familiars it depends.” </p><p>You sit on that for a moment, thinking about what it would be like to die and come back as a familiar, invisible to any other humans and forced to submit to the will of an unkind being with complete power over you until your sense of self fades into nothing, leaving you as a husk of what you were. You used to not fear death because you saw it as an end to everything bad, but if it could realistically lead to eternal suffering, similar to but worse than your current state… you don’t want to think about it. So long as you’re alive there’s no need to worry about it.</p><p>“This tea… you did an excellent job. The delicate flavors mix together without overpowering one another, and though it’s acrid as this variety tends to be, it isn’t overbearingly so. Not perfect yet, but the most I could expect from a human. Exquisite.” Reiji smiles at you fondly, and you’re able to brush away those thoughts.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Thanks, I’ve been able to get a lot better because of you!” You smile, letting things be light. If there’s a reason he’s being so nice you aren’t going to think about it. Let yourself believe it’s genuine. </p><p>“Yes, at first I thought it would be beyond you to appreciate the delicate flavor and aroma of such a tea, but it seems you’ve proven me wrong.”</p><p>“Well, since I’m a human I’m not as sensitive to those things as you, so there’s no way I can appreciate it as much as you do.”</p><p>“Such a divine discovery was made by the humans, after all. It’s grown and processed to fit tastes like yours more than mine. You should take pride in that part of your ancestry. Why are you making that face?”</p><p>“You’re being… horribly pleasant.”</p><p>“Horribly? From my perspective I’ve been nothing but pleasant, a perfect gentleman.”</p><p>“Sorry, it’s true you’ve been a perfect gentleman. It’s kind of unsettling, especially since this setup is kind of…” You look to the red roses surrounding you, in the warm light of the candles, and the man sitting across from you, smiling and listening intently at your every word. “Romantic?” You feel foolish even saying something like that.</p><p>“Would you prefer a less romantic date? I could always offer you to one of my brothers..”</p><p>“Don’t joke about that! Sorry, anyway, I didn’t realize this was a date. I feel like I should’ve done something more…”</p><p>“Did you not prepare the tea?”</p><p>“You… did you really plan it this much?”</p><p>Reiji’s smiling again, so pleased with himself you can’t help but laugh at how <em> like him </em> this is, only in a more wholesome way than you’re used to. Still, you can’t help being suspicious.</p><p>“I’m amazed… but I guess it’s what’s to be expected with you. Just… before I get too happy, tell me what you’re planning. What I’m gonna owe you at the end of this.”</p><p>He frowns at you, it’s strange since he normally takes it in stride when you call him out on these things. You take in the scent of the tea. You really did do an excellent job brewing it, have your skills really grown so much or is it a fluke?</p><p>“Can’t I do something like this without expecting anything in return?”</p><p>“Sorry, that was rude… but if you do expect something, or if you’re planning on doing anything to me, I’d like to know now just so I’m not so crushed when it comes up later.”</p><p>“This was something for my own enjoyment that I’ve decided to share with you,” he says. You note how he hasn’t touched any of the sandwiches. “If you insist on paying me back in some way…” Here it is. “Keep me company for as long as you can stand my presence.”</p><p>This is… confusing. Scary. At least the others are clear about their intentions. You hug yourself as a cool wind blows by, and grab  your cup of tea, trying to warm your hands and the cold, numb fingers of your injured hand.</p><p>“Ah, since I was trying to surprise you I never told you to dress for the weather. Shall I go inside and fetch you a jacket?”</p><p>“No, I’m fine. A little cold is nice sometimes. It’s refreshing.” You smile at him, letting the steam from the tea tickle your face. “It feels like summer was just the other day.”</p><p>“Indeed… though your sense of time might still be affected from your ailment.”</p><p>“You mean <em> that </em>?” Remembering it, you reconsider his offer to get you a jacket. “It was a while ago, it doesn’t matter anymore.”</p><p>“It does matter.” He’s been looking at you for a while now and it’s getting difficult to ignore. You raise your head to look at him. His face is filled with pleading guilt, begging for forgiveness, and you can’t help but say, “I forgive you.” before you have time to properly think.</p><p>“You don’t, and I don’t blame you. I’d like you to tell me what I need to do to redeem myself in your eyes.”</p><p>“Um… I think things are fine the way they are, you don’t have to do anything. You’ve already apologized, and I forgive you.”</p><p>Reiji sighs and fixes his glasses, then returns to looking at you with that look, steadfast in his belief.</p><p>“Much worse things have happened to me, ya know. What happened is kinda inconsequential, all things considered…” You gesture to your bandaged collarbone with your injured hand and give an unconvincing laugh. </p><p>The face he’s giving you is… not what you expected. Instead of disapproving of your dumb joke and pathetic attempt to brush it off, he’s visibly disturbed.</p><p>“Those things shouldn’t have happened, and neither should I have done the things I did. <em> Please </em> tell me what I can do to make things right.”</p><p>If you think about these things seriously, you’re sure you’ll cry. The minute you start to process it you know you’ll fall apart, and you’re not sure you can handle it right now, not in front of him, or anyone else.</p><p>“I… I don’t think I can decide that right now. Please give me time to think about it. But I think you should understand that I’m more fond than afraid of you.”</p><p>He nods and seems to reluctantly accept your answer. “Then you must be awfully fond of me.”</p><p>“Yeah, more than I’m capable of admitting.”</p><p>“Your taste is absolutely appalling.”</p><p>“You’re one to talk.” You smile at him, and the ghost of a smile appears on his lips, for just a second. What did you do to ruin the mood like this? “Saying my worthless life belongs to you… are you starting to regret it now?” You joke.</p><p>“Though I am rather prone to regrets, that will never count among them. And, though that may be what I said, I don’t think someone can truly belong to anyone else. Freewill will never allow for that.”</p><p>“Well, I sure as hell don’t belong to myself.”</p><p>“Even now you still belong to yourself, it’s our fault for making you think otherwise.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t it be your father’s fault, if anyone's, for bringing me here in the first place? You guys had as much of a choice in this as I did.”</p><p>“With the power we have over you, we need to take responsibility for our actions. Whatever harm comes your way is our fault, mine especially due to my personal responsibility for your safety.”</p><p>“That doesn’t seem right. Isn’t it just my fault for being weak? I’m a sacrificial bride, after all, it’s expected that I’ll be in danger and eventually die. Just let it be gracefully, or as painlessly as possible, kay?”</p><p>Reiji winces again at your words. You’re doing a <em> really </em> bad job of reassuring him and have no idea what you’re doing wrong.</p><p>“You aren’t weak at all from what I have seen. You’re stronger than you seem to think, the issue is that you purposely choose to put yourself in situations that bring you harm, out of some obligation you feel you have to others.”</p><p>Something about that doesn’t sit right with you. “Even if I’m stronger than I think, I’m still a human. There’s no way I can  be called strong when put against a vampire.”</p><p>“I thought you were more intelligent than to equate strength purely with the physical variety. Among the previous sacrificial brides, many of them died from reasons other than being killed by my brothers and myself.” So he admits to killing them. </p><p>“I know, I’ve considered it myself too, but it’s just not the right choice the way things are at the moment. Maybe I’m selfish for wanting to spend more time with you before that.”</p><p>Reiji reaches for your hand across the table, the injured, discolored hand you left to rest. He laces his fingers with yours and squeezes lightly yet enough to send bolts of pain up your arm. You return the gesture despite the pain</p><p>“If I find a way to remove you from your current situation, would it help alleviate those thoughts? Would you be able to find happiness?”</p><p>“I don’t know. You’re kind of all I have in my life, and as painful as things are I can’t imagine how much emptier my life would be without you.” The first time you said “you” you almost said “you guys”, but caught yourself when you remembered Reiji’s jealousy and possessiveness. Maybe, if he has those kinds of feelings, even if it’s not love, you can rely on him a little more emotionally.</p><p>“Then what we spoke of earlier, about moving out, would you like that?”</p><p>“I’d like that, but only if it doesn’t cause you any trouble. I’m really sorry about all this. You made everything really nice and now I’m ruining it all.” There are tears welling in your eyes, but by paying attention to your posture, movements, and facial expressions, you think you can keep from sobbing and letting out a torrent of emotion. If you don’t let it show in your face or voice, no one will notice if you cry.</p><p>Reiji draws back his hand and fixes his glasses, returning to a more familiar, less concerned state. You’re soothed by the cold professionalism he exudes, it’s so much easier to rely on manners when you can't trust your own emotional state. </p><p>“If you’re so devoted to respecting the work I put into this, then eat something. I don’t believe you’ve had breakfast today.”</p><p>“Oh… I didn’t realize.”</p><p>You grab a sandwich and bite into it, some kind of soft cheese paired with fig, and realize how hungry you are. You barely hold onto any sense of elegance as you devour it. It’s so delicious you start to cry, so you have another. Reiji smiles sadly and pours you more tea. You don’t think you deserve such kindness, but you’re willing to greedily indulge anyway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i wanted to draw a cute vampire and that's YOUR problem now</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Should've included a carrot joke</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>About three things you were absolutely positive. First, Reiji was a huge nerd. Second, there was a part of him-and you didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thought Shuu was like a sleepy kitty. And third, you were unconditionally and irrevocably confused by that bastard.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sometimes there's a meaning to the chapter titles, and sometimes I put effort into chapter summaries, but I rewrote the last scene in this chapter like 3 times and I just wanted to make a dumb Twilight joke.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Really? If you’re not a dog person, then what about cats?”</p><p>“While I do admire their elegance, the languid, leisurely behaviors of house cats remind me too much of a certain good for nothing.”</p><p>The image of Shuu curled up before a fireplace, wearing a pair of cat ears comes to your mind.</p><p>“Yeah, I can definitely see that,” you nod and take a small sip of your tea, not to quench your thirst but to enjoy the taste and aroma, mixed with the scent of roses around you. You used to love roses, but now you have mixed feelings towards the flower. Still, right now it’s quite lovely.</p><p>“Then what kind of pet would you prefer to have, if any?”</p><p>“A human life is pathetically short compared to my own, and the lives of the animals you tend to keep last a fraction of that. I’d prefer not to waste my time becoming attached to and just as quickly losing something that takes so much work to upkeep.”</p><p>“I see…” you nod, thinking about how your short human life might be causing him anxiety until you turn. “Sorry.”</p><p>“You won’t be human for long, rest assured, so my time is not wasted. If I had to choose a pet, however, perhaps an African Grey parrot. They live as long as humans have until recently, and have basic intelligence as well as quite advanced abilities to learn and analyze. From my readings, their mental faculties are similar to those of a human child.”</p><p>“Woah, that’s really cool!”</p><p>“Truly it is, my father held a theory long ago that a new species of psittacines would branch off, and develop intelligence capable of rivalling the humans that currently dominate this world. He made some progress in his experiments to hasten that development, but the humans he shared this theory with were rather obtuse. He told me a story once, of a man who insulted both him and his friend during the friends lecture by presenting a plucked bird as the equivalent to a human. I personally believe it was jab at Plato for not putting enough thought into his definition of a man, but Father took it as an insult to his experiments and released his specimens into their original habitats. It’s likely that those specimens cross-bred with the locals and produced African Greys and similarly intelligent parrots.”</p><p>“Your dad got dissed by Diogenes?”</p><p>“Not in those terms exactly, I’m surprised you know his name. If you have an interest in philosophy I’d be happy to tutor you. Be aware, however, that my training is rather strict.” You try not to roll your eyes, knowing it’s rude, and end up giving a wry smile at the fact he thinks he’s being sly.</p><p>“I’m not into philosophy or anything, but if you’re interested I might read up. I just know him cuz he’s the “Behold! A man!” guy.”</p><p>“Even I don’t have the quote memorized… Tell me, what do you know about Plato?”</p><p>“It was sort of a big deal he didn’t fuck his students and that’s why we have the word “platonic”.”</p><p>“How is it you have at least a cursory knowledge of intellectuals from your world's classical period? Even if it was taught to you during your school days I’d think you would have forgotten it by now.”</p><p>“It’s not a big deal, I was an English teacher so I had to stay up to date on memes.”</p><p>“Memes?”</p><p>“Short for memetics, images, text, bits of information that become part of the consciousness of large groups, used to be more of a regional thing but with the internet it’s mostly global now. My Japanese used to be pretty bad so I mostly taught the English-language memes present in the western world.”</p><p>“I see… do you have any recommendations on resources with information on memes?”</p><p>“I… don’t think that would be a good idea, there’s no way they would interest you.”</p><p>“I assure you that my interest in memes-” Reiji gets cut off by a loud ring from his phone. He looks at the caller ID and cancels the call.</p><p>“Where were we? Ah yes, modern English memetics. Please, will you weigh in  more on the subject?”</p><p>“W-well, I mostly used them in class to demonstrate what connotations are associated with variations from the formal English my students were more familiar with, as well as to teach them the vocabulary used by-” you’re cut off by another ring, and you’re relieved you don’t have to try giving an impromptu academic lecture on memes. Reiji looks at his phone again and cancels the call. </p><p>“Go on,” he says, and from the glint in his eyes you realize that he’s been pulling your leg this entire time.</p><p>“You asshole!” you laugh and his smile grows.</p><p>“Thanks to Ayato and Laito I’m fully aware of the subject. Thank you for entertaining me, your explanations were <em> quite </em> illuminating.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, keep this up and I’ll whip out my notes and give you the full hour and a half lecture.”</p><p>“Now, back on subject, an animal that may truly outrank humanity in intelligence, despite lacking the ambition to dominate the world as you have done, would be-” he’s interrupted by his phone ringing again.</p><p>“Hey, maybe you should answer, since they keep calling…”</p><p>“Fine, but we <em> will </em> be continuing this conversation. Please excuse me.” Reiji walks off into the maze of rose hedges to answer the call.</p><p>You already know where he’s going with this, something about dolphins, group behavior, and civilization, and if you’re unlucky he’ll bring up their documented attraction to humans and make some mention of not letting Laito bring you to an aquarium. You’ve heard him go on about this topic before and listened intently each time, just because it’s nice listening to him speak so eagerly on a subject. Depending on what direction that conversation goes, he might start talking about poisons found in the ocean, which is a topic you’re always interested in. You’ve done some research on things he’s mentioned and have some questions to ask and information to share. </p><p> </p><p>“Oi, you.” calls out a voice you don’t recognize. </p><p>You turn around and see the man who’s been lurking in the garden. Shuu’s “friend”, so he says. The comfortable domestic bliss you were feeling melts away as your blood runs cold.</p><p>“Ah, so it’s you. I can’t offer you tea, but feel free to take a seat and help yourself to some sandwiches. There’s something I’ve been meaning to speak to you about.” You offer up your most  inviting smile as not to scare him away.</p><p>He takes your offer and starts scarfing down the sandwiches. Despite seeming clean and well kept, you wonder what his situation is that has left him feeling so starved.</p><p>After a minute or two of this, maintaining your pleasant 60’s housewife smile, your cheeks are beginning to feel sore.</p><p>“So… may I ask your name?”</p><p>“Not ‘mportant.” He says, shoving one sandwich in his mouth and grabbing another.</p><p>“Of course.” Your smile widens to the point you have to close your eyes, regretting this decision but making damn sure you don’t scare him off.</p><p>“Then, is there something you’d like to ask? I’ve seen you around before and it’s been awfully rude of me not to give you a proper greeting.”</p><p>“Eh… now I get what megane sees in ya.” The man wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and looks up at you, with multicolored eyes that you can now clearly identify as green that fades to brown around the edges. You see a flash of sharp teeth as he licks his lips. Of course there are vampires other than the Sakamakis, why does this come as a surprise? What’s surprising is how he eats like a starved man despite not needing human food to survive. You’ll keep distance, keep cautious, in case he decides to satisfy his hunger with you.</p><p>“I’m here to offer you a deal.”</p><p>“Eh?”</p><p>“That’s right, drop the act. I bet the Sakamaki bastards have been preying on ya non-stop since you got here. I bet ya think I’ll do the same, too.” He grins, revealing his fangs as if he’s assuming you didn’t see them before.</p><p>“All of our behaviors are acts, I’m merely choosing a set most appropriate for the situation.”</p><p>“Stop pretending to be all fancy! You’re acting like <em> that </em> doofus!”</p><p>Your smile gets a bit honest at how pissed off you made this intimidating man, though it’s a blow to your ego that you’re so bad at mimicking Reiji’s speech patterns.</p><p>“Shouldn’t <em> I </em> be the one asking you to speak on my level? Let us compromise on letting each other speak the way we choose to. Now, tell me more about this deal.” You fold your hands politely on the table, devoting yourself wholly to your role.</p><p>“I can tell they aren’t goin easy on ya. Those wounds, that… smell.” He smirks and you have no idea what he’s talking about. Reiji told you that your blood will change a little while before you turn, but he would have mentioned it if it was already starting. “I’m surprised you can still use your legs.”</p><p>“Please get to the point, it won’t be long til Reiji returns and interrupts this conversation.”</p><p>“I’m asking if you’re okay.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Do ya feel safe here?”</p><p>“What does that have to do with anything you’ve been saying this entire time?” Your attempt at composure has completely dropped. He seems completely earnest in his concern for your wellbeing, despite how he’s been acting till now.</p><p>“The Sakamaki’s are bastards, and I was told by someone to take ya somewhere safe. She knows ‘em better than you or me, so I’d trust her if I were you.” You don’t trust him, but this piques your interest.</p><p>“Are you talking about Yui Komori? Can I meet her?”</p><p>“Yeah, just come with me, before that four-eyed devil gets back.”</p><p>“Sorry, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to follow a man I don’t even know the name of to an unknown location.” He squints his eyes at your attempt to return to a more proper demeanor.</p><p>“The name’s Yuma, Yuma Mukami, and I’ve saved other sacrificial brides from this place before. Tell anyone I was here and I’ll make ya regret it.”</p><p>Despite the deathglare he’s giving you, you give him your name and extend your hand.</p><p>“Nice to meet you!”</p><p>Yuma reluctantly shakes your hand with a hesitant and limp grip. He doesn’t seem like he’s trying to trick you by masking his strength, you’re certain he’s doing this entirely with the purpose of not hurting you.</p><p>“Great, now with the formalities out of the way, are you coming or what?”</p><p>“I won’t be going with you today, but I’ll certainly keep your offer in mind. Do you have a number I can reach you by, or should I just ask Shuu if I’d like to speak?”</p><p>“Eh? What do you know about me and Shuu?!”</p><p>“He told me that you’re an old friend of his, someone he holds in high esteem.”</p><p>Now the man before you is grinning ear to ear, lost in his own bliss and not looking your way. He’s hardly the menacing figure that’s haunted the garden these past week or two. What exactly happened between those two?</p><p>“Really? He said that about me? What else did he say?”</p><p>His eyes have suddenly lit up, and while he’s trying to act cool it’s not working at all. You don’t know how to respond to this. Something about him reminds you of an overgrown puppy.</p><p>“Well, whatever.” He says, recovering himself.  He stands up, reaching his arms towards the sky and stretching his back. “We can talk more once I getcha home.” Yuma grabs your uninjured wrist rather gently and urges you to come with him.</p><p>Since you’re caught off guard by how lenient he’s being with you, you don’t move at all. He sighs.</p><p>“The hell are you doing?!” Subaru’s voice yells.</p><p>He runs through the path, in the depths of his fists you can see the tell-tale blood on his palms that lets you know exactly what he was doing moments ago. Why even grow white roses here?</p><p>“Look, it’s fine.” You say, easily shaking yourself from Yuma’s grip and waving your hands to show you’re not being forced into anything.</p><p>“This is annoying, I’m outta here.” Yuma starts to walk off. </p><p>“Like hell you are!” Subaru is suddenly right in front of Yuma. He grabs the other man's shoulder, turns him around, and punches him in the face.</p><p>“Seriously, it’s okay! He just wanted to talk!” You try to say to Subaru but he’s not paying attention, too busy trying to wrestle with Yuma, who’s nose is starting to drip blood, though they seem to be evenly matched and this isn’t getting them anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually Subaru is pushed to the ground by the taller man. He gets up, ready to fight some more, but Yuuma’s already turned around and walked away. “I’m outta here. You know what to do if ya need me.” He calls out before disappearing into the night.</p><p>Subaru is hunched over, fists clenched and dripping with blood from wounds he got prior to the fight, and breathing heavily.</p><p>“Thanks for trying to stick up for me, but everything’s fine. Are you alright?” You stand up and walk over to him.</p><p>“You need to stop getting yourself into these situations. Do you understand how weak you are? What do you think would’ve happened if I weren’t here to protect you?”</p><p>Ignoring the fact that you’ve gotten out of much worse situations without his help, and have the scars to prove it, you say, “You don’t have to worry, Reiji was right over there and I could’ve called him over at any time if I felt like I was in any danger. Everything was under control.” You give him a sweet smile that’s starting to feel meaningless.</p><p>“Why can’t you understand that guy is bad news?!” He grabs you by the shoulders and you flinch away, having expected something worse. The look he gives you when he realizes this is heartbreaking, but only lasts a second before he looks away and grits his teeth. You feel like you should apologize, but bringing attention to it would only make things worse.</p><p>He takes a deep breath and his eyes go wide. </p><p>“What did he do to you?” Subaru’s glaring down at you so intensely you feel like there’s something you’re not picking up on. </p><p>“He didn’t do anything to me, what are you talking about?” </p><p>“I can smell it on you…” he sniffs the air. “Even on your breath... That bastard!” You feel his hands tense up but he doesn’t squeeze your shoulders any harder. </p><p>“What do you mean-“ you catch yourself the moment you connect it to what Yuma said, and what they were both implying suddenly sinks in. You clasp your hands over your mouth and look away, too mortified to make eye contact.</p><p>“Subaru… that was a normal thing for two people to do. If anyone’s to blame it’s me because I was the one who initiated things, but Reiji and I made the decision together. Nothing bad happened, seriously.” You squeeze your thighs together, hoping to cover up more of the scent. </p><p>“Tsk… I swear I’ll make him pay for this…” Subaru growls, completely ignoring what you said. </p><p>“Can you just listen to me?” You almost whimper, knowing your words will only fall on deaf ears. </p><p> </p><p>“What is the meaning of this?” Your face lights up as your savior announces his presence. </p><p>Subaru lets go of you and your body releases the tension you didn’t realize you were holding. He storms off in the direction of the white roses and you notice his palms are still red. Only Reiji’s presence stops you from calling out to him and offering to treat his wounds. </p><p>“Did any harm come to you?” Reiji glances at the trampled rose bushes where Subaru and Yuma fought.</p><p>“Nah, that was from something else, I’ll tell you about it later. You got here just in time." You roll your injured wrist, shaking out the stiffness. "What was the call about?”</p><p>“It seems I’ll be needed at work tomorrow morning. Unfortunately this means we’ll have to cancel some of our plans.”</p><p>“What did you have planned?”</p><p>“Is it not obvious?”</p><p>Your hand reaches up to cover your mouth, embarrassed despite him being the cause of your current state. You were already in the shower, was it really too much for him to help you clean the smell of his cum off you, before letting you wander around a bunch of other vampires while wearing an obvious sign of what the two of you get up to in private?</p><p>“That’s not where you should be covering.” He smirks knowingly and you want to slap it off his face.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me about this when we did it before, or at least make sure I cleaned it all off?” you look away blushing as he takes a seat in front of you again.</p><p>“I assure you, you’re perfectly clean. Vampires have such a refined sense of smell that we can pick up the smallest trace of such things long after the offending substance has been removed.” Is “offending substance” really the term he’s going to use? “To maintain our privacy we tend to wear perfumes to mask such information from strangers and passersby. If you’d like, I can prepare a batch of one suited to your tastes.”</p><p>“I thought you were joking about that earlier.”</p><p>“I don’t tell jokes.” Reiji pushes up his glasses with an overly serious expression, an act you can’t find it in yourself <em> not </em> to take as a joke after he trolled you into talking about memes for as long as you did before his call. You can’t hold back a short chuckle.</p><p>“I’ll prepare something I believe will suit you, though it’s up to you whether or not to use it.”</p><p>“Thanks, I think I will.” You’re a bit mortified by the realization that every time you’ve had sex with Reiji anyone you passed by in the mansion later may have been fully aware of what you’d done. Your opinion on them rises a bit for not pointing it out every time.</p><p>“Now, where were we?”</p><p>“You were about to tell me how dolphins are smarter than me and any other humans I know.”</p><p>“Ah yes, of course. More intelligent than some of my brothers too, I might add.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was a good day, or night, whatever, that you spent with Reiji. Light-hearted and oft repeated conversations between the two of you that lasted longer than necessary just because you wanted to speak to each other. The way he drank your blood before going to work was gentle and sweet, the way a couple would kiss each other goodbye. Such normalcy makes you forget some of the other things that happened between the two of you. For now you’ll focus on the good, like the perfume Reiji made for you with some flower you can’t identify in any way besides the fact that it isn’t rose. Exactly to your taste. You don’t recall ever mentioning your relatively recent disdain for the flower to him, so maybe he’s paying attention? Or maybe he just chose something he personally liked. You decide to think he’s paying attention to you. You’re optimistic now. </p><p>You notice the dress you wore when Kanato stabbed you is sitting in the laundry basket. You go to return it to him and apologize for what happened, despite knowing that even if you did something wrong you didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. But putting blame on him will only make him lash out more. You’ll ask what you did wrong, he’ll say something like you pretended to like or know him, despite the fact you <em> do </em> like and know him and it’s kind of obvious at this point, you’ll reassert the fact that you care about him and want to be his friend, and he’ll do something creepy. Also he’ll be yelling, like, half the time. There’s a pattern and you’re finally catching on. </p><p>You sigh and knock on the door to his room, preparing yourself for the confrontation. </p><p>Which never comes. </p><p>He doesn’t open the door for you. There’s no light coming from under the door, either, nor do you hear anything. Those aren’t necessarily signs that he’s not there, but they aren’t signs he is, either. You spend some time walking around his usual haunts but he's nowhere to be found. </p><p>He must have a richer life than you realized. Up til now you kind of assumed he just sat around the estate all day doing his thing, but apparently he does stuff out in the real world too. Once you get that sweet, sweet friendship level-up you’ll learn his secret. Maybe he’s a model, or some artist’s muse, or maybe he has a food blog. None of those sound realistic. He’s probably just hunting someone down to drink their blood. You’re just anxious since you haven’t seen him since the incident. </p><p>You give up and return to your room, so zoned-out thinking about Kanato’s secret life that you don’t notice the billowing curtains and open door to your balcony. Nor do you notice Subaru sitting on your bed until you bend down to place Kanato’s dress back in the laundry basket right in front of him.</p><p>You yelp and Subaru glares at you to shut up.</p><p>“The door was open you know, you didn’t have to come in through the balcony.”</p><p>“I didn’t, you just left the damn door open.”</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds like me. So what’s up?”</p><p>You take a seat next to Subaru. You haven’t seen him this calm in a while. He sniffs the air.</p><p>“Thank god you took care of that.”</p><p>“No one told me…”</p><p>“Are you stupid? We can smell fear, something like that’s way more obvious.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s obvious to everyone but me, the stupid human, can you just say whatever you came here for?” you pout and nudge him with your elbow.</p><p>“Nothing you’ve said makes any sense.”</p><p>You don’t say anything. Is he realizing that he’s been projecting the experiences of at least two and maybe more women on you? Or that he doesn’t listen to a word you say? No matter how you respond, you know this won’t go anywhere.</p><p>“It’s completely different from what <em> he’s </em> been telling me.”</p><p>“He?”</p><p>“Reiji. The things he’s been telling me he’s been doing to you.”</p><p>“What he’s been… doing to me?” You ask, tilting your head to the side. </p><p>Subaru blushes and refuses to look you in the eye. </p><p>“T-that stuff?! He’s going around telling people about it?” You’re completely mortified, holding your head and hiding your face in your lap. That doesn’t sound like Reiji at all, he’s not the type to gloat about his… conquests. That can’t be how he sees you, right? Of course not, you believe Reiji over Subaru about these things anyway, that’s why your stupid, overemotional tears won’t fall.</p><p>“Of course you didn’t know… He’s only been telling me these things, far as I can tell.” Subaru says, giving you a tentative, probably meant to be soothing pat on the back but it just comes across as incredibly awkward. Since he’s not used to comforting people you let the awkwardness slide. You’re not used to being comforted either, it’s been a really weird day for you. </p><p> </p><p>He recounts the things Reiji’s been claiming to be doing to you, that he’s been taunting Subaru with since you and Reiji made up. They’re all things that happened, horrible things like whipping you and drinking your blood till you faint, or drugging you, using your body after you’ve passed out, but they’re all things that happened before the two of you made up, and from your perspective, Reiji turned over a new leaf. The way Subaru talks about it makes it sound like these actions have continued til now, and may have gotten worse. According to him, Reiji claims responsibility for the incidents with Shuu and Kanato as well, somehow. You try to explain what really happened to Subaru and he seems to believe you, though his opinion of Reiji doesn’t change. It might even have gotten worse. At least you managed to clear things up.</p><p> </p><p>“Now I understand why you’ve been acting so scary lately. But still, I don’t get why he’d tell you these things. Maybe it’s like a confession?” You’re having trouble rationalizing why Reiji would twist the truth like this. The truth of what he’s done to you in this relationship already makes him look pretty bad, why did he feel the need to make it seem worse? </p><p>“You’ve been terrified of me, right? And I haven’t listened to a word you’ve said, either. He planned this.”</p><p>“I don’t think he’d go that far, what would he even get out of it? Maybe he’s trying to get you mad at him as a way to punish himself.”</p><p>“That sadist is the type who’d rather do the punishing.” You press your lips together to keep yourself from pointing out Subaru’s own sadistic tendencies. “He’s trying to keep us apart.”</p><p>“What do you mean apart? It’s not like we’re together. Maybe-”</p><p>“Isolate you. He’s trying to isolate you. Keep us apart? Pfft.” Subaru huffs defensively, blushing. It would be cute if he had an actual crush on you instead of… whatever that is.</p><p>“No… even if you were giving me the heebie-jeebies earlier, it’s not like we spent less time together. We never spent much time together in the first place.” It’s only after you say that that you realize Subaru doesn’t spend much time with <em> anyone, </em>and the rare, scant time you spend together is more than the nothing some of his brothers get. In his mind he might see the two of you as closer than you realized. </p><p>“Tch… if I was acting like an angry, possessive, paranoid creep you’d be less likely to depend on me, right?”</p><p>“Makes sense…” an unsettling thought slips into your head, “If I couldn’t depend on you anymore, then if he did something like <em> that </em>again there’d be no one to save me…”</p><p>Subaru’s blushing an even brighter shade of red that rivals his ruby eyes. “If it’s really necessary… you can depend on me, got it?” He’s looking away and rubbing the back of his neck bashfully, trying to hide his blushing face unsuccessfully. Subaru is… suber cute, isn’t he?</p><p>“I’m glad! You can rely on me too, got it?” You consider giving him a hug but something about that seems weird, maybe the fact that you’re both incredibly awkward, or the fact that he’s undeniably attractive, has expressed interest in you, and you’re sort of in a relationship that is ill-defined other than the fact that you’re devoted to someone else. You give him a pat on the back. </p><p>Subaru looks at you, a faint blush still dusts his cheeks but he’s back to his resting, grumpy pout. He tosses an arm around your shoulder and pulls you close in a half hug. </p><p>You start to settle against him, enjoying your reconciliation before having to plan how to discuss this with Reiji, but Subaru wraps another arm around your hips and pulls you onto his lap before you get the chance. You cling to his broad chest at the sudden movement. The way he’s holding you, your arms are pinned between the two of your bodies and you can’t move. You notice that your right hand is directly above where his heart is and try to ignore the fact that you can feel the muscles shift under his shirt as he adjusts his grip to expose your neck. </p><p>“You said I can rely on you, right?” Subaru whispers. You can feel his voice rumbling in his chest, his breath blowing against the shell of your ear. </p><p>“Y-yeah.” You manage to say, face red and body feeling way too warm despite the cold air coming in through the open balcony door. </p><p>Subaru’s lips brush against your ear, before dipping lower to the side of your neck. You try to struggle away despite your heart not being in it, somehow you end up stretching and offering more of your neck to him. When he chuckles at what he perceives as your eagerness you’re far too aware of the cool air he exhales. </p><p>He pierces your flesh with his fangs and groans into it, biting deeper for no reason other than to savor the sensation. At this point being bitten feels good more than it hurts, but you don’t want this. Not from someone other than Reiji, what you’ve learned doesn’t change the fact that you belong to him, you still care for him more than you’re comfortable with. You try to push Subaru away but you’re aware that it doesn’t register to him. </p><p>He lifts himself from the bite mark and licks his lips before pressing them back against your neck, to suck at it hard enough to leave a mark. </p><p>“S-stop…” you manage to whimper, clenching your mouth shut before you let out an unwilling moan. </p><p>“Mmm… you don’t want me to stop. I can taste the fear in your blood, but it’s overwhelmed by the taste of your arousal.” He smiles smugly against your skin before taking a long suck from your oozing vein. You’re still not entirely sure if vampires can actually taste/smell if you’re aroused, but right now there’s a <em> lot </em> of evidence pointing to it being true. You try to wriggle out of his grip despite knowing it’s hopeless, you try to pretend not to notice how he’s growing hard beneath you, and how your wiggling hips are only making him harder. You need to at least try to make it stop, to make up for the guilt of enjoying someone other than Reiji. </p><p>“I won’t be stopping until I’m satisfied…” Subaru softly growls before ripping open the collar of your shirt and biting into you again, in a fresh spot. Though you can’t break free of his embrace, the way he’s touching you is gentle yet secure rather than harsh. You aren’t being crushed, just held steadily in place. You begin to feel light headed and you’re forced to stop your struggle, submissively clinging to him and letting him do as he pleases. He adjusts his hold on you again, bringing up a hand to support your head and you have to stop yourself from wrapping your arms around his neck. For a moment you forgot who you were with, what’s going on. </p><p>“Good… even if you continued to struggle there’s no way I could stop.” You feel every vibration of his voice reverberate through your hands to your body, pulling you into a calmness only interrupted by his fangs plunging into you once more. This time you’re too weak to hold back your moan, which only urges Subaru to bite deeper and harder to draw out more of your sounds. His body is growing warm from your blood, and the lips kissing each mark he leaves are wet and hot. </p><p>You consider calling out someone else’s name to make him stop, Reiji’s name, but you can’t find the strength to do so. That’s right, Reiji fed from you before he left, that’s why Subaru’s leaving you so weak. You pull on the neck of Subaru’s shirt, trying to get his attention and tell him to stop, before you pass out, but he only glances at you before biting into you again. For a moment you saw something apologetic before he returned to the same hungry look he’s worn this entire time. </p><p>As the strength leaves it, your hand lets go of Subaru’s shirt and falls limply against his chest. Subaru’s body is so warm, his arms are so comforting, his chest is so firm, you find yourself lulled in to the fuzzy, sleep-like darkness that overtakes you. </p><p> </p><p>You phase in and out of consciousness from there. Looking back you can only remember someone’s bed, not yours, the feeling of being carried somewhere in protective arms, then you’re lying on a couch before a large window letting in moonlight, the air heavy with a mix of dust and roses. The hushed voices of Subaru and a faint, ghostly sounding woman discussing something you don’t have the energy to eavesdrop on. Subaru’s face close to your own, too close, or maybe not close enough, and a soft, silk sheet being pulled over your body. It smells like him instead of dust and roses, so you cuddle it to yourself before your consciousness has a chance to fade once more.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. White Rabbit and Ghost Stories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You have no idea how to talk to people.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The red-purple light of sunset is the first thing you see when you wake up, framed by an oversized, glassless window. You can faintly make out the crescent sliver of a moon behind the clouds. You’re not sure if the sky appears to be glowing or if your physical numbness is affecting your sight. Without a doubt you had your blood drained, but it takes you a moment to remember it was Subaru who did it to you. </p><p>You dwell on this betrayal for a bit, of course there were warning signs, maybe he lied about what Reiji told him so you would lower your guard. You want to believe that, desperately, but it’s starting to make sense. This is how Reiji thinks he’s being better to you, instead of tormenting you into isolation he’s manipulating others into isolating you. If Subaru hadn’t realized that you <em> weren’t </em>lying to protect Reiji, neither of you would have been any wiser. </p><p>The dark grey sheet covering you is too light to protect you from the chilly breeze coming through the glassless window. You pull it tighter anyway. It’s the only thing in this place that doesn’t smell like dust and roses, instead it has a woody, musky scent. Not necessarily refreshing, but it’s clean and pleasant. There’s no way Subaru abandoned you in some stone keep with nothing but his bedsheet, right?</p><p>You sit up, feeling the full extent of your light-headedness, and notice the glass of water he left on a table beside the couch you’re currently on. You reach for it, it’s room temperature and dusty. Maybe it wasn’t for you, maybe it was here longer than you, a relic from a distant time. You notice the ring at its base left by precipitation, likely to warp the wood. So he did put it there, you just took forever to wake up. You down the entire glass, ignoring the dust, ignoring how Reiji would punish you for not using a coaster, and trying to replace your lost fluids. Drinking so much at once while dehydrated leaves you a bit nauseous, so you let yourself sit there and take in the situation. </p><p>Your head has started to clear, and you realize that the sky is indeed glowing. As the sun sets further the moon starts to take on a blue-ish hue. </p><p>While you’re aware that supernatural occurrences are to be expected in your current lifestyle, you can’t help but find this ominous. During the full moon sometimes you see the night sky and moon turn red, normally signaling a further increase in the brothers’ bloodlust, but what does blue mean? </p><p>Maybe it has something to do with magic. Which you know nothing about. The books on it in the library are all in the demon language, and even if you could read them you doubt you have the attention span for it. Reiji never really explained more about it than his father is possibly one of the strongest vampire mages in history, and he hopes to be on that level some day. </p><p>Limiting the information you’re given, manipulating your relationships behind your back… even if he’s been treating you better,  this still isn’t even close to good or healthy. If you were stronger, more independent, a better person overall, the kind of person you’d admire, that you’d want to be more like, you’d definitely cut ties with him. Unfortunately you’re weak, dependent, pathetic, and stupidly optimistic. You still fully believe Reiji can be better. You know this makes you an idiot. You never claimed to be smart. You hate yourself.</p><p>A cloud passes over the barely-there moon and you decide to get up, look around, maybe find something to eat or drink. You need sugar and fluids to get yourself back to a decent condition. </p><p>Exiting the room you were in, you come to a hallway dimly lit with a mix of gaslights and candles, casting a warm glow on the cold stone walls and threadbare carpets and tapestries. This place was once very rich, luxurious, ornate, but has long since fallen to it’s current state. A rhythmic *click* of wood rapping against wood is coming from a room at the end of the hall with it’s door ajar. Not wanting to frighten or disturb whatever the source is, you slowly make your way towards it, upturning clouds of dust with each step. The hall feels endless, like the space between you and the door is growing rather than shrinking.</p><p>The dust builds in the already dry back of your throat, making it difficult to breathe. The glow of the lights seems to grow brighter and warmer, almost gold, the closer you get to the door, and you wonder if it’s from a mix of the dust and your mind playing tricks on you.</p><p>As gently as you push open the door, it’s ancient hinges still release a screaming squeak that lashes at your ears and echoes through the hall and room. The *click*ing stops.</p><p>Through the door, before a window facing a dark forest, is a young woman seemingly made of moonlight. Pale skin, flowing white hair, and eyes red as blood. Her willowy figure holds a thin and sharp shuttle before a large loom, and is frozen in place by your intrusion. She’s possibly the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, yet the sorrowful look in her eyes feels like a vice around your heart. </p><p>She clutches her hands before her, opening her mouth to say something, but no sound is made. Can ghosts speak? You’ve never met one before.</p><p>“S-sorry to disturb you.” You give a proper bow, hoping to come across as respectful despite your clumsiness. </p><p>“Ah!” Her eyes light up with a realization. Her voice is quiet, airy, light. Caught between speaking and a whisper, like it’ll be carried away by the softest breeze. “You must be the one Subaru brought!” She smiles, a delicate look she clearly doesn’t make often, but at least it takes some of that sorrow from her eyes. You feel the urge to take care of her, so she never has to look sad again. </p><p>“Y-yes, I believe so.” You can’t help but smile back at her, wanting to share every bit of joy and pleasantness you can with her.</p><p>“My dear boy told me so much about you. I’ve always worried that I failed to raise him with the care he deserved… Seeing that he has such a lovely fiancee, I’m glad things worked out for him.” Her smile is so sad, but you can see genuine love on her face. It melts your heart.</p><p>“F-fiancee?” You stutter the moment the word settles in.</p><p>“He brought you to meet his mother, after all. Could it be that you haven’t reached that stage in your relationship yet? My apologies for assuming.” Her lips form a small “o” shape before pressing into a pout. You feel like you’ve disappointed her horribly, </p><p>“N-no, we aren’t quite there yet…” you say, not quite disagreeing with her despite the fact that your relationship with Subaru is of a completely different kind than she believes. “Mother?!” You don’t quite shout, but the volume seems too loud before such a softspoken woman. “Y-you look like his sister!” You try to hush your tone, but your surprise is still apparent.</p><p>She laughs, like the sound of tinkling silver bells, bringing a small hand up to cover her mouth.</p><p>“Please, praise me more!” She urges on, and you almost do before realizing she means it rhetorically. </p><p>“My… you’re a human, aren’t you?” She tilts her head to the side.</p><p>“Y-yeah, sorry about that.” Why does this fill you with shame?</p><p>“It’s not your fault. Please, allow me to serve you some refreshments. It must be troubling, having to eat all the time the way you do.” </p><p>“That would be lovely! I really am sorry for all the trouble.” Your stomach growls and you want to jump out the window. She just laughs again, that enchanting sound.</p><p>“Yes, will you fetch her something?” She asks to seemingly nothing. Invisible servants, familiars, you’ll never get used to them. Of course such a beautiful woman isn’t a human, she hardly appears to be part of this world.</p><p>“Have a seat,” She gestures to a small table beside another large window. She walks over and takes a seat, her long white gown flowing like a calm river, and beckons you over. </p><p>The table seemingly sets itself, with the invisible servants methodically and swiftly brewing tea and arranging place settings before your eyes. You look out the window and realize just how high up you are, above treetops and able to see high up on the mountains in the distance.</p><p>The woman before you takes a sip of her tea and you do the same. It’s the perfect temperature, and though not as good as Reiji’s, absolutely delicious. Not wanting to disappoint her with your manners, you hold back from drinking the entire thing at once. Instead you pour yourself a glass of what appears to be juice and take a long sip.</p><p>You clamp your hand down over your mouth to stop yourself from spitting as the harsh, bitter flavor hits your tongue. It’s wine. And not just any wine, the strongest wine you’ve ever had. It tastes like a scented marker.</p><p>She laughs again, like bells, and says something to the servant you can’t see, and it pours you a mix of wine and several juices.</p><p>“This should be better.” She smiles at you, endearing and encouragingly. </p><p>You take a sip and several unfamiliar flavors bloom on your tongue, rich, sweet, and deep. You drink the entire thing in an instant and feel ashamed, before she asks the servant to refill your glass.</p><p>“Please, don’t hold back. Your condition when you arrived was rather worrisome. You’ll need a lot of food and rest to recover.” She takes a sip from her own glass and begins to eat, daintily bringing spoonfuls of soup to her mouth.</p><p>“Thank you, I appreciate this.” You smile and try to imitate her manners. Your training with Reiji has made your table manners acceptable, but not nearly this elegant. You can’t help but admire her beauty, hardly tasting the food as you fill your stomach. </p><p> </p><p>“Now,” she says, folding her hands on the table as a strange look comes into her eyes, and her tone takes a downward shift. “What brings you here?”</p><p>“I’m not sure exactly, it was Subaru who-”</p><p>“Don’t speak his name!” </p><p>She’s standing now, tossing the table to the side, letting hot soup and tea scatter everywhere. Her face contorted in hate and disgust is unrecognizable. You wince at the feeling of it soaking through your clothes and hitting your skin. </p><p>“How could he take a new wife, when he already has me?” She looks out the window, beautiful once again, looking longingly at the moon. You forget what just happened, too taken in by her heartbreaking yet beautiful face silhouetted by the night sky, the long hair tied high and loosely flowing in the gentle breeze, her long dress that seems to billow despite the softness of the wind. The invisible servants begin to clean you up, but leave the rest of the mess as is.</p><p><br/><br/> She turns to you.</p><p>“You’re so young… and a human, too… What is Onii-sama thinking?” She holds a delicate hand in front of her mouth, looking at you in horror. “Asking me to take care of such a thing… truly, a disgrace…”</p><p>You want to apologize to her but stay silent. What she’s saying is inconsistent, how much awareness does she have for what’s going on? You don’t know whether to play along or reassure her that what she thinks is happening isn’t the case. Telling someone that what they think is real is actually false will never end well.</p><p>“My poor, sweet Subaru… am I a bad mother? Is that why Karl sent you, so you can raise him instead? So he can love <em>you</em> instead? I won’t let you take my family from me!” </p><p>Her hands are around your neck, crushing your windpipe. Despite how delicate she looks, she’s incredibly strong. She’s a vampire, you should’ve expected this. </p><p>You grab her hands, trying to get her to let go, and she throws you aside into the mess of liquids and broken glass and china. Pieces stick in to you, you brush off the larger shards but the smaller ones remain. A million faint stings you only truly notice when your skin moves and shifts them in deeper, all at once. She seems to have forgotten about you the moment you were tossed out of her sight. </p><p>She’s looking out the window again, mournfully, and as much as you want to comfort her somehow, you have no idea what to do. You take a larger piece of glass out of your lower back and feel the warm blood gush out. </p><p>She turns to you, sniffing the air.</p><p>“A gift?” She smiles, so innocent and sweet, turning towards you. You back away, realizing your mistake. “So my dear husband hasn’t forgotten about me…” she approaches you slowly, taking her time since she knows you can’t escape.</p><p>“No!” You shriek, scrambling backwards, still on the floor.</p><p>“Then why did he send you? I have no need for a human as anything other than a blood supply.” Her face is so calm and serene, not at all perturbed by the fear in your eyes. </p><p>“To keep you company! I’m a maid! I-I need to clean this up!” You spit out the first thing to come to your mind.</p><p>She looks down at you with a scrutinizing, condescending glare like you’re lower than dirt. You’ve been given this look before, and much, much, worse, but it hurts especially coming from her. </p><p>“Yes… clean that up. And take a bath, too. Make yourself presentable. Join me in the drawing room when you’re ready.” She says to you cooly, with a smile that’s purely for presentation, then turns and leaves the room. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Her servants, or maybe familiars, the distinction is still blurry to you, don’t help you clean the mess other than presenting you with some tools. You wonder if it’s their own doing or the woman’s commands. A strange sense of camaraderie comes over you, but you’re aware that it’s completely one-sided since you can’t see or interact with these things in any meaningful way. They lead you to a bath, already drawn, and help you wash off and treat your wounds. You thank them, but they don’t say anything in return. You wonder if they can speak among themselves, what they think of the woman, what they could tell you about her if you asked. Do they care for her? Do they hate her? Do they have the capabilities to form opinions? As you don’t know what they’re capable of, you’ve defaulted to imagining them as humans, or at least humanoids, in your mind. </p><p>As a large piece of glass is pulled from your shoulder, you reach for the hand of the invisible being who removed it. You feel it for a moment. The hand is waxy, stiff with little give, and room temperature. Like the air itself has congealed into that shape. Or at least, that’s what it felt like for that fraction of a second before it dissipated into nothingness, before reappearing and pulling at more shards as if nothing happened. </p><p>“Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to be rude.” You apologize, but it has no effect on the being or beings tending to you. “I appreciate what you’re doing, what you’ve done for Subaru’s mother.” you say softly, hoping the woman doesn’t hear and think you a fool in case the being doesn’t understand language. You don’t think you’d be able to stand it if you had to spend an eternity invisible, serving someone and getting no recognition for it.</p><p>You’re given a dress to change in to, much more complex than the dresses you’ve worn before, save for the one Kanato lent you. It takes a while for you to figure out how all of the thin layers work, at several points you considered giving up and going out wearing just one, but considering that this dress and the woman’s seem to be historic garb, that would probably be like walking around a stranger’s house completely naked. </p><p> </p><p>Finally dressed, you wander around the tower looking for the woman. The drawing room, she said, but you have no idea what that is. A room where people draw, like with a pencil, or with huge windows and curtains that can be drawn? Reiji uses the word to refer to what you consider a living room, but there’s no way they’re the same, it’s such a fancy sounding word. Eventually you find her, in another grand and spacious, dimly lit and dusty room with large stone windows. Greys and deep reds, and the pale white, pinks, and blues, of her own form. You yourself are dressed in pale greys and deep red. This must be servants attire since it blends with the surroundings. Surely it’s been years since a servant has been here, or else this place would be much less decrepit and dust-ridden. Even as someone who’s never hired a servant, you can’t imagine letting your home get this dusty.</p><p>“So you’ve finally arrived.” The woman says with a kind smile. Your thoughts and concerns instantly melt away. “Will you prepare us some tea? I’d like you to keep me company for a while. It’s been such a long time since I had someone to speak to.” </p><p>You bow and quickly blurt out, “Yes my lady!” before scampering around the halls looking for a kitchen. You don’t know why you said that, maybe the noble air she exudes and the fact that you declared yourself a maid are getting to you.</p><p> </p><p>You return with the tea, from a box simply labeled tea. There was nothing else. If Reiji was here he’d have a heart attack, or maybe go on a rant about how a proper lady should have multiple varieties and qualities of tea to suit each occasion, then threaten to discipline her when he was finished berating her. Or not. He doesn’t threaten his brothers with punishments as often as he does so to you, perhaps he’s more lenient with other vampires. Or maybe it’s because it’s a sex thing. It’s definitely because it’s a sex thing. You can’t imagine him flirting with the, though not related to him by blood, mother of one of his brothers. For some reason it bothers you more thinking of him promising to punish someone else more than it bothers you to think of you being punished by him. Maybe you’re in this too deep.</p><p>You serve the woman some tea and stand beside her until she prompts you to sit down. </p><p>“Lovely,” she smiles, eyes lighting up as she sips her tea. It takes all of your self control not to beam with happiness, but even with that you’re still smiling like an idiot. </p><p>“Now, what was your name, dear?”</p><p>You blurt it out, far too quickly, and she smiles at you and introduces herself.</p><p>“My name is Christa, Karlheinz’s wife.” She doesn’t reach a hand out to you, so you give a slight bow while sitting. You’re not sure if this is correct, but she doesn’t mention it.</p><p>“He may have two others, but without a doubt I am his favorite. None of those women have the history he and I share.” You nod along. “Though he barely visits me, I’ve heard he visits them even less. It’s because of my darling Subaru, of course. <em> My </em> son is the sweetest, most adorable of all of his potential heirs. He’s such a gentle child, so full of love. He inherited his looks from me, of course, and hopefully he’ll develop his father’s strength and intelligence as he grows up. As for charm, he gets plenty from both his parents.” She’s smiling, so fondly, happier and more at peace than you’ve ever seen her, you can’t bring yourself to mention that Subaru’s already an adult. “It’s because he was born to parents that love each other that he’s such a pure and innocent little thing. We both love him more than anything in the world.”</p><p>“My, how could I make such a mistake? You’re not a maid, you’re Subaru’s fiancee!” Christa exclaims in a quiet surprise. </p><p>“Oh, it’s not a problem at all. How could I not want to look after and help out the woman responsible for making Subaru the man he is?” You brush it off. You’re currently operating under the rules: don’t upset her, play along, and praise Subaru. It’s not your place to interfere with their situation, but since you’re aware of the horrible things about him Subaru told you she’s said in the past, you’re going to keep saying good things about him and hope it sticks.</p><p>“Really? I can’t help but think he resents me for how I’ve treated him. Even as I am, I have some awareness. I know I’ve been a terrible, unforgivable mother to him. Disgusting, cruel, undeserving… He must hate me!” </p><p>“Not at all!” You interrupt despite yourself. “He cares about you very much, and is always worrying about you. Sometimes I get a bit jealous over how much love he has for you.” You wave your hands to dissuade her from worrying or blaming herself further.</p><p>“Of course, he <em> is </em> Subaru, after all. Sometimes I think he’s too sweet, too sensitive for this world. As his future wife, please look after him the way I cannot.”</p><p>“Absolutely!” You agree, knowing you’ll never be able to fulfill her wish. </p><p> </p><p>She tells you stories of Subaru’s childhood, of him showing her frogs and toads he found in the rose garden, which is apparently at the foot of the tower, her screaming at him to put them back outside, and him returning with squirrels and rabbits instead. One time he dragged her outside to show her a family of white, red-eyed rabbits, saying the mother rabbit was her and he was the baby. The two of them spent hours that year in the garden, watching the rabbits play and graze on the lawn, and eventually the rabbits became comfortable enough to run up to and snuggle with Subaru whenever he stepped outside. She makes you promise not to bring up the story to him unless you want to see him turn beet red and you agree to tease him about it relentlessly.</p><p>She tells you stories of how her much older cousin, Karlheinz, became her lover. How they started with a relationship like brother and sister, and how she grew to crave his attention and affection, becoming jealous of his first two wives, and how when he proposed she was <em> so </em> happy to be that much closer to him. Her eyes darken for a moment before lighting up again, as she tells you about all the fascinating things he’s done in the human world, with parrots, philosophers, and magic, and all the things they did on their walks through the rose garden, and how it’s evidence that he doesn’t really love those other women, and she’s not lonely at all alone in this tower because… he loves her, right? You want to go back in time and save her from this relationship. If you had the chance, however, you know you wouldn’t take it because it would mean Subaru wouldn’t have existed. All you can do now is encourage her to talk about the good things and keep her company.</p><p> </p><p>Once the third pot of tea is emptied, Christa excuses herself to rest in her chambers. You busy yourself washing dishes and dusting the furniture, unable to sleep. </p><p>You empty a dust pan out one of the many, many windows, and suddenly there’s a presence behind you.</p><p>“Ah, so you <em> didn’t </em> abandon me, bunny boy.” You try to smirk but you’re honestly incredibly relieved you aren’t going to be stuck here for the rest of your life. </p><p>“B-bunny boy?!” Subaru looks away, beet red. Yes, this story will serve you well…</p><p>“Look, I wasn’t going to abandon you. Come with me so we can talk.” He grabs your wrist and drags you behind him, down an excessively long spiral staircase, with doors to several other levels of the tower. The sheer size of this place seems gratuitous to you. Maybe that’s because you’re out of breath by the time you make it outside.</p><p> </p><p>After you take in several lungfuls of crisp, cool air, Subaru leads you away from the tower and rose garden and into the woods. The scent of cedar sap and pine needles makes you realize how used to smelling roses you became. Even your clothes smell like it. You briefly consider rolling around on the sappy ground to cover up the scent, before realizing that you’re wearing borrowed clothes and also Subaru is standing <em> right there. </em></p><p>Subaru’s been looking at you for a while now, looking slightly up whenever you turn to him so it looks like he’s looking at the trees, but he isn’t being subtle in the least. You smile at him. The moment you make eye contact he blushes and turns away.</p><p>“You had something to say?”</p><p>“You look pretty! Is that what you wanted to hear?!” he snaps.</p><p>“You said we were going outside to talk.”</p><p>The face he makes is priceless.</p><p>He shakes it off and keeps walking down some forest path, you following along at his side. In the moonlight, he really does resemble Christa. </p><p>“What are <em> you </em>looking at?” he huffs.</p><p>“You look pretty, too.” You smile at him. He blushes but doesn’t look away, scanning your face for some kind of sign. You realize that even though you were just being honest, maybe a little playful, he’s probably going to take it as flirting. You should be more mindful around him, his mother already thinks you’re together. Things are getting kind of weird.</p><p>“The most handsome kidnapper I’ve ever had, in fact. Why did you bring me here?” You can’t stop smiling at him, but the least you can do is change the subject and play the compliment off as a joke.</p><p>Subaru brings you to a clearing. Over a short, stone wall on its bank, you see a shimmering lake, whose rippling surface reflects the crescent moon. He leads you to the wall and takes a seat on it, looking out at the water, and gestures for you to do the same.</p><p>“You can’t go back right now, things aren’t safe for you.”</p><p>“Things aren’t exactly safe for me here, either. At least at the mansion I feel at home.”</p><p>Subaru pauses for a moment, glancing at you before looking back at the reflection of the moon.</p><p>“... What do you think of her?”</p><p>“Your mother?” </p><p>Subaru grunts in confirmation.</p><p>“She loves you. A lot. And she loves your father.”</p><p>You look over at Subaru, whose expression hasn’t changed despite the way he’s balling up his fists. </p><p>“She also thinks you’re still a child, sometimes.” You get off the wall and pick up a small stone, testing it’s weight in your hand, and throwing it as far as you can into the water. It breaks the surface with a huge splash, before sending ripples throughout the rest of the lake and warping the moon’s reflection. Subaru gets up and does the same, casting a larger rock even further, making an even bigger splash. Like a show off.</p><p>“When she’s in the present, though, she really is a lovely woman. All she talks about is how much you mean to her. It’s kind of embarrassing, really, bunny boy.” You elbow him. He turns to you frowning.</p><p>“You must have caught her on a good day, then.” He mutters, throwing another stone into the pond, not nearly as far but much harder than before. You flinch when some of the splashed water hits your face. It’s cool, refreshing. You lay down on the wall, reaching down to dip your fingers into the water. </p><p>“Is there any way to help her?”</p><p>“There is. She’s asked me to do it before, but I can’t.” Subaru sits beside you again and pets your hair. You nuzzle up against his hand.</p><p>“What do you have to do?”</p><p>“She wants me to kill her. She begged me to.”</p><p>You sit up, instantly, and he draws back his hand.</p><p>“A-are you okay?”</p><p>“It’s normal for vampires. When they tire of mortality, they ask a loved one to end their life. It’s considered an act of love.” He’s clenching his fists again, turning his knuckles white. You reach out a hand to comfort him.</p><p>“I think I get it… but it’s still a lot to ask. How do you feel about it?” He takes your hand and moves closer to you. You pull it back to wrap your arm around his shoulder, then replace it with your other hand. He leans his head against yours, letting his weight settle on you. You wish you could do something about that weight on his shoulders.</p><p>“She gave me the knife to do it with over a century ago.” He growls. The hand holding yours is gentle, but he’s clutching his knee with a force you’re certain would break your own. You give his hand a squeeze.</p><p>You don’t know what to say, so you just sit there, looking out at the lake and comforting him. </p><p>“The others killed their mothers already, why can’t I?”</p><p>Did they really? From what Shuu told you, he and Reiji both resented their mother, but Reiji moreso. And Shuu was already the way he is now while his mom was still alive. So unless something really dramatic happened, Reiji was the one who killed her. Did she deserve it? Did she want it? Does he feel any remorse?</p><p>No, you shouldn’t accuse him of such things, not until you hear his side of it. So much will be settled once you get a chance to talk. </p><p>The thought of Kanato killing his mother terrifies you, though, considering the nature of your relationship with him. It wasn’t him, though, right? It doesn’t matter, even if you mother him a little, you’re not actually his mother. You’re uncomfortably aware of the way he sees you, which is most definitely <em> not </em> as a mother, or mother figure.</p><p>Right now you need to focus on Subaru. He’s the one relying on you.</p><p>“It’s because you’re kind, right?” You ask.</p><p>“What about me is <em> kind? </em>You’re the one who called me a kidnapper.” He mutters, still leaning against you and holding your hand.</p><p>“You may have kidnapped me, but you did it so I would be safe, right? Even if I think it was a bad choice on your part, without a doubt you did it with kind intentions.”</p><p>He makes a dismissive sound.</p><p>“You’re a <em> kind </em>napper.”</p><p>“Will you shut the fuck up?!” He lets out a short laugh, bopping his head against yours.</p><p>“Make me, bunny boy.” You laugh before realizing your mistake. “<em> Kind </em>nap me again, then I’ll shut up.” You cringe at how bad that recovery was.</p><p>“I’ll kidnap you back to the mansion once things get sorted out.” He sighs. </p><p>“What needs to get sorted out?”</p><p>“I can’t tell you, not right now, but you’ll know soon enough.”</p><p>“No one’s in danger, are they?”</p><p>“Yeah, unfortunately I’m not gonna kick Reiji’s ass just yet.” There’s an unspoken “for your sake” he leaves out, that you smile at. “He deserves it, though.”</p><p>“I’m glad. I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”</p><p>“She hurt you, though, right?”</p><p>“How’d you know?”</p><p>“I can smell your blood. It’s irresistible.” Subaru leans down to rest his chin on your shoulder, breath brushing against your neck. “Too bad you still need to recover from last night.”</p><p>“W-what are you talking about?!”</p><p>“Get your mind out of the gutter. I drank you dry, remember?”</p><p>“Y-yeah, right, I remember.”</p><p>“Do you wish I did something more? Pervert…”</p><p>“What was I supposed to think when you said it like that?”</p><p>“You were supposed to think about how good it feels when you take my fangs…” He traces his fangs over the skin of your neck and you try to pull away.</p><p>“N-no, it didn’t feel good, and I didn’t want it, we shouldn’t…”</p><p>“Really?” He smirks and you feel your stomach drop. “So you want this instead?”</p><p>Subaru kisses you, softly, sweetly, savoring the feeling of your lips against his, not asking you for anything more. It would almost make you feel loved, if the conditions were different. You push him away.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t want to do this with you.” </p><p>Subaru lets you pull away from him. You can’t bring yourself to look at his face.</p><p>“I’m still with Reiji.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be.”</p><p>“I want to be. Despite everything, I'm still in love with him. I shouldn’t be, honestly, but I am. I’m really sorry, you deserve better.” It’s a relief to get that in the air, but you still feel uncertain about it. About what Subaru’s reaction might be, if you can still be his friend after all this, whether or not you’ll still be able to tease him the way you do, you can't stand the thought of losing him. </p><p>You flinch when you hear a loud *crunch* and a crumbling sound. When you turn towards it Subaru is clutching a handful of dust, above a section of the wall he completely destroyed. The way he’s looking at you makes your blood run cold.</p><p>“You’re afraid of me.. Good…” He leans over you, too close, and you lean backward to get away. When you can’t lean back anymore, almost laying down, he leans over you on one hand, his face inches from your own. He scans your face, looking for something you don’t know, and all you can do is freeze right there. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll walk you back.” He huffs, standing up and walking towards the path, as if nothing happened.</p><p>You shake the tension you were holding out of your arms and legs and trot after him to keep up. Whatever happened there, you’re clearly not going to talk about.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Lmaooooo I called Christa the most beautiful woman the MC ever saw, then drew her looking like That</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Motherfucker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Karlheinz is actually a pretty lame sounding name.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not long after finally being able to fall asleep, you’re awakened by a cool breeze on your face. Neither Christa nor her servants had shown you to a room you’d be staying in, so you settled in on the couch you woke up on the day/night before. You wish you had more privacy, or that there was some glass over the window to keep the cold out, but you just needed sleep. You can’t blame Christa for not being in the best mental state to serve as a proper hostess, how much did she get to talk to Subaru about you staying here, anyway? She never asked for this, you feel incredibly ungrateful for wanting more. Plus, she sometimes thinks you’re a maid, so why would she act as a hostess anyway? Maybe you’re spoiled. </p><p>You wish you had more than just Subaru’s sheet to keep you warm. Hearing a crash of thunder, you start to hope it doesn’t storm. Some curtains can keep out the rain, but high winds would be a disaster. Does Christa just make her servants keep the curtains pinned down till it calms? Do they just let the wind toss things everywhere? Maybe there are boards they fasten in place for these occasions. </p><p>Another crash of thunder, moments later a flash of lightning so bright you see it through your eyelids, followed by a howling wind and the pitter-patter of rain. You squint your eyes shut tighter than before, desperate to go back to sleep. </p><p>The violent wind keeps hitting your face, wet with rain, but somehow that cool breeze that woke you is still coming steady.  You open your eyes and see Christa watching you, face inches from your own, eyes wide and lips pressed together.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Her breathing is stilted, uneven coming from her mouth. She’s shaking. And that look… hatred and disgust. Is it your manners? Falling asleep on the couch like this? Or maybe you should’ve done something about the windows, of course it’s the windows.</p><p>“So you’re finally awake, Beatrice.”</p><p>Christa is looking down at you, eyes full of hate, it pains you even though you know it isn’t directed at you.</p><p>“Crying out your second son’s name, even though you came here for mine… I won’t let you ruin him the way you ruined those boys! There isn’t an ounce of anything sweet or cute left in that little devil , and the other is an empty shell thanks to him! I won’t let you <em> pollute </em> my dear Subaru!” </p><p>While she glares at you, seething, huffing, and catching her breath from the scolding she gave you, you can’t help but feel like you deserve her rage. You aren’t Beatrice, whoever she is, but you may have hurt Subaru by rejecting him hours ago. And he hurt a stone wall as a result. Maybe it’s your turn to be hurt, too. You hope Subaru is doing okay. Or maybe he never cared about you in the first place, and instead of having his feelings hurt, it’s his ego that’s bruised by someone as low as you assuming you could even reject him. You don’t know. You don’t know anything at all. You just feel like you deserve to be hurt.  You’d rather be thinking about the windows.</p><p>Christa gasps, bringing a trembling hand to her face, and steps backwards towards the window, ignoring how the wind makes her hair and dress whip around her erratically. </p><p>“You’re here to kill me, aren’t you..? As if that would change a thing! Karl will always love me the most! A cold woman like you would never understand such a thing…”</p><p><em> Am I really so cold-hearted? </em> You think in your sleepy daze while Christa pounces on you again, strangling your neck. Somehow it’s only when you’re struggling to breathe that you snap out of it and realize the danger you’re in. Still, beneath her rage you can see that Christa is crying. Whatever happened to her in the past must have been truly horrible. You place a hand over hers and smile, hoping it’ll comfort her.</p><p>“Fight back damn you! Hate me! Kill me!” She screams over you, tensing her hand but making no move to choke you harder. “This jealousy is such an ugly thing…” She releases you and tears at her own hair instead, keeping a sharp nail pressed against your pulse. She isn’t looking at you, isn’t paying attention to her nail digging into and piercing your skin as she rips at her roots, she’s looking at the ceiling, wailing, and letting out ugly, broken sobs. The thunder outside seems almost soft in comparison.</p><p>You reach up a hand to the one at your neck again and push it to the side. The hand in her hair reaches up to her face, clawing at it and leaving shallow, red marks, and you gently pull it away again. Before you have a chance to do it, she collapses against you, sobbing against your chest. Is it you or Beatrice she sees?</p><p>“Isn’t he the ugly one?” You sigh, stroking her hair. “Pitting us against each other like this? Whatever happens, I’m here for you.” You don’t know what you’re saying, but you hope these words can comfort her. If you were ever in that kind of situation, you hope you’d have someone to depend on. You don’t want anyone else to have to bear that pain, but if by chance they do, you hope you’d be able to find peace with each other instead of whatever happened here.</p><p>“Yes… that must be true... he’s the one making everything so ugly…” Christa says, shuddering in your arms before suddenly becoming still. She’s so incredibly calm as she says, “Yes… I must fix this right away. Before anyone sees.” </p><p>She lifts herself from your embrace as if nothing happened, not looking at you, and gracefully glides down the hall. </p><p>On the couch next to you is a long lock of snow white hair attached to a piece of bloody scalp. Should you return this to her?</p><p>You know that running after her and trying to comfort her would only bring back memories and further pain, so you busy yourself cleaning, closing the curtains and sweeping wet dust from under furniture, letting it pile up in a mound in the center of the room. It’s a good thing you aren’t deluded into thinking Reiji loves you, or else you might have to deal with that kind of jealousy. You’re not sure your heart could take it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>As you take a break from cleaning, probably too soon after you started, you hear the door at the base of the tower swing open, and the sound of someone running up the stairs. That’s concerning. Or that’s Subaru. Either way, it’ll be a while before they get anywhere close to you, those stairs are ridiculous, and you’re going to meet them before they get here. If it’s Subaru you can know what’s going on, if you can go back, just a bit earlier, and if it’s someone else, you’ll have a frying pan in your hand to fight them off. </p><p>You walk down that endless warping hall again. It’s less dusty than before thanks to your cleaning, but the dust displaced from cleaning the other rooms has gathered here and you decide to do something about it. You have time, after all. </p><p>“Do you hear that?” Christa calls to you from her room, through the open door. You go to her, standing in the entrance as she arranges her hair to cover the patch she tore out, then begins to apply her makeup. “Karl’s coming to visit!”</p><p>Your blood runs cold. You never knew you could be so afraid of a guy with a name like Karl. Christa’s too good for a guy named Karl to come between her and the only women that could relate to her pain. Christa’s too good for a guy named <em> Karl </em>, period. </p><p>“Do you have anything else to wear? This is your first time meeting your father-in-law, you <em> must </em> try to make a good impression!” Christa looks at you with such a giddy face you can’t help but be apologetic when you tell her no.</p><p>“Here… let’s see what I have for you to borrow… What about this? Or this? Ah, I think I’ll be wearing this one…”</p><p>You don’t have the heart to tell her that the dresses tailored to her tall, willowy, delicate figure just aren’t going to fit you at all. </p><p>“Oh, you’re right! This would look beautiful on you!” You say, trying to change the subject.</p><p>“Help me put it on, would you?” </p><p>The heavy underlayers she’s already wearing, which to you look like a regular, if not formal, dress someone could wear walking down the street of a fashion district, doesn’t need to be changed, so you only have to help her unbutton her current dress and button up the back of the new one she pulls over her head. </p><p>She looks absolutely beautiful, yet even more ghostlike than before due to the layers of transparent, pale colored material that seem to move on their own around her. She reminds you of a white rose, and for a second you forget how much you’ve started to detest the flower.</p><p>Another thought comes to your mind, that you’re surprised you haven’t thought of before, of her being a beautiful princess trapped in a tower, and Subaru is the young knight that will one day rescue her. That would make Karl the dragon, right? And he’s coming upstairs right now, she thinks. And Subaru is the one who will have to slay the princess one day to save her. There’s nothing beautiful about this story at all. You wish you could save them from it. You hate yourself for not being able to step in, but you know it’s better this way. Some outsider who knows nothing of their lives isn’t going to be able to make everything better. You can only do small things, like brighten their days with compliments.</p><p>“You look beautiful!” You clasp your hands together as Christa spins around, letting her skirts blossom and twirl outward around her. “Like a white rose!”</p><p>Her face turns pale for a moment, something in her eyes tells you you did something wrong. But the footsteps on the stairs are getting closer, and she brushes it off.</p><p>“They used to call me the white rose, you know. For my beauty, they said…” She smiles at you, so delicately, with such sad eyes, and a voice soft as air. It’s like you stole the vibrance from her. You don’t know how to bring it back.</p><p>“Fetch some towels, dear, he’ll likely be soaked from the rain.” </p><p>You don’t have to, however, as one of her invisible servants hands you a set of towels. You give a bow and thank them with a smile. Christa frowns at you, but you’re determined to act politely. Your manners are really the only things you have control of right now, and you’re determined to exercise them fully. </p><p>She guides you to the door, somehow the hallway seems shorter now, less disorienting, but much quieter than any other room in the tower. Maybe it was always like that, and you just didn’t realize it till now. In the silence you can hear that it’s not one, but two people advancing up the staircase. One running, loud enough for you to have heard earlier, but the other is calmly taking their time.</p><p> </p><p>The door opens, quietly, and Reiji closes it with gloved hands. He removes his damp gloves, places them in his pocket, and gestures to you to hand him a towel without making eye contact. </p><p>“Darling!” Christa declares him to be, stepping far too close to him for your liking. Your heart skips a beat, and Reiji makes no move to push her away. Why isn’t he pushing her away? “It's been so long!” She smiles up at Reiji.</p><p>“Why did you send <em> that </em> woman so far in advance?” Christa frowns and looks up at Reiji with a pout, placing a small, delicate hand on his chest. “That Beatrice… she’s always taunting me about how you gave her two sons, even though they’re nothing compared to our darling Subaru. Should we give him a little sibling to silence her?” She’s leaning closer now, eyes glowing bright, and it’s making you sick.</p><p>“Beatrice?” Reiji gasps, softly, with a ghost of surprise, for less than a moment before brushing it off.</p><p>“Indeed, perhaps we should, but not now, darling.” He looks towards you, still not meeting your eyes, and adjusts his glasses with a cold look.</p><p>You glance away, trying not to show any expression, it feels like you’ve walked in on something you shouldn’t have. The two of them make a beautiful couple, contrasting the dark and light of their hair and clothes, while their good looks make a perfect compliment. Christa is a proper lady, too, more to Reiji’s taste than you’ll ever be. You don’t want to watch this.</p><p>“She doesn’t matter…” Christa purrs at him. “Tell me, aren’t I your favorite? Won’t you let her know who you like best? Who’s blood and beauty enchant you so?”</p><p>“You of course, my darling.” Reiji says to her, too tenderly, too fondly, despite still looking at you. You’re trying not to watch, you want to leave the hall. All the dust is making it difficult for you to breathe. It’s making your eyes start to water. </p><p>“My… that cold look of yours is gorgeous as always, even moreso when we’re the only two in the room…” </p><p>You can’t see what Christa is doing, you don’t want to know. The moment you feel a blush light up your face you cover it with your hands and look away.</p><p> </p><p>“D-darling?” Christa gasps. You turn your head, just a little, and peek out from between your fingers to see that Reiji has pushed her away and is grinning at you. Like a bastard.</p><p>You slowly and hesitantly lower your hands, about to ask what he’s doing here, before the door slams open, hard enough to shake the hall.</p><p>You know who it is before you even look, only Subaru is so rough and careless with furniture. Reiji frowns and takes off his glasses, drying his face with the towel you gave him. You’re distracted by this for a second before one of Christa’s servants pushes a towel into your hands to pass to Subaru.</p><p>It takes a moment for her to recognize him, and you can only stand there, waiting for the opportunity to hand Subaru the towel. Unlike Reiji, he’s completely soaked, with wet hair plastered to his face and dripping from his clothes. You notice the single black umbrella resting outside the doorway. </p><p>Christa looks at you, then at Subaru, and back to you, the gears turning in her head. She looks at Reiji.</p><p>“My! Subaru and his fiancee are here too! Why don’t you all stay for dinner?” </p><p>“That sounds wonderful.” Reiji smiles at you as Christa grabs his arm.</p><p>“Dear, you shouldn’t be looking at our son’s fiancee like that…”</p><p>“She’s not my fiancee!” Subaru pouts.</p><p>How is Reiji looking at you? It’s the same expression he normally makes around you. You don’t get it.</p><p>“Don’t be so cold, dear, it’s clear that you care about her.” Christa scolds Subaru as he blushes. They look like a real family, except for Reiji still being held onto by Christa. </p><p>“I think I’ll be excusing myself for a moment to dress for dinner, won’t you come with me, dear? For some reason you’re dressed like the help…” Christa glances at the dress you’re wearing, pretty fancy in your eyes, but apparently not. “Won’t the two of you wait for us in the drawing room? It won’t be long at all.” She smiles at them, before turning to you and frowning. “Or perhaps not… Even I may not be able to fix… <em> this. </em>” You aren’t sure what triggered this change in the way she treats you, maybe it’s something about etiquette you’re not picking up on.</p><p>“Actually,  I need to talk to her for a second, mind getting started without her?” Subaru calls out.</p><p>“Of course, dear, I’ll let you two lovebirds have your fun~”</p><p>You press your lips together to stop yourself from correcting her. Subaru is blushing, refusing to look at you. </p><p>Once she retreats to her room, before anyone has a chance to say anything, you cross your arms and ask Subaru, “Why did you make her think we’re together?”</p><p>“I didn’t! She just made that assumption herself!” He crosses his arms and huffs, still refusing to look at you.</p><p>“You should have corrected her, how could <em> either </em> of you stand to let this misunderstanding continue?”</p><p>“I just woke up here, I had no clue what Subaru was planning, why he brought me here, who she was…” You try to excuse yourself.</p><p>“I-I don’t have the heart to tell her she’s wrong… And she’d just forget it the next time they spoke…” Subaru looks to you for a moment, before blushing harder and looking away again.</p><p>“Why are you guys here, anyway?”</p><p>“Isn’t it obvious? You were the one who called for me.”</p><p>“What are you talking about? I never… oh, yeah, that happened…” The second son Christa mentioned must have been Reiji.</p><p>“Make yourself clear.”</p><p>“Is Beatrice your mom?”</p><p>Reiji squints at you with darkened eyes. Maybe you should’ve explained what led to that first.</p><p>“To answer your earlier question, I came here to rescue you. We should leave now, before Christa returns.”</p><p>“We can’t just leave without telling her!”</p><p>“Trust me, she won’t care or remember by tomorrow.” Subaru sighs.</p><p>“I still have a lot of cleaning to do here…”</p><p>“Do you really want to stay so badly? Fine, then don’t call for me again.”</p><p>“Sorry! Sorry, let’s go.” You nod along, feeling guilty about abandoning Christa like this. </p><p>Reiji walks out the door, down the stairs, never turning back to look at you or saying a thing. </p><p>When you climb down the stairs and you’re out of breath, he doesn’t stop either, and you do your best to control your breathing to make it look like you aren’t tired. </p><p>At the doorway, you stay close to his side, yet he makes no move to share his umbrella with you. After a few minutes of following the two men down some dark, rainy, muddy path, in the middle of a storm, in the middle of the night, getting completely soaked, you get fed up.</p><p>“Hey Sube-dog.”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“Reiji said he’d fuck your mom.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Layer Cake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reiji and Subaru are whipped but not in that way.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please read the content warnings and remember to stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somewhere down the hall Subaru is yelling. As much as you try to hear it, you can’t make out much of what’s being said, and you can’t hear the voice of who he’s yelling at. Probably Reiji. Probably about the whole you being kidnapped thing, not like you see it as much of a big deal. Worse things have happened. You’ve been restrained, trapped, taken hostage and isolated for longer than a few days before. Wherever you were, apparently in the demon world, which is connected to the mansion by underground tunnels that flood <em> very </em>easily, the sun never rose while you were there, and all the clocks were broken, too. You perceived your stay as around two days, but according to Reiji it was maybe twice as long. Plus or minus the worlds’ times being out of sync. It really wasn’t a big deal. </p><p>What <em> is </em> a big deal is that someone destroyed your room while you were gone. Subaru denies it was him, but the damage to the walls especially is kind of his calling card. His room is apparently trashed, too. You don’t care though, since his coffin is still perfectly intact and he can rest peacefully whenever he wants. Your bed, however, has a broken leg and you’re stuck laying down at a weird angle when you try to sleep. You’re tired enough to fall asleep anyway, but you stumble and trip when you try to get out of bed the morning after your rescue.</p><p>There was some debate over where you should sleep, since your bed frame was broken. Subaru championed his room or Shuu’s, and Reiji asserted that only his was appropriate. You didn’t really care, and said as long as it’s not Shuu’s room it’s fine, secretly hoping for Reiji's but you couldn't say that since things are weird between you. When you dozed off on the couch while they argued, they decided to let you retire to your room so they could fight some more. If the issue was about you they’d probably have calmed down when they saw how uncaring you are about the situation. The way they’re worked up and clashing with each other could only be the result of some kind of power struggle, and you’re just a playing piece. You don’t want anything to do with this. </p><p>After you’re rested and recovered, according to them, it’s not like you received any major physical injuries while with Christa, Reiji is constantly in the corner of your vision. In the kitchen making tea while you’re cooking, passing you whenever you walk through the halls, dusting the living room while you’re reading on the couch, and harvesting potion ingredients in the garden when you go for a walk. He never speaks to you, but you can feel his gaze burning into you whenever you aren’t looking. When he makes eye contact he’s trying too hard to mask his expression with a cold gaze. You’re getting sick of this.</p><p>You prepare some tea, take it to his laboratory, and wait. Earl Grey flavored with slightly more bergamot than usual, in an elegant monochrome teapot with royal blue accents, similar in appearance to one of his favorites but there’s no way you’re going to risk breaking something so precious to him. Less than five minutes later he pretends to run into you by coincidence, and you invite him to sit with you and chat.</p><p> </p><p>“So I see you’ve decided to stop being angry with me.” Reiji says, sipping the tea without insult.</p><p>“You’re the one giving me the cold shoulder.”</p><p>He doesn’t respond, looking into his teacup and frowning instead. </p><p>“Why did you lie to Subaru about what you’ve done? The truth is plenty unflattering as is.”</p><p>“Is it not obvious? The two of you were becoming quite close, and I thought it would be best to reveal his true nature to dissuade you from continuing on that path.”</p><p>That’s pretty much what you and Subaru already assumed, you’re kind of disappointed by how simple his reasoning is. He’s just being possessive and jealous.</p><p>Reiji looks up at you with a cold expression, but something alight in his eyes.</p><p>“So, do you hate me even more now? No matter how much you may come to hate me, how miserable you become, I’ll make you more and more dependent on me so you can never escape my grasp. You belong to me, after all.”</p><p>He’s looking at you with that predatory glint. Despite the table separating the two of you, it feels like he’s cornered you against a wall, towering over you. It’s suffocating, not that you particularly mind. It’s nice to know someone cares enough to want to ruin your life to keep you by their side. Why do you keep thinking such weirdass things when it comes to this guy?</p><p>You take a breath.</p><p>“Knock it off, would you? Unfortunately, I love you unconditionally, and just being with you is enough to make me happy. Everything else comes second.  But even though everything else comes second, I still want to have friends and a family, and you can’t try to take that from me. Don’t you want to be closer to your family too?”</p><p>That predatory look in his eyes is gone, they’re blown wide and his lips are parted. You keep going before he has a chance to interrupt.</p><p>“You kept me as basically your sex slave for two weeks, you know, and I stayed by you despite that! Don’t you think that if I were to start to hate you, <em> that </em> would be the catalyst, instead of this… high school girl drama? There’s no reason at all for you to think I hate you, or that someone’s gonna take me away from you. I still want to have friends, and I won’t let you get in the way of that, but if given the choice I’d always choose you, you idiot! I’m staying by your side till you get sick of me, got it?!”</p><p>You down your entire cup of tea and slam it on the table, letting it clack against the little plate. Reiji’s still in shock. You don’t think you’ve ever had an outburst like that since you arrived at the mansion, or even before that. </p><p>A smile starts to creep on Reiji’s face, and that glint makes it’s return. A familiar look.</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“It seems that you have confessed your love for me…” he smirks, looking you in the eye as he sips his steaming cup of tea. That bastard. You hope it’s hot enough to fog up his glasses.</p><p>“So what? It’s not like I haven’t told you before.” You huff. Inside your head you’re kicking yourself. You’ve admitted it before, but never to him out of fear of the power over you it would give him. The power imbalance between the two of you is already way more than it ever should be in a healthy relationship, and this can only make it worse. He’s still giving you that shrewd smile.</p><p>“Can we get back on topic? I’m trying to have an argument with you here…” Your heart really isn’t in it anymore, and without looking you can tell your face is bright red. You kind of just want to hide away in your room and take a century long nap after embarrassing yourself like this.</p><p>“I think... “ he says, waltzing over to you, taking your hands and guiding you to stand up, completely ignoring what you said, “that the only way to settle this and assuage these feelings, is for you to make it <em> explicitly </em> clear that you’re mine…” he kisses your lips, too brief for your liking, “Only then will I tell you everything I’ve done.”</p><p>When he leans in to kiss you again you reluctantly turn away.</p><p>“Stop playing games. Just tell me everything now, or else it’ll be all I can think about.”</p><p>He looks at you with a scrutinizing gaze, which you’d normally crumble under the pressure of, but for some reason today you have it in you to just pout back. </p><p>“Fine then,” he steps back and pushes up his glasses, “though one of these things I’d like to withhold at least until tomorrow.”</p><p>Feeling antsy for another kiss, you accept his terms.</p><p>“As long as no one will die if we put it off.”</p><p>“Then, I shall confess. To Shuu, for what he did to you, I may have been more critical of him as of late.”</p><p>Is that why he keeps apologizing to you?</p><p>“Oh… thanks for that.”</p><p>Reiji nods before continuing down the list.</p><p>“As you know with Subaru, I’ve held our relationship over his head, and encouraged him to act more possessively and violently towards you by exaggerating the truth. For Ayato I merely had to mention the possibility of you leaving for him to watch himself around you. And Kanato… I told him that you would only ever see him as a child.”</p><p>The Kanato thing is sort of true, you should probably work on that. Aside from manipulating Subaru, none of this sounds horrible, exactly, maybe a bit cruel for preying on the triplets insecurities, but mundane enough that you don’t hate yourself for forgiving him.</p><p>“What you said to Kanato… do you think that’s why he stabbed me?” Your hand traces over the still sensitive mark along your collarbone.</p><p>“As I said that to him as a result of those events, I highly doubt it.”</p><p>“I see… Subaru said you claimed responsibility for it so I was worried...”</p><p>“Did I not say I lied to him?”</p><p>“You said exaggerations. It doesn’t matter, I’m glad you had nothing to do with it.”</p><p>“Then, shall we continue?” Reiji tilts your chin to look up at him, leaning in for another kiss, which you dodge despite yourself.</p><p>“Nope, I’m still angry at you.” You say, still with a relieved smile on your face.</p><p>“I assure you, you won’t be angry at all after I-”</p><p>“Apologize to each of your brothers individually? Of course not!”</p><p>Reiji glares at you, like a cat that’s just been given a bath, and adjusts his glasses.</p><p>“Oh dear, I might just stay mad at you forever until you apologize…”</p><p>“Then I will see to it at once. Will you be joining me for dinner later tonight?”</p><p>“Yes, <em> my love </em>!” You give him a kiss on the cheek, prancing away before he can catch up with you, kicking yourself for doing something like that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It’s been about a week since Kanato stabbed you and he’s been avoiding you since. Now that you’ve sent Reiji on an apology world tour, it’s your turn to make amends. Though you stand by the fact that nothing you said, no matter how wrong or hurtful, could have possibly justified the treatment Kanato gave you. You’re going to apologize, incredibly pleasantly, and he’ll accept your apology and maybe feel bad enough about his own actions to apologize in turn. Last time you tried this “kill them with kindness” routine you managed to escape death, so it’ll surely work here too. Although nothing but your relationship with Reiji changed last time. Well, even if this doesn’t work out the way you want it to, at least you’re sticking by your own moral guidelines. </p><p>You also promised to make Kanato sweets like, a week ago, but between the whole stabbing and kidnapping things you kind of forgot. He’s definitely going to be pissed at you. This is how you earn yourself another stabbing, isn't it? Maybe if you make an especially decadent dessert for him he’ll go easy on you.</p><p>Christa’s tower didn’t have much in the way of modern baking tools, or any modern technology at all, so you didn’t have a chance to do anything fancy in the kitchen. Just tea and biscuits for her, and half the time she made her servants do that. </p><p>Because of your return to your element, you’ve decided to make a layered mousse cake to apologize to Kanato. A layer of brownie for the base, then layers of chocolate, mocha, and raspberry mousse alternated with thin rounds of vanilla sponge cake. The base will be rich, deep, and fudgy, but the rest will be light and airy, with the sweet, creamy mousse just barely seeping into the fluffy and buttery sponge. It’ll be time consuming, and you’ll have to bake the cake and brownie, then wait for it to cool before you can even make the mousse since it needs to be layered while it’s fresh, then left in the fridge to set, but it’s been a while and you have the time to do something so time and labor intensive. You need Kanato to know how sorry you are, after all. Plus you’ll make enough for two cakes, one all for him and another to share between yourself, Reiji, and any of his brothers who want to join in. There’s a complex enough flavor to the cake that plain black tea will do to pair it with, and for the tea set, you remember seeing something with teddy bears on it in one of the storage rooms a few weeks ago while cleaning. Hopefully Subaru hasn’t wrecked it yet.</p><p> </p><p>The minute you find the tea set, the warm aroma of the cakes you put in the oven start to reach you. You’re not sure if you’ve outdone yourself or if you just really want cake. Hopefully it’s both. You almost drop the tea set when a ghostly moan reaches your ears, echoing from somewhere deep in the mansion. You only hear it once, however, before complete silence. You ignore it and go to clean the tea set in the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>The scent is even stronger in the kitchen, and you can’t help but take a peak on how the cakes and brownies are coming along in the oven.  They’re sitting in their shallow round tins, the cakes are close to being done but the brownie will be a little longer. When you opened the door the smells of chocolate and vanilla flooded the room, so you pop a piece of bakers chocolate into your mouth to satisfy yourself till they’re finished. The dish you’ll be stacking the layers in is a bit smaller than the tins, so you’ll get to eat the cuttings later, before it’s done.</p><p> </p><p>You start organizing the dry ingredients for the mousses , getting that part out of the way so when you actually have to make them it’ll be that much quicker, when you start to hear that sound again, halfway between a moan and a wail. It’s sending shivers down your spine. You set the cake on the counter to cool and decide you can’t spare time to investigate just yet, since the brownie will be done in less than 20 minutes.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Reiji just apologized to me.” Subaru walks in on you scrolling through your phone and snacking on chocolate chips. </p><p>“How was it?” You offer the bag to him.</p><p>“Fucking weird, that’s what.” He pushes the bag away.</p><p>“What did he apologize for?” You ask, maybe a bit too eager to see if Reiji's actually acknowledging what he did wrong.</p><p>“For misleading me, lying, and all that, but I swear he just wanted to brag about your relationship.” He sneers when he sees the look of relief on your face. “Pick someone else.”</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“He’s a bastard.”</p><p>“Subaru, I love you like a brother, but even you’re kind of a bastard too.” You try to put a hand on his shoulder but he pulls away. </p><p>“You a bro-con or something? No siblings act the way we do.” He steps closer to you, parted lips ghosting over your neck, before he rests his chin on your shoulder instead.</p><p>“You reek of that perfume.”</p><p>“Isn’t it nice?” You think it is, at least, for warding off his bite. Like mosquito repellant.</p><p>“Your natural scent is better.” He shakes his head. He sniffs your neck again and scowls.</p><p>Suddenly he’s pushing you back into your chair with his face against your chest, sniffing between your breasts.</p><p>“This is much better.” He smiles, gripping the meat of your butt that’s been squished to the sides of your hips by the chair. His nails are like claws, digging into you through your clothes.</p><p>He travels further down, to your stomach, then nuzzling against the crevice of your thighs and crotch. When you try to kick him away he forces your thighs apart and pins them down.</p><p>“Now <em> this </em> smells delicious…” Subaru licks his lips and presses them against your soft inner thigh through your pants. </p><p>“Wait!” You try to push him away when he opens his mouth, but he doesn’t budge. He merely glares up at you with his fangs ready to pierce your skin through your clothes. You try to think of something fast, hating the fact that you’re back to making excuses to him.</p><p>“I’m still recovering from when you drained me, my blood is probably all weak and thin and gross. I don’t want you drinking my blood just to insult me. Later, okay?” You push his head away again, playfully, and he goes with it before returning to press his cheek against your thigh.</p><p>“Fine, but till then I’m feasting on something even sweeter-”</p><p>He’s interrupted by the oven timer going off. You’re saved. </p><p>“Yeah? I’ll let you have some of the trimmings after it cools.” You manage to get away from him while he’s distracted by the timer, then very slowly take the brownies out of the oven while Subaru hungrily hovers over you, stalling till he loses interest.</p><p>“If you want something sweet while you’re waiting, help yourself to some chocolate chips. I only need about half the bag for the mousse.” You smile at him so innocently that you feel like  a demon. </p><p>You wonder if he can tell you’re being cautious around him. You wonder if he’s even accepted the fact that you aren’t interested. You wonder if he even cares. Maybe you need Reiji to brag about your relationship more to him. </p><p>Suddenly that ghostly moan is echoing through the house again, making your hairs stand on end.</p><p>“Do you know what that is?”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter, stuff like that happens here all the time.”</p><p>“I’ve never heard this before.”</p><p>“You’re kinda oblivious.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I’m also creeped out easily and I’d definitely remember this.”</p><p>“Whatever…” Subaru folds his hands behind his head. “It’ll go away if you ignore it.”</p><p>You’ve got to give him credit for trying, but he’s just not selling it at all. You can tell he knows something and the sound is bothering him almost as much as it intrigues you.</p><p>“Help me investigate, will you?”</p><p>“Fuck no. Leave it alone.”</p><p>“I’m going to look for the source whether you join me or not. It’s just less scary if you’re there with me.”</p><p>You try not to smirk as Subaru blushes, looks away, and starts to fight some internal battle with himself. After what he did to you, he deserves it.</p><p>“Fine, where are we going first?”</p><p>“It’s probably the dungeon, right? Where else do ghostly moans come from?”</p><p>“Laito’s room.”</p><p>“You can’t <em> pay </em> me to go in there. Let’s explore the spooky dungeon.” </p><p>Subaru shrugs as if to say <em> “that’s fair” </em>, then shakes his head.</p><p>“I’m not letting you in there.”</p><p>“You scared?” you tease.</p><p>“What do you think is going to happen to you in there?”</p><p>“Do you think I’d invite you along if I didn’t trust you not to do something weird?”</p><p>Subaru has another one of his very visible internal battles, before spitting out, “Fine!” and following you to the dungeon.</p><p> </p><p>The minute you open the door the moaning starts again. Before you can step foot in the pitch black, damp, echoey torture chamber, however, Subaru blocks your way with an arm.</p><p>“What’s the problem?”</p><p>“Your eyes are shit.”</p><p>“...”</p><p>You turn on your phone light and try to duck under his arm.</p><p>“Stay still, would you?!” He shouts before catching himself and growling. </p><p>“I’ll be right back…” he mutters.</p><p>You try to follow behind him, to make sure he doesn’t destroy any evidence of whatever’s going on down there, but he shoots you a deathglare that has you frozen in place.</p><p>He returns with an old, antique candelabra, that Reiji’s made you polish at least three times before, and lights it with some kind of pale grey magic.</p><p>“Woah, didn’t know you could do that!” You smile at the display and turn off your phone's flashlight.</p><p>Subaru tries not to look too proud as he grins at the compliment.</p><p>“What does the grey mean?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Fire isn’t usually grey, is it magic?”</p><p>“... It’s the only color I can do. Let’s go.” He gives you an unimpressed look, but still offers the light. Maybe you should stop trying to push him, but getting a chance to tease someone is just making you so happy.</p><p>
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</p><p>You start down the stairs, trying to minimize the creaking of the steps to no avail. Suddenly the moaning stops and all you can hear is a light, raspy, wheezing noise. Like an animal in pain, breathing heavy. The echoes of the moaning bounces off the walls until nothing remains, and you can no longer pinpoint the source. </p><p>Subaru stays behind you, just far back enough that whatever is right before you can just barely be made out. Chains covered in rust, or something else, dark puddles on the floor, and the occasional crack you hope you’re only mistaking for a centipede. The wheezing is dying down, yet still echoes through the chamber. You can’t figure out it’s location so you'll need to check everywhere. You notice that the cell Reiji had you chained up in so long ago is conveniently locked off. Locking away bad memories, or reserving it for personal use? That, more than anything in this place, makes you shudder. </p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Sugar Saturation Level: 110%</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please read the tags and remember to stay safe!</p><p>Edit: The GODDAM picture keeps disappearing for some reason, hopefully it's fixed now.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Empty cell after empty cell you pass by reveals nothing, in part because there’s nothing here and the sounds of whatever’s in hiding has calmed down so much you can’t track it, but you’d like to blame Subaru for holding the light too far back. As you make it further into the dungeon, however, he seems more reluctant to cast the light for you and you realize you must be on the right path. </p><p>You trip over an out of place brick, easily missable in the low light, and fall down on your knees. It stings a little, but it’s just a scrape. Somewhere further back you hear a low rattle of chains, something’s pulling against them. </p><p>You go towards the sound, cautiously as not to trip again, and the more you and the smell of your blood advance the more it starts to ring out. As you move further into the darkness you notice how much slower Subaru is walking, the light he’s holding doesn’t reach you at all, forcing you to feel your way around the damp walls and cool iron bars. </p><p>The sound of chains tire out, but you’re close enough now that you can hear that heavy breathing again. Wheezing, nasally, desperate, like it’s crying. So familiar to you for some reason. Then you hear the voice, calling out to you in broken gasps, barely managing to say half your name.</p><p>You run through the dark to him, and Subaru chases, trying to hold you back, but the light he’s holding reveals Kanato, chained and slumped over behind iron bars</p><p>Dried out lips soundlessly mouth your name. Otherwise, he’s unmoving. His skin is pale, dry, and thin like paper. The usual shadows under his eyes are darker, stark against the white of his skin, more like bruises. You hope it’s just the dull, silver light playing tricks on you. </p><p>His empty, doll like eyes gaze blankly into the darkness until he notices you in the light, and something flickers in them. When he starts to make a gasping sound, quieter, but unmistakably the ghostly moan that echoed through the halls earlier that day, you notice the two bright red lines on his lips, chewed thin by his fangs.</p><p>You search for the door, unsure of what to say to him, to reassure him that you’ll get him out, safe in his room. You find the door and struggle with it for a moment before realizing it’s locked, and the key is nowhere in sight.</p><p>“Subaru! Can you break this open?!” You plead.</p><p>“No.” He stands behind you, lending the light, but making no move to help you.</p><p>“Can you at least try?!”</p><p>“You think I haven’t tried before? They had to change the doors the first few times cuz I kept breaking out.” He gives a dry smile, as if this is an appropriate time to brag.</p><p>“Where’s the key?!”</p><p>“Reiji has it.”</p><p>You stop pulling on the door, letting your arms slump to your sides. So, the man who you pretty much pledged your life to… is capable of this. Why are you surprised?</p><p>“Look…” Subaru puts a hand on your shoulder, trying to comfort you but coming across as stiff. You don’t care, you’ll take what comfort you can get. “I seriously hate that bastard, but this guy kinda deserved it for what he did to you.”</p><p>He didn’t though, at least not in your mind. Being locked in a dungeon, alone in the dark, starved for blood and all alone, without even his Teddy to keep him company... how could this <em> ever </em> be considered reasonable?</p><p>“I got about as long as him for eating Ayato’s takoyaki once, it’s really not a big deal.”</p><p>“How long has he been in here?”</p><p>“About a week, he’s getting out tomorrow, just leave it.”</p><p>“Does he look like he can survive another night in there?!” You gesture to Kanato’s pale, limp form. He’s looking at you so miserably you can feel your heart break.</p><p>“We gave him blood yesterday, he’s just being a drama queen.” Subaru huffs.</p><p>You look at Kanato again. He doesn’t look like someone who’s been given any blood.</p><p>He calls your name again.</p><p>“My mouth is so dry… it feels like it’s full of sand… I might die if I don’t get some of your blood… even just a little…”</p><p>His big eyes start to water, but he’s clearly too dehydrated to cry. </p><p>“Do you want me to die?!” He tries to shout, but his hoarse voice cracks when he raises it. Even like this, he’s still holding on…</p><p>Subaru sighs next to you.</p><p>“See? He’s just trying to get you to pity him so he can drink you blood.”</p><p>“We can’t let him stay like this. Where did Reiji go after he spoke to you?” You ignore what Subaru said, you don’t doubt that he’d slander his brother so he doesn’t look bad for being complicit in this.</p><p>“I dunno, probably Shuu or Ayato’s room? Seriously, the little shit’s just putting on a show, we’ve all-”</p><p>“We’ll be right back, I promise!” You reassure Kanato through the bars. He’s still making that face at you. </p><p>You grab the candelabra from Subaru and drag him back up the stairs.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
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</p><p>Reiji hates Shuu, and is probably saving that apology for last because just being in the same room with him for long enough to say anything, let alone an apology, will probably sour his mood for the rest of the day. You’re proven right when you find him exiting Ayato’s room with an exasperated look.</p><p>Despite the pressing matters at hand, you find yourself asking him how the apology went.</p><p>“Fine.” He says bluntly.</p><p>Ayato pokes his head out of his room.</p><p>“Of course he’s gonna act like a bastard, it’s not like we didn’t already know he’s a piece of shit.” Ayato’s smirking, obviously amused by the fact Reiji was forced to apologize to him for an admittedly minor offense. </p><p>“Anyways, where are the keys to Kanato’s cell?”</p><p>“They’re currently with me, why do you ask?” Reiji asks with a look of confusion.</p><p>“You need to let him out. Now.”</p><p>“That won’t be possible.”</p><p>“Oi, leave it alone.” Ayato butts in. “I gave Laito two weeks in there for sleeping with a girl I wanted. Kanato’s been in there for what, a couple days? I say leave him.”</p><p>“For once I find myself agreeing with Ayato. It’s only fair that he serves his full sentence.”</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“If it would make you happy, however,” Reiji ignores Ayato’s interjection, “I’ll release him a day early.” </p><p>You follow after him as he slowly and leisurely makes his way to the dungeon.</p><p>“Although even <em> I </em> have been locked away for longer…” Reiji mutters under his breath.</p><p>What the fuck is up with this family?</p><p> </p><p>Reiji lights the candelabra this time, a deep blue that casts a brighter, further reaching glow than Subaru’s grey fire. The moment it’s lit Kanato’s ghostly wails begin to echo through the chamber.</p><p>Ayato scoffs at him and you, unfortunately, aren’t surprised by how uncaring he is about his own brother being chained up and starved.</p><p>When you get to the cell the wailing has stopped, and Kanato sits there, eyes wide open, body limp and slumped over.</p><p>“Hey now, that’s really creepy…” Ayato murmurs.</p><p>“Overdramatic little freak...” Subaru growls under his breath.</p><p>“You should be thanking her that you’re being released so soon.” Reiji says to Kanato, who is still unresponsive. He takes his time unlocking the bolt on the door, and you follow him into the cell as he frees Kanato from the chains.</p><p>“Can you still move?” You whisper to Kanato, crouching down and extending a hand to Kanato, unsure of whether or not you’re allowed to touch him, if his body can even handle being moved.</p><p> </p><p>You’re on the ground, pinned down by his full weight, arms forced to your sides. Kanato can still move, that’s for certain, as he rips open your shirt to plunge his fangs into the base of your neck.</p><p>Somewhere outside the cell you can hear Ayato cackling. </p><p>“We fed you just yesterday… please show some restraint.” Reiji sighs. You can’t see him, but you know his current expression reads “I told you so”. </p><p>Kanato pushes your breasts together and bites the inner side of the right one while pressing his face against the left. When he tests the weight of it in his palm, releasing a loud and lusty moan, it’s too obvious that he’s feeling you up for you to delude yourself into believing he’s just listening to your heart beat.</p><p>“You go lil’ bro!” Ayato cheers, before making a pained sound. It’s very likely that Subaru punched him in the gut.</p><p>It takes a few seconds of this treatment for you to snap out of shock. Of course Kanato was faking it, he’s a vampire, after all, he can take much worse than a week without food. At that, you were even told so many times already that he’s been fed and taken care of. Even Subaru said it was okay, even though this was Reiji’s fault and he gladly took any opportunity to insult him earlier. This was just Kanato’s way of catching you off guard, making you pity him so he could take advantage of your sympathy.</p><p>Kanato nuzzles his face against your breast while taking in mouthfuls of blood, kissing and suckling your sensitive skin with his rough, chapped lips, like some twisted version of nursing that makes your stomach turn. He moans against your skin with hot breaths and adjusts the way his hips are pressed against yours, forcing you to feel him against you. You start to feel light-headed, despite knowing you haven’t lost enough blood to justify it. The fact that <em> Kanato’s </em> the one doing this only makes it worse.</p><p>Suddenly you’re pushed to a sitting position, another pair of fangs bite into your shoulder, and a hand comes up to grope you breast. While you were distracted, Ayato decided to join in.</p><p>“Outta the way, you’re taking the best part…” He pushes Kanato’s face away from you, revealing the lower half of the younger looking man’s face, grinning, stained red with your blood, paired with those big eyes, half-lidded and full of hunger. You have to look away. </p><p>Kanato bites into you again, but Ayato takes the time to rip open your bra before lifting your breast and biting into the underside. </p><p>Ayato laps at the bite before moving to your nipple, circling your areola with his tongue before taking it into his mouth and giving a harsh suck. He toys at the nub with his tongue, letting deep moans and wet sounds escape his mouth. He’s a little too experienced with this, too skillful, and you feel a familiar sense of pleasure warm your body and flavor your blood, encouraging Kanato to drink more, bite harder, treat you rougher. Kanato’s bites slowly travel lower to the newly exposed flesh, sinking both his hands and teeth into the softness. </p><p>You’re relieved when Ayato decides not to feed from your nipple and instead moves to kiss and nip at just above the base of your breast, letting its weight rest on his face, and bites into you there instead. He’s not holding back his enjoyment at all, and the sounds of his and Kanato’s pleasure, along with your whimpers of what you hope is only pain and fear, begin to echo through the dungeon. </p><p>You look up desperately to see Subaru, face a deep red, obviously uncomfortable, and Reiji, smirking down at you. </p><p>Subaru starts towards you but Reiji puts out an arm to hold him back.</p><p>“Shouldn’t we be… helping her?” Subaru whispers.</p><p>“Not until she begs. She has to learn that help only comes to those who ask.” Reiji smiles wide with that look again, enjoying your pain and disgust. </p><p>You open your mouth but can’t find the words.</p><p>“Fuck it, I’m having some too.” Subaru pushes Reiji’s arm aside and storms over, sitting down behind you and biting into your neck with unnecessary force. You mouth Reiji’s name and he smiles wider. At least he seems to be enjoying this. If he looked at you with the disgust you think you deserve, you know you’d fall apart. </p><p>“You said your blood was still weak…” Subaru grins against your neck, forcing his fangs past your skin again and again, before gathering up the blood from each bite onto his tongue and swallowing. “Fucking liar.” </p><p>Refusing to be ignored, Ayato twists and pinches your nipple between his fingers, causing you to let out an involuntary yelp. </p><p>“Reiji!” You finally manage to say. You can feel Subaru frown against your neck.</p><p>“Reiji… help…” You manage with what you can gather of your voice.</p><p> </p><p>Reiji grabs the collar of Kanato’s shirt and easily tosses him to the side. Ayato backs off of his own will.</p><p>“Calling another guy's name is such a mood killer.” He sneers, wiping the blood off his lips with the back of his hand.</p><p>Subaru tries to help you up, but you grab the hand Reiji extends before he has the chance.</p><p>“This is why I refuse to keep my woman in this household any longer...” Reiji sighs under his breath to himself.  He turns to you and offers you his jacket, guiding your arms through the sleeves before zipping it up as far as it goes. As he carefully rolls up the sleeves, keeping them neat and even, you see Ayato over his shoulder offering Kanato a high-five and promptly get denied.</p><p>You can’t help but feel warm about what Reiji said, but something about it makes you feel uncomfortable. “His woman”... is it a term of endearment, or does he only mean that you belong to him? You want it to mean more. You want things to be fair between you. You want him to help you unprompted when he sees you in distress.  </p><p>He draws away after finishing with your sleeves, and as much as you want to grab his arm and pull him close, you don’t know if you could handle him rejecting you, not right now. So instead, you hug yourself while wearing his jacket, pretending it’s him, while he looks down at you.</p><p>“Sorry about this…” You say to him without looking up.</p><p>“This is only to be expected so long as you stay here…” He sighs again and adjusts his glasses. “You did well by calling on me.”</p><p>“My blood will get on your jacket… what if it stains?” You don’t know why you feel this would be important to him right now, but whatever punishment you’ll be receiving for it later, you want to know sooner rather than later.</p><p>“I must return to my apologies now, shall I walk you to your room so you can change?” He offers you his hand and you far too eagerly take it. </p><p>You want to apologize to Kanato, but you’re not going to turn down an excuse to hold Reiji’s hand. Besides, he’s currently preoccupied getting scolded by and fighting with his brothers. The two of you leave them behind in the confusion.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After you part ways with Reiji you quickly change and get back to the kitchen, worried that Kanato might eat the pastries you’re making while you’re away. You still need to apologize to him. In your head, you know you don’t have to, and he’s the one that should be apologizing to you instead, but you can’t help feeling like you need to be the one to take the first step. Maybe if you apologized to him earlier, what just happened could’ve been prevented. </p><p>You start up the stand mixer, letting the loud whirring sound drown out your surroundings as you watch the mousse whip into shape and increase its volume, incorporating more and more air into itself. Even though it’s size, shape, and color change from this step, it’s still made of the same stuff. If that’s the case, then why does it taste so much better after it changes? You take a deep breath and shake your head. </p><p>You think back to what happened with Kanato. He clearly knew what he was doing. You need to stop thinking of him as a kid. Maybe that’s why you feel the need to apologize to him, even if that way of thinking lets him get away with more, it’s surely a huge blow to his ego. You’re finding it easier to believe that he and the other triplets are the same age, but you’re not quite there yet. </p><p>What would he have ended up doing to you if you hadn’t gotten Reiji to step in? If you became too weak to ask for help? Would he have stopped at blood or would he have…</p><p>No, you know the answer already. You don’t know if Ayato and Subaru being there would’ve been to your detriment of benefit. Subaru, at least, would have been against letting them go further, right? But Ayato… </p><p>No matter how silly he is, or fun to be around, you have to remember who he is, what he wants to do to you,  what he’s done to you before, and what he’s surely willing to do to you again. Maybe it was a good thing that Reiji had him on edge before, there’s no way he would’ve tormented you like that if he thought it would make you leave, you think. You don’t know why you leaving would concern him so much. The only difference between you and the other sacrificial brides is that you somehow managed to last longer, probably by pure luck. Yet somehow, he doesn’t want you leaving. Maybe he’s starting to appreciate you, or maybe he wants to be the one to kill you himself. No, there’s no way you matter enough for him to care who kills you.</p><p>The mousse is done. You carefully layer it, then start the next batch.</p><p>You slump down in a chair, tired of standing, tired of baking, tired of having your blood sucked, tired of your confusing feelings about things that should probably be more obvious than they are to you, and just plain tired. This isn’t unusual for you. You’ll rest for a minute, then hop right back into things with those pesky feelings neatly bottled up and placed into storage, where you hope they’ll get lost. It’s how it always works. Maybe your little kidnapping was a vacation, and coming back from that has left you spoiled. Sure, Christa was physically violent and you were constantly dealing with the fear of being abandoned, as well as the fact that you had to be incredibly careful and mindful of everything you said, and had the endless task of cleaning that ancient, dusty tower, but you really only had to worry about her, Subaru, and Reiji while you were there. Maybe, if you squint your eyes, that counted as a break. Maybe that’s why everything feels so much worse now. Or maybe, more likely, it’s because what just happened reminded you of the fact that at the end of the day, you’re just bait to these men. Something disposable for them to use and consume. </p><p> </p><p>“Drink this.” a small voice commands, barely audible over the whirring of the stand mixer.</p><p><br/> <br/><br/></p><p>Kanato offers you a tea cup, the one with a bear design that you found and washed for him earlier that night. His voice is demanding, but his face is asking for forgiveness. You can’t help but smile at him and accept the cup.</p><p>It’s black tea, dark and overbrewed, loaded with sugar to the point where you can just make out that some has settled to the bottom through the murky brown of the liquid. At least it won’t be bitter.</p><p>You take a sip and burn your tongue, but continue anyway. Somehow it manages to both be incredibly bitter yet sickeningly sweet. You’ve never experienced something like this before.</p><p>“Delicious!” You smile at him, although you can’t taste much but the sugar. His frown deepens and his eye twitches.</p><p>“Are you an idiot?! Do you really think you can get away with lying to me?!” He roars over the sound of the mixer.</p><p>“What do you mean? It really is wonderful.” You smile and take another sip.</p><p>“It’s too bitter, compared to what you and Reiji make…” He lowers his voice, it’s wavering, barely above a whisper.</p><p>“I’m fine with a little bitterness.” You shrug and continue drinking.</p><p>He squints his eyes and glares at you, pressing his dry lips together.</p><p>“And, since you made it for me, it makes me happier every time I taste it. Drinking this really is wonderful.” You smile at him, taking in the aroma and feeling of steam on your face. </p><p>He scans your expression, probably looking for some sign of deception, but you really are happy that he’s reaching out to you. Things aren’t going to go back to normal between you, but you’re hoping you’ll be able to end up better friends. The fact that you were right about him liking the tea set you chose just makes you smile wider.</p><p>“... Are you an idiot?”</p><p>“Yeah, sort of.” You laugh.</p><p>Kanato gets up, then quickly returns with the teddy bear tea pot, and pours you another cup of tea.</p><p>“Drink it again.” He commands, stronger this time.</p><p>You drink it, slowly since it’s still a bit hot. This time it’s entirely bitter, without any sugar. It actually tastes better this way. </p><p>“Ah, one second.” You say as your timer goes off. You layer the mousse, take a sip of tea, and set the next batch in the mixer, before returning to your cup. The entire time Kanato is watching your every move through squinted eyes, trying to figure something out.</p><p>“Want some? After this the cake will need 4 hours to set, but there are some trimmings and left over mousse you can try in the meantime.”</p><p>“... Okay.” </p><p>You serve Kanato a full plate of edges you cut off the vanilla sponge cakes and brownies, arranging it neatly so they look less like the scraps they are, and plop three blobs of chocolate, mocha, and raspberry mousse on the side. </p><p>He takes a bite, hums in approval, and begins to devour the sweets while pouring you cup after cup of tea until the pot is empty.</p><p>“Don’t you want some too?”</p><p>“It’s too bitter.” He mumbles between mouthfuls of cake. </p><p> </p><p>Kanato hangs around for a while after you finish arranging the cake and put it in the fridge to set.</p><p>“It won’t be ready until it’s time for dessert, I won’t force you to wait around with me till then.” You say as he finishes the last of the leftover mousse.</p><p>“I’ll make more tea when it’s ready.”</p><p>“Good, I’m sure everyone will love it!” You feel yourself slipping into your old habits, treating him like a kid, not holding him responsible, but you can’t stop from wanting to encourage this kind of behavior in him. There’s no way what happened wasn’t the lowest point, so from here things will only get better, right? You need them to. You’ll make them. </p><p>“It’s not for them. Only you and I get to drink it.” He squints, pushing his empty dish towards you to wash and put away, before getting up and leaving you alone in the kitchen.</p><p>It’s kind of sweet, that kind of thinking. Or at least it would be if he were a child. Now that you’re starting to realize he’s a grown man, it’s starting to become unsettling. Yet somehow, the fact that he’s started to accept you into his world is heartwarming. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>u know that meme with the guy and the flower that needs water<br/>and the dude is like "i'm... not doing that"<br/>and some other dude is like "and just let him die?!"<br/>... it's kinda like that with blood</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Mocha</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You think you're unlovable. Reiji isn't the best person to help with that.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I dunno if this chapter is particularly bad, but I'm still gonna remind you about the warnings and tags again. Stay safe!</p><p>Also this chapter was supposed to be longer and end with something fluffier, but it's already twice the length these chapters usually are and I kinda like the point this ends on.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinner with Reiji goes as well as you expect. It’s only the two of you at the long dining room table, with the scarlet curtains pulled wide open to let in moonlight. He cooked your favorite meal to celebrate your return, or maybe to cheer you up over what happened in the dungeon. Or it could be something else. You aren’t entirely sure and he doesn’t mention it, but the meal is far enough from his usual repertoire that you know for sure it was intentional. He steers the conversation away from any unsavory topics, asking about your interests, and about the dessert you prepared. Despite being fairly indifferent to sweets, he says it sounds delicious and he looks forward to it. It’s not like him to lie. The idea of him getting his expectations up, only for you to disappoint him as you’re prone to, fills you with dread. </p><p>After you finish you clean the dishes, he washes while you dry and put them away, and he sends you off to fetch his brothers. You’ve lost your previous determination to apologize to Kanato, but you’re going to follow through and be honest. </p><p>When you get to the wing of the mansion with the triplet’s rooms, you see the sock on Ayato’s door and skip over it. You’ve learned what it means. You’re not dealing with that again. You’re also not too enthused to have to deal with Laito, either, after everything that’s happened. Even though he wasn’t part of what happened earlier, he’s still one of the most likely to make lewd comments that make your skin crawl. Whatever tolerance you have for this kind of thing is running low. You shouldn’t even have to tolerate it at all, but this is your life now. </p><p>You hesitantly reach for Kanato’s door, not really wanting to knock despite your obligation. You made the cake to apologize to him, after all. Even though you were never the one that needed to apologize. And he’s a grown man who needs to act his age and stop throwing tantrums that end in him stabbing, molesting, or otherwise harming the people around him. Somehow, though, whenever you think of those big purple eyes your heart melts. You can’t find it in yourself to be mad at him despite knowing who he is, what he is, and what he’s capable of. For your own sake, you need to at least start to fear him more than you do.</p><p>Luckily Subaru walks down the hall, slowly, with his mind elsewhere, staring out the window. Normally he stares at the moon, but from what you can recall it shouldn’t be out tonight. Must be a habit.</p><p>“Sube-dog!” You run away from Kanato’s door and greet the man. “Bunny boy!” You smile.</p><p>Subaru steps forward to glare down at you.</p><p>“I made a kinda fancy-ish cake, we’re having it in the dining room soon. Wanna join?” You offer, putting as much eagerness as you can into the delivery, in hopes that he’ll stick around with you and you won’t have to deal with Kanato alone. Even what happened with the tea, looking back on it, has you uneasy. </p><p>Subaru keeps glaring at you and you smile harder, maybe unwillingly revealing the fear in your eyes.</p><p>“... I’ll only go so those guys don’t try anything weird…” He rubs his neck and looks away. As if he wasn’t also one of the guys who tried something weird. </p><p>“Thanks.” You tell him quietly, and he looks at you with such guilt you almost feel bad for him. He places a hand on your shoulder and walks away. It might be getting more awkward each time he does that.</p><p>Alone again, you knock on Kanato’s door. Once, twice, and on the third time you hear something crash. </p><p>“Sorry!” You yell without thinking. </p><p>The door swings open and Kanato’s there, glaring up, then looking down when he sees that he’s dealing with someone smaller than he expected.</p><p>“Oh, it’s you.” He tilts his head.</p><p>“We’re having cake now, will you join us?”</p><p>“The one from earlier? It’s about time.” He closes the door behind him and steps forward. You jump back to maintain the distance. Rage fills his eyes, but he wrinkles up his face, blinks a few times, and seems to calm down a bit.</p><p>“I made an entire one just for you, to apologize for how I acted last time we had a tea party together. I washed the dress you lent me, too. Do you want it back now or later?” You smile pleasantly.</p><p>“... The dress is for you. What would I do with a dress made for someone with such a strange shape? You need to think more.”</p><p>A strange shape he was all over just a few hours earlier.</p><p>“Ah, I didn’t realize. Thank you so much!” You smile at him. Despite how beautiful the dress is, however, you’re not sure you could handle wearing it again. Even looking at it fills you with such an empty feeling. You shouldn’t feel betrayed. It’s your fault for making assumptions about him based on how he looks and acts, right? In the end, he and the other triplets really are similar. </p><p>“Oh~ Meeting in secret, are you?” Laito winks as he steps out of his room. </p><p>“Let’s go.” Kanato grabs your hand and starts to lead you away.</p><p>“Would you like to join us for tea and cake?” You blurt out. Kanato squeezes your wrist harder and you feel the dull pain of your mostly healed wounds. It’s barely a ghost of what it was before, it’s nothing to you. </p><p>“Mmm, okay.” Laito grins and takes your other hand, swinging it in his arm as he energetically leads you and Kanato to the dining room.</p><p>“Oh, sorry, I still need to invite Shuu. Go on without me.” You say, breaking free of the two. Laito pouts and you can see the anger boil up in Kanato’s face. You turn around and jog to Shuu’s room before they can say anything.</p><p> </p><p>Standing there, knocking on Shuu’s door, there’s no response. You knock again, still no response. Fear surges through your veins as you remember what happened last time, when you couldn’t find Kanato. Maybe Kanato was fine, but Reiji would be infinitely harsher with Shuu. </p><p>You try the handle. It opens easily. Shuu’s fast asleep on his bed, over the covers, on his side, hugging a pillow to himself and facing the door. You’re a fool for overreacting. </p><p>You close the door gently behind you and whisper “Goodnight”.</p><p> </p><p>When you return to the dining room everyone’s there, save for Shuu and Ayato. The table is set and there are two pots of tea and both the cakes you made. Kanato and yourself have cups from the teddy bear tea set you found for him, but the rest have tableware from one of Reiji’s least favorite sets. You nod your thanks to Reiji and he nods back.</p><p>“I’m glad you invited me, it feels like I haven’t seen you in forever,” Laito croons, leaning forward on his elbows as you serve Kanato a heaping slice of his cake.</p><p>“Yeah, I sorta got kidnapped.” You laugh, continuing to serve the cake. “I got better, though.”</p><p>No one laughs. </p><p>Laito clears his throat.</p><p>“Well, if I had the chance to steal you away, I’d never bring you back~” He winks. </p><p>“It wasn’t like that!” Subaru slams a fist on the table and Laito laughs. </p><p>“It’s cute when you try to deny it, but you really should be more honest.” Laito frowns.</p><p>“Shut up!” Subaru stands up and shakes the table, causing Kanato to spill the tea he was pouring. </p><p>“Please be careful,” Reiji sighs. Subaru sits down, still sneering at Laito, who’s face says that he still wants to tease his little brother more. <em> “Oh my god” </em>you think when you realize that Subaru is somehow the youngest, despite Kanato, sitting next to you, who usually carries around a teddy bear and throws fits like a toddler. </p><p>As you thank Kanato for the tea you pay more attention to his face. He doesn’t look particularly younger than his brothers, maybe more feminine and delicate, but he doesn’t look anything like the child you’ve been perceiving him as. Even if he did, it’s still unfair of you to treat him like one. And dangerous, since it keeps leading to you underestimating what he’s capable of.</p><p>You thank him for the tea and take a sip. Still bitter, and a little cool, too. Next to you he’s piling sugar and cream into his cup, leaving the liquid looking milky white with sparkling shards floating in it. Plain, cold, and bitter is without a doubt better than that mess, but he drinks it anyway.</p><p>“Share some with the rest of us, won’t you?” Laito smiles and reaches for the teddy bear tea pot. Kanato swats his hand away.</p><p>“It’s only for us.” Kanato glares at him.</p><p>“I’m so jealous~” Laito whines. “You get to make her swallow it all.”</p><p>You choke on your tea, and have to bring a napkin to your mouth to stop from spitting.</p><p>The table shakes and Laito lets out a yelp.</p><p>“Pardon me.” Reiji says.</p><p>You don’t want to be here anymore. You focus on the taste of the cake. It’s sweet, and the mocha flavored mousse is just a little bitter. Not as much as you’d like it to be. You wanted it to act as a contrast to the sweetness of the raspberry and chocolate, but if you made it any more bitter it wouldn’t be to Kanato’s tastes. You finish your cup of tea, still cold, and far more bitter than what you’d like. Since it’s so cool, if you added sugar barely any of it would be able to dissolve.</p><p>The minute you set down your empty cup Kanato refills it. You sip at it between bites of cake and feel the warmth sap from your body. Laito says something you’re too zoned out to hear, and Reiji stomps on his foot again, followed by another unconvincing apology. You know that across the table Subaru is looking at you. He said he’d step in if his brothers did anything weird. Maybe he only meant physical things when he said that. Or he can’t tell how drained you are. You force yourself to drink the tea again. You wish it were poisoned, but the way you’re feeling paired with it’s normal, if not subpar taste, appearance, smell, and texture don’t match any of the poisons you’ve learned about from Reiji. You’re just so weak that this, of all things, is making you feel overwhelmed. Compared to what happened earlier, this is nothing. There’s something wrong with you. You wish you could at least enjoy the cake you slaved over all day, but your appetite is gone.</p><p>A warm hand squeezes yours. You haven’t felt a warm body in a while. Reiji isn’t looking at you, merely grimacing as Laito says more things that make your skin crawl and tries to get a reaction out of Subaru. His hand is still on yours, though, warmed by the tea he drinks. You try to concentrate on that instead of anything else, but it just makes the rest of you feel colder. Kanato keeps his eyes set on you, compelling you to finish the tea again and again. It’s starting to taste like nothing.</p><p>Then, when Kanato goes to pour you another cup, the pot has finally been emptied. </p><p>He gets up to make more, and you feel like you’ll be trapped at this table forever as your senses gradually numb.</p><p>Before he gets back, Reiji takes his hand off yours and pours you a cup of steaming hot tea, which you hold in both your hands to warm yourself. Reiji may be a bastard, but he does care about you to some extent. He’s still a bastard, though. The minute you forget that you’ll be doomed.</p><p>Concentrating on the smell of the tea, the feeling of it’s warmth and the steam on your face, the way the curves of your hand make contact with the cups rounded surface, you start to come back to yourself, and take a sip whenever you feel too cold, or like your body is drifting away, letting the deep and complex flavor drag you back to reality. With this occupying your senses, you can finally pay attention to the conversation again.</p><p>You haven’t missed anything at all, Laito is still teasing Subaru, Reiji’s trying to keep things civil, and Kanato has come back from the kitchen and is staring at you with big eyes opened wide, beginning to seethe with anger.</p><p>“Who poured you that…?!” His eyes water up and his hands shake.</p><p>“I did. Were you not trying to keep her cup from running dry?” Reiji asks.</p><p>Kanato looks like he’s about to throw the pot to the ground, but he never does. Instead he slams it against the table and pours himself some of the tea Reiji made, eyes wide and shaking the entire time. You wait in anticipation for him to act out, but nothing happens. Something about how restrained Kanato has been trying to be is more unnerving than before. </p><p>“So, I heard through the grapevine that the entire time you had Bitch-chan locked up, you had her wearing a maid’s uniform~” Laito raises an eyebrow at Subaru.</p><p>“Who told you that?!” Subaru sputters, face bright red.</p><p>“So is it true?” </p><p>“Yes, I wondered why she was dressed like that as well…” Reiji points his cold gaze towards Subaru.</p><p>“That was a maid’s uniform? Why didn’t you tell me?” You ask, trying to be involved in the conversation again. The fact that it’s focused on you now, and is revealing facts you didn’t know, makes it a little easier to concentrate. </p><p>“She didn’t know?” Laito frowns. “Really, that is <em> devious </em>. But I guess that kind of play is more exciting when she’s oblivious...” The grin he’s making isn’t something you can handle looking at for too long.</p><p>“I don’t even know how she ended up in it!”</p><p>“Your mother told me to put it on…”</p><p>“You needed your own mother to act as a wingman for you? And you call yourself a man…” </p><p>“I didn’t tell her to!”</p><p>“Then how would she know you have a thing for maids? Don’t tell me you-”</p><p>“I-I don’t think what I was wearing would really appeal to someone who had a thing for maids, you know? She thought I was a servant, that’s why I was wearing the uniform. That’s all. I didn’t even realize it was something a maid would wear.” You interrupt Laito, waving your hands. You had to stop him from going any further, Subaru looks one wrong word away from being set off like a bomb.</p><p>“You may be thinking of the costume version of a French maid’s uniform that’s more familiar to your generation of humans. It looks nothing like something a woman would realistically wear to do housework. What you wore while with Christa is the kind of uniform we were more familiar seeing maids wear while growing up.” Reiji explains.</p><p>“Huh, that’s pretty interesting. Don’t maids wear aprons though?”</p><p>“Indeed. You were, in fact, wearing an apron in that uniform, though it covered so much that someone from your background could easily mistake it for an over-dress. In most images aprons tend to be white, but in reality there was quite a variety of fabrics and patterns used, such as in the case of the one you wore. There are some books I can recommend to you on the subject of servants attire through the ages, would you like me to find them for you?”</p><p>“Yeah, that would be grea-”</p><p>“Booooriiiiinggggggg!!” Laito whines. “Bitch-chan! Don’t let Reiji make you boring, too!” He pleads.</p><p>“It’s more interesting than what you were talking about.” Subaru huffs. Looks like the bomb’s been defused.</p><p>“I’m done here.” Kanato says, hugging himself with one arm as he gets up, as if he was expecting Teddy to be on his lap. He shakes his head, lowers his arm, and leaves. He ended up eating about as much cake as the other four of you combined. Subaru didn’t eat any, just mashed it around on his plate with a vengeance, but since Laito had seconds it evens out. </p><p>“I’m leaving too, you guys aren’t being any fun.” Laito shrugs and walks off, chasing down Kanato and saying something his brother ignores.</p><p>Subaru sits back in his chair, crossing his arms and glaring.</p><p>“You can go too, I just need to stay and clean up.” You offer, but he doesn’t move. Reiji starts piling up the dirty dishes.</p><p>Subaru watches as you cover the cakes, and follows you to the kitchen when you go to put them in the fridge. You can’t tell if this is creepy exactly, since you know he’s probably just trying to make sure nothing bad happens, but you really wish he’d at least offer to help. It’s your turn to wash dishes and Reiji’s turn to dry, and you’d really like to pawn the task off to someone else. </p><p> </p><p>After you finish cleaning you half expect Subaru to follow you to your room, but he parts ways. You call “goodnight” after him and he just grunts at you. Once he’s out of sight Reiji takes your hand and leads you to his room, not looking at you, and picking up his pace. You try to think of what you did wrong, what you need to apologize for.</p><p> </p><p>Once you’re both in his room he closes the door behind him and wraps an arm around you. You freeze for a moment. What is he planning? </p><p>When Reiji places his chin over your head you can’t find it in yourself to be suspicious anymore and wrap both arms around him, collapsing against his chest. His body is still warm from the absurd amount of tea he drank. He’s sure got his quirks.</p><p>After a few moments he scoops you up in his arms and carries you to the couch, sitting down and letting you cuddle against him. You don’t know why you’re being so clingy. It’s his fault for opening the floodgates on this. You press your cheek against his sturdy chest and listen to the silence of his heart. If he let you, you’d probably never move from there. </p><p>Reiji pulls you closer with one arm and begins petting your hair. You’d snuggle closer if you could. </p><p>“You did well today,” he coos at you. </p><p>You don’t want to think about it. If today never happened, fear after fear, betrayal after betrayal, you’d surely be better off. </p><p>Reiji waits for you to answer him but you don’t say anything. You don’t want to feel what you’ve been feeling, only the safety and warmth you feel right now, even if it's just an illusion. You’re fine being a coward. </p><p>“It really is a shame…” he murmurs, resting his head against yours, lips against your ear. </p><p>You sigh your agreement. </p><p>“If they hadn’t gotten to you first I’d be able to grant you such pleasure now… it seems my respect for you has put me at a disadvantage.”</p><p>He doesn’t stop you when you pull away from him and scramble to the other side of the couch. </p><p>“Please don’t misunderstand.”</p><p>“Maybe… explain yourself so you don’t sound so…” you trail off. “Icky?” What you want to say is awful, disgusting, evil, or all kinds of words in a similar vein, but he’d probably take it as permission to act that way. He already think he owns you. No, he already owns you. Whatever kindness or respect you get from him only makes you more compliant, if it stops working on you he’ll use manipulations and force instead. </p><p>Reiji sighs and straightens himself out. </p><p>“What I said to the others kept them from acting on their most violent impulses towards you. Now that they can act freely without the fears I instilled in them, the minor safety I provided you with is gone, as is the greater part of your ability to choose who you give your blood to or what... <em>liberties</em> they take with you. As someone who finds it detestable to force you into such situations, by the time there is even the opportunity for it you’re surely too drained to proceed.”</p><p>Reiji fixes his glasses and extends a hand to you. You take it and sit at his side, leaning against him again. You’re too tired to wonder if he’s lying, if this is part of a manipulation. You want to believe he means well, and that the hand caressing your hair wouldn’t just as soon pick up a whip to carve his will into your skin. </p><p>“When you’re ready, I’ve prepared some medicine to help heal their bite marks more quickly.”</p><p>“Good… I don’t want them to scar. I don’t want to look at them…” </p><p>“Then I’ll perform the application. When you’re ready.”</p><p>You feel yourself dozing off and have to blink yourself out of it to take up his offer. </p><p>“We should do it now, so I don’t forget,” you say groggily. </p><p>“I’ll be right back.” Reiji goes to retrieve the medicine. It takes you a moment to collect yourself enough to stand. You want to fall asleep in his arms as soon as possible, even if he isn’t warm anymore. </p><p>Reiji reappears with two medium sized jars of nearly identical looking, off-white, waxy looking creams. </p><p>“You have two options. Both will help you heal without scarring.”</p><p>“And the difference?”</p><p>“One contains a mild aphrodisiac.”</p><p>“Why would I pick that?”</p><p>“It also contains a compound that will numb your pain.” </p><p>“I’ve dealt with worse, can we use the regular one?”</p><p>“Of course.” He nods, places one to the side, and looks at you expectantly. </p><p>“Will you remove your clothes so we may continue?”</p><p>“R-right, I forgot.” You stammer. You wish you knew a more elegant or seductive way to undress, but you do it the same as usual. Reiji watches your every move with an unreadable expression. </p><p>“This really is excessive…” he sighs, tracing over the fang marks on your breasts with gloved hands. You involuntarily shiver, either from his touch or the cold, you’re not sure. He removes his gloves and scoops up the cool cream with two fingers, then spreads it across the top of your breast. He does the same to the other and begins working it into your skin, sliding the slippery substance over your breasts in a circular motion, paying attention to the marks his brothers left. You have to fight the urge to press against his touch each time he rubs and soothes one of your injuries. </p><p>His face is perfectly serious as he examines your chest, and his touch would be completely clinical if he didn’t occasionally rub his palms over your nipples or let his fingers sink into you so indulgently while treating your wounds. After a few moments, despite how professional he’s being, you feel your body heat up. </p><p>“You said you weren’t using the one with the aphrodisiac…” you gasp. </p><p>“Yes I did. Do you not believe me?”</p><p>“The medicine is taking away my pain.”</p><p>“I never said only the aphrodisiac contained that compound.”</p><p>That bastard. </p><p>“W-well, it feels really good…” you feel your body heat up even more, especially your cheeks, and have to look away when you see that smile grow on his face, starting with a spark of excitement in his eyes. </p><p>“So you admit it… I wonder how long it would have taken if I <em> did </em> apply the aphrodisiac to your skin.”</p><p>You squint your eyes closed. You played yourself. </p><p>“Shall I reward you for your honesty? Come, sit here.” Reiji removes his hands from you and gestures to the bed. You take a seat and he positions himself behind you, pulling you into his lap and continuing to rub your breasts, now with more force and pushing you back against him thanks to the new angle. Now he’s paying less attention to rubbing the medicine into the bite marks and more to drawing sounds from you, pressing against the delicate skin surrounding your nipples and playing roughly with the sensitive nubs themselves. He groans deeply, close to your ear, when you writhe against him after a particularly rough pinch. </p><p>“Isn’t this better?” He murmurs, leaning down to kiss your neck. </p><p>“Whose reward… is this exactly?” You moan. </p><p>“Yours, though it may be… mutually beneficial…” Reiji presses a kiss to your neck again, dragging his fangs along your skin but never pressing them in. </p><p>He isn’t even making an attempt to pretend he’s applying the medicine now, it’s mostly been absorbed into your skin and he’s left palming and groping your still slippery breasts as you grind against each other. </p><p>“What are you going to do about the marks on my neck?” </p><p>“I’d rather not risk removing the ones I’ve bestowed upon you. We'll leave it be.” Reiji says and sucks at your skin, determined to leave a mark without biting. When you whimper you can feel him grin against your skin. </p><p>“Reiji…” </p><p>You can feel his groan vibrate through your body as he sucks harder. </p><p>“Reiji…” you call again, gasping and moaning. </p><p>He groans again, more desperately. He gives your nipples a rough pinch before plunging a hand into your pants and aggressively stimulating your clit. </p><p>“Reiji!” You call out and he thrusts his fangs into you, with unnecessary yet incredibly satisfying force. He hungrily sucks and swallows your blood, before catching himself, removing his fangs, and licking the wound until the bleeding stops. </p><p>“That was irresponsible.” He mutters, continuing to lick the bite mark after the blood has stopped flowing. </p><p>“Reiji… I just like calling your name.” You smirk as you feel his muscles stiffen under you. Seeing this man so desperate has returned your energy to you, and you’re hoping to tease him more before the night is through. </p><p>“I’ll have to punish you for this.”</p><p>“Perfect~”</p><p>“Shall we go to the dungeon?”</p><p>“What?” </p><p>Reiji flips you over and pins you to his bed, face down, both your wrists in one of his hands while the other presses down on the dip of your back. </p><p>“You have two options: the dungeon and my whip, or here and my crop.”</p><p>“Here! Here, please.” You’ve gone too far. This surge of energy has also given you the energy to shake in fear. </p><p>“Good… he purrs, then lifts the hand on your lower back to search a drawer. He pulls out the crop he mentioned. Did he plan this, or is this something he just likes to take out at night? </p><p>Reiji releases your wrists, then commands you to stand and undress for him. </p><p>“Turn around,” he says. When you promptly comply he forces you to bend over and present yourself to him. He takes a step back to admire the sight. </p><p>He takes his crop and runs it up your legs, pressing into the softness of your inner thighs, and lightly brushing against your entrance without going any further. He rubs its tip back and forth against your already lubricated folds, and you squeeze your knees together to keep yourself from rubbing yourself further against it. </p><p>Eventually he tires of toying with you and gives you a tentative smack on the ass. And then another. And another. It seems like that’s as hard as he’s planning on striking you. </p><p>“You can… be rougher with me, you know. Not that I mind.” You say, looking back at him over your shoulder. It’s probably a bad idea to tell a vampire to be rougher with you, but hitting you so lightly with a riding crop is probably weirder, especially considering the sadistic glee he normally takes in getting to punish you with any kind of strikes. </p><p>“Hmmmm… I worry about harming you. Is there a safe word you’d like to use?”</p><p>“A… safe word?”</p><p>“A word you use to-“</p><p>“I-I know what a safe word is, I just didn’t expect you to offer me one…”</p><p>“Hmmph, well, if you’d prefer I can lessen the force when you call out <em> no </em> and give you a break when you say <em> stop </em>, though it doesn’t take into account when you may enjoy struggling against me…”</p><p>This sounds too much like a healthy discussion of bdsm practices for you to handle. Your head is spinning trying to understand what’s going on. </p><p>“Shall we continue?” He asks. </p><p>“What if I say no?”</p><p>“Then we won’t.”</p><p>“Okay, good to know… let’s continue.” You bend back over the bed, feeling oddly intimate despite the fact that Reiji’s brutally striking your ass with a crop. You make sure to cry out like he wants, but not loud enough to be heard by his brothers. Each strike is a bright, piercing pain, but somehow it feels immensely satisfying. You’re hoping it’s because you love Reiji, or are some kind of masochist, and not the result of any deeper issue. </p><p>Eventually Reiji decides you’ve had enough and places the crop next to you on the bed. He bends over you, pressing his palms against your reddened cheeks and lightly kissing your neck. </p><p>“You did well…” he purrs, letting the vibrations of his voice echo through your body. </p><p>He helps you stand and pulls you in for a kiss, gentle and sweet. You’re confused, but melt into it anyway. As you lean against his body, trying to minimize the distance, you feel his erection brush against you, straining against his pants to the point it can’t be comfortable. </p><p>“Now, shall we stop or are you willing to continue?”</p><p>You want to ask if he’s serious. If you actually have a choice. But the way he’s looking into your eyes has only fondness, and it’s too much for you to handle. Before you know it you’re crying, like an idiot. </p><p>Reiji’s eyes widen and he steps away. </p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to kill the mood.” You try to shrug it off while wiping your eyes. </p><p>“Don’t apologize, just tell me what I did wrong. Please.” You’re afraid to see the way he’s looking at you with that pleading tone. </p><p>“Why…” you take a moment to find the right words, “are you being so nice to me?”</p><p>Reiji walks up to you and reaches out a hand. When you don’t back away, sobbing in place, he caresses your head before pulling you toward him for a hug. </p><p>You sob against his chest, not caring about messing up his clothes. The fact that he’s fully clothed while you’re completely bare is far too obvious now. </p><p>He sits on the bed, pulling you into his lap, and wraps his jacket around you. In your current state, nothing you say will make any sense or sound convincing, but sobbing isn’t helping you either. Reiji holds you close and comforts you, probably desperate for you to get your act together and say something that actually makes sense. </p><p>“I’m… reciprocating. Doesn’t this make things fair?” He sighs, rubbing circles into your back. </p><p>“Reciprocating… what?” You can barely say. </p><p>Reiji hums deeply, thinking of his next words. When you try to draw away he’s forced to speak. </p><p>“You-“ he starts, sounding almost desperate, but catches himself and starts again in a calm and level tone. “You care for me, did you not make that confession earlier? As we have a relationship of equals, it’s only right that I show that I feel the same.”</p><p>You try to understand what he’s saying. This must be some kind of performance to appear to meet the standards of the kind of relationship he’s built up in his head. The alternative is too unbelievable to you. </p><p>“... I love you. Sorry about that…” you mutter, not looking at him as you try to draw away. </p><p>“Don’t.” He says, grabbing you as roughly as you’re used to before you can fully stand. </p><p>“Don’t apologize…” he says, letting go of you. He can’t look at you either. </p><p>“If it troubles you, you don’t have to reciprocate.” You say, wrapping the jacket around you more, thankful it’s long enough to cover everything. </p><p>“It’s no trouble, I assure you.” He’s behind you now, appearing without you noticing, holding a shaking hand over your shoulder. </p><p>“May I?” He asks after a few too many moments. </p><p>“May you… what?” You ask. Whatever he thinks is obvious enough to go unspoken isn’t obvious to you in the slightest. </p><p>“May I touch you?”</p><p>“As long as it doesn’t trouble you. I can go back to my room, if that’s better. I’m not sure how entertaining I can be for you like this.”</p><p>You’re not sure what to think of the face he makes before pulling you into a hug, burying his face into your hair. </p><p>“I have no use for troubling things.”</p><p>You feel fear surge through your body and begin to thrash out of his grasp, but he holds you tighter, keeping you still. You can’t get away. You start to sob again. </p><p>“You don’t trouble me. By your very nature, it’s impossible for you to trouble me. ” He coos, as if you could believe him, as if his words could have any effect on you. </p><p>"I need-" He says without thinking and stops himself. After a moment to find the words he says. "you... to know this."</p><p>You want to thrash about again, escape his grip and run away, but you’re overcome by that feeling again of wanting to stay in his arms. You collapse against him, too tired to fight. </p><p>“Stop trying to comfort me. When you aren’t sincere it feels worse than any torment.”</p><p>You can feel Reiji’s arms weaken for a moment, something about what you said hit him hard, probably the fact that you caught on to his act, but you can’t bring yourself to break away. </p><p>His weight is resting on you now, leaning more and more. Something is wrong. His breathing is unsteady. You can’t keep messing up like this. </p><p>“If I punished you for saying that… it would only prove you right…” Reiji’s voice is quiet, dark, and wavering. It completely lacks the anger you expected. It sounds almost hollow. You feel like you’ve messed up, but in a way that’s different than you previously thought. </p><p>“What should I do…?” His voice breaks. He sounds so small. You wrap your arms around him and hold him up as he loses the will to do so himself. You don’t know what he should do. You don’t know what you should do, either. You do know that if you say nothing things will only get worse. </p><p>“Just… go to sleep. Hold me through the night. I don’t know what to do, but we can figure it out tomorrow. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, so let’s just go to sleep.” You plead. You ruined everything, didn’t you? And you made Reiji more unhappy than you’ve ever seen him. It's all your fault.</p><p> </p><p>In the hours it takes you to fall asleep Reiji never lets go of you, almost acting as clingy as you do, but you know it’s not the same. He’s probably just trying to make sure you don’t escape while he’s asleep and make it more difficult for him to punish you in the morning. Still, the way he's holding you and the look on his face, focused on yours every time you open your eyes, makes it easy for you to fool yourself into thinking he actually cares about you.</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Puddles, Pines, and a Bunny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reiji pines, Kanato shows you his deviantart OCs, and you really need a break.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for taking so long with this update, summer classes ended and I got too obsessed with a cute farming game to want to think about sadistic vampires. Now that I'm ready to be angsty again, updates are back to normal!</p><p>Also, please remember to read the tags and warnings and stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reiji’s been mostly silent this morning, aside from inviting you into the bath with him. You sit in his lap like always, letting the warm water soothe your aches and pains. The water smells softly floral, something familiar, you think it’s whatever he put in the perfume he made for you but aren’t sure. After what happened the previous night you’re too apprehensive to lean back against him comfortably, and are hyperaware of how tense your muscles are, consciously trying to relax them so you don’t appear as nervous as you are. Reiji’s hands rest on your waist, not digging in or pulling you closer, almost like he’s trying to be careful. It takes you a moment to realize he’s been waiting for you to make the first move.</p><p>“I’m sorry about last night.” You say, tensing up even more. </p><p>“You have no need to apologize, I assure you.”</p><p>“I do, though. I shouldn’t have gotten so emotional, that isn’t what you wanted from me. I’m really sorry.”</p><p>Reiji sighs. “What exactly is it that you think I want from you?” He leans forward a bit, looming over you, his hold on your waist becomes slightly more secure.</p><p>“You want me to serve you. Be useful. You’ve said as much.”</p><p>“If I recall correctly, I’ve called you my partner, not my servant. I don’t expect you to serve me.”</p><p>He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you back against his chest. As if what he said was comforting to you, and he wiped away all your fears leaving the two of you in a cozy, domestic bliss. You don’t try to resist.</p><p>“Isn’t that basically what “partner” means?” You wish you could see his face, try to gauge his reaction. Half of you is terrified to push any further, but the other half needs to know what your position is, how safe you are to be in love with this man. Any kind of reassurance is fine.</p><p>“What does the word “partner” mean to you?”</p><p>“Two people working together towards a common goal, like business partners, partners in crime, people collaborating together, and in some cases it refers to romantic partners, too. But in that case the relationship needs to be made clear to both parties before it can hold that meaning.”</p><p>“And which meaning do you think I imply?” His arms around you tighten and you don’t want to find it as comforting as you do.</p><p>“By process of elimination, wouldn’t it be a collaboration?”</p><p>You swear that Reiji tenses up, just for a second, but he’s back to normal before you can properly take note of it. You place a reassuring hand on his arm.</p><p>“You don’t have to pretend to feel anything more than you do to make me happy. To be honest I find it to be cruel, and I don’t think that’s your intention.”</p><p>For sure this time he tenses up, trembling for a moment before slowly slumping forward. His strength seems to escape him. You sit up straight to support the weight he’s shifted onto you, and turn your head to kiss his forehead. You don’t know why he’s the one acting hurt by this. You’re the one who was being lied to. At the same time, there’s something nice about him falling apart like this at the realization you aren’t being fooled so easily. Maybe you’re a step closer to being treated as an equal. Ignoring the fact that your feelings for him so obviously aren’t reciprocated, you pet his hair and try to comfort him.</p><p>“It’s fine. I really do appreciate the fact that you’re trying. Please, just be more honest with me from now on.” You turn around and let him fall forward, dejected, into your arms, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. He’s limp, completely still, and you’re worried for a moment before he lifts his shaking arms to wrap around your waist. You nuzzle your cheek against his nearly dried hair.</p><p>“Why do you keep purposely trying to misinterpret me?” Reiji hisses. Despite the aggressive bite to his tone, it still feels like there’s no strength left in his body. He isn’t going to hurt you. You hold him tighter.</p><p>“What am I getting wrong?”</p><p>Against your skin you can feel his muscles tense and strain, his jaw clench and unclench, like he’s trying to say something but at the same time refuses to do so.</p><p>“If you weren’t lying for my sake, can you at least let me keep thinking you were? It’s easier for me to handle if I can pretend you care about me more than you do.”</p><p>Reiji lifts his head to look at you. His expression is intense, but not angry. Almost distressed, but that doesn’t seem right. You don’t know how to react so you decide to smile warmly at him. His mouth opens for a moment in protest before he presses his lips together in a frown. Something about this is making you feel guilty.</p><p>Reiji’s expression relaxes and his lips part. You think he’s about to say something, but suddenly he’s kissing you, gently and tenderly. Pleadingly. Your face heats up and tears well in your eyes, but you lean into it anyway. It would be so easy to describe it as loving. Maybe that makes it even more disappointing, how easy it is for him to fool you and come across as sincere. There’s no use getting so emotional over this. If he doesn’t want to make things clear to you, and wants to distract you with this instead, there really isn’t anything you can do. You let him bring a trembling hand to your cheek and deepen the kiss. He exhales sharply when he feels a tear fall against his hand, and with his other pulls you closer against him with too much strength. He’s holding you so tightly you can only breathe in shallow breaths, clinging to him desperately to drink in more any kind of affection you can get. You squeeze one arm between the two of you, running up and down his firm chest and abdomen before pushing him away and breaking the kiss.</p><p>“Let me make up for last night,” you say, placing your hand on his thigh, thinking you know what he's <em>really</em> after. He smiles down at you and kisses you again.</p><p>“Only if you wish to. This shouldn’t be an obligation.” Reiji says, despite it steadily rising to your attention how much he wants you to continue.</p><p>“It’s not an obligation, I just feel guilty for ruining things for you yesterday.”</p><p>The smile falls from his face.</p><p>Reiji lightly grabs your wrist and pulls it away from him.</p><p>“Stop,” he sighs. “If you’d like to make it up to me, then stay where I can see you for today. Like you said, it’s rather insufferable if your partner is not sincere.”</p><p>He lifts you to get out of the bath, then sets you back down, placing a kiss on your forehead before wrapping a towel around his hips.</p><p>“Take your time. I will be in my laboratory, please bring tea when you join me.” He reaches up to adjust the glasses he isn’t wearing, shakes his head, and leaves you alone in the bath.</p><p>You stay until the water is cold.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The tea isn’t the best you’ve made, your head is elsewhere, and even such a simple task you’ve done a thousand times before seems to escape you. Reiji compliments it anyway. You don’t touch your cup until it’s already lukewarm, but it really isn’t deserving of any kind words. </p><p>Your plan was to sit on the couch and read, but Reiji keeps asking you to help him, finding books with titles in languages you can’t understand, washing glassware, and other things that seem perfectly normal, but sometimes he asks you to do things like pass him tools that are right next to him, or look at things under the microscope without even asking what you see, and it becomes obvious that he’s just trying to keep you occupied. Despite this, his demeanor is back to being cold and composed, with his back straight, tone level, and hardly looking your way even when he gives you his orders. It takes a moment for you to recognize what he’s doing. You can’t help but smile and linger around him just a bit longer because of it. Unfortunately, you end up zoning out and rubbing a glass vial too hard with a cleaning rag. It shatters in your hand, cutting you deep. Reiji rushes over.</p><p>“How clumsy,” he sighs, grabbing you by the wrist to examine your hand.</p><p>“I need to clean up the glass…” You say, trying to free your hand.</p><p>“And how do you suppose to do that in this state?” He starts to carefully remove the glass shards from your skin, letting blood ooze out. </p><p>“I don’t know, I’d just do it…” you trail off. “B-but I really should wash my hand before you do <em> that </em>!” You try to tug your hand away as Reiji starts to lick the wounds on your hand, clearing away the blood and helping the wounds close. He looks up at you with a smug smile.</p><p>“You <em> should </em> be wearing gloves while cleaning glassware. Be grateful that I don’t let you handle any potentially harmful materials.”</p><p>When he finishes he presses a kiss to the back of your hand, all the while maintaining eye contact. You weren’t sure whether or not it would be appropriate to look away, and watched him with wide eyes the entire time. You should be used to this sort of thing by now, but you aren’t. </p><p>“Thank you, I’ll wear gloves from now on.” You nod, though he hasn’t released your hand yet. You make no move to pull it away.</p><p>“Not just yet, I believe this would be an appropriate time to let you take a break.” </p><p>“Ah, okay.” You say, hesitantly taking your hand out of his. He didn’t really need you around here from the beginning, you don’t see the point in him giving you a break either, since anything you were doing was so mindless and simple it had no effect on your energy level, but you take it anyway. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You take a walk in the garden, on the outskirts where it’s surrounded by pine trees. The smell of sap and needles in the cool, crisp night air is invigorating. You’ll have to return to the lab soon, but for now you’ll stretch your legs and take a moment to breathe. </p><p>Then your arms are pinned to your sides. </p><p>Someone chuckles in your ear.</p><p>A hand squeezes your breast, still sore from when you were attacked yesterday. You hate that you recognize his touch.</p><p>“Ayato, what are you doing?” You sigh in a level voice. You’re too afraid to convincingly sound bored. You know he can smell your fear, but he prefers if you act scared too. This is the best you can do to discourage him.</p><p>“How’d you know it was me?” He squeezes your breast again, harder, rubbing his thumb over a sensitive spot. You shudder from what you refuse to acknowledge as anything more than pain. His voice is so smug you can practically hear him smirking.</p><p>“Your taste is kinda limited.” You fake a yawn to hide whatever face you were about to make when he presses against you. “Whatever you’re gonna do, would you mind getting it done fast? Reiji needs me back at the lab soon.” </p><p>“Awww, I was planning on taking my time to work you up, but if you want it fast I think we can manage something.” Laito is in front of you with a casual smile, tilting your chin up to look him in the eye.</p><p>“Cool, thanks for working within my schedule.” You grin as wide and goofy as possible. He frowns and squeezes your jaw tightly, making you grimace.</p><p>“Now that’s a better expression…” his tone darkens. “You know, I’m kind of jealous. Even though you invited me to dessert yesterday, I missed out on the main course.” Something you want nothing to do with flickers in his eye and you start to struggle in Ayato’s arms.</p><p>“You excited or something?” He murmurs too close to your ear, groping you painfully to grab your attention. When your back arches instinctively, you clench your muscles to stop yourself.</p><p>It’s probably best to shut up for now and let this pass you by.</p><p>“Mmm, I think she wants us to do whatever we want. Bitch-chan, keep resisting if we’re right.” </p><p>You stay completely still.</p><p>“How lewd, being so open about your eagerness to play with two guys at once… does Reiji know how much of a horny little <em> bitch </em> you are?”</p><p>There’s no way out of this scenario, no matter what you do they’ll twist it to what they want, you shouldn’t let it get to you. But it does anyway, you can’t help it. </p><p>“She was getting turned on when we went at her yesterday, too, you know. She likes it rough.”</p><p>You’re starting to feel sick. You want to struggle, but that’s exactly what they want you to do, too. One of Ayato’s hands starts to dip lower, towards the waist-band of your pants. The other harshly pinches your nipple through your bra. You’re starting to feel dizzy.</p><p>“And she seems to <em> really </em> like being the center of attention. I bet Reiji’s having trouble keeping up~”</p><p>“Hey chichinashi, let’s see who's fangs you like better.” Ayato dips his head down to bite the side of your neck.</p><p>“No!” You start to struggle out of his grip, raising your shoulders to protect your neck.</p><p>“You’re right nii-chan, she really does like it rough,” excitement blooms on Laito’s face and in his voice, “I think… she wants us to be more forceful!” The amount of glee radiating off him makes the acidic taste of bile rise in your throat. You should’ve stayed still, tried to bore them till they left you alone, but it’s too late for that now.</p><p>You stomp on Ayato’s foot and manage to escape him for a moment before being caught again in Laito’s arms.</p><p>“That’s right, be a good girl and put up a fight. It’s no fun if you make it so easy for us~” He grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks it back, baring your neck to him. You match his hungry gaze with your coldest glare.</p><p>“That’s a cute look too, since when have you been this defiant?” Laito’s soft lips brush against your pulse.</p><p>“You’re really starting to piss me off! Just behave...” Ayato’s hands are on you again. His fangs are pressed against your neck, his body flush against your back. You will your blood to taste bitter and vile.</p><p> </p><p>A flash of white and pink hits Ayato on the head, hard enough for him to yelp and jump back, but he doesn’t seem injured. You thought it was Subaru coming to your rescue, but on closer inspection your savior is actually a fluffy stuffed bunny with plush white fur and reddish-pink eyes. Basically Subaru. Kanato is holding it, hitting Laito repeatedly until he lets you go and you can get away. The tension is completely gone now and it doesn’t take long for you to catch your breath and realize what’s going on. </p><p>It doesn’t look like Kanato is actually doing any damage, he’s hitting them with a stuffed bunny, after all, but he’s screaming at them in a rather shrill voice you’re glad you’re further away from. </p><p>“Do you really think you can do something like that out in the open?! Where anyone can see?! Without even sharing?! You’re disgusting! Have some self control! You’re making the rest of us look bad!” </p><p>Ayato and Laito look bored and annoyed as their brother berates them.</p><p>“Oi, what do you mean <em> we’re </em> the ones making everyone look bad? You were the one who tricked her into getting fang banged yesterday!” Ayato swats away the rabbit. Wait, fang banged? Is that a thing?</p><p>“That’s completely different!” Kanato cries out. Ayato starts to say something but is cut off by Kanato chastising him. He crosses his arms, rolls his eyes, and waits for his brother to stop. </p><p>“This is hurting my ears, let’s pick this up later, Bitch-chan.” Laito pats you on the shoulder and makes his escape. </p><p>“Yeah, the mood’s ruined. Catchya later.” Ayato goes off in the opposite direction. Once they’re out of sight Kanato finally stops shouting and catches his breath.</p><p>“Thanks for that,” you smile at him, a bit confused by what just happened, but still grateful it’s over. </p><p>He turns to look at you with furrowed brows.</p><p>“If you’re grateful, then prove it.”</p><p>“Of course, anything within reason.” You nod, hoping that “within reason” will save you from the worst you know he’s capable of. He grabs your wrist and pulls you towards the mansion.</p><p>“There’s something I wanted to show you.” </p><p>That sounds incredibly suspicious. Especially coming from him. Before you have a chance to protest he’s tugging on you harder, leading you off somewhere, and you’re too afraid to stop him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You’re somewhere underground. It’s too dark to see anything. The air is cool and dry, but you can hear trickling water coming from somewhere, and you occasionally step in a shallow puddle that’s maybe too shallow to even be called a puddle.  You get the feeling that if you touched the wall it would be wet, too.The ground is stone, you’re certain of it, and maybe the walls are too. Everything seems smoother and more solid than the regular underground tunnels, but the air has a similar quality to them. </p><p>Kanato drags you to the side and does something, probably involving magic, that lights up hundreds of candles along the walls with pale purple fire.</p><p>You were right, the floor and walls near you are a dark, smooth stone, perhaps marble, and coated in a thin layer of water that refracts the dancing lights of the purple fire. It’s enchanting, but not as much as the figures further in the room behind glass walls.</p><p>They’re dolls, their complexions are too soft and translucent to be plastic, so maybe wax? They’re all of gorgeous women in luxurious white dresses, with perfect hair and perfect makeup, posed daintily, as if they were brides-to-be dancing by a lakeside.</p><p>“They’re beautiful!” You exclaim, despite feeling uneasy. There are too many, and they’re too realistic. You push the thought from your mind. “Did you style them?” You turn to Kanato remembering that the praise should always be directed towards him and him alone.</p><p>“Of course I did. Who else would?” His expression doesn’t change but you can tell he’s proud as he pulls you by the wrist to follow him further into the room to see more.</p><p>His face lights up when he tells you what went through his head when it came to choosing the makeup and outfits for each of his dolls. There’s a story behind each one, and he’s crafted realistic and complex personalities expressed by their styling and poses. One is a baker’s daughter, who he claims to have met in the mountains after she escaped from an arranged marriage to live in the woods. Another is an office woman who longed for love, but always ended up hurt and alone. You’re entranced by the tragic tales he tells you.</p><p>His fingers are running up and down your forearm, gently tickling your skin, but sinking his nails into your flesh, threatening to cut off your circulation each time he grabs you and shows you a new area and a different set of dolls. He’s probably just excited. He doesn’t normally hurt you when he’s happy.</p><p>“This is my latest masterpiece. Isn’t she beautiful?” Kanato brings you to a covered display case at the back of the room. When he pulls the cover off you’re met with the image of someone who looks exactly like you, but better. More perfect. The same haircut as you, the same body shape and skin color, wearing the exact same dress Kanato gave you a while back, except everything about her is so much more polished, and you don’t think you could ever pose as elegantly as her, or make such a lovely expression, or have such clear and smooth skin. </p><p>“She really is beautiful,” you nod, making sure your smile doesen’t falter, turning to face Kanato instead of the lifeless thing that bears your image. Kanato’s round eyes are bigger than you’ve ever seen them, shining bright yet still slightly glazed over. Like a doll’s eyes, you realize. The corners of his mouth creep upward into a smile and the look in his eyes softens.</p><p>“I could make you beautiful too, but it would be a waste.” </p><p>“I completely agree.” You nod, and fixate your gaze on the wall behind the display case, not wanting to look at him or the doll for a second longer, but still needing to show your appreciation for his work. </p><p>Kanato tugs on your wrist. You turn back to him.</p><p>He frowns and narrows his eyes, scanning your face. “You don’t get it.”</p><p>“I do, don’t worry. No amount of fancy clothes or makeup will make me as beautiful as these dolls, I completely understand. And I’m fine with it, too. There’s more to a person’s worth than their appearance, though there’s nothing wrong with taking pride in the way you look.” You turn back to the wall behind the doll.</p><p>Kanato tugs your arm again, urgently. You turn back to him.</p><p>“You don’t get it. I don’t want you to be like them.”</p><p>You can’t read the expression he’s making, it’s too subtle, almost blank, but there’s something off. He lifts a hand to cup your cheek. His skin is cold like stone. The plush rabbit he was carrying falls to the damp ground.</p><p>“They were just bodies before I turned them to wax and made them beautiful, used up and lifeless. I want you to stay the way you are.”</p><p>The hand on your wrist creeps down to lace it’s fingers with yours. He takes a step closer, smiling at you so softly, close enough to look down at you with his hooded eyes. </p><p>“Just… bodies?” You tilt your head to the side, hoping you’re interpreting his words wrong.</p><p>“Yes, but you’re so much better alive,” he purrs, stroking your cheek with his thumb. “Wearing your white dress, lips dressed in red from my biting kiss…” He pulls you closer to him. His face is less than an inch from yours, gazing into your eyes but seeing nothing. </p><p>“That look of fear on your face is more beautiful than anything they could ever show me… the smell of your blood is intoxicating… You’re perfect to me, and I refuse to share you with the others...” He leans in to kiss you, but you turn away. As much as you long to feel wanted, it doesn't count if it's not from the right person, in spite of how eerily romantic his words are. The hand on your cheek slides down to tighten around your throat in a caressing gesture. Kanato’s eyes are cold and disappointed.</p><p>“If I have to, I can always carve up your face, so no one but me will ever find you beautiful again… It would be a waste, since that face of yours is rather cute… but I’d still do it if you force me to.” His voice is lilting, too calm for his words.</p><p>Kanato’s thumb and forefinger dig into your jaw, forcing your mouth open, and he tries to kiss you again.</p><p>You can’t turn your head away, so you do the one thing you can do.</p><p>You call Reiji’s name.</p><p>Kanato pushes you back, hand clamping down on your neck like a vice. He’s furious. Maybe it was the wrong move, maybe Reiji won’t come get you out of this scenario, but you can’t take it back now. </p><p>The hand on your neck is shaking, just like the one whose fingers are laced with yours, that’s threatening to crush your own hand. You feel the dull pain of an old wound shooting up and down your arm, concentrating in your wrist.</p><p>“Why would you call another man’s name?! Do you hate me that much?” He’s crying, trembling, and tears are pouring from those big, innocent looking eyes. His voice goes from thundering and piercing to small and broken almost instantly. You feel guilty. Even more so because of the satisfaction you feel from being able to reject him in such a harsh and unambiguous way.</p><p>Then you’re falling backward.</p><p>Your back hits the hard, wet ground. It’s ice cold, soaking into the back of your clothes.</p><p>“I’ll have to punish you for this… It’s your fault…” </p><p>He lowers himself over you, dominating your field of vision. The moment you see those big, teary, innocent eyes you have to look away, you can’t let them trick you into pitying him or thinking that you deserve this. You squint your eyes closed, cover your neck with your hands, and bury your face in your arms. </p><p>You’re amazed you were able to act that fast.</p><p>After another moment of nothing happening you open your eyes, one then the other.</p><p> </p><p>Kanato’s mouth is open. He’s still shaking, but his arms are pinned to his sides and he’s pulled back, away from you. Reiji’s behind him keeping him restrained.</p><p>“How do you keep finding yourself in these situations?” He sighs. “This is why I told you to stay where I can see you.”</p><p>“Thanks for helping me...” You stand up slowly, heart still pounding from two near… <em> something </em> experiences in a row.</p><p>“Of course. Now, I’ll deal with him once you are far enough away.”</p><p>“Please don’t hurt him,” you find yourself saying despite everything.</p><p>“If I ever disciplined him the way he deserves, you’d surely never let me live it down. There needs to be distance between you to ensure your safety when I release him.”</p><p>“Ah, I get it. Thanks.” You nod. Kanato has been completely quiet, possibly in shock, this entire time. “Sorry about this, Kanato. Thanks for showing me around, your dolls really are lovely.” You bow and calmly walk out of the room, not looking back, not trying to rush. You want to run, but it would probably only make things worse.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Reiji’s already in the lab when you finally make it there. You’re head’s in a daze. He’s moved on from doing research and experiments to doing paperwork and no longer needs your help. You try to read your book, but can’t concentrate. You want to go to either yours or Reiji’s room, but you don’t think you could handle the trip alone. You try to take a nap on the couch, but your clothes are still damp and the cold clings to you, like an icy hand on your shoulder beckoning you to turn towards it’s owner. You will, you don’t have a choice in the matter. But it’ll have to wait till later, once you’re calm and feel safer than you feel now. Maybe you’ll end up putting it off forever, but that’s a problem for future you. You’re shivering.</p><p>Reiji appears before you with a tea cup. You thank him for it and take it with your shaking hands. He takes the seat beside you and continues with his paperwork, hunching over a clipboard to write on instead of his desk. You want to apologize for bothering him, but can’t find it in yourself to speak. You hold the cup with two hands to keep it steady.</p><p>The paperwork he’s doing is something about buildings and construction, probably to deal with the rooms Subaru wrecked while you were away. You don’t pry any further. You should be putting more effort into understanding what’s going on in his life, but all you can concentrate on is the warmth in your hands. Like a parasite, you steal it’s warmth and take it into yourself, bringing yourself back to reality and regaining your ability to speak by the time it’s gone cold.</p><p>“I thought you didn’t like herbal teas.”</p><p>“Chamomile is calming, is it not effective?”</p><p>“I think so… aren’t you going to drink any?” </p><p>“As you said, I don’t care for herbal teas. Allow me to pour you a fresh cup.”</p><p>Reluctantly, you let him take the cup from your hands, leaving them empty in the cool air. You hug yourself. </p><p>He returns the cup to you, then goes to wash his hands as you let the steam flicker against your face, melting the stiffness from your skin. </p><p>After he finishes drying his hands, Reiji places a hand on your back. It’s warm. You lean against his shoulder. His body is cold, but no colder than yours. </p><p>“Sorry for causing you all this trouble.” </p><p>“It’s a welcome distraction. Do you need to speak about what happened earlier?”</p><p>“No, I got out. You saved me. Before that Kanato saved me, too, but that didn’t end as well.”</p><p>Reiji turns towards you and pulls you closer to him, placing a hand with fading warmth on your knee.</p><p>“What did he save you from?” </p><p>“Ayato and Laito. Laito was upset he didn’t get to attack me with the rest of them yesterday, so he decided to make up for it. What does “fang bang” mean?”</p><p>“Don’t say that word.” Reiji presses his lips together. You kind of wish you got a better reaction from him. “If you were interrupted, he’ll likely want to continue at some point. I’ll advise you to be careful, but what you do is your own decision.”</p><p> “My decision…” you trail off, “Let’s go to your room. It’s getting too cold in here.”</p><p>“Should I bring your tea?”</p><p>“No, there’s no point if I’m the only one drinking it.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The minute Reiji closes the door to his room his arms are around you, hugging you from behind. You wiggle out of his grip and after a moment he reluctantly lets you go. You turn around to hug him properly. He exhales softly in relief, then leans against you. It’s a comforting weight.</p><p>“Are you okay?” You ask.</p><p>He tries to straighten himself up but you pull him back against you.</p><p>“Of course I am. I should be asking you that question.” He sounds defensive, taken back. You pull him closer.</p><p>“I’m fine, I just want to be held for a while.” You say.</p><p>Reiji wordlessly lifts you into his arms and sits on the couch with you in his lap. You cuddle closer. He clings to you, increasing in desperation slowly and almost unnoticeably. You aren’t sure if it’s for your sake or his own. You pet his hair. Has it always been this soft?</p><p> </p><p>He isn’t a vulnerable person. Yet somehow, the way he’s resting his weight against you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck and breathing shallowly, unevenly... this might be what he considers depending on you. The person he is when you’re alone is completely different from his usual demeanor. You want to encourage this in him, it seems like he needs it.</p><p>You rub small circles into his back with slow, steady pressure. His breathing starts to even out. He leans even more weight against you, wrapping his arms tighter, covering your body in his own. The way a child possessively holds a stuffed animal. You pull him closer to you, refusing to think of yourself as anything similar to a limp and lifeless plush or doll.</p><p>Just as your arms begin to tire, Reiji loosens his grip and lifts some of his weight off you, changing his position to something more comforting instead, as if to erase the evidence of whatever feeling he held before.</p><p>“You did well calling for me earlier.” His large hand gently cards through your hair.</p><p>“I’m surprised you actually came. It seems all I’ve done lately is disappoint you.”</p><p>You take his silence as a confirmation.</p><p>“You could never disappoint me, no matter what you may do.” He says several moments too late for you to believe him.</p><p>“Even if I fucked Shuu?” You regret saying something so harsh immediately after you say it. Why don’t you think before you speak? Why do you want to prove him wrong so badly? Do you have a death wish?</p><p>Reiji’s grip on you tightens, his nails dig into your back and you find it difficult to breathe.</p><p>He lifts his hands from your back and loosens his hold on you, but the tension in his body remains. He’s shaking.</p><p>“Please… don’t do that.” he pleads in a weak, trembling voice. You wish he would attack you instead. You can’t handle this guilt.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I would never do that, I don’t even know why I said something so horrible.” You find yourself clinging to him, hiding your face in his shoulder, making yourself small. You’re an idiot. Pathetic. Whatever horrible thing he decides to do to you, you fully believe you deserve. Making yourself look pitiable like this will only make you look even more like a fool. </p><p>“As long as you come back to me, I can forgive even that.” A hand raises to support your back. Your fear melts away into confusion. Why are you believing this? “There must be something wrong with me…”</p><p>Your body relaxes and you raise your head to look at him.</p><p>His smile is resigned, yet his eyes are begging you for something. Whatever it is, you feel compelled to give him whatever it is he wants, just to alleviate some of that pain.</p><p>“Please don’t do anything rash now that you know how unconditional my… <em> acceptance </em> of you is…” He whispers in your ear, hiding his face in your hair again. “It would be far too easy for you to take advantage of these feelings.”</p><p>You can’t hate yourself for believing him. You can’t help it either. He’s being so genuine or at least <em> seems </em> so genuine you don’t know how to react. You hope that the tears that begin to pour are from relief. You won’t let yourself believe in a potential lie for the sake of a fleeting happiness. At the same time, it’s so easy to fall for this, it’s not up to you.</p><p>“It seems all I do lately is make you cry. Is it truly so unbearable to be in my presence?”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m just…” you try to choose your words carefully. “... easily overwhelmed by the implication that someone cares about me. I’m not quite used to it yet. Can you be patient with me?” </p><p>“Of course, my darling,” he coos, kissing away your tears. His gaze is so adoring, his touch is so tender, another torrent of tears pours from your eyes. You’re not sure you can take much more. You wish he'd be cruel instead. At least that's something you know how to accept.</p><p> </p><p>When you cry the last of your tears he takes you to bed, pulling the covers over the both of you, holding you safely and securely against his chest. The silence of his heartbeat lulls you to a dreamlike state, but you’re too tired to calm your thoughts and fall asleep. Anxieties over what tomorrow holds plague your mind. Your racing heartbeat gives you away.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you prefer living somewhere else? Would it be easier for you if you didn’t have to spend each day with them?” Reiji asks in a voice barely loud enough to be a whisper.</p><p>“It’s fine, I care about them a great deal, despite everything they've done,” you murmur, “As long as I can be with you, I can deal with anything.” you mutter somewhere between a lie to appeal to him and the truth. Closer to the truth than you’d like to admit. It's entirely the truth, you just wish it was a lie. "That sounds silly, doesn't it? Sorry."</p><p>You try to turn around, face away from him to hide your embarrassment, so you don't have to face rejection, but Reiji holds you in place.</p><p>"I feel the same," he sighs Like it's a curse. He holds you tighter against him. Maybe it is. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Glowing eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You're an anxious mess, Subaru is a drama queen tsundere, and Reiji's kind of a simp for his waifu.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No major trigger warnings here aside from the fact that the MC's thoughts towards herself are as harsh as they've always been. There were at least two sex scenes I had planned during this arc (if I can call it that?) that got cancelled cuz they seemed out of place when I actually wrote the chapters, so hopefully this makes up for it. I might recycle some of what I wrote for those scenes into a one-shot at some point.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Reiji’s been busy with something for the past week or two. He’s gone both days and nights, and as you lay alone in bed, unable to sleep, it becomes obvious that this can’t just be because of work. When he</span>
  <em>
    <span> is </span>
  </em>
  <span>home, he spends his time with you. Kind and doting on you in private, with a polite distance when you leave his quarters, which isn’t something you’ve done much of lately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day after Kanato showed you his dolls, tried to kiss you, and do something you’re still unsure of, he was waiting outside your door. The minute you saw his eyes, practically glowing like a cat’s in the low light, you slammed the door in his face. You didn’t leave the room for the rest of the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When you told Reiji about it he agreed that it may be dangerous for you to leave his room on your own, so you’ve been holed up in there for a while now, only leaving while he’s home and willing to escort you. On the plus side, you’ve managed to finish your book. In the same time, you binge watched two different tv series and polished every piece of tableware Reiji keeps in the cabinets in his room at least once. You needed to give your brain a break, the poems resonated with you too much, brought you too close to some realizations you aren’t  ready for. You want to revisit them later, when you have the energy and courage, but you doubt you’ll ever get around to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel bad about avoiding Kanato like this, but you know you’re justified in doing so. This is how any normal person would react, though it isn’t something you’re used to doing. Acting reasonable makes you feel weak, cowardly, and cruel, but acting as you usually would, and apologizing for not doing anything wrong, is just as weak and cowardly. The only difference is that acting as usual would appease him and make him think it’s okay to treat you horribly. You shouldn’t find it cruel to keep someone from hurting you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What makes you feel even worse is that you’re beginning to understand that whatever Kanato feels for you is probably closer to genuine love than anyone could ever feel for you. He doesn’t know how to handle those emotions, but tries to express them anyway. Even though that doll he made disturbed you, you can’t help but see it as him trying to bring you into his world, something he’s kept from everyone but Teddy and himself until now. And you rejected him. It must be painful. You wish you could do something to help him, but he turns to violence so quickly you wouldn’t have the chance. You’re a sacrificial bride, afterall. You’d very well be walking to your slaughter. You’re not ready to be sacrificed yet. The longer you live past your expiration date, the more you find yourself wanting to hold onto life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wonder how Reiji would express a genuine love. Would he even be able to recognize it? Maybe you’re not the kind of person who could bring it out in him. You don’t know what he wants you for, but you get the feeling you don’t fit the role. Lately he’s seemed bored of you. Aside from being gone so often, he hasn’t tried to suck your blood more than necessary, or try to initiate anything more intimate than a hug or kiss. Most days you’ve been falling asleep and waking up alone. When your “partnership” started and you told him not to hold back with you, he was voracious and greedy. Now he’s acting considerate, but it could easily be a polite way of disguising disinterest. You don’t know what to do. How do you seduce someone who isn’t attracted to you, or engage someone intellectually about topics you know nothing about? What did he want from you in the first place? Your blood isn’t anything special according to him and the other Sakamakis. You have nothing to offer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pick up your new book to take your mind off this. Reiji picked it out for you. A series of short stories by an author he’s fond of. A man who prefers to write about a time period over a century before his own, back when his ancestors lived and were unapologetically cruel. You wonder why Reiji recommended it to you, he has a rather pessimistic view on humanity as it is. Maybe it was a random book he chose for you, thinking that since it’s in English it would be good enough. You can’t concentrate on the blocks of text and let your eyes unfocus, vaguely pointed in the direction of the pages. You’ll keep the book open so you can pretend you’re trying to read, and not feel so bad about wasting your time doing nothing. You hate yourself for being so unproductive. You’re just lying to yourself. You’re bored and want something to do, but don’t have the energy to actually concentrate enough to engage in anything. Absolutely useless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a knock on the balcony door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You slam the book shut and run to see the new development, only remembering your current predicament after you swing the doors open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luckily it’s just Subaru, who walks past you and enters the room without being invited in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to see you again,” you greet him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a while,” he looks away. “I would’ve come in normally, but that brat’s still outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see…” you grimace, not wanting to dwell on that any longer. “What brings you here? Worried Reiji’s doing something weird to me again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I don’t blame him for locking you away this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, that’s surprising. Or maybe he can think logically outside of his grudge, you could just be underestimating him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did something happen between you two?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Subaru crosses his arms and looks out the window, taking a moment to think.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just say… my opinion of him has changed.” He says, trailing off and looking into the distance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That delivery, combined with his dramatic pose and timing, has you fighting back a laugh. You’re glad he’s too busy posing and looking broody to look your way. You hope he never changes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyways,” he says, turning to you, looking pissed off in his neutral way, “I think I’ll stick around for a while in case those creeps try to break in.” He plops down on yours and Reiji’s bed, making himself comfortable before taking out his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it was just Kanato.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The other two are plotting something, not sure what cuz I had to make them shut up.” He flicks at something on the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Had to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were pissing me off.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that makes sense.” You lay down and get cozy on your side of the bed, taking out your book. You’re not gonna think about whatever Ayato and Laito are up to. You expected them to forget about your last encounter after a few days, but apparently they’re determined to follow through. Or maybe there’s another reason they’re after you. Could just be boredom and horniness, knowing them. It doesn’t matter, you’ll wait it out. They aren’t as threatening as Kanato. Lust is easy to understand, it’s a desire that comes and goes, maybe lasting longer than it should in this case, just because they hate being defied and want to see you suffer. If you refuse someone who lusts for you, it hurts their ego and if they hurt you it’ll be out of anger and to preserve their own pride. It’s disgusting, but it’s easy to understand. Love, or whatever he feels that comes close to it, is more dangerous. He thinks that if you reciprocate it’ll fix something wrong in his life. Even if you did agree to be with him, you couldn’t do more than you do for him now. And he’d blame you for it, saying that any troubles that come between you are because you don’t love him enough, and he’d guilt you into doing as he wants. Even now, without a romantic relationship between you, you feel so unbearably guilty for leaving him alone that in the back of your mind you’re begging yourself to talk to him and try to make things right. When you rejected him, you felt like a villain. You know you don’t owe him anything, but he has this effect on you. It must be those eyes, big and expressive, with more intense emotions than you’ll ever experience in your life. What you feel is already insufferable, you don’t blame him for losing himself to the intensity of it all. The rejection you feel in your day to day life is disgustingly bitter as is, for someone like Kanato to go through it, it would be torture. You need to stop caring about this. You turn your attention to the pages.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s starting to make sense to you why Reiji gave you this book. Unlike you previously thought, it wasn’t sheer chance that he chose it. The author is obsessed with Puritan repression, and how the pursuit of truth, perfection, and knowledge ruins a person's ability to connect with others and find happiness in the world. It would be easy to find this guy pretentious for thinking that being smart makes you so much different from regular people, but you actually find yourself feeling bad for him. Every story ends with this horrible feeling of isolation, and of having ruined any good you had in life. You’re glad Subaru just made a shitty excuse to hang out with you, without him next to you you’d end up feeling horribly alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a bookmark at the beginning of one of the stories, delicate white flowers dried and pressed between a clear plastic sheathe. The flowers have yet to finish drying, the bookmark was handmade, fairly recently. You’re not sure what to do, dried flowers are supposed to stay pressed and out of the light until they’re done, and these certainly aren’t. You decide to read the story quickly so you can bury the bookmark back between enough pages to keep the flowers pressed and secure as soon as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The story is about a pair of newlyweds, a scientist and his wife. The scientist abandons his work to live happily with his love, but ends up applying the same method of thinking to her. To the world around them, she’s perfect in every way, however in his eyes, the single birthmark on her face is a deformity he becomes obsessed with and disgusted by. Because she loves him and doesn’t want him to suffer each time he sees her face, she asks him to remove it, and he does so readily by giving her a dangerous potion. She drinks it without hesitation and it works, but as the birthmark fades from her face, the life in her flickers out and she dies in his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The author focuses on the anguish the scientist feels for killing his wife, but you’re more concerned about what was going on with the wife that made her so dependent on him for validation that she would throw her life away in an attempt to please him.You feel no sympathy for a man who so openly expresses disgust at his own wife. The story leaves a bad taste in your mouth. She should have been the one to kill him instead, or at least leave him. You place the bookmark back in the book, close it, and flop over on your back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A man cursed with incredible intelligence, and a woman in his life whose only purpose is to make him happy, who’s ultimately punished for failing to do so. You get why Reiji would want you to read that story, maybe he meant it maliciously to let you know your place, or maybe it was a genuine yet musguided attempt to be romantic and uplifting. You laugh dryly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that book funny?” Subaru asks, glancing up from his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” He lays down next to you, phone still in hand. “Did you think of a joke or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he says again, turns away from you, and goes back to whatever he was doing. Looking over his shoulder, he’s playing a mobile game. You keep seeing ads for it online but it looks too  boring and generic for your taste. At least Subaru has a hobby. You pat him on the shoulder, sit up, and open youtube to watch some mindless video. You need to do something, anything, but under no circumstances can you handle thinking anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>You’re getting ready for bed, not expecting anything out of the ordinary, when Reiji returns. He looks tired yet satisfied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back!” You greet him with an appropriate smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nods at you and takes off his jacket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been quite some time since I’ve had an opening in my schedule. Now that it has returned to normal, I believe we should take the opportunity to go somewhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He says it so casually it’s making you suspicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you have in mind?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A coworker recommended a few date spots, but only one caught my attention. While I’d like to keep it a surprise, I can assure you it’s to your taste.” He hangs his jacket up in the wardrobe and starts unbuttoning his vest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... date spots?” you ask. Why would he be interested in those? Why would a coworker even bring that up? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been alone in this room for so long I assumed you would be interested in going somewhere else, during daylight particularly. Would you prefer to stay on the grounds?” He gives you a quizzical look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why are you getting excited about this? This is without a doubt strange.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you making that face?” He frowns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s… not often we go on dates.” If you called it weird or suspicious it would definitely make him angry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We go on dates quite frequently, in my opinion.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You can’t think of any examples other than the time in the rose garden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you consider a date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you join me in my lab, when we read together, when we have dinner… are those not dates?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Do those actually count?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We haven’t done much of any of those things in a while…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is exactly why I would like to do something special. Why do you feel so apprehensive about this?” He stops undressing to look at you. His shirt is open and you have to turn away to stop from staring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You decide to be honest, it’s not like you can make yourself any more vulnerable than you already are. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… afraid of what it means that you’re being so considerate. I don’t know what to make of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji sighs and approaches you, taking you in his arms. His skin is cold, but you’re starting to feel warmer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it so strange to act like a normal couple?” He strokes your hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A couple?” You ask in surprise, without thinking of the consequences. The hand in your hair freezes and his body tenses up for a moment before slowly relaxing, it seems like a calculated effort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said you love me, isn’t it fair to make that assumption of our relationship?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please stop bringing that up, it’s embarrassing.” You bury your face in his chest. “You’ve never said something like that before. I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He resumes stroking your hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re allowed to be presumptuous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weren’t you the one who trained me not to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Reiji sighs and removes his glasses. “How I treated you when we first met… I’d take it all back if I could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, under your guidance I was able to become someone acceptable in your eyes. As long as you don’t hate me too much, I’m happy with it.” You look up to him with a reassuring smile, but he returns a pained expression. You did something wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t hate you at all. In fact, it’s troubling how few faults I find in you…” He holds you tighter and lowers himself to hide his face in your hair. “As strict as I’d like to be, I keep finding perfection even in your flaws.You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>infinitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>more than simply acceptable in my eyes... If you don’t want to be presumptuous, please stop assuming the worst of me.” More of his weight falls against you and you wrap your arms around him to hold him up. He clings to you even more. It’s suffocating, yet you want more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s such a cruel lie…” you say, despite no longer being able to believe it to be a farce. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The story he had bookmarked wasn’t a threat telling you to get your act together, it was a cautionary tale, and not some kind of prophecy. It’s probably completely irrelevant to your situation. Anyone could have put the bookmark there for any reason, you’re only assuming it’s him. You’re starting to doubt yourself, and starting to find it more and more difficult to doubt him. If his feelings were genuine this entire time and not just a method of manipulating you, there’s a chance you’ve really hurt him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What will it take for you to believe me?” He whispers to your ear, almost a plea. You shudder. Despite how warm your body is, the air is still cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to know what you see in me, what you want from me, why you keep me around. It doesn’t make any sense.” You admit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji sits down on the bed and pulls you onto his lap, guiding you to rest against him. You realize that this isn’t just something he’s been doing for your sake, he seems to truly enjoy cuddling with you in this position. You rest your head against his shoulder, indulging in the intimacy of it to feed into his desires. A mutually beneficial agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes a breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re supportive to people in a way I could never be, seeing the potential in all of us. It makes you optimistic towards us, almost to a fault.” He says, almost unsure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m working on it.” You try not to think about Kanato.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, and I’ll help you however I can.” He kisses you on your forehead. “Despite this, your actions have had a largely positive effect on the people around you. I am grateful for that, unlike my brothers, who take you for granted. If you aimed your efforts towards me alone, I assure you they won’t go to waste.” He whispers the last sentence, as if it’s supposed to be convincing you of something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m misrepresenting myself,” he says to your relief, collecting himself. “You’ve introduced me to the feeling of being appreciated, and I’d like to return that feeling. It makes me want to increase my efforts and move forward, and I’d like to take you with me when I do so.” He pulls you closer to himself again, it actually feels comforting. “The way you’ve decided to treat people, my brothers especially, requires a strength I don’t have. I respect that about you. That’s why I want to monopolize you, so that you aren’t wasted on people who can’t appreciate what you do, even though I know I can’t expect to keep you to myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His words sound earnest and strike a chord in you that you wish they wouldn’t. You’re having trouble making sense of why he sees you as something so much better than you are. You wish you matched up to his perception, he’s describing the kind of wonderful, caring person you aspired to be, back when you held the luxury of voluntary self improvement. How does he not realize your actions are all influenced by self preservation and emotional weakness?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You look up at him, cuddling closer for warmth despite knowing you won’t find any. His face is so soft and adoring, so misguided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I can’t live up to your expectations?” You’re too greedy to pull yourself away from him, so you do the easiest thing and lower your gaze to avoid meeting his eyes, filled with an affection you don’t deserve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s enough for me that you merely exist. Your novice attempts to read situations, and poor acting skills, trying to secure your safety while still benefitting your captors… is rather inspiring.” His voice takes a teasing tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your stomach lurches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could tell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s quite obvious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I really that bad at it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s effective because you tell them what they expect or want to hear. I am only aware because I pay attention to you.” You blush. “At that, I still find myself weak to your artifice. The sincerity behind it is rather endearing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It feels strange having that in the open,” you try to hide yourself against the person you’re trying to hide from. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We agreed not to hide things from each other, it’s best you learn to accept it.” He coaxes you to uncover your face, pressing a gentle kiss on your lips. You’re lost in his touch up til the moment he lets you go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re still hiding things from me, though. Like the aim of what you’re doing in the lab.” You want to add that it feels like you’re the only one opening up, but it’s becoming obvious that he really is putting a lot of effort into this relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’ll reveal it all to you in time. Just have patience.” He says, kissing you again. Just as sweet as before, but with an underlying hunger. You find yourself tangling your fingers in his hair and pulling him closer, eager for more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not as pure and sincere as you described me as, either. I’m not particularly selfless.” You mutter between kisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m aware. You work in your own self-interest, but you do so without injury to others. Neither completely selfish or selfless. If you were to act purely selfishly, I imagine I’d be rather proud of you.” He breaks the kiss to say such comforting words with a wholesome smile. As much of a relief it is to hear that, what you want right now isn’t close to wholesome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then may I do something selfish?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, my darling.” He purrs against you, stroking your hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pull away for a moment, leaving his arms empty, so you can change your position to straddle his hips. You grind against him, hungrily yet tentatively to gauge his reaction. His eyes widen for a moment before narrowing as a familiar, overzealous smile spreads across his face. He grabs your hips, sinking his fingers into the softness of your flesh, and presses against you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems I was correct, what you deem to be selfishness </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> making me rather proud.” He kisses you again, slowly and sensually as his hips move against yours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a lot to be proud of…” you find yourself saying the cheesiest line imaginable as you slide his unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders, revealing his lean, muscled chest. “How are you in such good shape? Not that I’m complaining.” You ask, letting your hands linger over his biceps. He works in an office and doesn’t have any particularly physically taxing hobbies, yet his body is sculpted like a marble statue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Part of my education involved combat training and swordplay. Is that really what you’d like to dwell on?” He harshly snaps his hips against yours, making you lurch forward and fall against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… I just can’t help but be impressed.” You lift your head to respectfully look at his face instead of ogling his body, only to be met with his smug expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a lewd woman…” He lowers himself to whisper in your ear, letting his lips brush against it, causing a shudder to run down your spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that really such a bad thing right now?” You whine, clinging to him as his ministrations leave you weak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wholeheartedly approve,” he sucks on your neck  hard enough to leave a mark, even without using his fangs. “So long as I am the only one you show this side to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You cradle his head to your chest as he begins to nip at the exposed skin. You curse your clothes for getting in the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t like this before, you know. You’re the reason I want this so badly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You catch a glimpse of his predatory smile as he lifts his head to kiss you deeply. You readily submit to him, opening your mouth to let his tongue slide in and work around yours. He’s brutal, intoxicating, but well within the bounds of what you’re capable of handling. It’s easy for you to lose yourself to him. While he has you distracted, he takes his time undressing you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You whine as he draws away, granting you the sudden awareness that your bodies are now bare and exposed to the chilly air. He presses you down against the bed, baring yourself to him, and your arms reach up to pull him over you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me?” Reiji whispers in your ear. The conceited way he says it makes it more than clear that he already knows your answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I probably want you more than is healthy. Is that okay?” You start to kiss the length of his neck that’s exposed to you, running your hands up and down his toned back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he breathes against your skin. “You must want me more than even that. Allow me to help you.” You can feel the muscles in his face shift, curling the corners of his mouth upwards. You wish you could see his expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kisses down your body, lavishing over your neck, gently over your sensitive breasts, and lightly over your stomach as he spreads your legs and settles between them. He bites into your inner thigh, enough to make you cry out but not enough to break skin, and basks in the luxury of your soft thighs as you instinctively clench them around him. He holds them securely in place as you catch yourself and try to separate them, nipping and kissing you closer and closer to where you want him most. You whine his name, squirming to coax him closer to your core.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now is the time you should be begging for me.” He parts your legs and looks up at you with hungry red eyes, hot breath ghosting over your lower lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reijiii, please!” You whine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please what?” He’s smirking, eyes seemingly glowing in excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-make me feel good…” You struggle to say under the heat of his gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will have to be more precise in the future, but I suppose that will do.” Despite how he says it, he looks rather pleased as he lifts your thighs over his shoulders and devours you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes his time, drawing out everything he can. You’re already wet, you felt the slickness between your legs while he was holding them together, yet he lingers on your outer folds, running up and down your slit, for far longer than is necessary to prepare you. You buck your hips up against him, pleading with him for more, but he refuses to go at anyone’s pace but his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re whimpering, wet, and desperate by the time he finally parts your folds and explores the opening, drinking up your slickness and using his fingers to stimulate deeper as he alternates between lapping at and sucking your clit. When you feel yourself approaching climax you squeeze his head between your thighs, but he easily parts them and pulls away, smirking up at you with the lower half of his face covered in your juices. You writhe, desperate for stimulation. When you finally settle, disappointed, he starts again, bringing you close but drawing away at the last moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently satisfied with the torment, Reiji wipes his face on the back of his hand and kisses you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. Once again, he draws away too soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to contine?” He presses his forehead to yours, lips barely an inch apart. It would be a rather tender gesture if it wasn’t for that look on his face, smug, like he’s won something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you stopped now it would be like torture.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll keep that in mind next time you need to be punished.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You let out an involuntary whine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could always force you to utterly lose yourself to pleasure, unable to think of anything but me and the way I make you feel…” His hand creeps up to cup your cheek. His eyes are predatory, nearly glowing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like a reward,” you smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could sink my fangs into you, draining your blood till you lose consciousness,” He whispers harshly, squinting his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a dream,” you can’t help but smile when he’s like this. It would be so much more preferable to be overwhelmed by him than by your own thoughts and anxieties, letting him steal you away from the harsh realities of the outside world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a distasteful woman,” Reiji purrs, smile softening, like he just called you by the sweetest pet-name. He kisses you passionately, dominating you only because you let him, deepening gradually to get a sense of what brings the best reaction from you. You wrap your arms around him, tracing over his rippling back muscles as he lines himself up at your entrance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rubs the head of his hard, dripping cock up and down your slit, teasing you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wrap your legs around his hips and pull him closer. “Please, just fuck me already, I need you!” You whine, begging him. Just as you expected, he’s wearing a pleased, sadistic smile, pressing harder against you the moment you said the words he wanted to hear. You can’t help pressing a quick, innocent kiss on his cheek. He’s so predictable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gives you a confused look for a moment after the kiss, but it’s quickly contorted into pleasure as he moans at the feeling of finally entering you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s strokes are slow, yet hard. He knows exactly the angle he needs to rub against your most sensitive parts and reach deep enough to completely sheathe himself in your warmth. His hands roam your body, taking time to caress the areas he knows bring you the most pleasure. For a while he was looking down at you with his sadistic smile, but he soon found it impossible to maintain as the feeling of you clenching around him, combined with the sounds of you moaning and whimpering his name, caused him to lose his composure, forcing him to hide his face in the crook of your neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were already close from the two times he denied your release, and quickly find yourself clinging to him, shuddering, and begging him for more. Feeling your walls flutter around him, he’s urged on. Frantic, rough, and relentless, even long after your first orgasm rolls over you. He maintains the pace, gasping and growling, until he reaches his own climax, burying himself as deep as possible within you as he fills you with his seed in several long spurts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I apologize for being so careless,” he looks down at you, unable to hide his smile. He’s still inside you and doesn’t seem to be planning on removing himself any time soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize, it felt amazing.” You smile up at him, lacing his fingers with yours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you must surely be some sort of masochist....”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it obvious by now?” You give him a quick kiss, more of a peck, really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re a perfect fit,” he sighs and kisses you again, lingering over your lips. “Even though I think you deserve to be worshipped, I can’t help but want to see your face contorted in pain, hear the desperation in your voice as you try to hold onto any sense of self as you fall apart.” There’s that look again, slowly creeping onto his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you promise to be the one causing it,” you hum, closing the distance to continue the kiss. Reiji purrs in satisfaction, tangling his hands in your hair and pulling you closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s impossible to be any physically closer, you’re pressed against each other and he’s still inside you, but he keeps moving against you, pulling you further against him, claiming your mouth, and letting his free hands grope every inch of your body as you let yours indulgently explore his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time he pulls away, letting you catch the breath you didn’t realize you were short of, he’s hard again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall we continue?” he murmurs, already starting to move.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You’re not sure how many rounds you continue for, everything became a blur after your fourth orgasm. Even though Reiji mentioned making you lose yourself to pleasure as a punishment, right now you’re lying next to him in pure bliss, maybe a little dizzy at worst, cuddling in the afterglow, feeling incredibly satisfied. You both needed this. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Jasmine Tea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kanato is a bastard, Reiji is both a bastard and a nerd, Subaru needs to smash, and you're confused but making the most of it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, just a reminder of the content warnings in the tags. Stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’ve passed by the same unfamiliar scenery, camphor and sycamore trees among a rocky terrain, three times now. You don’t really leave the grounds much unless you’re running errands or it’s a special occasion, but you’re certain that you’re fairly far away from the mansion, with it’s dark pines and cool riverside. </p><p>Reiji’s been talking to you about his coworkers for a while now, mostly complaining, but sometimes offering a rather condescending compliment about how surprised he is that humans can come up with such ingenious ideas. The fact that he’s working with professionals makes you think that no matter how little he thinks of humans, he should at least be showing these ones more respect. Somewhere behind the condescension though, you can see something resembling admiration. Like when you were a kid, watching a hardworking colony of ants carry cake crumbs to their hill. Once you tried to give them a hand, trying to push crumbs down the hole in the center of the hill, but it collapsed inwards and you never saw an ant leave or enter it again. The ants searching for food… did you strand them outside of their home? And the ones down beneath the surface, did they ever get to see the light of day again? None of this occurred to you back then, you were just a child with too much power, thinking you knew better than the tiny, silly things that just wanted to continue their lives as normal. Is this how vampires see your society, how they see you? Can you really expect someone to love another person who’s basically the equivalent to an insect in their eyes? </p><p>That may actually be the plot to the <em> Bee Movie </em>, you might have to watch it later as research. </p><p> </p><p>Earlier that morning, while Reiji was preparing the car for your trip, you left his room on your own for the first time in over a week. Kanato was waiting outside for you, even at that hour. It’s something you should have expected.</p><p>“So you’ve returned!” He greeted you with a wide carved smile.</p><p>“Yep, nice to see you again!” You returned the sentiment with more enthusiasm than appropriate, and far more than you felt. He stepped towards you, hands folded in front of him the way he used to hold Teddy. You knew better than to ask about that, though the question weighed on your mind.</p><p>“Tell me... you weren’t hiding from me, were you?” He tilted his head to the side, pouting.</p><p>You kept the smile plastered to your face and shook your head, not trusting your voice as to not betray you.</p><p>“Good… but you were hiding, weren’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah…” You said, unable to lie.</p><p>“It was from those two, right? They really are detestable, aren’t they?” He stepped forward, beaming at you with shining eyes. “Even though we’re brothers, I’m not like those two at all, is that why you like me best?” </p><p>“That could be it,” you gave a slight laugh, keeping your face moving, expression changing, to hide the fact that fear was starting to settle in. </p><p>“And… that’s why you’ll reward me, right? For being so much better than them?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll make whatever you want to eat!” You said cheerily, to influence his decision. </p><p>But then he took your hand in both of his, stroking the back before lifting it to his icy cheek. You were frozen. He kissed the tip of each of your fingers, your hand limp in his, as he looked at you with such a soft expression in those big, round eyes. </p><p>Then he took your fingers into his mouth, down to the second knuckle, winding his tongue over them, and bit hard.</p><p>You held back a scream. </p><p>You looked up at him, and eyes aglow, with a peaceful happiness you’ve never seen outside of picture books, he lapped at your fingers and drank the blood that had begun to freely flow.</p><p>“It’s so much sweeter this way...” he cooed, as if speaking to something delicate, small, and precious. </p><p>You shuddered, debating if it was worth it to try to pull your hand away. With a slight motion, not even enough to be considered a tug, you moved. His hand clenched around your wrist like a vice. The look on his face was left unperturbed, moving to lick the blood that dripped from your mangled fingers to your hand, stopping to place a chaste kiss upon your palm. </p><p>“And like this, it’s beginning to taste even sweeter… You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” He licked between your fingers, cleaning up the spilt blood before returning to  it’s source. “I can make you feel even better, but you’ll have to choose me over Reiji first. That old man could never give you what you want…” What does Kanato know about what you want? “He’s all weird now because of you, but he’s still too fussy...”</p><p>Then Kanato began to moan as he licked your hand. At that point you couldn’t stop from shaking. Every touch seemed to linger on your skin, sticky and dirty, something it’ll take more than just soap to wash away. Sharp pain and soft pressure ringing out for your whole body to experience.</p><p>A glint appeared in his eyes, mischievous and pleased, and he bit down on your fingers again. Hard enough that you could feel his teeth scrape against your bones, a feeling you were never meant to experience. Your heart began to pound even harder. You became increasingly aware of it’s fleshy nature, how easy it would be for it to stop on it’s own, or for it to be punctured by someone’s careless action.</p><p>“It’s pouring out now, like a fountain! Say, you really love this, don’t you? Nearly as much as you love me?” He asked in ecstasy, “It would be dangerous to let it keep flowing like this, but you’re willing to put up with it if it’s for me, right?” His eyes glowed with a sadistic glee. He knew you couldn’t say no to him. You shouldn’t have been shocked by that realization, it’s been obvious enough. Yet even now you don’t want to accept it.</p><p> He lapped at your blood until it merely oozed from his bite marks instead of gushing forth, then pulled you towards him as he stepped forward into Reiji’s room. </p><p>“You want more, don’t you? I’m not ready to stop yet either…” he purred, pulling you far too close, so he could look down at you like you were his freshly captured prey. You opened your mouth to call Reiji’s name.</p><p> </p><p>Then there was a gag in your mouth. Kanato looked down at you, somehow the flash of hollow disappointment hit you harder than the rage it quickly melted away into.</p><p>“You’d really try that again?! Calling his name?!” Kanato shouted,  grabbing your shoulders, forcing you down against the bed. “No, it’s fine… if you don’t want me, tell me to stop,” a sadistic grin began to grow on his face as he prodded at the band keeping the gag in place. “Beg me to stop. Or call for him, I don’t care.” </p><p>It doesn’t matter what you yelled, it was muffled by the gag.</p><p>“Such a good little girl… it’s a shame I can’t kiss you properly like this…” Kanato sighed and pressed a kiss to the gag between your lips, then began to laugh. “Good, keep making that face for me!”</p><p>Kanato nuzzled his head above your collarbone, before pressing a finger to your pulse.</p><p>“I can feel your blood surging beneath your skin, how desperate are you to have it sucked?” He asked loudly in your ear, not enought to be a shout but enough to make them ring, the fear making your heart beat faster, your blood surge even more. You tried to scramble away from him, but he held you down easily. His slight frame holds a deceptive strength. He’s a vampire, after all.</p><p>“Why are you resisting? Don’t you know how lucky you are? Laito was waiting for you earlier, and he told me everything he wanted to do to you… At least with me you’ll enjoy it…” He kissed your pulse, running his tongue over it gently before pushing his fangs excruciatingly slowly into your skin. Parting flesh and tissue, letting you feel their conical shape stretch the initial puncture wounds, forcing the sensitive flesh aside. He savored the sensation of his fangs in your skin, making a gnawing motion to force them in and out, filling and refilling you, until his hunger overtook him. He licked enthusiastically, drank greedily like your blood was the sweetest syrup, all while moaning against your skin. You knew it was useless, but you still struggled against him. At least that way he could know how much you didn’t want it.</p><p>Then someone cleared their throat in the doorway, left open by Kanato’s carelessness.</p><p>It was Reiji, your savior.</p><p>You screamed his name, muffled by the gag.</p><p>For a second his eyes went wide, face contorted in rage, but it was quickly blinked away.</p><p>“Kanato, cease this at one,” he sighed, straightening his glasses with one hand, shooting you a concerned and apologetic look.</p><p>“You won’t lift a finger unless she calls for you, right? Have some patience,” Kanato never lifted his gaze from you, continuing to feast.</p><p>You screamed Reiji’s name from beneath the gag, pleading for help with your eyes. For a moment he looked distressed, but then he sighed again, looking apologetic but doing nothing. </p><p>“We already made arrangements, can’t you see you’re interrupting?” Reiji asked, sounding calm and almost bored.</p><p>“Can’t you see they’re <em> cancelled </em>?” Kanato forced his hand over your mouth, pushing the gag deeper in your mouth to muffle your persistent screams. </p><p>“Is this true?” Reiji asked you.</p><p>You shake your head, frantically trying to say no, that he needs to help you <em> right now </em>.</p><p>“She says she’d rather spend her time with me.” Kanato lied in your stead.</p><p>“Really, you’re such a stubborn child…” Reiji sighed, shook his head, and left you all alone in his room with your attacker. The strength left your body the moment he left your sight. Is it really that easy for him to abandon you?</p><p>“See how simple it was?” Kanato smiled down at you, taking pleasure in your despair. Your head lolled to the side. “You’re being so agreeable now, such a good girl… Let me reward you.”</p><p>He kissed a spot on your neck, sucking it, caressing it with his tongue, before biting into you again, drawing out the sensation. You could feel his fangs vibrate in your skin as he moaned in ecstasy.</p><p>“I knew you’d realize who you belong to…” Kanato drew away, looking down at your limp form. You looked away. There was no point in fighting anymore, but you refused to give him the satisfaction of being able to believe what he was saying. “From now on you’re-”</p><p>His voice was muffled. Just like yours was.</p><p>You sighed and looked up at him from the corner of your eyes.</p><p>Reiji was behind him, his face expressionless, holding a white cloth over Kanato’s mouth, restraining his arms as he struggled. He writhed and thrashed in Reiji’s arms until finally coming to a halt. The hands holding you down weakened and you were able to sit up. Reiji removed the cloth from his brother’s face, letting the limp body collapse on top of you. You quickly pushed it aside. </p><p>Reiji said nothing as he removed the gag. Neither did you.</p><p>Unsatisfied with the silence, Reiji brushed the hair from your face and asked if you were alright.</p><p>“I’m fine.” You sighed. “What did you do to him?”</p><p>“I merely applied a mild sedative, he will recover before the day is through.”</p><p>You nodded, bringing a hand to your neck. It was wet, dirty. You wiped the blood on your pants. You’d have to change your clothes before you went out.</p><p>“Your injuries will require treatment, I shall return him to his room and be back with medical supplies. Will you be alright in the meantime?” Reiji asked, softening his tone.</p><p>“It’s fine. I just need a moment.” You sighed, letting your head fall forward as keeping it upright became too arduous a task.</p><p>“I won’t be long.” Reiji kissed your head and left you alone again, with Kanato’s limp body tossed over his shoulder. </p><p>You kept your hand clamped over your bite marks, trying to stop the bleeding on your own. Excessive blood loss would just ruin your day even more. You were really looking forward to your date. You slouched forward, holding onto your neck, resting your elbows on your knees. You didn’t have the energy to pay attention to things like posture or presentation.</p><p>“The hell’s going on? Why do I smell blood?” a voice growled, approaching the doorway. Subaru, of course. You know his voice too well to ever mistake it. “The hell did he do to you?!” he asked, barging in. Suddenly he was before you, crouching down and looking up at your face, searching for something.</p><p>“It was someone else,” you sighed. “Reiji is getting a first aid kit, he was the one who saved me.” Maybe that’s a stretch, but you didn’t have the energy to deal with any potential fight that broke out.</p><p>“Like hell he did, you’re bleeding like crazy…” Subaru leaned over you, bringing a hand to your face you couldn’t help but lean your head against. With your head tilted to the side, Kanato’s bite wounds were fully exposed to him. “Fucking bastard…” He whispered, bringing his lips to the marks, licking them till the flow stopped.</p><p>“Thanks,” you muttered as some of the pain began to fade.</p><p>“No problem,” he said and took his hand from your face, replacing it with his other. You tilted your head the other way.</p><p>Then he bit you, not particularly harsh, but definitely unnecessary. It took you a moment to realize what was happening. </p><p>“Hey, what are you doing?” You lifted a hand to push him away, but he batted it aside. You didn’t have the strength to try again. You were spent.</p><p>“Do you think I’d be satisfied drinking from another man’s bite? I’m not a cuck.” He plunged his fangs into you again, harder, deeper.</p><p>“Do you… even know what that word means?”</p><p>“It’s not like it’s fancy or anything.” He sucked at your neck harshly, gulping down blood by the mouthful.</p><p>“You’re just… kinda innocent…” Your head lolled to the side as more of your strength left you. His hand came up to keep your head in place and tangle in your hair, gripping it harshly.</p><p>“Innocent? You’re already on a bed, do you really want me to prove you wrong that badly?” He drew back from your neck, smirking down at you.</p><p>“No!” It came back as more of a gasp than anything else, your voice was too weak for much more than that. Subaru’s face was disappointed, but he returned to drinking your blood.</p><p>“Tch… figures,” he grunted against you. You tried not to pay attention to the vibrations of his voice you felt through his lips pressed against your skin.</p><p>Someone cleared their throat in the doorway.</p><p>“Am I interrupting?” Reiji asked with a first-aid kit in his hand.</p><p>“You’re doing a shit job taking care of her.” Subaru muttered with his lips still pressed against your skin. </p><p>“Our relationship is none of your business.”</p><p>“Yeah? Well, what do you think about all this?” Subaru lapped at his bite till the bleeding stopped, then looked up at you for an answer. It was apparent that he wanted an excuse to beat the hell out of Reiji.</p><p>“I think…” you were surprised by how weak your voice came out, even as you tried to sound strong, clear, and loud. You shook your head, trying to cast off the numb feeling, and waved your hands both as a way to assuage them and to return feeling to your extremities. “I just need to be stronger, it’s my fault this happened, everything’s fine!” You tried to add in a smile, but whatever face you made only added to their concern.</p><p>“... What the fuck happened to your hand…?!” Subaru grabbed it while you were still weakly flailing it around.</p><p>“It’s fine…” you gave him a delirious smile.</p><p> </p><p>The next thing you remembered was Reiji blotting something against your fingers. It stung, but only in the way disinfectant tends to. </p><p>“In no way was this your fault, I was careless and left you alone,” Reiji sighed without looking up.</p><p>“And it’s not fine, either. Tell me who did this so I can fuck him up!” Subaru punched the palm of his hand, making a sound that made you flinch.</p><p>“I think she’d prefer if I took care of this,” Reiji said to your relief. Kanato probably deserves some kind of punishment for his actions. He certainly does. You’re having a hard time wrapping your head around it because until your relationship with Reiji started, there haven’t been any consequences for what the brothers did to you. You accepted it as normal, even though it’s far from it. With Kanato it’s especially hard to accept because of how fragile he always looks, like he isn’t capable of doing what he does. His sleeping face as Reiji carried him away earlier looked so sweet and innocent, how could you associate his violent actions with such a face?</p><p>“Please don’t do anything too harsh this time…” you breathed. Speaking was difficult, but you still had the capability. “And don’t tell me what you do, either. I know that what you did last time was fair and maybe even light by your standards, but it’s still hard to stomach.”</p><p>“So it was Kanato?” Subaru grinned, punching his hand again. “Maybe I should pay that brat a visit.”</p><p>“He’s sleeping.” Reiji finished treating your wounds and began bandaging them. </p><p>“I’ll make sure he never wakes up.”</p><p>“Please stop!” You gasped, wanted to shout. You hated yourself for sounding so weak, you still do. “I just want everyone to get along. If that’s impossible, then not fighting is good enough.”</p><p>“Do you realize how fucked up this is?” Subaru was clenching his fists so tight his knuckles turned white. He was shaking, like he desperately wanted to smash something, yet he was holding back for some reason.</p><p>“I know, I know, but it’s better if we leave it to Reiji, right? He knows how to deal with these things. I trust him more than anyone.” You knew that that was a harsh thing to say to Subaru, you don’t know why you said it.</p><p>Reiji gave him a shit-eating grin. Subaru broke the chair by Reiji’s desk over his knee.</p><p>Finished patching you up, Reiji gently kissed your hand, then your shoulders where you were bitten. Then your forehead, nose, and both your cheeks, his soft touch making you giggle despite the heavy mood, before finishing off with a kiss on the lips.</p><p>“If you guys are gonna keep being gross, I’m out.” Subaru snarled. He looked away and blushed,  then stormed out. The door slammed behind him. Reiji drew away as soon as his brother was out of sight, helping you pick out something else to wear and escorting you to the car as your head spun from blood loss. </p><p> </p><p>He had asked you if you were still willing to go on the trip and you insisted that what happened shouldn’t interfere with your plans. In all honesty, you were sick of being cooped up inside for so long. You enjoy the security of being able to hide away in the privacy of your room or his if things become overwhelming, and though you fear not having that kind of escape during a day trip, you also know that no one will be trying to assault you in a public area inhabited by humans. There probably isn’t a safer place you can be than literally anywhere outside of the mansion.</p><p> </p><p>Reiji’s been speaking for a while, now that your head is starting to clear you’re starting to realize how unconvincing some of his complaints about his coworkers sound. Some of the things he’s saying are getting repetitive, too. That’s a fairly normal thing for people to do when they’re passionate about something, but his delivery is too off for it to make sense, especially because he’s not the type to speak meaninglessly.</p><p>“I think I’m feeling better now,” you say in a small voice, staring out the window.</p><p>“Good. Will you show me your hand?” He asks, not caring that he was interrupted. At this point it’s kind of obvious you enjoy hearing his voice, was he making himself ramble for your sake? You reach out your bandaged hand to show it to him.</p><p>“Very good,” he says, taking it in his for a moment, running his thumb over the back of your hand. He only glances away from the road for a second before returning it to you. </p><p>“I’m surprised to see you driving, I didn’t know you had a license,” you take your hand back and wonder what he was checking.</p><p>“That is besides the point, it is a simple task once you understand the vehicle’s mechanisms, and no law enforcement officer would consider pulling over a car like ours.”</p><p>So he doesn’t have a license. You nod and look out the window again. You’ve definitely passed this scenery before, several times now. You’ve passed the same rock formation at least three times.</p><p>The car ride is silent from there, eventually Reiji turns on some music. It’s classical, but not anything you’ve heard before on classical music stations or playlists, and the recording quality is poor, like it was recorded decades ago and the tapes already started to deteriorate before being transferred to digital. He’s ancient, after all. This is the first time he’s played music with you around, but you shouldn’t have been surprised by how old and obscure he is. He’s a vampire, and a particularly cultured one at that. If you become one too, would your music taste seem so old and obscure after hundreds of years pass, too? Luckily there are things the two of you still bond over, like tea, books, cooking, and other timeless things. Still, you worry about having to abandon your interests to stay by his side and keep him entertained. If you don’t adapt to his ideals, will he abandon you? He said he wouldn’t, but the person he is behind closed doors is completely different from who he is in public. </p><p>Reiji sighs and lowers the volume. “Is there something on your mind?”</p><p>“I’m just kinda frazzled from what happened earlier, it’s nothing.”</p><p>“... I apologize for showing you such weakness. Now that such things have been sorted out, I assure you it won’t happen again.” So he realized how terrified you were when he left you while Kanato was holding you down.</p><p>“It’s fine, you just left to grab vampire-chloroform.” You wave it off.</p><p>“What…? No, I meant-” he catches himself and shakes his head, “Never mind.”</p><p>“What did you mean?” You ask, turning to him.</p><p>“Last night, and other times recently as well, I’ve been showing you a far too sentimental side of myself.” He glances at you from the corner of his eyes before returning his gaze to the road.</p><p>“I actually really appreciate that, it feels like we’re a lot closer than we were before. Til now it’s felt kind of one-sided with me relying on you, so I’m more than happy to let you depend on me as well. We aren’t holding back from each other, remember?” You smile, trying to say the right words to reassure him. You don’t want him to stop being vulnerable in front of you, he’s so pent up and repressed as it is, he needs to express himself more, even if it’s only in private. Being able to endure it till now is a sign of his personal strength, but there’s no way it’s been enjoyable or healthy for him to go through.</p><p>“I will… keep that in mind,” he glances over to you with a troubled look. You hope whatever you said was the right choice. “Ah, we’re here.” he says, pulling into a side road off a path you’ve been past at least four times, according to the count you’ve started keeping.</p><p> </p><p>Past the woods is a botanical garden, filled with lush greens of varying shades, and tones from blue to red, with several buildings made from wood, some of them painted white. There are a few people there, wandering through brighter areas with more colorful flowers and near the small greenhouses scattered throughout. Reiji parks the car in a shaded corner of the parking lot and you follow him to the admissions booth to get your passes. </p><p> </p><p>Reiji guides you through the gardens, apparently he familiarized himself with the layout beforehand and already planned the best way to experience what it has to offer. There’s nothing wrong with that, you just want some mindless, peaceful time spent with Reiji in a place with other humans, where you don’t have to worry about being attacked by a hungry or horny vampire. A horngry vampire. You stifle a giggle.</p><p>“Is there something wrong?” Reiji gives you a quizzical look.</p><p>“No, I just thought of something funny.”</p><p>“Intriguing… what was it?”</p><p>“I can assure you, you’ll just think it’s stupid.”</p><p>“Yes, most likely.”</p><p>You lightly elbow him in the side but he makes no response, continuing to walk further along the cobblestone pathway until he reaches a circular garden with a variety of colorful, flowering plants. You have to jog a bit to catch up.</p><p>“Do you know what these are?” He asks, pointing to some orange flowers.</p><p>“Marigolds,” you say, trying to not sound too proud for knowing something so basic.</p><p>“Good, and do you know what they’re used for?”</p><p>“They’re a decorative flower, associated with the sun, but they also play a part in Day of the Dead celebrations too.” </p><p>“Yes, more importantly they are used to ward off evil and cancel out magic, spells, and curses. The plant has healing properties as well, like most, but they are not significant enough to find use in my own medicines. They are also a bane to witches with ill will against you.”</p><p>The idea that Reiji may have had a past relationship with a witch that ended poorly crosses your mind.</p><p>“Are there any witches with ill will towards you?”</p><p>“None that I am aware of, nor are there any witches who pose a threat to me. They are a topic for another day. Now, can you identify these?”</p><p>“Ummm… they’re purple but if I called them violets I’d sound like an idiot, right? I know it grows in your garden, though.”</p><p>“Correct, it would be rather idiotic. This is vervain. It has healing properties significant enough for me to include in my collection, unlike marigolds. It is associated with feminine energies and is used in love spells by sorcerer’s foolish enough to believe such things to be effective. According to some legends vervain wards off vampires, but like all legends of their kind, it is false. It makes for a rather calming, though not particularly appetizing tea.”</p><p>Reiji continues going through that section of the garden, quizzing you on plants, most of which you only have a vague familiarity with. It’s kind of demoralizing to get so many of these wrong, but you never had any reason to know them in the first place, it’s not like he provided you with a study guide. Plus, it’s nice to hear all this information from him. Reiji’s face doesn’t betray much, but you can tell he’s enjoying talking about the properties of each plant.</p><p>“We should take a break now, the sun is becoming quite harsh. Are you hungry?” Reiji turns to you.</p><p>“I could eat,” you shrug.</p><p>“Then let us rest in the cafe for now.”</p><p>He casually takes you by your unbandaged hand and leads you down the path, walking at what seems to be a calm and casual pace for a tall and long-legged man such as himself, but has you breathing heavily by the time you reach your destination.</p><p>The cafe itself is small, but there is a large outdoor seating area with cute iron tables and chairs painted white, enclosed by trellises covered in dark green ivy. A portion of the seating area is shaded by the building, but each table has a large umbrella to offer shade. Reiji guides you to a table in a far off corner, away from the only other two guests.</p><p>A waiter comes by to hand you menus and ask if you want drinks. Reiji asks about what teas they have, a wide selection that you had trouble keeping track of, but in the end he orders the house special and you order a type of jasmine green tea, <em> sanpin cha </em>. Since coming to Japan you’ve been trying to drink more Japanese tea, but living with the Sakamaki’s and being restricted to Reiji’s preferences has meant that you’ve been drinking mainly English teas for the past half a year or so. </p><p>The waiter comes back with your drinks fairly quickly, before either of you have a chance to decide on what to order. </p><p>“The tea here is quite good. Despite my distaste for bagged tea, the flavoring is heavily reliant on fresh ingredients grown on location. It truly is a unique experience.” Reiji says, despite the tea not being fully brewed and not being cool enough to drink.</p><p>“Have you had it before?”</p><p>“Yes, I came here regularly while doing horticultural research, years ago. I won’t bore you with the details.”</p><p>“It’s not boring at all, what was the research for?”</p><p>“The official reason was for establishing greenhouses to grow resources for manufacturing our organic line of products, but my true interest was in learning how to raise plants that thrive in specific environments for my own personal research. Ah, it seems that my tea should be ready,” he says, snapping his pocket watch closed. He’s probably the only person you’ve seen in real life using one of those. “It should only be a minute or two before yours is as well. In the meantime, you can enjoy the fragrance of mine from across the table.”</p><p>You smile wryly at his incredibly generous offer. It does smell nice though, floral and citrusy, more like a bouquet than an actual drink, but considering how picky he is about tea it’s probably just as delicious as it smells.</p><p>You scan the menu, looking at the options. It’s mainly soups, salads, and sandwiches, focusing on the variety of vegetables grown on location or procured from local sources. The flour used for the bread is from a local farm, and there’s an interview with one of the farmers on the back of the menu. Apparently the farm is fairly close to the mansion, it would take less than an hour to get there by car. </p><p>The two people on the other side of the seating area catch your attention. It’s a bit strange. You thought they were a couple at first, but on closer inspection the man seems to be an older gentleman due to his salt-and-pepper hair, and the blonde haired woman is far too youthful and vibrant to be his partner. Her eyes are wide and shining, so pure that you can’t believe you were ever fooled into thinking Kanato ever looked even remotely innocent.</p><p>The man doesn’t turn to the waiter who’s taking their orders, you don’t get to see his face, but you’re confused again by his surprisingly smooth, young sounding voice. </p><p>When it’s your turn to order you ask for the same thing as that man, vegetable soup. The blonde woman sitting with him laughs, completely entranced by whatever he’s saying. Maybe they are a couple. It really looks like they’re enjoying themselves on their date. You and Reiji are on a date. You kept forgetting because Reiji’s personality makes it feel like a school field trip. </p><p>You try to turn your attention back to Reiji, who you should have been focusing on this entire time. He was looking intently at something in your direction, but looked away when you made eye contact with him. You turn to see behind you and don’t notice anything peculiar.</p><p>“Has something caught your attention?” Reiji asks, looking you in the eye again.</p><p>“This is a popular date spot, isn’t it?” You pour yourself some tea. The scent is familiar for some reason.</p><p>“Not particularly.” Reiji takes a sip of his drink.</p><p>“Oh. Well, I like it. The food, atmosphere, and view are all lovely.”</p><p>“Of course they are, why else would I bring you to such a place?”</p><p>“Well, the only downside is that as lovely as it all is, none of it can compare to you.”</p><p>Reiji chokes on his tea. During the several moments it takes for him to recover, the waiter returns with your food.</p><p>“Did you expect me to say such a cliched line to you?” Reiji scoffs.</p><p>“No, the thought just came into my head and I felt like it needed to be said. I don’t compliment you <em> nearly </em> enough.”</p><p>“How foolish.” He says, bringing a bite of salad to his mouth and accidentally stabbing his cheek with his fork. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him act so clumsily before.</p><p>“It’s cute seeing you so flustered,” you smile.</p><p>He blushes and tugs at his collar. You’ve caught him.</p><p>“Drink your soup before it gets cold.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Don't eat that</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reiji keeps trying to be dark and mysterious but you're too chill and too aware of the fact he's a huge nerd to let him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Had to cut some stuff for the sake of not having a wildly inappropriate tone.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reiji leads you towards a pathway that leads under a canopy of tiny white flowers, trained to grow on trellises to form a tunnel. He says that it’s the only way to get from the cafe to the succulent greenhouse, but you doubt it. Not that you’re going to say anything. You want to walk under the picturesque canopy and see the glow of the sun filtering through the green of the leaves, the paleness of the petals, as the light floral scent guides your thoughts to float away to something more pleasant than recent events.  </p><p>When you’re about two feet from the entrance Reiji extends an arm in front of you, bringing you to a halt. </p><p>“This is bothersome…” he mutters. </p><p>“What?” you stand on your toes to see clearly over his arm. </p><p>A blonde haired man in bright clothes is posing melancholically in the tunnel. His hand caresses a cluster of flowers as he gazes into the distance, and several people capture pictures of him on their phones. They’re encouraging him, complimenting him, and suggesting poses. It’s an amateur photoshoot probably, they’re so enraptured in their work that they don’t notice you and Reiji waiting to pass through. Even if you won’t have a chance to enjoy the setting, you’d at least like to walk under to get to the next destination. You’re used to disappointment and this is honestly one of the most insignificant disappointments you’ve faced in months, but it still bothers you. </p><p>Reiji lowers his arm and checks his pocket watch, opening and closing it every few moments as the two of you wait for the group to finish up. </p><p> </p><p>You don’t think they’ll be done any time soon. It’s a shame, it’s such a romantic setting. You’d love to walk under there with Reiji. </p><p>“This is a popular place for wedding photos, after all...” Reiji says. </p><p>“Makes sense. Sorry, I didn’t realize I was thinking out loud.”</p><p>“... that’s why they chose this destination for their shoot. Tell me, what do you believe you said?” His eyes take a teasing glint, so bright you have to look away. </p><p>“Well, I’m gonna be shutting up now. Why don't we check out the herb garden some more?” You change the subject and walk back towards the herb garden surrounding the cafe. You could’ve suggested finding another route to the succulent greenhouse, but you’re getting kind of spoiled and don’t want to compromise on that maybe 5-10 seconds of romantic atmosphere with Reiji. </p><p>“Hey, check out this fluffy little thing! Apparently it’s called <em> hops marjoram </em>, it’s related to oregano. I think it was in the soup I had earlier. Do you know anything about it?”</p><p>Reiji gets another glint in his eye, the much less sinister look of a bookworm excited to lecture you about a topic he tells you you should know more about, but would probably be disappointed if you actually  did. </p><p>“Ah yes, it goes by another name as well, Dittany of Crete. In the Cretian dialect however, the direct translation of its name is <em> love </em>.”</p><p>“Love? That’s… a bit of a weird name for a plant, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Yes, that is why it <em> isnt </em>called that, please pay attention. The name is Dittany of Crete.”</p><p>You blink your eyes deliberately to stop from glaring at him. </p><p>“Oh, thanks. What is it used for, aside from seasoning?”</p><p>“You should be more familiar with it, as it’s part of my collection. It has use both in curative medicine and as a particularly potent aphrodisiac. I’m quite partial to it myself, despite it not being viable in my research.” He looks at you from the corner of his eyes and smirks. </p><p>“H-hey… why were you researching aphrodisiacs? Not to be judgemental or anything!” you wave your hands to disparage the idea. </p><p>“I wasn’t using it for those reasons, who do you think I am? No, this herb is also rumored to help one commune with those departed. Unfortunately it is only effective on spirits still tied to this world, and has little effect on attempts at resurrection.”</p><p>“Were you researching… necromancy?” You fail to see how that’s somehow a more proper and respectable field than aphrodisiacs. </p><p>Reiji pauses for a moment to clean his glasses with his handkerchief. </p><p>“In a sense… yes.” He places his glasses back on his face, looking up at the sky to ensure the clarity of the lenses. “Though if I were to define the purpose of the experiment, it would be closure. There is someone who I would like to see suffer, and I lack the patience to wait until I meet them once more in hell to exact my revenge.”</p><p>This reveal is more than you were prepared for. You really don’t know much about Reiji after all, he’s lived several lifetimes over that you know so little of. And this kind of resentment he holds… to be honest it doesn’t come as a surprise, considering how he treats his brothers when they threaten the power he holds over you. Or if they threaten you. He cares about you more than you can accept, you can at least acknowledge that, even if it doesn’t excuse his past behaviors. For now at least, you’re safe from his rage, both the slow-burning and the cold. </p><p>“Tell me,” he turns to you. “To spend a significant fraction of your life thoroughly devoted towards spite, to allow this person to occupy so much of your thoughts and mind that it borders on obsession, just so you may hope to one day prove how beneath you they truly are… Is it worth it?”</p><p>You immediately think back to your “kill them with kindness” schtick from back when you were dying and how easily you gave that up because you actually <em> care </em> about the Sakamakis. It wasn’t a good feeling, you’re glad your attempts were half-hearted at most. But Reiji’s been at this for decades probably, maybe even centuries. He talks about his revenge like it’s robbed him of something, and the longer this goes on the weaker the pay off will be. That is, if it’s anything at all. Like always he refuses to give you any helpful yet only partially necessary information. </p><p>“If you let your desire for spite rule your life, don’t they win? Sure you get to be the one who will be recognized for performing a feat as great as reviving the dead, but they’ll get the satisfaction of thinking their existence drove you to defy death itself in the first place. It’s probably harder than I’m making it sound, but I think the best way to spite someone is to forget about them and live a happy, successful, fulfilling life free of their influence. Don’t give them the honor of living in your thoughts, let them die a meaningless death.”</p><p>Wait. </p><p>Was that a rhetorical question he asked?</p><p>Or a “yes or no”?</p><p>You fight the desire to turn away and instead stand firmly, looking him in the eye with enough conviction to prevent you from revealing the truth of the awkwardness you feel. </p><p>The corners of Reiji’s mouth quirk up into a smile. </p><p>“Yes, I suppose I just needed a push in the right direction. Thank you.” His expression lightens, like an incredible weight has been lifted from his mind. You can’t help but smile back at him. “I will continue my research for the sake of knowledge, of course, but I will stop at reviving plants and animals…”</p><p>“So, who was it you were planning on bringing back?”</p><p>“They are irrelevant now,” Reiji shakes his head. </p><p>“Is it a past lover? I’m kinda jealous~” you say half honestly and half teasingly.</p><p>Reiji frowns, his expression heavy again, eyes darkened. You can’t find it in yourself to smile any longer with this aura he’s exerting. </p><p>“I’d be willing to pick up my research again, should you perish before me.”</p><p>“Hey, don’t talk like that. I promised to stay by your side until you get bored of me, and I’m gonna keep that promise.” You pluck a mint leaf off a plant and quickly place it between his pouting lips. </p><p>With two fingers he removes the leaf and places it between your lips instead. You feel the lingering touch of his fingers against your lips long after they leave you. </p><p>“You surely are a fool…” he smiles at you briefly before turning away. </p><p>You lick at the mint leaf before taking it into your mouth, tasting the sharp flavor. Just moments earlier Reiji tasted the same thing. Is this… an indirect kiss? You’ve done so much more than this with him, it shouldn’t be making you feel this flustered. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There are two other people in the succulent greenhouse. If you look in their direction you risk making eye contact with a stranger and overthinking that experience for the rest of the day, maybe even week. On the other side of you is Reiji. If you look at him, with his high cheekbones, delicate features, and sharp jawline... lost in his thoughts while wearing a soft expression… you know you wouldn’t be able to look away.</p><p> So instead you stare directly ahead, at the table before you containing several kinds of small potted cacti. There isn’t much variety, which makes sense since some of them have price tags on them. This is basically a gift shop, but peering at these petite and prickly potted plants is pretty pleasant. Some of them have interesting shapes, or bright flowers, and this one is covered in what looks like fluffy cotton. You reach out your least injured hand to touch it. </p><p>And you yelp. </p><p>It doesn’t hurt much, nothing significant, but the sudden unexpected sensation caused you to cry out. It’s actually kind of a pleasant feeling. Even though it pierced you deep enough to draw blood, the needles are pretty thin. You’re used to being pierced by much thicker things, and taking them much deeper. </p><p>That sounded too suggestive. You mean being pierced by fangs. But maybe that wasn’t too unfounded, considering the way the vampires have moaned while sucking your blood before, and Reiji’s tendency to drink from you while being intimate. And earlier today, when Kanato forcefully thrusted his fangs in and out of you, enjoying the experience of them inside you almost as much as drinking your blood...</p><p>You shudder at the thought of it. You don’t want to return to the mansion when your date is over. Being outside with Reiji has felt so normal, you can’t go back to feeling so scared and weak and small constantly, walking on glass so you don't get pushed close to death over a minor misstep. You start to feel light headed, which only reminds you more of how even Subaru, who’s probably your closest, most trusted friend at this point, seems to have no qualms with taking your blood by force and leaving you weak, dizzy, and vulnerable. You cling to Reiji’s arm. </p><p> </p><p>But it isn’t Reiji who’s next to you, not unless he’s crouching down, or suddenly became much shorter. </p><p>No, it’s one of the other two men in the greenhouse, looking down at you with an unreadable expression and blank eyes. </p><p>His hair is messy and dark and his eyes are pale and dull. He looks dangerously thin, not helped at all by how baggy his clothes are. And around his neck and beneath his clothes you can see more bandages than should be on a person up and about the way he is. </p><p>“Hey… is that blood? Are you… like me?” He says slowly, drawn out in an airy, almost hypnotically calming voice. </p><p>You’re frozen. </p><p>He takes your bandaged hand gently in his and squeezes tightly, while looking you in the eye with a strange tenderness. Even though it hurts, you don’t believe this man has any malicious intent. Not with such innocent eyes. Bright red blossoms from under your bandage as he holds your hand tighter. You whimper from the pain. </p><p>“Someone must… really love you.” He smiles warmly, you can’t help but believe him, even though he doesn’t know anything about you, your life, or your relationships. Something about this man is supremely trustworthy. </p><p> </p><p>Then someone grabs the man by the collar, dragging him out of the greenhouse before you can say or do anything. You see a flash of familiar brown hair tied into a messy bun before the two disappear outside. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Reiji takes you to a fenced off area and begins to quiz you again. It’s surprisingly easy this time around.</p><p>“Those are rosary peas, their fruit is used in jewelry and crafts, and after heat treatment they can be used in medicine, while the leaves can be used as is.”</p><p>“Partially correct.”</p><p>“The roots can be used as a substitute for licorice.”</p><p>“You are still only partially correct.”</p><p>“Ah, sorry. Will you fill me in?”</p><p>“Do you know why you can identify these plants more easily than others?”</p><p>“These are the ones you’ve told me about when I’ve helped you in the lab, they’re all rather potent and used in medicine, and… they’re all poisonous?”</p><p>“Correct.” Reiji pats you on the head. “You did well.”</p><p>You lean into Reiji’s hand but he draws it away too soon.</p><p>“Have you reached the part in the book I gave you about <em> Rapaccini’s Daughter </em>?”</p><p>“No, sorry, I’m a slow reader.”</p><p>“I am aware,” he sighs, adjusting his glasses. “To briefly summarize, it’s about a woman who spends so much time caring for poisonous things that she too becomes poisonous, and reliant on that poison to survive, despite being otherwise innocent and morally pure.”</p><p>“Got it, I’ll wear gloves more often.” You understand what he’s getting at, but don’t agree.</p><p>“Please take this seriously, I do not want you to grow accustomed to how you are treated at the mansion. In a few days affairs will be finalized and we will be able to relocate to our new home, though due to your current situation and the upcoming full moon, I will be leaving you somewhere else until then. Your belongings have already been moved.”</p><p>You take a moment for this to sink in.</p><p>“Do you hate me for this?” He asks with a knowing assumption, looking down at you with a smirk.</p><p>“I kinda expected it…? You were driving in circles for a really long time, like you were trying to confuse someone who was tracking us, then we spent an entire day at a new location, all during the time when your brothers are normally asleep, so they won’t notice us leaving or things being moved. And you <em> drove </em>, instead of getting a familiar or invisible servant to do it.” You explain. You had your suspicions, you just really didn’t care. Reiji purses his lips.</p><p>“In most cases I try to use such things sparingly, some things are better done yourself, though you are correct as to my reasoning. It isn’t particularly impressive, but I am glad you managed to discern the meaning of my actions.”</p><p>“And you’ve been asking me if I want to move a lot.”</p><p>“Ah yes, I was rather lacking in subtlety, wasn’t I?”</p><p>“Wasn’t that just you trying to get my consent in the least straightforward way possible?”</p><p>“Correct, does this mean you support my decision?”</p><p>“Not at all!” You say with a big smile and a thumbs up. “I’m okay with pretty much everything you do, but I’m still pissed off that you decided to act so <em> villainously </em> about it. Is it so tough to just tell me things and explain them to me before taking drastic actions? It’s not like I’d say no.”</p><p>Reiji frowns and crosses his arms. </p><p>“I considered telling you beforehand, but decided against taking that risk. The more you know of my true intentions, the more likely it is that you will try to leave, and I can’t have that. You belong to me, after all.”</p><p>“Didn’t you say that was bullshit?”</p><p>“Not in those words.” Reiji grimaces for a moment at your language. “I’ve changed my feelings on the subject. Isn’t it clear by now that no one else will accept you? And that you feel the same acceptance towards myself? You belong to me, and I belong to you in turn." He says as if reminding you of well known fact. "You've been suffering under these conditions, so I won’t let anyone else lay a hand on you anymore. I’ll do anything to make sure of it. That's why I must make it <em>clear</em> who owns you...” He leans over you with a darkened expression, managing to make you feel cornered, even in an open area. Is he trying to comfort you or terrify you?</p><p>“Will you stop trying to act so sinister?" You say despite his intimidating aura, trying to sound playfully mad. "I just want us to communicate better. I’m actually flattered that you even care enough to be so possessive, to be honest it kinda goes both ways. You’re mine, too.” You roll your eyes and hug him, hoping it calms him down. Most of what you said was the truth. His body stiffens for a moment before relaxing. He tentatively wraps his arms around you.</p><p>“It’s inappropriate to do this in public.” He says despite not pushing you away.</p><p>“Well, it’s your punishment for technically kidnapping me. Deal with it.”</p><p>“You’re being so shameful,” he shakes his head, then leans down to rest it on your shoulder. “I’ll have to punish you for this later,” he whispers in your ear.</p><p>“I look forward to it, and everything to come,” you smile and cuddle closer. </p><p>"And moving away?"</p><p>"I told you, it sounds like a good plan. Just tell me these things in advance, alright?" You look up at him and pout.</p><p>"Of course, my darling." He gives a small, distant smile, as if he doesn't intend on keeping his word. It doesn't matter, it's at least a start. You're stuck with this guy forever, if he wasn't capable of change it would be unbearable.</p><p> </p><p>Back when he broke the curse on you, it felt like you handed everything over to him, your body, your life, your soul… And now, stealing you away to a new life together, it’s becoming even more apparent. Why are you happy about this?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The rest of the date is spent with the two of you holding hands, and Reiji lecturing you about plants as if nothing happened. </p><p>It’s getting dark by the time you’re walking back to the car. The sun is setting and the cool wind makes you shiver. Even though at this point you should probably put your hands in your pockets to keep them warm, you aren’t willing to let go of Reiji’s hand just yet.</p><p>When you reach the car Reiji gets into the backseat, leaving the door open.</p><p>“Do you want me to drive?” You ask. Even though you don’t have a license in this country, he said the car wouldn’t get pulled over so it really isn’t an issue. If you get in an accident though, you’ll say it’s his fault for trusting you with this.</p><p>“There is something I must show you. Will you join me?”</p><p>You get in next to him and close the door.</p><p>Then he’s grabbing a fistful of your hair, and kissing you with a contrasting gentleness. You grab the lapel of his jacket and pull him closer, melting into him. He draws away too soon, then pushes you down against the seat. He kisses you again and you lose yourself in it, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer as your tongues work against each other. </p><p>It takes longer than it should have for you to realize that your shirt is unbuttoned enough for him to caress your breast, and your skirt is hiked up over your hips, exposing your panties.</p><p>“Hey!” you reluctantly break the kiss. “Didn’t you say hugging in public was indecent? Isn’t this significantly worse?”</p><p>“The windows are tinted, no one can see us.” He sighs, removing his glasses and leaning down, closer to you. “Besides, did you not agree to receive punishment from me? There’s no point to a punishment if you find it comfortable, at least initially.” There’s a glint in his eye. “Will you be more agreeable?” His thumb brushes over your stiffened nipple through your bra and you involuntarily arch your back, wanting more than just that light, feathery touch. He smirks at you.</p><p>“It’s kind of scary… but I think I can deal with it if you take responsibility if someone sees...” You say, a bit too excited to think straight.</p><p>“Of course, my darling. I’ll try to make this quick.”</p><p>He kisses you again, ferociously, like he’s trying to devour you. Biting at your lips, pulling your hair so you offer your neck to him, sucking at your bloody lip before travelling down to your neck, kissing and nipping at you while you squirm beneath him. </p><p>Then he curses. You don’t think you’ve ever heard him curse before.</p><p>“They took too much, any more would be dangerous, wouldn’t it?” He whispers against your pulse. Your body is so warm, your heart is racing, like it’s eagerly anticipating his bite. Even if that’s true, you’d rather your body not give it away. He hums, dissatisfied, but sucks at your skin anyway, gripping your breast tightly as he grinds his hips against yours. He’s hard, you realize. Already? You wrap your legs around him to give a better angle as you grind against him.</p><p>Reiji lets out a moan so lecherous you feel like you probably shouldn’t have heard it, though you desperately want to hear it again. “So long as I hold back, you won’t be in any danger, just a sip…” he whispers more to himself than to you. His fangs slowly pierce your skin. From the tension in his jaw, you can tell that he’s holding back. </p><p>When the blood begins to trickle out and reach his tongue, he moans. You can feel the vibrations of it through his fangs and can’t help whimpering. He thrusts them in further, furiously rutting against you as you cling to his shirt. Now he’s completely dominating you and all you can do is hold on to him as he does as he pleases.</p><p>Your hands start to weaken from the blood loss, feeling static-y and hard to move. Eventually they fall from his shirt and limply lay on his back, soon falling to your side.</p><p>Reiji freezes.</p><p>He looks down at you with wide eyes. You wrap your arms around him again and kiss him, showing that you’re alright even if your extremities feel numb.</p><p>“I apologize, I’m not sure I trust myself to not ruin tonight.” He sits up and sighs, putting his glasses back on.</p><p>“Please don’t stop, I can handle it.” You say despite the dizzy feeling. You probably can't handle much, definitely not anymore blood drinking, but aren't willing to leave him or yourself unsatisfied just yet.</p><p>Reiji looks at you, visibly struggling between a look of concern and his trademark sadistic smile. He settles on concern and looks deep in thought for a moment. He’d look serious and thoughtful if it weren’t for his flushed face and obvious arousal. It wouldn't be a good idea to tease him, as much as you'd like to.</p><p>“Kneel.” He commands.</p><p>You immediately kneel on the car floor in front of him.</p><p>“Good girl,” he purrs, ruffling your hair. “Now take it out.”</p><p>You undo his belt and free his cock from his pants, watching it spring free of it’s constraints. It’s large and standing at attention, with precum already bubbling from the tip. You take it in your hand and rub your thumb over the head, collecting fluid and bringing it to your mouth. It isn’t necessarily a good taste, but you want more. You move to take it into your mouth, but Reiji grabs a fistful of your hair before you get the chance.</p><p>“Remember who’s in control.” He says with a cold, stern look. “Open your mouth.”</p><p>He yanks your hair back and you open your mouth for him, as wide as you can.</p><p>“Stick your tongue out.” He commands.</p><p>You do as he says, and he rubs the tip of his cock against it, teasing you with the taste. You do your best not to move as he pleasures himself with your tongue, knowing that he only wants you to follow his instructions right now. </p><p>“Good girl,” he purrs, brushing his thumb against your lip. “Are you ready for your reward?” </p><p>With his cock still against your tongue you can’t exactly say anything, and the hand with a firm grip in your hair prevents you from nodding. Still, either able to discern your answer from other means or just not caring, he presses further into your mouth.</p><p>You start to suck on his shaft, now with the freedom to run your tongue along it to feel every vein and ridge, holding what can’t fit in your mouth with your hands. You pump them up and down, with a gentle wringing motion. Reiji’s cock starts to twitch, and you take it almost completely out of your mouth, teasing the head with your tongue and gently suckling at it. Reiji growls in frustration.</p><p>“Don’t forget that this is your punishment.” He pulls your hands away and forces his full length into your mouth, deep down your throat. Even breathing through your nose becomes a struggle. Tears fill your eyes and you start to gag. He waits a few moments before removing himself and waiting for you to regain your composure. The second he sees that you’re ready, he grabs your hair again and presses the wet tip of his cock against your soft lips, smearing them with precum before thrusting past and into your mouth again, stopping at the back of your throat. You hesitantly grasp the base in your hands, and he starts to fuck your mouth at a brutal pace, looking down at you with that manic, sadistic smile. It hurts, and you know the back of your throat will be bruised by the end of this, but at least you aren’t gagging anymore. His cock starts to twitch again and you start to suck harder, using your tongue more, until he forces you to take even more of it into your mouth and he cums down your throat with a satisfied, deep moan.</p><p>He holds your face against him as he cums in several long spurts, shallowly thrusting further in, filling your mouth with so much that it starts to dribble out, only removing it when he’s finished. All the while looking down at you with an ecstatic glint in his eye.</p><p>“Swallow it all, and don’t make a mess.” He says, more like a reminder than a command. You do as he says, feeling the thick, slimy liquid slide down the back of your throat. You try not to gag. It’s humiliating and not exactly enjoyable. By the satisfied, sadistic look in his eye, he’s more than aware of this.</p><p>“You did well, my darling.” He pulls you up to sit next to him, then pushes you down against the seat. “Now for your reward.” You could’ve gone with a bottle of water to wash away the thick, sticky cum that's coating the inside of your mouth, but seeing Reiji hike up your skirt and position his face between your legs, giving you such a hungry look, isn’t bad either. He presses two fingers against you through your panties.</p><p>“You’re already so wet, just from having your mouth used… such an indecent woman.” He smirks.</p><p>You blush and look away. “I can’t help it if you keep being so…” you trail off, not knowing a word to say that isn’t going to embarrass you further.</p><p>“So?” He asks, backing away. You have to tense the muscles in your legs to stop from desperately trying to pull him back.</p><p>“So… alluring?” You offer.</p><p>“Alluring? Yes, I can do with that.” Reiji pulls your panties down to your knees, keeping your thighs close together as he positions himself between them, and moans against you. You can’t help but buck your hips against him for more. He pulls you closer, sucking at your already sensitive clit and pumping two fingers in and out of you, before adding another. You can feel him smile against you while you writhe, smirking at the realization of how desperate you already are for him. He sucks on your clit harder and you cry out at the overstimulation, but he doesn’t stop. He stimulates the most sensitive spot within you with a harsh “come hither” motion with his fingers that has you uselessly and incoherently babbling his name. He lightly takes your clit between his teeth, adding just a bit of an almost painful pressure, and you’re forced over the edge. He pulls your thighs tighter around his head as he laps at your oversensitive, gushing entrance.</p><p>You’re ashamed of how hard you came, of how he so easily made you unravel. You try to push him away as he starts to lick you clean, but he restrains your wrists with his belt and pins your legs to your chest instead. Every touch to your overstimulated skin sends electricity through your body, and Reiji relishes in torturing you with it, making you moan and cry out until he’s satisfied.</p><p>When he pulls away and undoes your restraints you can finally bring yourself to look at him, only to see his flushed face, fogged up glasses, and the lewd, wet sheen covering the lower half of his face. You wonder if you looked similar with his cum dribbling out of your mouth. </p><p>Reiji sits down, pulling you into his lap, and kisses you deeply and tenderly, twining his tongue with yours and sharing the tastes of yourselves. </p><p>“We taste delicious together, don’t we?”</p><p>He smirks when he sees the shell-shocked expression on your face. It’s kind of gross but you don’t hate it. You nod and kiss him again, resting against his chest. As embarrassed as you are, you’re also satisfied and tired, and in Reiji’s arms, you feel safe and cozy. This part might be your favorite, cuddling in the afterglow.</p><p>“Don’t fall asleep yet, I still need to introduce you to your hosts for the time being.”</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Fried Chicken and Chrysanthemum Tea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yuma is a certified himbo, you accidentally kinkshame Ruki, your weakness for cute things makes you completely lose it over Yui, Azusa is baby, and Adam is an actual baby. Also Kou and Reiji are there, I guess.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You don’t get to rest much during the car ride, Reiji takes too much joy in keeping you awake by asking you questions you don’t know the answers to. What genus does Lenten Rose belong to? What is the mythological origin of Wormwood? What’s the difference between Solomon’s Seal and False Solomon’s Seal? You didn’t even know some of these plants existed. It’s not like he’s given you a proper education on these things, the fact you were able to learn anything at all by mere observation should be impressive enough, right? </p><p>He doesn’t do much driving in circles this time, maybe being at the botanical garden for so long was enough to throw anyone off your trail. It’s the triplets and maybe Subaru that you’re supposed to be running from, and only Laito has any amount of patience. Reiji probably thinks you’re mostly free now and just wants to be sure. Watching the same scenery go by again and again, rhododendrons and cypress climbing up steep hills, you realize you’re pretty far from the mansion now. The streetlights are sparser, more spread out, and a few of them flicker off and on. It isn’t completely night yet, the sun is still setting, and Reiji has night vision too, <em> and </em>of course, the car has headlights, but it still has you a bit on edge. Why is this place so deep in the mountains?</p><p> </p><p>Reiji pulls into a driveway hidden by a thick covering of trees, you’re not sure anyone would be able to spot it unless they knew where to look. After what seems like a superfluous twist and turn around another section of trees with no meaning other than to hide your destination from view, you reach a large estate. Smaller than the Sakamaki mansion, but definitely still a mansion. The only place you’ve stayed in even remotely this size before becoming a blood supply for vampires was a hotel. A stark off-white with the deepest chocolate brown accents criss-crossing across the uppermost floor and adorning the windows and doors. Contrasting with the clean, aristocratic image of the building itself is a field of wildflowers before it. Towards the sides, hinting at what’s behind the house, you can see the deep red of cabbage leaves. It looks almost like something out of a fairytale.</p><p>You get out of the car and Reiji begins to fix your clothes.</p><p>“I really must learn to hold back…” he murmurs while smoothing out wrinkles in your shirt, dabbing at something on the corner of your mouth with his handkerchief.</p><p>“True.” You nod. You try to pat him on the shoulder sympathetically but he gracefully dodges.</p><p>“You weren’t meant to agree with me.”</p><p>When Reiji finishes he turns around to walk towards the estate, but you tug at his wrist.</p><p>“Do you still need a moment to prepare?”</p><p>“I’m fine, but you’re kind of a mess. Your glasses are all smudged.” You stand on your toes to remove them from his face and start to clean them with the handkerchief he insists you carry. His burgundy eyes widen for a moment in confusion. Without his glasses he looks so much less stern, you almost want to tease him.</p><p>“There, all done! Now your hair, it’s a mess too.”</p><p>“I doubt you will be able to do much more than make it worse.”</p><p>“Nonsense, now get down here so I can fix it.”</p><p>Reiji reluctantly bends down so you can fix his hair. You comb through it with your fingers. It’s a bit stiff in places from the product he uses, but it always surprises you how soft and fluffy it is naturally, where he hasn’t used anything to style it. After combing out the knots you neatly arrange it to the best of your abilities, and kiss him on the top of his head before letting him stand upright again. </p><p>Reiji glares down at you from beneath his glasses.</p><p>“Are you quite done?”</p><p>“Yep!” </p><p>“Good, then let me finish making you presentable.”</p><p>Reiji runs his fingers through your hair, harshly yanking at the knots before gently working them out, and tugging at strands before returning them to their rightful places. You don’t doubt that he’s doing a good job of fixing it, but he’s obviously trying to get revenge. When he finishes to his satisfaction, he kisses you on your forehead and walks towards the mansion. You jog to catch up.</p><p>Your heart skips a beat when you see who greets you at the door.</p><p>A cheery looking blonde woman with big, sparkling pink eyes. The same one you saw at the cafe earlier. She’s smiling at you, with an almost angelic glow. Looking at her feels like staring at the sun.</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you!” She says. Being addressed by such a person has you frozen in place.“I’ve wanted to meet you for a while now!”</p><p>You pause for a moment, staring at this person. Such a pure aura, such kindness, there’s no way she’s human, is there?</p><p>“H-hello!” You take too long to say, accidentally saluting her instead of offering a hand to shake.</p><p>She laughs and playfully salutes you back.</p><p>“Please excuse her. It’s been a while, Yui.” Reiji addresses the woman and offers his hand with a grace and composure you currently can’t dream of being able to imitate.</p><p>“I hope you’ve been well, Reiji.” She says, grasping his hand with both of hers and briefly shaking it with an incredible warmth.</p><p>“Y-you’re Yui Komori!” You gasp, slamming your arm to your side after accidentally being so rude as to point.</p><p>“Yes I am! Sorry, did I forget to introduce  myself?” She says, smiling and tilting her head. Even through her politeness, you can tell that she thinks you’re weird. You’ve ruined everything. Your stay here will be haunted by your embarrassment.</p><p>“Sorry, I’m just really surprised, I’ve heard a lot about you from the guys.” You frantically wave your hands to show that she did nothing wrong, but probably only managed to make yourself look worse. Reiji frowns at you and places a hand on your shoulder.</p><p>“Perhaps we should continue this inside? Over tea, if possible.” </p><p>“Y-yeah, of course! Please come in!” Yui says, still smiling.</p><p>You and Reiji take off your shoes before being guided to a large seating area, with couches and chairs placed around a fireplace and tv the way they would have been in a much smaller room. The far sides of the room are mostly empty. Yui leaves the two of you alone while she goes to prepare the tea.</p><p>“Will you be okay?” Reiji sighs, looking vaguely in your direction but not at you.</p><p>You stare at your hands. </p><p>“Yeah, sorry, I’ll get my act together.”</p><p>“I’m well aware that you’re like this, you will be able to manage yourself in time. Do you think you will be alright staying here for a few days?”</p><p>“Maybe? I can survive anything. As long as it’s not another house full of vampires, there’s nothing to worry about.”</p><p>You hear tableware clatter. Reiji grimaces.</p><p>Yui is standing in the doorway holding a tea set.</p><p>“Ah, did you… not tell her?”</p><p>Reiji sighs.</p><p>“This is indeed another house inhabited by vampires, but I can assure you that they are more well-behaved than the worst of my brothers.”</p><p>Your blood runs cold at that statement. Yui places the tea set on a table and begins to clumsily pour you each a cup,</p><p>“Yui… are you okay living like this?”</p><p>Yui hands you a cup and smiles at you warmly. The cup burns your hand, but it would be rude to set it down just yet.</p><p>“Of course…” She smiles hesitantly. “I’m a vampire too.”</p><p>The cup falls from your hand but you catch it, though not before hot liquid sloshes over the side and burns your hand. You yelp and quickly place it on the table, then dry your hand with your skirt.</p><p>“I’m sorry, that was rude.” You bow your head.</p><p>“No, it’s fine, I understand why you’d ask. Not all vampires are like them!” She waves her hands just as frantically as you did earlier. You smile. It really does look silly, why did you think that was a good idea? “I told them to wait a bit before introducing themselves to you because I knew you’d be scared, I was in your shoes too once.” She gives you a compassionate nod.</p><p>“I know, you’re the only one who made it out safe. Aside from me I guess…?”</p><p>“Yes,” She suddenly places a tiny, pale hand over your own. “I’m glad you were able to get out of there. Even though you’ll only be staying with us temporarily, I hope we’ll stay in touch.” She squeezes your hand.</p><p>“Y-yes!” You shout, slapping your free hand over your mouth. “Sorry, yes, that sounds great.” You fix your posture and give her a polite, gracious smile. You need to behave in a way that makes sure she won’t take that back. It’s been a while since you had a female friend to talk to, Christa probably doesn’t count since she’s the mother of one of your friends, plus your relationship was definitely one-sided. She might not even remember you if Subaru ever lets you meet again. </p><p>“Then, I will be taking my leave.” Reiji stands up and nods at the both of you after you spend several moments blankly staring at Yui Komori: vampiric ray of sunshine.</p><p>“You won’t be staying for dinner?” She asks with a pout.</p><p>You briefly consider giving him a hug or a kiss goodbye but decide against it, knowing he wouldn’t approve. You still want to, though.</p><p>“How long until you come back?” You ask.</p><p>“I must return before my brothers grow suspicious, it would be troublesome if they realize your disappearance and decide to search for you. As for when I will return, perhaps in a few days, no longer than a week.”</p><p>“Will you visit?” You ask, realizing too late how presumptuous and greedy a question it is. Just getting here was a huge ordeal.</p><p>“That might not be a good idea…” Yui says, “We’ve already had to move once before because the Sakamki’s found us…”</p><p>“Sorry…” You should’ve kept your mouth shut.</p><p>“I promise I will return before long.” Reiji takes your hand and raises it, then lowers his head. It almost seemed like he intended to bring it to his lips and kiss it, a rather outdated, courtly gesture that would be fitting for him, but all he does is look up at you with a courteous smile.</p><p>“Thank you for your hospitality, I will see myself out.” Reiji bows to Yui.</p><p>You’d rather say goodbye to him at the door, and you know that if Yui doesn’t at least offer to see him out he’ll consider her rude, but he turns and leaves before either of you have the chance to say anything. You follow after him to at least say goodnight, but he’s already gone, the headlights of the car barely visible behind the barrier of trees.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yui has you sit at the dining room table to finish your tea. She leaves for a moment, then comes back with a stack of tableware that she sets before seven places.</p><p>“Can I help?”</p><p>“Oh, I couldn’t ask that of you.”</p><p>“You most certainly can!” you give her a thumbs up and she laughs before handing you a pile of napkins.</p><p>“Can you set the table? I should check to see if he needs help in the kitchen.”</p><p>“You got it!” You smile. Maybe you’re being too enthusiastic, but she’s so wonderful and cute, and doesn’t <em> seem </em> weirded out by you entirely yet. Still, you should get your act together.</p><p>You take care to set the table properly. There’s only one spoon, one knife, and one fork for each place setting. Like when normal people eat dinner, not the fancy stuff Reiji insists on despite his brothers having the manners you’d expect of any other slobbish young men in the modern era. You haven’t set a table so simply in a while, rolling the silverware up in the napkins is a lot easier without so many pieces clinking around. It doesn’t take long for you to finish. </p><p>You sit down again, sipping your tea. Fairly weak and herbal. Maybe not weak, light might be the proper word. It’s a pale yellow color and smells floral and sweet, with a taste to match. It certainly isn’t something Reiji would drink, but you’re a fan. The fact that someone else made it for you makes it even more delicious. You drink it slowly, taking in the taste and smell. You’d like to try to brew this tea on your own, you’re getting hints of a rich, deep flavor that you’d like to see brought out more, though right now it’s enough to just take in the faintest shadows of it. </p><p>Yui comes out of the kitchen with a large dish of roasted vegetables.</p><p>“You’re done already?” She asks. Is she referring to the tea or the table?</p><p>You nod.</p><p>"It's so fancy..."</p><p>“Anything else I can help with?”</p><p>“Ummm… I’ll ask my husband....”</p><p>Yui places the dish on the table and disappears once again into the kitchen. You hate being useless, but is this causing more problems for them? Maybe you should shut up and stay still.</p><p>Yui returns quickly and invites you to the kitchen. It’s more modern than the Sakamaki’s, clean white and chrome. The man cooking smiles warmly when he sees Yui. He has soft black and grey hair and dark eyes, wearing a dress shirt and slacks, under a frilly pink gingham apron probably meant for someone much shorter than him. His posture immediately shifts to something stiffer and more formal once he sees you. Strict and martial, like a general addressing a subordinate. He’s the old man from the cafe. Or a young man actually, now that you see his face. Or probably older than most senior citizens, since he’s a vampire. You immediately straighten your posture when he lays his eyes on you.</p><p>You salute the way you’ve seen soldiers in movies do it and introduce yourself. “Pleased to meet you, sir!”</p><p>His eyes narrow and he glances to Yui, who looks mortified. Oh god why did you do that?</p><p>“Is it that obvious…?” she whispers to him.</p><p>“What did you tell her about us?” he murmurs, facing you but glancing at her from the corners of his eyes.</p><p>You tilt your head. “I’m sorry,” you say hesitantly. It was a weird thing you did on instinct, seeing a man who gives off the air of some kind of military general you didn’t know what else to do.</p><p>“She saluted me earlier, maybe this is something foreigners do?” Yui asks, not looking at you. It isn’t something foreigners do, you’re just weird and an absolute mess around strangers. Your social skills are abysmal, and are even rustier because you’ve been cooped up with the same six socially inept men for the past half a year or so. </p><p>“Sorry, I forgot how to introduce myself to strangers in this country, this is normal back home. Is that strange here?” You lie through your teeth.</p><p>Yui and the not-old man are visibly relieved.</p><p>“It’s rather inappropriate. My name is Ruki Mukami, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He says but clearly doesn’t mean it. This is… a bad start, isn’t it? You hope you won’t have to see much of him. </p><p>“T-the food looks delicious, is there anything I can do to help?” You ask with a pleasant smile, hoping you come across as a reasonable person. You should’ve sat in the dining room and done nothing.</p><p>“There isn’t anything left to do. Yui, will you pass me the bowls?”</p><p>“Of course!” She smiles and skips away, leaving you alone with Ruki in the kitchen. You make your escape while he glares daggers into your back. </p><p>“Sorry about that, he has a good heart once you get to know him. Please don’t worry about what happened too much.” Yui whispers to you with a kind smile. An actual angel. You’re still terrified of him, but at least Yui’s on your side.</p><p>You walk around the table, fidgeting with the place settings trying to correct any minor, invisible mistakes you already know Reiji trained you not to make ages ago.</p><p>“Smells good! Is dinner ready ye- shit.” A booming voice says as a large man enters the room.</p><p>“Hey aren’t you…”</p><p>“Yeah, we met before.” He huffs, looking away and rubbing his neck.</p><p>“Kuma Murakami?”</p><p>“Yeah, good to see ya agai- wait what did you call me?”</p><p>“Kuma Murakami?”</p><p>“It’s Yuma, you fucking idiot!”</p><p>“Sorry!” Well, you fucked up again. Nice going.</p><p>Yuma approaches you, closing the distance in a few long steps, and easily puts you into a chokehold. Of course this was going to happen. You’re in a nest of vampires, after all. His arm constricts around your neck and you become dizzy from the lack of oxygen.</p><p>“We really are… similar,” another voice says. A calming voice. You could lose yourself in it. Is it calling you from the other side…?</p><p>“We’re just horse’in around, this isn’t one of your weird pain plays.” Yuma grunts and roughly rustles your hair before letting you go. “No hard feelings, right?” He grins and elbows you, probably harsher than he intended. Judging by how visible his muscles are under his clothes, he probably could’ve snapped your neck instead of just holding you like that if he actually meant to harm you. He’s actually a pretty okay guy, isn’t he?</p><p>“Yeah, no problem, <em> Kuma </em>.” You elbow him playfully.</p><p>Yuma’s arm is around your neck again. “Don’t get cocky.” He growls against your ear, before just as quickly letting you go and patting your back with a full-bellied laugh. <em> Is he </em> actually a pretty okay guy…?</p><p>“Kuma… haven’t heard that… in a while,” the man says. He’s the one who grabbed you earlier in the greenhouse, with that dull look in his eye and hypnotic voice. You look at the bandages on your hand. They probably need changing, it doesn’t itch yet but the blood has turned a rusty brown color. Anyone who looks at you will think it’s disgusting.</p><p>“Hey… let me… take care of this... for you,” he says, slowly grabbing your hand, too hard again, giving it a squeeze and drawing out a small blossom of red blood onto the bandage. Less than before, at least you’re healing. He looks at you with such a soft, affectionate smile, it’s like you’ve known him for years.</p><p>“I never got your name,” you smile at him, trying to match his warmth. On closer inspection, as genuine as the emotion seems, within the dullness of his eyes is a deep sorrow left to sit for far too long. You want to protect him from who or what did this to him, but as he’s a vampire like the rest of them, it’s probably an evil long past. For now you can offer him comfort with your words. Even if those wounds can’t be healed, doesn’t distracting help? You can distract. That’s something you can do.</p><p>“Azusa…” he says, “you should… change those,” he squeezes your hand again and you stumble forward.</p><p>“Cut that out,” Yuma swats Azusa’s hand away like it’s nothing.</p><p>“That was nice… will you… do it again?” The shorter man stares up at Yuma, radiating pure bliss.</p><p>“Gross, no way,” Yuma mumbles and pushes him aside.</p><p>“Eh? You guys weren’t supposed to be here until we called…” Yui says, entering the dining room with a heaping plate of fried chicken. Even for seven people, it seems like a lot. </p><p>“It smelled good so I wanted to get here before Kou,” Yuma shrugs and takes a seat.</p><p>“I followed… Yuma…” Azusa sits down.</p><p>Since everyone else is doing it, you should probably sit down too. The seat at the head of the table and the two next to it are open, they’re probably reserved for people of higher stature. Since you’re a guest, in most cases you’d be seated at the head, but only after being offered the seat first. These are vampires and you’re a human, so that rule probably won’t apply. Plus Ruki hates you and wants to see you die in a fire. You take the seat next to Yuma, furthest from the head of the table. Directly across from him is Azusa, who stares at you with an intense yet unreadable expression. You’d have preferred to sit next to him, but this one was closest to you, and if you chose the wrong seat it’ll be easier to excuse as just being ignorant instead of trying to defy some household norm you’re unaware of.</p><p>“Oi, quit staring at Mesubuta, it’s creepin me out,” Yuma grumbles and starts serving himself. Should he be doing that yet? You don’t know the rules of this household, they’re so different from the Sakamakis.</p><p>Azusa starts staring at you even more noticeably. Is it your wounds? Are your bite marks showing through your clothes?</p><p>“Sorry, did I do something wrong?” You ask him. He shakes his head “no”. “Wait who’s Mesubuta?”</p><p>“You, idiot.”</p><p>“Idiot? I thought I was Mesubuta!”</p><p>“You wanna go?!” Yuma shakes a fist at you.</p><p>Azusa continues to stare at you. At this point you’re not sure if it’s actually you he’s staring at, maybe there’s someone behind you, or something behind you, or maybe he’s just completely zoned out and just facing your general direction. It would be rude to point it out, so you smile at him and wait for his reaction. Slowly a smile spreads on his face. You smile wider, making a silly face. He returns the gesture. You push your expression further, baring your teeth and grinning so wide your eyes are squinted closed. Azusa hesitantly copies you, baring his fangs. Oh. You forgot about those.</p><p>“Oh? What’s this cutie doing in my seat? Did you want to share it with me?” Says a blonde man leaning over your shoulder, giving you a wink.</p><p>“N-no! Sorry…”</p><p>“Oh? Then are you supposed to be a special appetizer? Not sure if you’re as good as Ruki's fried chicken, but I’m not one to waste food…” He leans closer, approaching your neck with his fangs. These guys won’t actually try to feed on you… right?</p><p>“Ah! You’re that asshole from the garden!”</p><p>Yuma starts cackling. The blonde man glares at him.</p><p>“This is the second time I’ve had to move because of you. No worries though, it’s just kind of weird it’s happened twice in one day. I didn’t think we’d actually meet.” You give him your name. You should probably be more polite to him, try to get someone else on your side, but he’s reminding you a little too much of Laito and it has you on edge, plus he messed with your date. It actually feels quite freeing to be able to openly express a grudge against someone.</p><p>You get up and take a seat next to Azusa, who more than occasionally glances at you, but is no longer outright staring. </p><p>“Don’t you recognize me from anywhere else?” The jerkwad leans forward, resting his chin on his hands and giving you a knowing smirk. You’re not sure what he thinks he knows about you, but it’s probably wrong.</p><p>“Sorry, are you one of those guys that does makeup tutorials on instagram?”</p><p>“Guess again!” He smiles and tilts his head to the side, despite being visibly irritated by your answer.</p><p>“Do we go to the same grocery store? Sorry, I’m bad with faces.” </p><p>“I’m an idol! How out of touch are you?” He says with a winsome smile and eyes he’s forced closed. </p><p>“Really, that’s so impressive!” You say, trying to sound as genuine as possible. The way this guy smiles when he’s angry is putting you on edge, you need this to de-escalate.</p><p>The man opens his eyes, you only realize now that he has heterochromia, one eye is red and the other is blue.</p><p>“Your eyes are really beautiful, I bet you’re popular!” You praise him, clasping your hands together.</p><p>His gaze darkens as he glares at you with an expression lacking all his previous cheer. Is it better or worse that he’s dropped the act?</p><p>“Do any of you follow directions?” Ruki sighs, now sitting at the head of the table, followed by Yui and a young boy with light brown hair who, for some reason, is dressed rather old fashioned.</p><p>“I do my best, Papa!” proudly chirps the boy.</p><p>“Aside from Adam?”</p><p>Yui and the boy, Adam apparently, take their seats on either side of Ruki. Adam sits next to Azusa, and you’re forced to wonder if you’re on the “kids side” of the table. You and Azusa aren’t children, but you’re probably the ones that mesh the least comfortably with the group, given you being a stranger, and whatever Azusa’s deal is. You feel another surge of protectiveness over him.</p><p>“I only came early cuz these guys were making a fuss.” The blonde douche-canoe easily blames his friends.</p><p>“And why did you two arrive before I called?”</p><p>“I… smelled chicken…” Yuma looks away and rubs his neck.</p><p>“... chicken…” Azusa nods.</p><p>“Then as punishment you’ll be served last, is that understood?” The way Ruki says that reminds you a little too much of a certain someone, maybe with higher standards towards behavior, though. Reiji would probably be happy enough with his brothers showing up and not breaking walls and plates.</p><p> </p><p>“Mama, why is Uncle Yuma stealing my bread?”</p><p>“Tch, you little narc…” the bread thief grumbles.</p><p>“Can’t you wait just a little longer?” Yui gently pleads.</p><p>“Fine, whatever…”</p><p>“Mama, why is Uncle Azusa-”</p><p>“...sorry.”</p><p>You bite your tongue to stop yourself from saying Yui looks too young to have a kid Adam’s age. Normally something like that would be a compliment, but the kid called Ruki “papa” earlier, which flew completely over your head, and if you told Yui she looks that young now it would seem like an indirect insult to a guy who already hates your guts for some reason you don’t entirely understand. You can’t let anyone know that you first mistook him for an elderly man, either. Or that you thought he was Yui’s dad back at the cafe.</p><p>“Hey! The hell are you doing?!” </p><p>Yuma’s voice is so loud…</p><p>“Dammit, I almost got away with it,” the probably c-list celebrity pouts. He’s eating a piece of fried chicken dipped in sauce</p><p>“Kou, I’d like to speak with you after dinner.”</p><p>“Sorry, sorry! Should I… put it back?”</p><p>“That would be disgusting. Is there even an ounce of restraint among the three of you? What kind of role models are you for my son?” Ruki rests his forehead in his hand.</p><p>“Mama said I can learn from my mistakes, but since I’m starting to make less, I can learn from theirs instead!” Adam says with the innocence only a child has. You slam your hand over your mouth to keep yourself from laughing.</p><p>“You little punk! Say that again!” Yuma stands up and rolls up his sleeves.</p><p>“Are you seriously gonna hit a child? So uncool.” Kou looks up at him with an entertained expression.</p><p>“If he wants to learn so much, I’m gonna teach him a lesson!”</p><p>“Please… don’t… you can hit me… instead.”</p><p>“Now you’re just making it weird! Ruki, if I promise not to beat up your son can I eat already?!”</p><p>Despire how aggressive he sounds and how intimidating his body language is, Yuma hasn’t actually walked around the table and approached Adam.</p><p>“Stop acting like I’m starving you. Go ahead.”</p><p>Only now do you realize that you were probably allowed to eat this entire time. Or maybe you were being punished by the other three? Either way, you’re kind of confused about whether or not you were also being punished.</p><p> </p><p>Dinner is delicious. Your previous worries about it being too much for seven people are easily quelled by these boys' monstrous appetites. The family of three eat like normal people, but Yuma and Kou practically inhale their food. Even Azusa eats a lot, although at a much slower rate. </p><p>“Hey Azusa, aren’t you guys vampires? Do you even need to eat dinner?” You ask. Yuma and Kou are quarreling over who gets the last piece of chicken and the family of three are discussing Adam’s studies, Azusa and you were the only ones left to eat in silence. This camaraderie between you only grows. </p><p>“We don’t… have to… but it’s nice.” </p><p>“That’s really sweet.”</p><p>“Ruki’s a really… good cook… too.”</p><p>“I know, I’m super impressed. Even if I didn’t have to eat, I’d want to anyway if I could eat this good every day!”</p><p>“Why don’t… you stay longer? You can… eat with us… every day.”</p><p>“Ooh, when did Azusa become such a flirt?” Kou interrupts. </p><p>“Hey! We were talking! Wait, what did he say?” Yuma joins in.</p><p>“He said “Wanna stay for dinner? Wanna stay <em> forever </em>?””</p><p>“I wasn’t… flirting…”</p><p>You really hope he wasn’t. </p><p>“I’m flattered, but I have a partner and we’re moving in together soon, sorry. I think you’re really sweet though, can we still be friends?” You reach out to ruffle Azusa’s hair. Even though it looks messy, it feels surprisingly silky. </p><p>“Hah! Friend-zoned!” Yuma pops the last piece of chicken into his mouth, eating it bones and all. He’s the only one without bones on his plate, despite probably eating the most. </p><p>“Don’t worry Azusa, I’m still single too. We’re the only bachelors left in this pad.” Kou reaches out all the way across the table diagonally to place a hand over Azusa’s. Azusa moves his hand away. </p><p>“I wasn’t… flirting.”</p><p>Kou pouts and sits up, crossing his arms. </p><p>“Don’t worry! I’m single too!” Adam chimes in. </p><p>“You’re still a child, for now you’re in a committed relationship with your studies.” Ruki tries to steer him away from the conversation. </p><p>“And I’m dating my fans! I guess Azusa’s the only member of the forever alone club!”</p><p>“I said I… wasn’t flirting.” Azusa takes a bite of bread. </p><p>“I believe you.” You say and give him a pat on the back. You wouldn’t be able to tell even if he was. You didn’t realize you were going on dates with Reiji until he explicitly told you that’s what they were. Even without that, your relationship is already kinda screwed up. Your understanding of romance and dating is severely lacking. </p><p>“You’re nice.” Azusa smiles at you, unbearably brightly. He hands you a piece of bread. Even though you could’ve gotten some on your own, you take it and eat. It really is good, did Ruki bake it himself?</p><p> </p><p>Yui praises Adam for finishing his dinner and she and Ruki excuse him from the table. </p><p>“Now that we’re all here, I think we should decide where our guest will be staying tonight.” Ruki says.</p><p>“Is there a guest room?” You ask. Fuck, that was too presumptuous. Of course they would have offered that first if it was an option. You’re horrible, an absolute idiot.</p><p>“Since Reiji told us about this on such a short notice, we didn’t have time to prepare.” Yui explains, calmly and gently despite your transgression. You aren’t going to ask about whether or not invisible servants could have taken care of it, relying on them makes you uncomfortable and you’re not sure if that’s a strictly vampire thing or just something the Sakamaki’s have.</p><p>“That aside, we decided you would be safest staying with one of my brothers, in case the Sakamaki’s come looking for you. Do you have a preference?” Ruki asks, managing to look down at you even from so far away. Your preference is anyone but him, but lucky for you he and Yui probably share a room and he probably isn’t even an option.</p><p>“Umm… maybe Azusa?”</p><p>The bandaged man takes your hands in his and looks you in the eye. Even though his hands are cold, they’re incredibly soft. “I’ll take… good care of you,” he smiles. You don’t know what he means by that, but you trust that he will. He’s so earnest.</p><p>“No way, who knows what he’ll do to her…” Yuma mumbles.</p><p>“Yeah! Plus he’s kinda boring, if you stay with me I promise we’ll have a ton of fun!” Kou winks. Your skin crawls.</p><p>“Sorry Azusa, but I don’t think you’re the best choice…” Yui adds. Even her? What’s so wrong about Azusa?</p><p>“I’ll be… good to her…”</p><p>“Azusa, we can’t have you damaging another man’s property.” Ruki says. How does Yui put up with a guy who talks about women like they're livestock...? “Choose someone else.” He demands you.</p><p>Kou winks at you again.</p><p>“Yuma…?” You say maybe too quickly. If anything, Kou’s more unnerving than Azusa. Why are they picking on the poor guy so much?</p><p>Yuma grins at Kou. Kou sticks out his tongue.</p><p>“She’s not even that cute.” Kou mumbles to him, probably thinking you can’t hear him.</p><p>“Never thought I was.” You give him a thumbs up. He isn’t either, for that matter.</p><p>“Yui, will you take her luggage to Yuma’s room?” Ruki says. What did Reiji even pack for you?</p><p>“Of course!”</p><p>“Then I believe we are done here.”</p><p>“Come with me, kid, I’ll show ya where you’re stayin,” Yuma roughly drags you to your feet, but waits for you to move before leading you to his room. He’s kind of like an overgrown kid who doesn’t know his own strength yet, you think. Except he’s been alive for centuries, probably. Maybe it’s better not to think too much about that.</p><p>His room is pretty bare, but it’s messy where it can be. His bed is unmade, but by his window there’s a few well taken care of indoor plants. It looks homey, probably close to the way your room would be if it wasn’t for Reiji pestering you to clean constantly. There’s a couch and some chairs around a table, you’ll probably be sleeping on the couch, there’s already a blanket laid out on it. </p><p>“What do ya think?” He grins at you, hands on his hips like he’s presenting something to you.</p><p>“Nice! I really like the plants!” You beam at him.</p><p>“I know, right? I like seeing a little green in the morning, helps me get up.”</p><p>“I totally get it, I like to go for a walk in the garden whenever I’m feeling down.” Used to like, you should’ve said. You don’t live there anymore.</p><p>“Yeah, you get it.” Yuma swings an arm around your shoulder, leaning his weight on you. You struggle to stay upright. “I’ll show you my garden tomorrow, okay? You probably won’t be able to see much if we went now, and let me tell ya, it’s a <em> lot </em> to take in.”</p><p>“I can’t wait! What do you grow?”</p><p>“Vegetables mostly, the ones we had for dinner are some of my babies.”</p><p>Did he really use such a cute word for them…?</p><p>“They were really good, is there anything special you do?”</p><p>“Blood, sweat, and love! That’s how you make your garden grow strong!” He playfully jabs you in the side with the same force as someone actually attacking you.</p><p>“Yuma! What are you doing?!” Yui cries from the doorway, holding your suitcase.</p><p>“Eh? We’re just joshing around.”</p><p>“She’s in pain!”</p><p>“No she’s not- oh, woops.” Yuma lets you go and takes a step back. “Why didn’t ya say somethin?”</p><p>“You were so excited… I didn’t want to ruin it for you.” You give him a thumbs up.</p><p>“That’s dumb as shit. Speak up for yourself, will ya?”</p><p>“I would’ve if it got to the point I couldn’t handle it,” you shrug, “rough-housing I can handle, it’s stabbing I’m bad with. And anything that leads to permanent damage, that’s kinda icky, right?”</p><p>“Hey Mesubuta, I know we were shitty when ya got here, but we weren’t <em> that </em> shitty, right?” Yuma asks Yui, despite saying your nickname.</p><p>“Umm… maybe we should talk about that later. Where should I put this?” She gestures at the suitcase.</p><p>“Anywhere’s fine, as long as it’s outta the way.”</p><p>“Got it! Oh, and this letter fell out, I think it’s for you.” She hands you a letter in a jet black envelope, with a wax seal and an intricate crest bearing the kanji for the Sakamaki’s family name. Yeah, only one person you know is this level of extra.</p><p>“Gross, is that a love letter?” Yuma sneers and elbows you again, making you stumble to the side.</p><p>“It looks more like official business…” Yui says. </p><p>You open the letter.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> My Darling, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I trust that you will keep yourself safe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We will see each other soon. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Reiji </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A simple letter, painstakingly written in calligraphy with a deep, royal blue ink, on probably the highest quality paper you’ve ever held.</p><p>They look over your shoulders.</p><p>“Eh? That’s kinda boring…” Yuma says. He may be right, but you’re kind of touched that Reiji even did something like this. </p><p>“Well, this is Reiji we’re talking about…” Yui places a compassionate hand on your shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah… if it’s him, it’s kinda gross, right? You’ve got shit taste.”</p><p>“I meant it’s surprising he would call her by such an affectionate name, isn’t it a little sweet?”</p><p>“Yeah, so sweet it’s gross. I need to eat some sugar-chan to get this taste outta my mouth.”</p><p>You close the letter. You’re happy with it, at least. It doesn’t matter if they don’t get it.</p><p>“Another thing before I leave,” Yui says, taking a step away, “Once you’re settled in, I’d like to chat with you. I made cookies, and we can have tea. Or coffee, if you prefer!” She waves her hands frantically, like she insulted you by mentioning tea. It’s cute, but you’re not sure what’s going through her head.</p><p>“Cool!” You shoot finger guns at her. Wow. You uh… need to stop trying so hard. Or try harder. Just be different than you are around her.</p><p>Yuma offers you a sugar cube and you pop it into your mouth. He’s crunching on his noisily, but you let the sweet taste melt gradually. It has a nice texture though, so you grind your teeth over the rough surface.</p><p>“Kay, so do you want me to sleep on the couch?”</p><p>“Nah, I’m a guest so I’ll sleep there.”</p><p>“I’m not making a tiny little girl sleep on the couch like some bastard, that might be four-eyes’s thing but not mine. You’re on the bed no matter what.”</p><p>“I really don’t want to kick you out of your own bed…”</p><p>“Cool, so you’re fine sharing?”</p><p>“...”</p><p>“Got it, we’re sharing.”</p><p>You don’t really care, you trust Yuma not to do anything weird to you despite only knowing him briefly. Plus if he <em> did </em> try something, Yui’s on your side and Yuma’s obedient to her husband, so there’s no way they’d allow it. Still, you feel like you should’ve fought against this harder. Who cares, you’re tired.</p><p>“Sounds good, just don’t try anything weird.”</p><p>“Same to you!” Yuma playfully punches your arm hard enough to leave a bruise. It’s like playing with a large dog. If he <em> did </em> try something weird, fighting back would probably be even more useless than it is against the other vampires. You punch him back but he doesn’t seem to notice, just tossing another sugar cube into his mouth.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So the Mukami's are super fun to write, and dinner with them lasted like 3x longer than I originally intended. I think they're neat.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Horned Dynastid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yui doesn't understand you, but it's nice to have someone who shares your troubles.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm gonna slap a content warning on this bad boy cuz of what gets implied, but this is a pretty not horrible content-wise chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You join Yui in the living room after loitering around in Yuma’s room for a bit longer than necessary. You don’t want to seem desperate. </p><p>Yet when you get there, she’s still putting out cookies and setting up cups and plates. She looks surprised, like she didn’t expect you to be done so fast. What did she expect you to do? It’s not like you could unpack, you’re only supposed to be staying here for a few days, and Yuma didn’t offer you any drawer space anyway. </p><p>“Umm… just a minute…” she offers you an awkward smile as you stand around doing nothing, and gestures for you to take a seat on the couch. “Did you want coffee or tea?”</p><p>“Tea,” you nod and give her a pleasant look. Her eyes widen, but she maintains her forced smile and runs off to the kitchen. Maybe it wasn’t as pleasant as you thought…?</p><p>You adjust your posture, Reiji taught you how to appear like a perfect lady (although not how to appear that way when you’re fighting with your natural awkwardness and anxiety around strangers) but you think a more relaxed posture would make Yui more comfortable around you. You slouch a little, adjusting your arms so they rest in various positions on the back of the couch, the pillows, and the arm rest. You cross and uncross your legs, deciding not to put them on the seat because while being casual, it would probably be too rude to do in someone else’s house. </p><p>Yui walks in on you in the middle of this strange little shuffle.</p><p>You snap back into the posture Reiji taught you. </p><p>Yui’s lips tentatively spread and open to bare her teeth in a poor and very forced attempt at a smile as she places the cup of herbal tea before you. So they don’t use coasters in this house. You make a note of it.</p><p>“What I wanted to talk to you about,” Yui sits on the couch, leaning her back against the arm rest, facing you, with her legs curled up next to her. She looks so cozy. You try to turn your stiff upper body to properly face her. You probably can’t hold this pose for too long. “Was how much we have in common with our… situations.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s all kind of crazy, isn’t it?” You offer a laugh that sounds fake even to you. Your speech patterns don’t match your body language at all. You mirror Yui’s positioning and instantly feel more relaxed.</p><p>“Definitely… you know, Ruki and I weren’t always the way we are now. He was strict and controlling, but he ended up changing a lot for my sake and now I can’t imagine being happier!” You smile at her, her apprehension melts away and her eyes light up as she talks about her marriage, though you’ve only seen them interact briefly and have now idea what ‘the way we are now’ means. “Ah, but anyway… Reiji is a private person, isn’t he?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, he’s like a completely different person when we’re alone together compared to when we’re in public. I think if anyone saw how he acts when we’re together, he’d probably die.” Of embarrassment. He’d die of embarrassment. It’s a common enough phrase, you don’t correct yourself.</p><p>Yui’s eyes go wide. She takes a sip of her coffee.</p><p>You grab a cookie and take a bite. “These are really good!”</p><p>“Have as many as you want…” She says. Her hands are trembling. Maybe she burnt her tongue on her drink, yours definitely isn’t cool enough yet.</p><p>“Thanks!” You try to hold back from inhaling the cookie and take small, dainty bites instead. As good as they are, it’s probably better to savor it, both for your own enjoyment and to make a better impression on the person you’re speaking to.</p><p>“You know…” She says, despite the hesitance in her voice she meets your gaze with eyes revealing a fierce resolve. “You don’t have to move in with him. It’s not right for him to treat you that way, it isn’t right for any person to be treated the way those men treat people. We can offer you shelter here, you can be safe and free to live your life the way <em> you </em> want.” </p><p>Yui places a hand over yours. It’s so comforting and warm that you can’t bear to move yours away, even if she has completely misunderstood something.</p><p>You open your mouth to speak, but she continues, her determined eyes burning into you.</p><p>“I know it’s hard for you to be with him, I know what he’s like, he’s punishing you constantly, isn’t he? I know it seems like love, but it isn’t! Ruki used to be like that too, but he stopped because he realized it was wrong! When you get used to being treated like that it’s hard to understand that it isn’t okay, I know that, but if you spend some time living normally you’ll definitely realize it too!”</p><p>You’re taken back a bit by Yui’s impassioned speech. If you heard it a couple months earlier you’d be inspired to take up her offer, but now it only has you feeling slightly conflicted.</p><p>“Sorry if that’s too much…” She looks away, drawing back her hand and biting her lip. “I know I’m overstepping here, but I’m really worried about you…”</p><p>“No, I definitely understand what you’re talking about!” You wave your hands frantically at her. She turns to you and gives a small but genuine smile.</p><p>“It’s just… I think you’re… misunderstanding something about Reiji and my relationship?” You offer, face contorting into a probably ridiculous looking expression as you try to find the right words.</p><p>Yui tilts her head at you.</p><p>“He actually said something similar to me, about how I shouldn’t get used to being mistreated by his brothers! That’s why we’re moving out! A-and when we’re alone together, he gets really sweet! So much it’s embarrassing! I want to die! Of embarrassment!” You frantically wave your hands as you try to explain, making the same mistake with your wording as before. “And he lets me get away with way more than he should, honestly! When he punishes me now he actually goes out of his way not to seriously hurt me! It’s almost always just because he gets o-” You slap your hand over your mouth.</p><p>Yui’s face turns bright red.</p><p>She reaches for her coffee and takes a sip.</p><p>That was too much information. Now she thinks you’re a pervert. It’s Reiji’s fault for being like <em> that </em>, but you still shouldn’t have even implied something like that. You’re disgusting, improper, horr-</p><p>“Ruki is like that too…” She mumbles, hiding her red face behind her mug.</p><p>You take a long sip of your tea. As the steam tickles your face, you realize that you’re blushing too.</p><p>Yui puts down her mug and covers her face with both hands. </p><p>Oh god, what did you do?</p><p>She starts to laugh hysterically.</p><p>You offer an awkward laugh to go along with her, but can’t keep up with whatever it is she’s feeling.</p><p>“S-sorry, sorry!” She clasps her hands over her mouth. “I’m just… relieved it’s not as bad as I thought it was. Umm… Vampires are a bit similar in that way, aren’t they?”</p><p>There’s a big smile on her face as she takes another sip of her coffee.</p><p>“Yeah, how bad did you think my situation was…?”</p><p>Yui sets her mug down, she glances at you before looking to the side.</p><p>“You… um… don’t seem like the kind of person he would treat well. I don’t mean anything bad by that, I just know he has very high standards, and <em> most </em> people wouldn’t be able to meet them! You’re normal!” She gives you that awkward smile again.</p><p>“Yeah, I know. I’m not sure what he sees in me either.”</p><p>“That’s not what I meant! He definitely sees something in you, if it were me or anyone else he’d never be so forgiving…”</p><p>You know you haven’t done the best job representing yourself since you got here, especially when talking to Yui, but you don’t think you’re as floundering and graceless as she seems to believe you are. You can maintain a fairly elegant demeanor when you need to, you were perfectly fine wandering the garden earlier, it’s just when you want to get to know someone that you don’t know how to act. The way Reiji acts and the way he taught you to act is about restraint and putting up a good image, not about connecting with people. That’s why you’re failing so miserably at seeming like a normal person in front of Yui. That’s why she doesn’t see your relationship with Reiji as something genuine. The only times you can think of him being affectionate with you in front of other people were either out of spite or things you initiated that you got “punished” for later. If “punish” is even the right word. You’re still afraid of being punished by him because of how harsh he was early on in your relationship and before you were together, but for the past few months it’s just been power-play. At that, he doesn’t even nitpick you too much anymore unless it’s just to get your attention. You’re not sure if it means you’ve gotten better at chores and making tea or if it means he’s got a soft spot for you. And even if he’ll never be affectionate with you in public, the way he falls apart when you’re alone together is more than enough to show you that he…</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>You suddenly feel warmer. </p><p>Even though part of you knows you’re making excuses for his sake, you still genuinely see good in him. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be able to excuse some of the worse things he’s done to you, and the frequency of his more cruel or manipulative actions is on a steady decline. He’s changing, or at least purposely giving you the impression that he is. Either way, it means that he acknowledges that there’s an issue with how he’s treated you and knows it needs to be corrected for your relationship to work, which he’s surprisingly committed to.</p><p>You shift yourself into a more comfortable position and cup your warm mug of tea in your hands. It’s the same type as before, sweet smelling and floral. Not the kind you’d like to drink right now, but something is better than nothing.</p><p>“I know how he seems, but he’s changed a lot since you knew him, he’s definitely changed a lot since <em> I </em>first met him.” You take a sip of the tea. It’s good, but you can make it better. Next time you and Yui have a chat like this, you’ll offer to prepare the drinks.</p><p>“I see…” she nods but despite her pleasant and accepting expression, it’s clear she has doubts. “Sorry to change the subject, but how have the others changed as well?”</p><p>“I’m not sure how they were when you stayed with them, do you mean anything in particular?”</p><p>Yui stirs her coffee with her spoon, watching the surface briefly form a whirlpool before settling.</p><p>“Subaru and Ayato… have they… calmed down?” She asks, not looking up from her drink.</p><p>“I’m not sure I would call any of the Sakamaki’s calm aside from Shuu.”</p><p>“I’m not sure Shuu would count as calm either, honestly…” She looks up at you with a small yet genuine smile. She’s almost always smiling in some way. Her face is always betraying some kind of emotion, whether it’s something she’s feeling or something she wants people to think she feels. You’re starting to realize that she’s incredibly easy to read. Even if she lied, her inability to properly hide her emotions would just make her seem even more genuine. If you got to know her a little more, you’d be able to know everything she’s thinking just from her facial expressions and body language. She’s just bewilderingly expressive.</p><p>“Sorry if this is an awkward question, but what went on between you and those two? Whatever it was definitely left an impact on them.” That was a dumb question, maybe it was too heavy, but considering how loaded her assumptions about your relationship were, it’s only fair that you get answers too. Even though her assumptions weren’t too far off if you’re being truly honest. And even though it’s kind of obvious what happened based on what you’ve experienced with Subaru and what you guess would have happened between you and Ayato if you couldn’t ward him off the way you have. Still, you need to know why Subaru was haunted by her enough to project on you the way he did, why Ayato was so afraid of you leaving makes sense enough, aside from why he even cared enough about you to be afraid in the first place. It’s a classic case of abandonment issues, aside from the fact that you need to have an attachment to someone in the first place to feel abandoned by them.</p><p>“That… I’m not sure I can say…”</p><p>“I’m sorry for prying.” If it’s anything like how the brothers were to you, it probably isn’t something she wants to revisit now that she’s safe and happy. That was selfish of you.</p><p>“No, I just… I don’t think talking about it before going to sleep would be the best idea. I want to talk about it, there isn’t anyone I’ve ever been able to open up about this with before, even with Ruki it just makes him feel guilty and I feel bad for even bringing it up. Since we’ve had similar experiences, I think you might be able to understand better than anyone else. I definitely want to talk more about this with you later.” She gives you that small, honest smile again and your heart melts.</p><p>“Me too!” You say too fast. “I mean… I want to talk to you more too. I’m sorry, I haven’t had a female friend for so long, I keep acting all weird when I talk to you. I swear I’m cooler than this.” You’re not sure how much she’ll believe you, but at this point it’s better to be honest than to keep acting weird and letting her think you’re a creep.</p><p>“I completely understand,” she giggles, “I feel the same, let’s get to know each other better!”</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>You and Yui sat around eating cookies and drinking tea and coffee for probably longer than you should have, exchanging recipes, talking about trends neither of you wholly understand, and not accomplishing more than spending your time pleasantly. You needed that. By her reluctance to say goodnight, she needed that too.</p><p>
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</p><p>“You look so happy it’s gross,” Yuma says somewhere between a growl and a mumble, flipping over on his side as you return to his room. </p><p>“Sorry.” You try to wipe the smile off your face but can’t stop grinning like an idiot knowing that you actually had some impact on Reiji <em> and </em> you have a potential friend in Yui. Even though you’re in a room with a stranger right now, you’re feeling much less lonely than you’ve felt in a while. </p><p>“Don’t apologize for something so dumb! Just go to sleep already, we’re gonna be waking up early tomorrow.”</p><p>“To see the garden?”</p><p>“What else? Idiot…” Yuma mumbles something else, but it’s drowned out by the pillow he’s hugging. He’s probably half asleep already.</p><p> </p><p>You hesitantly lift the blanket as the extent of the potential danger you could be in finally begins to weigh on you. Yuma’s mostly covered by the blanket, but not completely. You catch a glimpse of his thin tank top and obvious musculature, unnecessary considering vampire’s already have increased strength compared to a human, and likely making him all the more formidable. If he has any kind of harmful intention towards you, you won’t be able to fight back. </p><p>Then you see the pillow barrier between yours and his side of the bed. The weight instantly lifts. Yuma is actually a pretty good guy, isn’t he? </p><p>You fall asleep with a smile, ignoring the person sleeping next to you.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Get out!” Yuma growls, pushing you out the door the minute you’re fully dressed the next morning.</p><p>“Ah! Stop!” You cry out. He’s being surprisingly gentle with you, he could have easily picked you up and thrown you any distance he wanted to, but here he is shoving your shoulder continuously with one hand. Although you’re scrambling to fight back and stand your ground, your feet are sliding against the floor at a smooth, steady rate. </p><p>“I can’t have you in here when I’m having someone over!” He growls more aggressively, yet not making any change to how he’s dealing with you.</p><p>“Let me grab my book first!”</p><p>“Fine! Then ya need to scram!”</p><p>“What about the garden?”</p><p>“I can show ya later, just get out!”</p><p>You grab the book Reiji gave you and rush out of the room. The minute you’re out of the doorway Yuma slams the door behind you and you hear a shuffling sound.</p><p> </p><p>You’re not sure what to do. Your curiosity is telling you to wander the mansion and learn it’s secrets, but your experiences at the Sakamaki’s place has taught you better than to stay out in the open alone for too long. Reiji’s training has taught you that snooping around someone else’s place is just plain rude. So you take a seat on the couch in the common area and try to read.</p><p>There’s a knock on the door but since you don’t live here you don’t even consider answering it. Instead you stare at the same page you’ve been staring at for the past 5 minutes, still stuck on the same paragraph your brain refuses to understand. Why did you think this would be a good hobby for you?</p><p>Azusa, in no hurry, walks to the door, smiling at you as he passes by. He stops for a moment to give you a small wave and you’re appalled that anyone would even consider calling this man dangerous.</p><p>Your curiosity gets the best of you and you watch him walk to the door to see who’s there. </p><p>Out of all people, why and how is it <em> him? </em></p><p>“The hell are you doing, being early for once? Most days I can count on ya being at least an hour late…” Yuma’s voice rumbles through the hall.</p><p>“You’re being too loud…” Shuu sighs.</p><p>You’re frozen in place. </p><p>Isn’t this place supposed to be safe from the Sakamaki’s? What is <em> he </em> doing here?</p><p>You slowly try to escape to the kitchen, to put as much space between you and him as possible.</p><p>“Oi, Mesubuta! Why are you walking like that?” Yuma gives away your presence.</p><p>You stare at him, wide eyed and speechless.</p><p>“I think it’s me.” Shuu mutters.</p><p>“You? You’re nowhere near as bad as those bastards, why would she be afraid of <em> you? </em>”</p><p>“I’ll tell you in private. Just leave her alone for now, okay? It’s seriously more trouble than it’s worth to deal with it this early…” Shuu takes Yuma by the arm and leads him in the direction of the larger man’s room. </p><p>A few moments after they leave you come to your senses and slowly regain your ability to move and think like a normal person.</p><p>Azusa’s been staring at you this entire time.</p><p>As you try to think of something to say to save yourself from the embarrassment of it all, Yui suddenly runs up to you.</p><p>“There you are! Would you mind helping me in the garden?” She glances at Azusa but is clearly asking you the question. Was that hesitation in her eyes? Or worry?</p><p>“Sure, Yuma said he’d give me the tour but he’s a little… preoccupied right now.”</p><p>“Ah, I don’t know his part of the garden that well, but I can definitely give you a tour of my little flower patch!” She links her arm with yours and leads you outside, leaving Azusa alone in the room with the book you abandoned on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>Yui’s flower patch stands out from the rest of the garden, which is neat, organized, and well kept, while hers is overgrown and has all kinds of plants mixed and growing together in a way that probably isn’t as planned and symbiotic as Yuma’s. It’s obviously grown for an aesthetic reason instead of for utility, it’s fenced in by rows of tall sunflowers, gladioluses, and foxgloves, with a few rows of small plots of various common cut flowers growing organized by color and species towards it’s interior. Filling the rest of the patch are all kinds of wildflowers you can’t name. She probably scattered seeds from a mixed pack. </p><p>“This is cute! Super cute! You’re amazing!” You say, turning to her. Out of habit you directed your praise to her personally instead of her work and accomplishments.</p><p>“I’m glad you like it,” she offers a polite smile and gestures for you to look at the garden instead of her. </p><p>Even though this garden is incredibly girly and looks like something out of a fairy tale, you notice there aren’t any rose bushes. They’re difficult to grow, but you’d like to think it’s because of what you have in common. Even if it’s not a good thing to wish, it would be reassuring to know you aren’t alone in having your opinion changed about the plant.</p><p>“Umm… do you like flowers?” She asks. You wish she wouldn’t keep smiling like that at you. Even though it’s so warm and pleasant, it also reveals how uncomfortable she is around you. It’s obvious that she’s trying, which makes you like her more, but it would be better if she’d just trust you enough to admit that things are a little awkward so both of you can relax. Whatever makes her happiest, you guess.</p><p>“Yeah,” you say, not knowing if you should expand on that. Reiji’s taught you about plants before, but not much about the prettier, more common ones, aside from the ones that taste good in tea. You can’t hold a proper conversation with Yui about flowers if that’s what she’s after. </p><p>But it’s not, you’re overthinking things. You aren’t in a scenario where you need to be on edge.</p><p>“I like them too! Being around them is so soothing to me, they smell so sweet and look so pretty, it’s like being in a dream!” She crouches down in front of a bed filled with pink flowers and lifts a bloom towards her face, giving it a sniff. She giggles and looks at you with stars in her eyes. </p><p>If anyone else in the world did something like that it would seem like they were purposely trying to act like a cute shoujo manga heroine, but somehow this seems too natural and believable to you. How did you ever think Kanato was cute and innocent when a person like this exists?</p><p>“Ah… are you okay?” She asks you with a tilt of her head after you’re silent, wide-eyed and frozen, for a few too many moments.</p><p>“I… I’m fine, sorry about that. What kind of flowers are these?” You crouch next to her by the flower bed.</p><p>“Oh! They’re dahlias! Do you like them?”</p><p>“Yeah, what are they used for?”</p><p>“Used for…?”</p><p>“Sorry, Reiji was the one who taught me about plants, I keep forgetting that people grow them because they like them and not because they’re useful.” You grin and shrug your shoulders, trying to play it off.</p><p>Yui frowns and glances at you for a moment, before blinking hard and shaking her head, staring straight at the flower again.</p><p>“Well, I grow them because I like them, but I like to decorate the house with flower arrangements. And sometimes if I have a lot, I sell them at the farmers market with Yuma on the weekends…” She admits, almost like she expects you to be disappointed.</p><p>“I’ll keep an eye out for them, sorry I didn’t notice any before, I bet they’re gorgeous!”</p><p>“It’s alright, I like to use them as accents more than centerpieces, so they’re easy to miss.”</p><p>You nod. You still feel bad. “Do you grow any roses…?” You ask and feel even worse. You still want answers.</p><p>“Oh! Did you… want to continue our talk from the night before?” </p><p>“Sorry, was it that obvious?”</p><p>“He’d probably hate that we associate him with them.”</p><p>“It’s not like we can help it, if he hides almost everything about himself from the world except for what he hates, we can’t help but associate him with hating that thing.”</p><p>Yui nods. “Yeah… but he wasn’t all hateful. He was violent and angry, but beneath all that he was so kind and sweet and protective, even gentle sometimes… despite everything that happened, I really did love him once…” She looks down at the base of the dahlia, forcing the corners of her mouth up into a smile despite her empty and quivering eyes.</p><p>Somehow, hearing this, you don’t know whether you should be comforting her or feeling hurt yourself. You have no business feeling hurt. You place your hand on her back and she looks up at you with the same forced smile as her eyes grow watery.</p><p>Her gaze drops to the soil again.</p><p>“And Ayato… it was the same with him. As egoistic and selfish and cruel as he was… he could still be sweet and sincere, even cute sometimes, especially when he tried to hide how he was feeling… So childish…” that forced smile on her face spreads further. Looking closer, you’re not sure if she’s forcing it or holding it back. Either way, it’s not the expression she wants to be making.</p><p>“Sorry if it’s too much, but what happened between you guys that made you have to leave?” You ask and hate yourself for doing so.</p><p>She looks at you with eyes pleading with you not to make her speak.</p><p>You speak as quickly as possible, trying to change the subject. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to say anymore. These are foxgloves, right? Reiji and I grew them, he said-”</p><p>“No, it’s fine, I really do need to talk about this, it’s been decades and I still haven’t had this chance. Will you listen?”</p><p>Decades? That’s besides the point, they’re vampires of course time is weird, now is the time for you to be a decent person and be there emotionally for your potential friend.</p><p>“Of course, but please don’t push yourself too much.” You wave your hands frantically, but pin them to your sides as soon as you realize what you’re doing.</p><p>“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” Despite the tears running down her face she gives you a glowing, sunny smile. How did you ever see anything sweet or innocent in Kanato?</p><p>“It… really isn’t much, to be honest. I keep thinking I should have dealt with it better, but it was never my responsibility in the first place. Yet I keep blaming myself…”</p><p>Yui brings a finger to her lip, looking down and to the side.</p><p>“Oh! Umm… Back then, I told them that I would decide who drank my blood… it was just a spur of the moment thing, but back then I was too stubborn to just go along with being a blood supply. I didn’t think it through, and just chose Ayato because he was the only one whose name I remembered. Even though I was technically his, it didn’t stop his brothers from bothering me, though. Then one day Subaru gave me a silver knife, telling me to defend myself with it and escape. By then I was already starting to fall for Ayato so I couldn’t bring myself to leave, but I held onto it anyway. It was a relief just to know that someone saw that something was wrong and did something, no matter how small, to help make things better... So I started paying more attention to him more, and trying to help him when I could, and while falling for Ayato I fell for Subaru as well. I didn’t think it would amount to anything with either of them so I kept it to myself, but one day Subaru confronted Ayato about it, saying I wanted to be with him instead, and I had to come clean. They were angry, of course. I tried to discuss it with them calmly, like people, but then… they started fighting. Sometimes they fought with each other… sometimes they fought… through me...”</p><p>She looks up at you with shaking, pleading eyes. Before you can say she doesn’t have to continue, she looks down again, shuts her eyes, places a hand against the dirt, takes a breath, and starts again.</p><p>“After a while my body couldn’t take it anymore, and I spent most of my time not even able to stand upright or take care of myself… It must have been Shuu or Reiji who got their father to relocate me to the Mukami’s. He said that it was fine to keep those two fighting with each other, that their jealousy was something important to his plan, but then I got kidnapped and…”</p><p>She trails off, then sighs and takes a deep breath again.</p><p>“Well… that’s besides the point. What matters is that even though they said they loved me, they didn’t care about my wellbeing at all! Then when I came here, even though Ruki was cold at first, his brothers told him it was cruel to act that way. They kept him in check, and even though I fell in love with a vampire again, I didn’t have to deal with the violence, jealousy, and disregard for who I am as a human being!” Yui shouts, looking at you with impassioned eyes and a hand over her heart.</p><p>“Eh…. but… that was decades ago… If I had to deal with them today, now that I’m a vampire and I’ve grown stronger, plus I have Ruki and his brothers backing me up now, I’d be fine. And they’ve probably settled down now, too. Umm… so, have they?”</p><p>You’re still not sure what to say after hearing about her experiences. She seemed like she was falling apart until she got to the part about Ruki and seemed to instantly revive, yet you’re still worried about her emotional state. </p><p>“I’m not sure, to be honest. I’m having a hard time believing I wasn’t the first person Subaru kidnapped right now…”</p><p>“Subaru?” Yui asks with a tilt of her head.</p><p>“Yeah, he kidnapped me to his mom’s tower when he thought Reiji was going too far.” You’ll leave out the part where Subaru thought Reiji was lying to keep you from falling into his arms, it might tangle things too much.</p><p>“That’s… surprising. No, he wasn’t the one who kidnapped me, that was someone else.” As much as you want to know who <em> else </em> among the vampires would kidnap someone, you still need to give her an answer.</p><p>“I think they must have calmed down, they’re a lot different from how they were when you knew them. Ayato has at least a vague idea of when to back off now, and Subaru is making an attempt to hold back from slaughtering Reiji, so they must have learned from the past.” You shrug, probably saying it more casually than you should have. Spending too much time under a heavy mood with Yui would probably just make things weirder between you.</p><p>“I’m glad!” She smiles, wiping her tears from her eyes. She looks right at home surrounded by sunflowers and bright pink dahlias. “Of course they’ve calmed down, it’s been so long…  Even Shuu is nicer now! Though that could just be because we see each other less… Oh! And Reiji is friendlier too, I think!” She waves her hands at you, trying to assuage whatever doubt she thinks you have. You’re probably the only one who actually knows how much Reiji’s changed, though you’re still having trouble understanding him. Still… It probably isn’t the distance that’s made them treat her better. It’s the fact that she’s a vampire now, and not one of the humans they look down on.</p><p>“Oh, about Shuu…” You say now that the mood has lightened, “Are he and Yuma dating?”</p><p>Yui blushes and her eyes open wide. </p><p>“Eh? Umm… that’s kind of personal to them…”</p><p>“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” You bow your head.</p><p>“No! No, umm… it’s actually hard to tell with vampires, monogamy isn’t always the norm, I think…? Ruki and I might be kind of strange in that matter, but we <em> were </em> both human in the past… Umm… what I’m saying is, they’re definitely <em> together </em>, but I’m not sure if it makes you safe or not…”</p><p>Safe? You weren’t asking out of fear for your safety, you were just surprised Shuu could be active enough to have a significant other. Yuma’s been nothing but a perfect gentleman to you, were you supposed to be fearing for your safety all this time?</p><p>“I understand,” you nod at her with a smile probably as unconvincing as some of hers. You thought you understood before but now you know for sure that you do not.</p><p>“I’m not sure I’ll really get much done here… is there anything else you wanted to ask before we go in?”</p><p>You take a moment to think. You don’t want to pry anymore into her life or anyone else’s, but if you ask what she thinks of you and Reiji you probably won’t get an answer you’ll like. </p><p>“What do you think about Reiji?” You ask despite yourself.</p><p>Yui nods and looks away.</p><p>“He’s… we were never that close, but he was also never as dangerous as his brothers… He doesn’t seem like the kind to be in a relationship, but I think that you might be able to be happy together if he’s the way you say he is....” She nods again and looks you in the eye, “What matters most is that you think you can be happy.” She says with that determined look again, and you feel the need to defend yourself.</p><p>“I-”</p><p>Adam runs up to the two of you, deftly dodging around flower beds, and holds something covered by his hands up to Yui’s face. You decide to stay silent about this thought if he’s around.</p><p>“Mama, look!” He says with a big smile, baring his tiny little fangs. There’s a smudge of dirt on his face and several on his clothes. “I found this on the tomatoes!”</p><p>He opens his hands and reveals a large, horned beetle, larger than his palm.</p><p>“Kyaaaah!” Yui yelps and jumps back, falling next to the dahlias.</p><p>Adam giggles. “Look at this cool bug I found!”</p><p>“Adam, stop!” Ruki shouts, catching up to his son.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s rad!” You affirm and ruffle the kid’s hair. “Good job!” </p><p>He looks up at you with the same glowing, genuine smile as Yui.</p><p>“Please excuse him.” Ruki glances at you with a cold look. “Now apologize to your mother for scaring her, the proper way.”</p><p>“Yes papa…” Adam pouts. “Sorry!” he bows.</p><p>Yui is silent for a moment before erupting into giggles.</p><p>Watching this, you feel like an intruder.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So in the games I think that like 90% of Yui's dialogue is "..." "Eh?"  "Umm..." and "Kyaaa!!", so sorry if her dialogue is kinda saturated with that stuff.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Low Visibility Warning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's kinda draining dealing with the Mukami household.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please be cautious, read the tags and warnings, and remember to stay safe!<br/>Also I'm not sure how it compares to others, but this chapter felt super long. Oh well.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After dinner Yui invites you to spend time with her and her family in the living room. Ruki sits in a rocking chair with a book in hand, and Yui sits on the couch with you knitting a blanket. Every now and then they glance up to check on Adam, who’s playing with tin toy soldiers by the fire. He’s a polite and well-behaved child, but something about the things surrounding him throws you off. It’s all so antiquated, from his clothes to his toys. It’s endearing, but you feel that you’re missing something here, considering the fact that none of the other vampires seem to be so anachronistic. </p><p>With his strawberry blonde hair, rose-gold eyes, and brilliant, sunny smile, you can surely see the resemblance to Yui, but Ruki’s salt-and-pepper hair and crystalline eyes don’t seem present at all. The shapes of their eyes, noses, and mouths don’t show much similarity either. And yet, when Adam gives orders to his soldiers and smiles to himself over a victory over his toy-enemies, you can definitely see the resemblance between the two. Maybe it’s because he’s still a child. He can grow to look more like his father down the line, you’re overthinking things. </p><p>The silent comfort between this family, that you feel like you’re intruding on despite having been invited, makes you wonder if you and Reiji could achieve such a thing. Trying to imagine yourself and Reiji together like that, the image of Kanato in Adam’s place pops into mind, and you frantically shake your head to banish the thought. You’re done with that. He’s gone too far too many times. And he’s a grown man, which is something you’re still having trouble wrapping your head around. You’re not sure if that makes his actions more or less horrific. Instead you try to replace his image with a cat, or maybe one of those parrots Reiji talked about, that have a human’s lifespan and the intelligence of a child. But it doesn’t work. Maybe it’s because Kanato dresses like a Victorian era child that makes it so easy for you to equivocate him with Adam, who dresses like a child from some later past era. You’re not sure of the time period, you’re not an expert on these things, but it does seem just a touch more modern. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you alright?” Yui asks you, just above a whisper as not to bother her son or husband.</p><p>“I’m a-okay!” You whisper with a grin, swinging your arm to present her with a thumbs up. You might be overdoing it.</p><p>“Would you… like to take a walk?” She asks, already putting her knitting to the side. Maybe she needs some air too.</p><p>“That would be great,” you nod, desperate to be away from where you knew your thoughts would turn if you were left alone. You’d rather not think.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yui carries a dim lantern, bright enough so you can see the light, but not enough to illuminate the path. Maybe it’s the difference between vampire and human eyes that keeps you from being able to see. You walk slowly and cautiously with small, deliberate steps, and she slows herself to meet your pace. Asking for more light would make you seem ungrateful, wouldn’t it?</p><p>You concentrate on your breathing, the sweet and spicy scents of rhododendron’s and cypress, the cool night air that seems to be becoming cooler by the day. It’s autumn but it feels like summer was just the other day.</p><p>You trip over a root that’s grown upward through the unpaved path.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Yui asks with a gasp. You didn’t fall, only stumbled, but she seems so worried. Maybe it’s because you’re a human, and your life is so fragile in her eyes. No, you shouldn’t be thinking that way about her, she’s been nothing but kind and welcoming to you, you shouldn’t see her in the same light as the other vampires. Not in the same light as the Sakamaki’s. In general the Mukami’s have only acted like normal, civil people to you, maybe with big personalities but nothing cruel or inhuman. You shouldn’t let what happened in that household taint your entire view of a species.</p><p>“I’m fine!” you say, putting on a cheery grin and rubbing the back of your neck with one hand. You smile so wide your eyes are squinted closed. Even if you can just barely see her face, she should be able to make out your goofy, light-hearted expression.</p><p>She sighs in relief. Maybe you aren’t as funny as you thought.</p><p>“That’s a relief. But you know, it’s nothing compared to what we’ve been through…” she trails off, her face falling at the memories of a distant sorrow. You don’t want to think about it, you wanted to get some air, to go outside, just so you wouldn’t have to think about those things. It’s too fresh in your head and it’s contaminating every good thing you come across. And yet, she needs to talk about it to properly heal. Maybe that’s why she invited you out. You’re the only one who can comfort her about these things.</p><p>“I-I think it’s incredible that you were able to come out of it okay, and end up with such a happy life despite everything!”</p><p>“I didn’t do anything special…”</p><p>“That’s nonsense! If you didn’t do anything, you’d have accepted your position, like what they wanted! You held onto yourself all that time, and that’s why you can still be you now! You’re a lot cooler and stronger than you think!” You talk her up, finding it in yourself to show enough energy to convey your positive feelings. You don’t know enough about her to know what to say to make her feel better, but you can’t help compare her to yourself. The ways that you’ve changed to adapt to that place are too obvious, you can’t help but be jealous of her for staying so strong.</p><p>Yui is silent.</p><p>You realize that what happened to her was decades ago, despite the fact that she looks so young. She’s probably had time to recover and return to her former state. But isn’t that even more proof of her strength?</p><p>“Even if it left an impact on you, you were still able to move forward and leave it in the past! Even if it’s hard, you’re still trying, not a lot of people would be able to do that when it’s so much easier to let yourself get caught up in the past!”</p><p>Maybe you’ve gone too far making assumptions about her, but in the pale lamplight you think you see her lips turn up into a small smile, despite her silence.</p><p>“Do you… have any advice on how to move on like you have? To live a happy life with someone after everything that’s happened?” Part of you wants to keep her talking, to save her from being alone with the dark thoughts that are without a doubt starting to set in. You know that it helps you to have something to keep you present in times like that, whether it be a scent or physical sensation. The other part of you wants to know about how your future seems. It’s selfish, but you can’t help it. </p><p>Yui’s big, round eyes shine in the lamplight as she looks over at you, with a finger raised to her lip.</p><p>“Advice…? I’d say… you have to surround yourself with people who you trust, that will keep you safe and you can open up to. Some of the things that happened to me… I know they would just make Ruki feel worse, so I talk to his brothers about it instead. I personally don’t think Reiji is the type to be okay with you opening up too much… but I might be wrong!” she waves her hands at you as if to erase what she said, “But… you can come to me if you ever need to talk, even after you leave. You can ask me for advice any time!” She puts a hand over her heart and beams at you. </p><p>As comforting as her words are, and as much as you appreciate her kindness and generosity, you feel the need to defend Reiji.</p><p>“I told you about how Ruki was, right?” She starts before you can say anything. “It took a lot of work and help from his brothers for us to get where we are now. You know, as similar as our troubles are, mine were a bit different because of my… situation,” she says and bites her lip. You wait for her to clarify. “Ruki’s been so accepting of everything, even though Adam isn’t his biological son, he still treats him like he’s his own.”</p><p>You shouldn’t be surprised considering your own observations, but somehow you are. “He isnt?” You ask. You shouldn’t pry. This is between them, after all.</p><p>“No, turned vampires are almost completely sterile. We’ve been trying for another child for decades without any luck. And we’ve tried everything…” She looks away and you can just see through the low light that her cheeks darken. “But it seems like a miracle how accepting he’s been of everything, especially looking back on how everything began between us. I really am blessed!” Her smile is like the sun, but unfortunately it doesn’t emit any light. You stumble over a rock on the path.</p><p>Somehow it’s the fact that you and Reiji might not be able to have children that strikes you the hardest. You’ve never thought about this much before, and you probably should have, considering how little protection the two of you have used in the past. Still, even if the two of you aren’t ready for that, and probably won’t be for a long time, the fact that it might not even be an option worries you. Reiji has rather traditional values, he’ll probably want to start a family one day, will he toss you aside if he learns you can’t give him what he wants? Or would he be like his father and take a new bride, who you’ll fight with and come to hate like what happened between Christa and Reiji’s own mother? </p><p>No, you can’t worry about this now, you’re here to talk to Yui, and you need to keep her occupied. Getting caught up in your own troubles is selfish. How self centered can you get?</p><p>You trip over a root again.</p><p>“Umm… sorry if this is a weird question, but weren’t you a human in the past? How were you able to have Adam?” You want to hit yourself on the head for asking that. No, it’s fine, Yui’s more than happy to open up and share, she’s more accepting than you think, even if it’s a weird question she won’t hate you for prying so much, right?</p><p>“Well… umm… I’m a special case, you see…” She looks away. “Umm… my <em> situation </em> makes me a bit different from other humans who awakened as vampires… umm… Oh! We’re back! I’ll tell you in detail some other time, it’s just a bit hard to explain, sorry about this!” She says as she lightly jogs over to the path leading to the Mukami’s mansion. </p><p>Yui turns off the lamplight and waits for you at the doorway.</p><p>You feel your way through the trees, eventually coming to a place where you can no longer see where the path turns to, so you walk through the brambles and squeeze your way between the trees until you set foot on the lawn.</p><p>“Oh! Sorry, I forgot about the light!” Yui’s eyes go wide as she rushes to you and apologizes.</p><p>“No, it’s fine!” You wave your hands at her. “It’s almost a full moon after all, it’s a lot easier to see than most other nights!” You say despite the fact that you couldn’t see a thing. She’s so pure, you’d hate to make her feel guilty over anything. Any expression on her face other than a smile fills you with guilt. Heck, even her smiles sometimes fill you with guilt.</p><p>Yui takes you by the arm and guides you the short distance to the house, which is already illuminated by the lamps decorating the property. Maybe she remembers humans having worse night-vision than they do. Still, you’re not one to turn down such kindness, and the fact that she’s so willing to help you is touching. It warms your heart despite how cold the air and her touch is. Despite being so clearly a vampire, she’s incredibly humane. So are the rest of the Mukami’s, to a lesser extent. The Sakamaki’s are the strange ones.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’ll have tea tonight, should I make a pot for us to share?” Yui offers as you step inside, greeted by the warmth of the fireplace in the room just a few steps away.</p><p>“Oh! I was thinking that to show my gratitude, I could make some for you tonight,” you offer.</p><p>“Oh! Umm… are you sure about that? You’re my guest, after all!” Yui’s eyes widen and she waves her hands at you.</p><p>“It’s fine, Reiji taught me the basics so I can promise I’ll do a serviceable job!” You give her a smile prouder than you feel and a thumbs up.</p><p>“Ah, if that’s the case, I’ll show you where the things are,” she nods and guides you to the kitchen.</p><p>On your way there you pass through the living room, Ruki and Adam are sitting together by the fire. Adam sets his toy soldiers aside and looks up at his father with wide eyes filled to the brim with admiration as Ruki lectures in excruciating detail about some historic war you remember learning about as a kid but have long since forgot. When Yui walks past Ruki stops for a moment and gives her the most loving look before continuing on with his lecture. In passing, you feel the worth emanating from the fire.</p><p> </p><p>You prepare the tea to the best of your ability, ignoring the worried looks Yui gives you now and then. Her face is a little too expressive, and it’s obvious that she doesn’t trust you to do this without messing up. That’s fair. You haven’t done the best job representing yourself so far. You think you’re getting a little better around her, but it’s hard to shake the impact of a bad first impression. The fact that she even spends time with you despite everything only shows how much of a kind, empathetic person she is.</p><p>“Shall we drink here or in the living room?” You offer, removing the flowers, pale yellow chrysanthemums, after the tea has been brewed. It’s one of the few teas Reiji brews that doesn’t have any actual tea leaves in it and isn’t for purely medicinal purposes, no wonder you found it so familiar initially. It also explains why she keeps giving you worried looks, given the time it’s taken for her to offer then serve the tea, she was probably seeping it for 3-5 minutes, while it should really be seeped for at least 15 minutes, and preferably an hour with other herbs over a light simmer. That’s why you couldn’t put your finger on why the taste was so different. Well, herbal teas don’t follow the same rules as regular teas, and their optimal brewing techniques aren’t universal. It’s an easy mistake to make that most people could go a lifetime never realizing was a mistake.</p><p>“The living room,” Yui offers a polite smile and makes a move to grab the pot, which you only realize after you’ve picked it up. “I’ll bring out the cups!” She nods, still keeping an eye on you. This is to be expected, isn’t it?</p><p> </p><p>You pour the tea, needlessly showing off a bit by placing your thumb on the lid and directing the stream towards the side of the cups so they fill as silently as possible. It’ll probably go unnoticed to them, but even if it’s just a few days, you feel it’s important that you don’t fall out of practice.</p><p>Yui brings the cup to her face and inhales. The tea is still steaming, but it should be cool enough to drink by now.</p><p>You take yours into your hand, enjoying the warmth that begins to spread through the surface of the cup, and take in the scent. Yes, this is the rich aroma you were yearning for the other night. You take a sip and the flavor blooms on your tongue, pleasant, sweet, and light, yet with a deep complexity to it just below the surface. It reminds you of sitting in the shade on a warm summer’s day.</p><p>Yui follows after and takes a sip. Her eyes light up.</p><p>“This is surprisingly good!” She praises you. You’re going to ignore the ‘surprisingly’. It feels nice just to be acknowledged. </p><p>You put down your tea and take in the moment. Warm by a fire, the refreshing scent of chrysanthemum flowing through the air, Yui’s hair looks like a golden, angelic halo in the glow from the fire. The pale yellow of the chrysanthemum tea really suits her. </p><p>You reach for your cup again, but your fingers brush against something soft and cold.</p><p>“You’re right! Good job, cutie!” Kou ruffles your hair after taking a sip from your tea cup. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself!” He pushes the cup towards you, wrapping his hand around yours and guiding it to hold the cup. His touch lingers for several moments longer than you’re comfortable with. “Sorry, you were going to drink some?” </p><p>He looks at you expectantly, his cheery, friendly expression barely betrays something predatory right below the surface. You really don’t want to drink something he just put his mouth on, but saying no would just cause more trouble. You take a sip.</p><p>“Oh! That’s the spot I drank from! Say, were you planning an indirect kiss this entire time?” He winks at you and you gag.</p><p>“I-I’m gonna get a new cup, do you want one for yourself, too?” You offer. You don’t want him drinking from that cup, either. </p><p>“Huh? You sure? Thanks, that would be great!” Kou slaps a hand on your shoulder, pulling you in for a brief half-hug before plopping down on the couch practically on top of you. </p><p>You quickly stand up and go to the kitchen.</p><p>You’re supposed to be safe here, aren’t you? No, you shouldn’t be doubting that, if Kou was doing something that was actually inappropriate Yui would have stepped in, he’s just extremely outgoing and that’s something that you personally aren’t used to. He’s being normal. Probably. </p><p>You walk back into the living room and pour tea for him, then yourself, exercising the same skills as before.</p><p>“Wow! You’re acting just like a real life maid! If we had your service and Ruki’s food, we could totally open a cafe!”</p><p>You smile. He’s just a little zany, you were fearful over nothing. Still, you can’t shake an uneasy feeling you’re getting from him. He isn’t like Laito at all, but something about them is a little too similar for your taste. Maybe you’re just uncomfortable around people who are so extroverted.</p><p>“That won’t be happening.” Ruki says without looking up from his book.</p><p>“So you were listening?” Kou smiles at Ruki, squinting his eyes closed and tilting his head to the side. It’s honestly kind of adorable. He scoots to the side when you go to take a seat. You’re really on a roll misjudging this guy.</p><p>“You make it impossible not to.” Ruki’s words and tone are cold, but the corner of his mouth stretches to the side as if he’s holding back a smile. He goes back to explaining something to Adam, reading aloud in a language you don’t understand, but those two clearly do.</p><p>“You know, I’m so busy with work all the time that I’m not gonna get many chances to entertain our cute little guest~” Kou winks at you, then turns back to Ruki. “Do you mind if I join you guys?”</p><p>“I’d rather not, you’re distracting my son from his lessons.”</p><p>“No papa! I promise to pay attention!” Adam pleads, too innocent to realize that Ruki’s words are pointed towards Kou instead of him. You want to clear things up and tell him he’s a good kid, but it’s not your place to step in. Poor little guy.</p><p>“I know,” Ruki pats Adams' head and the child’s eyes light up. Ruki then glares at Kou, who lets out a loud, drawn out and exaggerated whine.</p><p>“Fiiiiine, do you two want to go somewhere else so we can hang out?” Kou turns to you and Yui.</p><p>“Umm… I’m a little tired, why don’t you two go on without me?” Yui glances at Ruki and Adam. You wonder why she doesn’t just say she would rather spend time with her husband and son, it’s completely understandable and incredibly sweet. Maybe it has something to do with what’s appropriate to them specifically, something you don’t understand. It doesn’t matter, the fact that she’s fine with the two of you being alone together is enough to assuage your fears.</p><p>“Just you and me, huh? Sounds like a date!” Kou links his arm with yours and pulls you up. Both your hands grip your cup in a failed attempt to keep the hot liquid from spilling. He laughs and ruffles your hair again.</p><p>If you pointed out that it’s not a date and you don’t want him to call it one, you’d appear overly sensitive, like the person who’s making a big deal over nothing. So you stay quiet and smile pleasantly as he drags you off.</p><p>“You said you didn’t recognize me, right? I just got back from a concert, it should be streaming online soon, wanna watch it together? It helps sometimes to get feedback from someone who’s clearly outside my demographic.”</p><p>You feel like you should be insulted by that, but he keeps grinning. You should definitely be insulted by that.</p><p>“Why would it matter what someone like me thinks?” You ask politely, belittling yourself. </p><p>“I’m trying to broaden my horizons, I’ve only got a couple years left where I can be an idol under this name, so I want to go out with a bang! Or maybe I should let my career die off in obscurity so it’ll be easier to start over without anyone realizing it’s me… Nah, I wanna be my best till the end!”</p><p>His smile faded for a moment, then returned full force.</p><p>“Sorry, it feels like I’m missing something here…” </p><p>“We’re vampires, ya know?” He flashes his fangs at you. Of course, he can only spend so long looking the same without people asking questions, it’s even harder if he’s constantly in the spotlight and having his image recorded. “This is my second time being an idol, I’m really a senior, despite this cute face~. Oh, but I <em> am </em> getting older, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pass as a highschooler next time we start over, Yuma and Ruki got a lot of weird looks last time…”</p><p>“I think I get it, you guys get new identities every couple decades so no one realizes you’re immortal.”</p><p>“Wow, got a big brain over here, huh?” Kou ruffles your hair again. You know you aren’t particularly smart, but his words are still a blow to your ego. At least when Reiji insults you, you know that he doesn’t actually mean it most of the time.</p><p>“Yeah yeah, I never said I was smart,” you smile at him and lightly elbow his ribs. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Kou takes you to his room to watch the stream. You didn’t count on this. You probably should have seen it coming.</p><p>“Sorry, is it weird to bring a girl in here? Don’t worry, you’re not my type,” he grins, then opens the laptop on his desk and starts pulling up the video.</p><p>“Heh, if it helps, you’re not my type either.”</p><p>He turns to you with the same big, closed-eyed grin as before. His fangs are small yet sharp.</p><p>“Why don’t you have a seat?” He offers you the chair by his desk. </p><p>You hesitantly nod and sit down.</p><p>Kou leans over you, with his arms on either side of you as he opens the video to full screen, then fiddles with various video settings, changing them back and forth over and over again. Every once in a while he decides to lean a little closer to you, sometimes brushing his chest against your back or the back of your head, before pulling away and acting like nothing happened. Maybe you’re being a little self-conscious, but you aren’t comfortable with this. No, it’s fine, he probably doesn’t even realize what he’s doing.</p><p>The stream starts and you see him energetically run onto stage in gaudy pink and white attire, before addressing his fans in the same cutesy, teasing voice you’ve heard him speak in on and off again the few times you’ve interacted. You’re not sure how much of it is an act and how much of it is his actual personality.</p><p>“Your idol personality is really flashy, but it seems natural coming from you. I think a lot of people appreciate that.” You offer him a compliment.</p><p>“Yeah? Are you charmed by me yet?” He leans closer and winks.</p><p>“Definitely! Oh, it’s probably hard for you to see with me in the way, why don’t you sit, or maybe we can both stand? You’re probably tired from work, though...” You smile and try to seem accommodating.  You really don’t want him getting so close anymore.</p><p>“It’s fine, I want you to get a good look,” he frowns and ruffles your hair again, a little too roughly, practically pulling at your roots.</p><p>“Maybe if we put the computer on the table and we both sit on the couch it’ll be easier…” you murmur, bringing a finger to your lip and looking into the distance. Coming across as a little innocent helps when trying to convince these kinds of guys into backing off. “I don’t know much about idols, but the job is really taxing, right? You should be resting now…”</p><p>Kou huffs and carries the laptop to the table, setting it down with a thud.</p><p>He looks genuinely pissed off, but then pulls you down onto the couch next to him with the same plastered on smile as before.</p><p>“We’ll have to stick close if we both want to see!”</p><p>Even after you’ve been sitting next to him for a minute he doesn’t let go of your arm. On the screen, he’s singing a cheery, generic pop song about how much the listener means to him. He has talent though, his singing and his dancing are all top tier, even when compared to the idols you’re more aware of.  </p><p>“Hey, a really good part is coming up, I worked on this dance move for months!” Kou grabs your shoulder and pulls you closer. His cheek is pressed against yours. His skin is remarkably smooth and soft.</p><p>You try to push him away but he doesn’t move. You try to struggle free but you aren’t moving from your current, unbearable position.</p><p>“H-hey Kou, mind giving me some space?” You try to laugh it off like it’s an honest mistake, like he just got over excited and forgot the difference in strength between humans and vampires.</p><p>Then he turns to you with a cold expression, eyes narrowed. You get your wish of having more distance between you, but he’s clutching your shoulder at arm’s length, so tightly you’re afraid something might break. Neither of you can make any excuses for this.</p><p>“Will you stop being so ungrateful? You were invited to spend time with an <em> idol </em>, and I was even generous enough to listen to your useless opinions and greedy requests! It’s only fair that you let me do what I want with you.” He pushes down on your shoulder and you’re forced to lower yourself to escape the pressure.</p><p>“What about this… is generous?” You gasp through gritted teeth as you feel a bruise begin to form. “You <em> invited </em> me to spend time with you, then kept invading my personal space, even though I’ve clearly been uncomfortable this entire time!” You snap, maybe too viciously. You won’t be able to reason yourself out of this now.</p><p>Kou presses down harder, pushing you back until you’re forced to lay against the arm of the couch. </p><p>“When Yui came here she was completely submissive about this stuff…” He tilts his head and glares at you. “Were you really being tortured by the Sakamaki’s? You’re acting too spoiled to have <em> really </em> suffered… If you were actually being mistreated you’d be glad I’m not doing anything worse.” He leans towards you, spitting his acidic words into your ear in a light murmur, so different than the voice coming from his computer’s speakers.</p><p>He tears through your shirt, then places his hand back on your shoulder, digging his nails into your skin until they slowly pierce your skin and blood dribbles out. You grab his wrist trying to pull it away from yourself, but you know it won’t do you any good. You can’t do anything to physically stop him in this scenario, but fighting back makes you feel less helpless. You only have to stay here a few days, it’s fine if you burn this bridge.</p><p>Kou swats your hand away more easily than you hoped, and grabs one of your wrists in each hand. He lowers his lips to your clawed up shoulder and starts to lap at the blood starting to drip from the wounds.</p><p>“Your blood isn’t even that great either, no wonder they didn’t care to tear you apart…” He presses his lips to your shoulder and starts to suckle at your wounds, pulling blood from it’s source. He’s saying these things to make you doubt yourself, to make you give in to him, you know this… but you still find yourself ridden with guilt at his insinuation that you weren’t hurt just because you still think you deserve to be treated like a person. Anything is better than being treated like prey, but does wanting to be treated like a person make you entitled?</p><p>No, if Yui was that submissive when she had just escaped, wouldn’t it have been because she still felt like she was in the same dangerous position as before, and that fighting back wouldn’t have gotten her anywhere, like with the Sakamaki’s? Something about the way he compares you leaves a bad taste in your mouth. </p><p>“Weren’t you and your brothers supposed to be better? Pretending you’re morally superior while acting the same as the worst of them makes you lower than dirt.” You glare at him.</p><p>“You’re ungrateful, your blood tastes like shit, you’re <em> rude </em>…” Kou starts to list as he begins to squeeze your wrists tighter. You can feel it like lightning bolts shooting up and down your arm in the wrist that was mauled by Kanato and Reiji, what feels like an eternity ago. “And you’re not even cute.” He tosses you onto the floor like a crumpled piece of paper. “Why am I wasting my time with you again?” He asks, crossing his arms and sitting on the couch like nothing just happened.</p><p>“Because you’re disgusting.” You say, shooting him a pointed glare as you quickly stand up and fix your clothes. You leave his room without looking back. You need to take a shower.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah… so it’s… you…” Azusa says as he sees you while you escape to Yuma’s room. “I knew… I smelled… something sweet…”</p><p>“It’s nice to see a friendly face,” you sigh, accidentally saying your thoughts out loud.</p><p>A smile slowly spreads on his face, and his dull eyes seem to glow. Yeah, being around this man is healing.</p><p>“If you’re… upset… let me… show you… something that… cheers me up…” He takes you by the wrist and leads you to his room.</p><p>What stands out to you immediately is a large glass cabinet displaying a collection of knives. They’re all kept in pristine condition, sharp and shining, ranging from decorative and ornate to purely utilitarian. </p><p>“What do… you think? Aren’t they… beautiful?” Despite how little his face betrays, his eyes are glowing in anticipation.</p><p>“They’re gorgeous! The handle on this one is so pretty, and I love the design on this one’s blade! It’s so geometric!” You gush.</p><p>“I’m… so happy…” he gives you a tiny smile and you feel your heart grow warm. “Everyone thinks… I’m gross…”</p><p>You’ve noticed. But you don’t say anything about it. </p><p>“There’s nothing gross about you, I actually think you’re really sweet!” You smile at him as warmly as you can. You know what it’s like to be seen and treated that way, it’s better not to give it too much thought.</p><p>“Really…?” His eyes grow brighter. “Would you… like to… hold this?” He takes a knife from the cabinet, with a long thin blade and a handle wrapped in leather cording. “It’s… my favorite… right now…”</p><p>Not to turn down someone’s heartfelt generosity, you take the knife. “This is really cool, I appreciate it!” You say as you turn the knife in your hand, getting a good look at the detailed braiding of the leather on it’s handle. It’s polished so much that you can see the two of yours reflections in it, he clearly takes good care of it. You trace your finger down it’s blade.</p><p>“Ack!” you let out a small yelp as your skin is sliced by the blade.</p><p>Azusa takes the blade away from you, but he still looks happy.</p><p>“Sorry about that,” you say as you lick the blood from your wound, doing little to stop the bleeding.</p><p>“Why? I’m… the same,” he takes you by the wrist and guides your hand to his mouth, lapping at the cut until the bleeding stops. It’s good to know that even vampires can be as clutzy as you.</p><p>“Thanks!”</p><p>Azusa takes your other hand in his, smiling and looking you in the eye as he undoes the bandages. Something about his eyes and touch are supremely comforting to you, like being wrapped in a warm blanket despite the coldness of his hands.</p><p>“Someone really… loves you…” he says as he squeezes your hand tightly, pressing into your bruised and discolored knuckles. It’s nice to know that. He said something similar when you first met, didn’t he? He must have seen you and Reiji together at the garden, do the two of you really come across that way? You smile dumbly at the thought.</p><p>Azusa pulls at the skin on your fingers, barely held together by thin and healing tissue, and pries it apart. You yelp, now torn from your idealistic thoughts by the pain and gruesome appearance of your hand.</p><p>His eyes start to glow as blood starts to ooze from your reopened wound, and you pull your hand away, more easily than you anticipated.</p><p>“Sorry… of course you… wouldn’t want... someone like... me… drinking… your blood…” he loosens his grip on your hand, offering it back to you and frowning at the ground. For no logical reason you’re filled with guilt. “Why don’t… you… hurt me… instead…? Or… is it… because… you’re with… that man?” he glances up at you from beneath his long eyelashes. He looks almost doll-like. You’re starting to understand how you let things get this far.</p><p>“It’s not you, I’m just not comfortable with someone other than the person I’m with drinking my blood! And I’d never hurt you, I really want to be your friend!” You try to clarify. The disgust you feel from Kou drinking your blood earlier, even if it was just a little and his fangs never pierced you, falls over you again.</p><p>“If you… mean that… that you… want to... be friends… prove it…” Azusa smiles at you, softly and beatifically, and pushes the knife from before back into your hands. </p><p>“What do you want me to do?”</p><p>“Cut… me…” his smile widens and his eyes start to squint.</p><p>“T-that’s not how friendship works…” you try to protest, but his eyes are too sincere.</p><p>“Do you… hate me…?” his smile falls, like you’ve robbed him of his happiness.</p><p>“Of course not!”</p><p>“Then… won’t you… give me… pain…?” he pulls up his sleeve and peels off his bandages to reveal a pale, skinny, scar covered arm. He guides the knife in your hand to his skin.</p><p>“Is this… what you want?” You ask. It’s obvious that he has a different view on this than you, it would be close minded to try to push your values on him, but this really doesn’t seem okay. You’re a human though, and he’s a vampire. This kind of injury is way more severe for someone like you than it is him, from what you’ve been taught it should be completely safe. Still, if you were in his place you wouldn’t want to be hurt. You need clarification to know if it’s okay.</p><p>That beatific smile spreads across Azusa’s lips again. “Please…” he presses the tip of the knife into his skin, deep enough for blood to start to dribble from the wound. His eyes close the minute he’s pierced and a look of pure happiness blossoms on his face.</p><p>“I’ll do my best, but only because I want to be your friend…”</p><p>You press the blade against him as hard as you can, but you can’t get past the mental block of not wanting to hurt him. You drag the blade across his skin, leaving a light scratch that starts to ooze blood from a few places.</p><p>“You need… to go deeper… I want you… to give me… a new friend…” he pushes the knife harder against him.</p><p>“I do want to be your friend! Just… this feels cruel…” you pull the knife away. He holds fast for a moment, then lets it go.</p><p>“Cruel…?” He asks, tilting his head to the side. “But… it feels… so good… Don’t… you feel… the same…?”</p><p>It takes you a moment to figure out what he means. He’s a masochist, isn’t he? And he thinks you’re one too. Well you are sort of, but you really don’t want that to be public knowledge.</p><p>And this… it’s knife play, isn’t it? It’s not some cultural difference between humans and vampires, he’s trying to get you to engage in knife play with him.</p><p>“N-no! I mean… I feel the same, but to me at least, this is the kind of thing I’m only really comfortable doing with someone I’m in a relationship with!”</p><p>You hand the knife back to him and he takes it.</p><p>“I think… I understand… I want to be… the only one… someone hurts… for… a lifetime…” he smiles at you again, that beautiful, comforting smile, and nods.</p><p>“Sorry for the misunderstanding,” you rub the back of your neck with your less injured hand and offer a sheepish smile.</p><p>“Do you… still… want to see… my collection?” </p><p>“Definitely!” you nod.</p><p>Azusa tells you about his knives, where he got them, why he liked them, and a few fun facts about the less glamorous looking ones that have you changing your opinion on them. You find yourself unconsciously putting more distance than necessary between the two of you and try to fight it. You don’t want him feeling rejected by you, too. Despite what he so assertively wanted from you, you still relate to him too much to be as afraid of him as you probably should be. </p><p>At least he backed off and didn’t push you further. </p><p>Before you leave his room, he cleans and redresses your wound, warning you that if you keep this up it won’t scar properly. You say you’ll keep it in mind, but keep to yourself the fact that your injury wasn’t given to you lovingly. It would probably just upset him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Hey Mesubuta, get over here!” Yuma calls out when you knock on his door. You walk in. He’s lying in bed, on his side, looking over a magazine. He’s wearing his pajamas and his hair is untied. It’s a lot longer and silkier looking than you initially thought when you saw it tied back in a messy bun.</p><p>“What’s up?”</p><p>“Gimme your hand,” he sits up and stretches out his arm towards you, palm facing up.</p><p>“Sure?” You sit on the bed next to him, mirroring his action.</p><p>“No, like this!” He grabs your wrist and presses his palm against yours, with his fingers outstretched. You do the same.</p><p>“Hah! Your hands are really tiny!” He announces, like he’s proved something.</p><p>“...What’s this about?”</p><p>“Shuu said something that sounded stupid, but I think I believe it now!”</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>“That your hand didn’t fit around his-”</p><p>“Aaaaah! I remember! Please don’t say it!” You cry out, tearing your hand away and covering your ears.</p><p>“Hah? What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I don’t want to think about that!”</p><p>“Oh right, that was probably pretty horrible for ya, huh? Sorry bout that.” He rubs the back of his neck, then pulls your hands from your ears.</p><p>“Thanks for dropping it.”</p><p>“Your hands are <em> really </em> tiny though…”</p><p>“I thought we were done with this.”</p><p>“Sorry! Sorry, it’s just kinda cute.” He presses his hand against yours again, grinning ear to ear. </p><p>His is so big that your fingertips only reach the middle segment of his fingers. They’re so big, it kinda reminds you of bear paws.</p><p>“Anyway, I’m tired, let’s go the fuck to sleep.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Did you know? you can drink water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You're a third wheel on two occasions, but luckily you get to play superheroes with Azusa and Adam. You're not very good at it, though.<br/>or<br/>You're probably the only person you know who gets thirsty for actual liquids.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please read the tags and warnings, and remember to stay safe!<br/>The incident the reader refers to in the beginning of this chapter is from all the way back in chapter 8, since it was so long ago I'm just gonna mention this so anyone who forgot doesn't get confused. It's also potentially triggering, so be careful of that. Anyway, thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oi Mesubuta, ya done yet?!” </p><p>Yuma storms into the bathroom while you’re in the middle of a bath. He doesn’t look more than mildly annoyed, but damn he’s loud.</p><p>“Nope, mind leaving?”</p><p>He isn’t like Ayato or Laito, but you still default into acting casually about these things instead of giving the appropriate response. In this case though, acting as embarrassed as you feel might actually get Yuma to leave. You’ll keep that in mind for next time. </p><p>Then Yuma grabs you by the arm and gives a sharp tug, pulling you halfway out of the water. You can tell he’s holding back based off the weirdly gentle grip on you. </p><p>“Dude, what the fuck?!” You cry out, breaking free and tumbling back into the water with a huge splash, covering yourself with your arms and hands.</p><p>“You’re taking too long, I need a turn too, ya know! I have someone coming over!”</p><p>“Can’t you at least wait for me to finish?!”</p><p>“Ya look clean to me, get out.” Yuma tugs on your arm again.</p><p>“I’ll get out on my own, just give me some privacy!”</p><p>Yuma continues his weirdly gentle yet forceful maneuver of dragging you out of the tub.</p><p>“Who cares? It’s not like your body could even-” He glances down at you and pauses. </p><p>Yuma lets go of your arm and you tumble into the water again, breaking the surface with an even larger splash.</p><p>“I’ll give you one minute, then I’m dragging ya out!” Yuma grumbles, rubbing his neck and looking away. He’s blushing, but you don’t really care because he actually leaves the room and gives you privacy. In another life you’d consider him a creep, but considering how you’ve been treated by other vampires this places him as maybe the third of fourth vampire you feel safest around. Your standards are abysmally low.</p><p>You scramble out of the tub, wrapping a towel around yourself and running back into Yuma’s room, not bothering to put on your clothes yet because you know it’ll end in him walking in on you.</p><p>“Finally!” he mumbles, giving you a glance as he passes you and goes to take his own bath.</p><p>You put your clothes on as fast as you can, being naked in someone else’s room feels too strange. </p><p>Your thoughts drift to what could have possibly made him react the way he did to seeing your body. It’s the scars and bite marks, isn’t it? You look like you’ve been through hell. When you get a chance you’ll have to get Reiji to teach you how to make some kind of scar treatment. Unsurprisingly, this isn’t the first time someone’s been repulsed by the state you’re in, but you’d rather not spare that experience anymore thought. What’s surprising is that it isn’t <em> more </em> effective at warding off attackers. Maybe it’s because at the Sakamaki’s mansion you wore clothes that covered the maximum amount of skin you could get away with, but the stuff Reiji packed for you to wear here is more like what you used to be more comfortable wearing. Not that you mind. Since Yui’s had similar experiences it’s not like anyone would be surprised by the state you’re in. </p><p>You’ll do something productive soon, just not now. For some reason, despite not actually doing anything, you feel like you need a break. You take out your phone and scroll through an endless wall of social media posts, none of which do a thing to make you feel better. </p><p> </p><p>“Why are you laying in that guy’s bed, did the two of you do something…?” </p><p>You almost fall off the bed when you hear Shuu’s voice. You look over to where it came from, and you see him reclining on the sofa, eyes closed with headphones in his ears.</p><p>“Of course not!” Is your first reaction. “Wait, when did you get in here?” Is your second reaction, once you realize that you were naked just a few minutes ago.</p><p>“Really? That’s a shame, Yuma’s pretty impressive.  Have you gotten a look yet?” Shuu smirks. That expression makes you shudder in disgust.</p><p>“It’s impressive anyone can handle you, you’re kinda monstrous,” you hate that you’re not avoiding the topic, you hate that you’re being so mean, but the opportunity to insult him is too good to pass up.</p><p>“Is… that a compliment?” Shuu raises his eyebrows and opens one eye wide at you, looking surprised until he can’t maintain the act anymore and it falls back into smugness.</p><p>“Hell no!”</p><p>“Ah, well, it doesn’t matter since topping is a waste of energy to me.”</p><p>“I didn’t need to know that.”</p><p>“Yuma is bigger, by the way.”</p><p>“I really didn’t need to know that!”</p><p>You cover your ears and look away. You keep getting pulled into these weird, uncomfortable situations when you’re with him, but you’re at the Mukami’s house now. You can just <em> leave the room </em>when you’re uncomfortable. So you grab your phone and get up.</p><p>“You made Reiji apologize to me,” you hear his usually calm, confident voice say just a little too fast and you’re drawn back in, at the exact moment you touch the doorknob. You hesitate for just a moment too long and he speaks again, “Are you really okay about what happened back then?”</p><p>You turn to look at Shuu. He’s sitting, slouching forward with his elbows on his knees, looking down and wincing. For a moment you feel guilty.</p><p>“It has no lasting impression on me,” you lie, falling into the appearance of formality, “And others have done worse without any regrets, it was unfair for Reiji to punish you the way he did.”</p><p>You just want this put behind you.</p><p>What happened probably made you feel worse because he wasn’t physically violent, you were desperate for information on Reiji, anything you could get to understand him and your situation better, you were scared and exhausted and wanted to move ahead somehow after losing two weeks of your life, to get things to return to normal so you wouldn’t have to spend another day hiding and in fear, and he took advantage of you in that state. You thought you were able to distance yourself from it more, that you could just get over it, but you aren’t nearly strong enough to. If it was just a physical incident, if it was just violence, you could probably get over it. Forgiving Subaru for violence is easy enough. But no, you can’t separate yourself from this sense of fear and violation that comes over you when you’re around Shuu. It’s disgusting. The only way to get rid of it is to never see him again, or to have it stop being brought up, stop remembering it, erase it from your mind, but he keeps checking in if you’re <em> okay </em> after what he did. Of course you’re not. Why does he even make so much of an effort to apologize to you? It’s not like you were ever close before that, does he really have enough of a conscience to know that what he did was wrong, or to care about making amends or about facing the consequences of his actions?</p><p>No, you don’t want to think about this, you’ll convince him you’re fine and never have to deal with this again. Someone stronger than you wouldn’t even entertain the thought of letting him believe he’s been forgiven, but you just want this over with.</p><p>“Are you... sure?” He looks at you with a solemn, compassionate expression and tone that seem disturbingly out of place and oddly sincere on the normally aloof and perverted man. </p><p>“Yeah, please never make that face again.” You turn to leave again.</p><p>“Good, then put this on.”</p><p>You freeze for a moment, wondering if you’d actually be okay spending even <em> more </em> time around him, but when you turn to him with a grimace frozen on your face and see him holding out an earbud your curiosity gets the best of you. He’s so protective over his Mp3 player, you’ve always faintly wondered what he plays on it. So you join him on the couch and put it in your ear.</p><p>It’s the same song you heard in the car with Reiji, on the way to the botanical garden. The same poor recording quality, too. It’s a beautiful piece, but the quality makes it hard to find it calming enough to sleep to. </p><p>Shuu leans back and softly hums along, closing his eyes. You realize that you’re shaking. You’re too terrified to even directly look at him for more than a few seconds at a time. You focus on the table in front of you. It has that jar of sugar cubes Yuma keeps snacking on resting in the middle, next to a vase with a flower arrangement too delicate and girly to go with the rest of his decor. Yui probably did that. She really has a talent for it. You consider taking a sugar cube, concentrating on the sweet flavor melting on your tongue and it’s gritty texture dissolving into smoothness instead of sitting next to someone you’re so afraid of, but Yuma would probably be upset if you took one without his permission. </p><p>You turn your attention back to the flowers. Orange tiger lilies, lots of some coniferous looking dark green plant as filler, and baby blue forget-me-nots filling out some of the lower portion closer to the mouth of the vase. It definitely looks like Yui’s work, but it’s clear that Yuma was who she had in mind.</p><p>The music comes to a stop, but Shuu doesn’t move. Then it starts over from the beginning again.</p><p>“You and Reiji have similar taste,” you say, not wanting to get stuck next to Shuu in silence while the music loops until Yuma comes back from his seemingly endless bath. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought up Reiji though, their relationship is so bad it would be comical if it weren’t for how much damage they could do to each other, or anyone surrounding them.</p><p>“I know,” Shuu sighs, wrinkling his brow for a second before returning to his peaceful expression. You don’t know why you need to be around for this, wouldn’t it be more enjoyable for him if he had both earbuds in?</p><p>Then it’s silent between you again.</p><p>“I honestly have no idea what’s going on with that guy, you made him strange.” Shuu says several moments past when the silence became awkward.</p><p>“In… a good way or a bad way?” You know he’s probably saying this because he knows it’ll keep you intrigued. What does he want from you? Worst case scenario, you can yell and trust someone to save you. Not Ruki or Kou, but Yui, Yuma, and Azusa are on your side. You don’t want Adam getting mixed up in this sort of thing. Maybe Shuu will behave himself knowing that there’s a kid in the house.</p><p>“We’ll see…” Shuu sighs, leaning back and folding his arms behind his head. He turns to you, opens one eye, and says in a bored sounding voice, “Do you hate me because he does?” </p><p>Why would he even ask something like that? And why do you want to answer?</p><p>“I… don’t hate you at all. I just don’t know how to act around you.” You say, facing forward and avoiding his gaze.</p><p>Shuu nods and closes his eye.</p><p>“I actually find you easy to relate to… Used to, at least. And I used to think we could’ve been friends... That probably couldn’t happen now, though.” You ramble on more than you should’ve. Now you’ve exposed yourself, will he hold this over your head in the future? Will he use it to torment you or Reiji? You should’ve kept silent. The performance he’s putting on makes you want to treat him compassionately, you actually believe he feels remorse and believe he should be comforted and forgiven, until you remember what he actually did. </p><p>Shuu’s eyes widen, fixed on you until you meet them and he shuts them tight, facing forward again with more speed than you expected from him. </p><p>“Yeah, that’s pretty dumb.” Shuu replies to your heartfelt disappointment in him. You think you may have bothered him a bit, and feel conflicted over whether or not you should find that satisfying. “Well, you can hate me, or not hate me, or whatever you want… Just be careful around that guy, you don’t know what he’s capable of,” Shuu sighs.</p><p>That’s rich coming from him. </p><p>You look back at the floral arrangement. Those are tsuga branches, right? They’re often called hemlock trees but they look nothing like the poisonous hemlock plant, they’re similarities only go as far as their scent, which you think is a strange reason to make a nominal association. </p><p>“What do you mean?” You ask despite yourself. Whatever trap he’s set for you, you just fell in.</p><p> </p><p>“Oi Shuu, why are you hangin out in my room with a girl? Trying to make me jealous?”</p><p>Yuma walks in wearing nothing but a towel and a grin. You’re relieved to see him because it means you aren’t going to be alone with Shuu anymore, but you can’t handle actually looking at him and cover your eyes, looking away. For the split second you saw his bare skin you could have sworn you saw some kind of scarring, creeping up over his shoulder from his back. </p><p>“You ruined the mood,” Shuu sighs, taking out his earbud and placing it on your lap for some reason. “Put some goddamn clothes on.”</p><p>You feel the couch shift. Shuu’s leaning forward now.</p><p>“And give you a free show? No way!” Yuma laughs. You hear drawers opening and closing. Thank god he’s putting on clothes.</p><p>Shuu flops backward against the couch again.</p><p>“You’re not looking? I thought it would be more tempting for you, considering you’re dating a scrawny guy like Reiji…” Shuu murmurs. You can hear the smirk in his voice.</p><p>“I don’t mind if you take a peek, since I saw you in the bath.” You can hear the teasing smirk in Yuma’s voice too. You don’t think you’ve heard him sound like that before. Is he making fun of you for how you looked?</p><p>“Just tell me when you’re done.” You keep your eyes covered and shut tight. “And Reiji’s actually pretty muscular, even I was surprised.”</p><p>Yuma scoffs.</p><p>“More muscular than Shuu, at least.”</p><p>“Like that’s tough!” Yuma laughs. “Kay, clothes are on. What were you guys talking about anyway?” </p><p>You uncover your eyes right when Shuu yanks the earbud from your ear, getting the cord out of the way before Yuma plops down on the couch between you, then reaches for the jar of sugar cubes and tosses two in his mouth. He offers some to the both of you. Shuu refuses but you take one.</p><p>“Oh yeah,” you say, watching the sugar crystals glisten as you hold it up to the ceiling light, “Shuu said something like ‘you don’t know what Reiji’s capable of’, or something like that. I dunno, he put me through some really shitty stuff, you sure about that?” You give a half-hearted laugh and toss the sugar cube into your mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Then the mood changes.</p><p> </p><p>Shuu and Yuma exchange a look. With such a solemn expression, Yuma looks terrifying. You did something wrong. You feel guilty for accepting the sugar cube. You’re greedy, overindulgent, why do you feel entitled to such nice things when you only ever ruin them?</p><p>You’re surprised by your thoughts, even if it’s normal for you to feel that way, it’s clearly an overreaction here. But then again, you <em> are </em> a guest… and upsetting your host and taking advantage of their hospitality and generosity is not <em> just </em> in poor taste but also incredibly rude... </p><p>Whatever punishment you just earned for yourself, you believe you deserve it.</p><p>Yuma casually leans back, tossing an arm around Shuu’s shoulders and another around the back of the couch behind you. </p><p>Shuu shoves him off.</p><p>Yuma ruffles Shuu’s hair, then does the same to yours. </p><p>The strangely heavy mood is gone.</p><p>“He burned down my village one time, just to be an ass.” Yuma shrugs.</p><p>… What?</p><p>“Burned down… your village?” You ask, trying to make sense of it.</p><p>“Before I was a vampire. My family and all the villagers were killed. I came out of it alive, but my memory got burnt out or something. All cuz he was pissed at Shuu, I dunno the details but it’s some aristocrat-vampire bullshit.” Yuma shrugs and reaches for the jar of sugar cubes again, popping a few in his mouth and munching away.</p><p>“Don’t say it so casually…” Shuu sighs.</p><p>“... Really?” You ask.</p><p>“It’s in the past, he’s… different now. Probably.” Shuu says unconvincingly. “Look, even though he’s a <em> huge jerk </em>, don’t go breaking his heart. He’s been letting me sleep in these days.”</p><p>“I don’t care if he’s changed, I still don’t forgive him.” Yuma loudly cracks a sugar cube with his teeth. “But at least me and Shuu can actually hang out now, without any of that human-vampire or commoner-aristocrat crap getting in the way.” Yuma roughly swings an arm around Shuu’s shoulders.</p><p>“Cut that out, it’s annoying,” Shuu murmurs but doesn’t push him away. Yuma pulls him closer.</p><p>“Anyway, someone like you is wasted on that bastard!” Yuma laughs, swinging his other arm around you, but you ignore him.</p><p>Every. Single. Time. Every single time things seem to be looking up for you and Reiji you get some big reveal that he’s done something horrible. At least it seems like Shuu and Yuma are putting some effort into making it seem like they don’t hold too much of a grudge against him. It’s clear that they do, but it’s not like they’re swearing bloody revenge. You’ll have to hear his side of it first, from what you understand of the timeline this was likely significantly over 50 years ago, so there’s a good chance he’s grown and changed since then. If he deeply regrets it then… it’s not <em> good </em> , but it’s <em> better </em>. You wish that he never told you that the stories humans tell about vampires were all fabricated, because if it was normal for them to be bloodthirsty warlords that put their victims heads on stakes, then him being a tea drinking nerd that burned down one village would actually make him seem like quite the catch. </p><p>“Hey, Mesubuta.” Yuma breaks you out of your haze by squeezing your shoulder with a bruising strength. </p><p>“Sorry, what?” </p><p>“Unless you wanna join in, scram.”</p><p>“Join in on wha-” you then realize that he and Shuu are a couple and that Yuma wanted you out of the way earlier so they could be alone together. “Yep, I’m leaving!” You gather your phone and book and scramble out the door.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You try to read more of the book Reiji gave you. The current story you’re on is about an intelligent and misunderstood watchmaker who the narrator clearly thinks is a genius when compared to a strong and brutish blacksmith. And there’s a woman in the story. Knowing this fucking author, she’s going to end up with the blacksmith and be punished for it in some way. You understand that the author is trying to explore themes of practicality versus artistry, and how the value in practicality feeds the body and physical experiences while artistry feeds the soul and mind yet goes underappreciated, but you can’t get over how he treats the women in these pieces. Why did Reiji give you this damn book?</p><p>Over the top of the book you see something poking out; strawberry blonde hair that was once neatly combed but is now ruffled and sticking out in places, and a pair of round, golden eyes.</p><p>“Hi Adam, how’s it going?” You can’t help but smile and ruffle the kids hair even more. </p><p>He grins from ear to ear, bright like the sun. Being around him is just as healing as being with Yui, they really have a lot in common.</p><p>“I’m doing well, Miss! Might you join Uncle Azusa and me- I mean Uncle Azusa and <em> I </em>, in a game?” Adam is vibrating in excitement, bouncing from one foot to the other as he makes way more eye contact than you’re comfortable with. </p><p>“Sure! What are we playing?” You close your book and put it aside as Azusa slowly enters the room, presumably following behind Adam.</p><p>“We’re playing ‘Save the City’!” Adam says with stars in his eyes. “Uncle Azusa will be the giant monster terrorizing the town, and I’m the hero!” He poses with his tiny hands balled up into fists and resting on his hips, his feet shoulder width apart, and his chest puffed out. </p><p>“Cool, I’ll cheer you on!”</p><p>“No, you’re my sidekick! It’s your job to hold him back while I attack!”</p><p>“Got it!” You pump a fist in the air with a smile. You haven’t played like this in ages, you’re kind of excited. </p><p>“Yeah…” Azusa says with a smile, mimicking your gesture.</p><p>Adam leads you outside, making you and Azusa sit down on the grass while he stands and lectures you on the background of the game, how the monster came to be, what his mission is, and why the fight isn’t actually taking place in the city but in a field instead. He goes into excruciating detail about the logistics of the city’ defenses, how resources are procured during this disaster, and how the citizen’s are dealing with the scarcity. You’re so entranced by this that you forget that you’re supposed to be playing a game. How does a kid even know this kind of stuff, anyway? You stand up and clap once he’s done.</p><p>“Gloom Girl! That’s no way to be acting in these dire times! The citizens need us!” Adam scolds you in his best superhero voice. </p><p>Your hero name is Gloom Girl? Is that how he sees you?</p><p>“Apologies boss, I’m just excited to take this bad guy down!” You grin as confidently as you can and punch your hand. </p><p>“Now, once our <em> punch gloves </em> are calibrated, we’ll chase after him! They’ll be done once you count to 10! Oh no, he’s already on the run!” </p><p>Azusa tilts his head at the two of you. How does Adam know such big words?</p><p>“He’s on the run!”</p><p>Azusa looks around. </p><p>“<em> He’s giving you a head start, </em> ” you whisper to Azusa, walking up to him. “Once I count to ten, you’re <em> done! </em>” you announce in your best impression of Adam’s hero-voice, but end up sounding more like you’re making fun of Subaru. He’d probably be good with kids, whether he likes it or not.</p><p>Azusa starts running away surprisingly quickly, looking back over his shoulder every few seconds. You worry that he’ll run out of energy before long. You start your countdown.</p><p>“After him!” Adam yells when you finish. You chase after Azusa, but he hasn’t slowed down in the slightest. He’s way too fast for you to keep up with. Adam zooms by you.</p><p>“Hurry up, Gloom Girl!” He yells after you.</p><p>Vampires have superior strength, of course they’d be faster than you, too. Before long Adam catches up with Azusa and jumps on his back. You realize that by vampire standards, Azusa probably wouldn’t be considered a very good runner, but as an out of shape human, he’s impossible for you to keep up with. Once the monster has been ‘defeated’, Adam takes you aside to discuss your plan for the next round.</p><p>“Why are you so slow?” Adam asks without any sense of judgement. You giggle at how straightforward he is.</p><p>“I’m a human, we’re weaker and slower than vampires,” you explain. There’s a lot to unpack here and you’re not the one who should be explaining this in detail.</p><p>“I get it, that’s why you smell weird!” He smiles at you.</p><p>“Yep!” You give him a thumbs up, now self conscious about how you smell.</p><p>“Okay, since you don’t have speed or power…” ouch, “We can use you to give us a <em> tactical </em> advantage. If you run to <em> this </em> spot while I’m chasing him, you can tackle him and I’ll take him out!” Adam says while drawing a map in the dirt. It’s a pretty impressive plan coming from someone that young. You’re not actually sure how old he is, but he doesn’t look like he could be older than six. But he <em> is </em>a vampire, so you aren’t sure about what the developmental landmarks are supposed to be in his case. Still, you’re impressed.</p><p>“You’re a genius, boss!” You compliment him and pat his head.</p><p>“My name is Soldier Man!” He says, putting his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest with a confident smile. </p><p>“Your plan is perfect, Soldier Man!” You cheer him on again. </p><p> </p><p>When the next round starts you run to your place as fast as you can, but it still seems like you were a little slow and Adam had to chase Azusa in circles for a while before leading him your way. </p><p>With Azusa running towards you, you realize how <em> awkward </em> it is for adults to tackle each other like this. So that’s why you stop playing these kinds of games when you grow up. You run up to Azusa and grab his arm, deciding that since you don’t have the strength to actually subdue him, that’ll probably be enough to keep him in place.</p><p>“Do you… need something?” Azusa asks, tilting his head.</p><p>“Um…” Did you make things weird? “I’m here to take you on!” You say in your hero-voice.</p><p>“To… take me… oh, I get it… Oh no… I’m being… defeated…” Azusa limply flails his arm in your hands. </p><p>“You’re supposed to fight!” Adam scolds you, standing behind Azusa.</p><p>You really don’t want to fight Azusa.</p><p>“Umm… Gloom-punch!” You offer, weakly punching Azusa in the shoulder.</p><p>His reaction time is several moments off, but he cries out and collapses to the ground.</p><p>“Now hold him down!” Adam demands.</p><p>“Umm… You’ve been subdued?” You place a hand on the center of Azusa’s chest, pretending that that means he’s been pinned down.</p><p>“Oh no… I… can’t move…” Azusa says, then makes a choking sound before closing his eyes. </p><p>That… didn’t really match up, did it?</p><p>Adam jumps on Azusa and starts hitting him with his tiny little fists. Azusa doesn’t have much of a reaction to it, but isn’t this a little violent for a kids game? Maybe you’re a little sensitive about these things. You lift your hand off Azusa’s chest slightly.</p><p>After a while Azusa cries out, “It’s… too much… I’ve been… defeated…” and closes his eyes, letting his head limply fall to the side.</p><p>“We won, Gloom Girl!” Adam cheers, pumping both fists into the air. </p><p>“Great job, Soldier Man!”</p><p>“Now we must race to the garden before the monster so he doesn’t destroy the city!”</p><p>“You’ll never… beat… me…” Azusa growls, slowly lifting himself to his feet while Adam takes off. Azusa pauses to shake his fist at you and you realize he’s trying to give you an advantage, so you follow after Adam with a smile.</p><p>Unfortunately that head start wasn’t enough, because once Azusa starts chasing you he has to fall back every now and then to make sure you and Adam can beat him. </p><p>“Faster Gloom Girl! He almost has you!” Adam shouts, turning to look back at you from leagues away. There’s a chance that he might be a particularly fast runner for a kid, but you can’t tell because of how much the vampire strength puts him on a different level than you. Still, you put everything you have into sprinting at top speed and maybe closing the distance, or at least stopping it from increasing even more.</p><p>It feels great at first, running freely and unhinged through a field just like a child, covering so much ground in such a short time, for a second the distance between you and Adam began to close, but then your lack of exercise and physical upkeep starts to catch up with you. Your lungs feel like they’re on fire and the tendons in your calves feel stiff, but you push through it. You can do this.</p><p>But your lungs can’t get enough air, and your legs feel so stiff that they beg you to just lay down on the ground. You ignore it and keep going. You pay attention to your breathing, keeping it regular instead of gasping for breath will probably keep you from wasting anymore of your depleted energy, you doubt you’ll get as much air as you want anyway. The back of your throat is already starting to feel dry and raw, breathing erratically won’t make that any better. There’s nothing you can do about how your legs are starting to feel, though. It starts to take more effort than it did for you to move them initially, yet they aren’t moving nearly as fast. It feels like you’re running through water, maybe wet cement. At the pace you’re going now, it would probably be faster if you just walked. It would take less energy, too. No, it doesn’t matter, as long as you don’t stop moving you’ll be fine.</p><p>Then, mid step, your legs give out from underneath you and you skid against the ground. Your knee drags on the hard, rocky soil, and your other leg is extended in front of you at an uncomfortable and painful angle. You take a moment just to breathe fast and shallow breaths, staring at the dirt through blurry eyes as you try to collect yourself. Strangely enough, despite the stinging feeling, this comes as a relief.</p><p> </p><p>You can still move your leg and you don’t think anything’s wrong with it, but it still hurts. Your knee, on the other hand, is bleeding furiously. Your head is dizzy, but you wipe the blood away and stand up so you can start running again.</p><p>Then your legs give out again.</p><p>Looking up, you aren’t too far from Adam at all anymore. He’s standing maybe 20 feet away, in front of the garden, with a confused look, as Azusa runs up beside him. You try to stand up again.</p><p>And instantly fall down.</p><p>Azusa runs to your side so fast his image is a blur, or maybe that’s just your lack of oxygen. You don’t want to worry him, so you try to stand up again.</p><p>And you fall down.</p><p>Why did you expect anything different? It must be your balance, you tuck your legs under you, then try to get up on your knees. If you’re careful, you’ll be able to stand up.</p><p>But you forgot about the bloody, open wound on your knee and cry out as it comes in contact with the dirt and grass.</p><p>“Stop… that…” Azusa softly demands, gently pressing against your shoulders and making you sit down.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Adam asks, big golden eyes wide in fear. Like this, they look like perfect circles. You hope he doesn’t blame himself for this, it should be obvious that you’re just overreacting and weak, but he’s a kid and he’s likely to blame himself. Especially a kid as sweet as him. </p><p>“She over… exerted… herself…” Azusa pants. So he’s out of breath too, at least.</p><p>You realize how heavy your breathing is and try to control it, deep breaths in and out through your nose so you don’t pant and look like you’re in worse shape than you are.</p><p>“I’m… fine… sorry about this,” you say, gasping for breath. You try to stand up again, halfheartedly, and Azusa pushes you back down.</p><p>Adam looks down at you confused.</p><p>“Let me help!” He says with a smile. You’re glad you didn’t ruin this kid’s day.</p><p>“This is kinda gross, but I promise it’ll help! Mama told me vampires have healing saliva!” Adam takes a handkerchief out of his pocket, spits on it, and rubs it against your knee. You watch a thin sheet of pulverized dead flesh get pushed back and forth and have to look away. </p><p>“Thank you… but you don’t... have to…” you gasp, not wanting him to have to look at the wound.</p><p>“What do you mean? It’s working!” Adam smiles and rubs harder. The sheet of skin from your knee falls to the grass. You feel incredibly self conscious of how gross the injuries, new and old, covering your skin are. “Hmm… But why does it smell so weird?” Adam asks, voice filled with pure childish curiosity, yet filling you with dread nonetheless.</p><p>He pokes at your wound with his finger, putting the handkerchief to the side, then collects some of the blood on his fingertip before bringing it to his nose and sniffing it. You want to scold him and tell him that’s gross, but before you can he licks his finger.</p><p>“Wow!” His golden eyes light up, “I’ve never tasted anything like it before! Uncle Azusa, will you try some?” Adam turns to Azusa, who conflictedly looks between the two of you, before taking some of your blood onto his finger and giving it a taste. From what you’ve heard before, your blood isn’t anything special. What’s going on?</p><p>“It’s… good…” Azusa smiles half-heartedly. “Why don’t you… get your mother… to help her?”</p><p>“But I stopped the bleeding!” Adam proudly declares.</p><p>“You should… get her…” Azusa says softly, in what may have been the most commanding voice you’ve ever heard come from him, though that isn’t saying much.</p><p>Adam nods and runs into the house.</p><p>“Sorry about… this…” Azusa turns back to you.</p><p>“This is… so embarrassing…” you pant, trying to laugh but you don’t have enough air to make the right sound. </p><p>“It must… feel nice…” he smiles at you.</p><p>“It really… doesn’t,” you attempt to smile back. Your throat is dry and chapped, your legs are too sore to stand, and your lungs are overworking themselves. Your head is spinning, not getting enough oxygen, and… you forgot what you were thinking. It probably doesn’t matter.</p><p>“I should… go inside…” You try to stand up, managing a few seconds on wobbly legs before they collapse beneath you. </p><p>“You don’t… have to… make excuses…” Azusa gives you a kind and accepting smile. You don’t think he realizes that this is more of an issue of preserving your remaining ounce of pride, and not at all an act of masochistic indulgence.</p><p>“Can you… help me stand?” you croak. You’re still breathing heavily, but it isn’t getting in the way of speaking as much as your dry throat. You need a drink. Your entire mouth is dry. Maybe you were so overwhelmed you didn’t realize it before.</p><p>Azusa lets you put an arm around his shoulder and helps you stand, leaning down to your level to help support your weight. Your legs immediately give out. He scoops you up and carries you instead. You’d have felt pathetic if you weren’t so relieved you didn’t have to struggle anymore. </p><p>Once you’re inside he places you on the couch and you black out for a second. </p><p>“Thanks…” you say, standing up to get yourself a drink, but then falling back down on the soft couch. Luckily he probably didn’t notice. Azusa nods and wanders off somewhere. Where did Adam go? You try to stand up to look for him, but get dizzy and fall back down. You concentrate on your breathing instead, get this under control and you’ll be able to walk, right? One thing at a time.</p><p>As you stare blankly ahead, trying to recover, a worried yellow and pink person walks into your field of vision. They probably aren’t after you, so you ignore it.</p><p>They say something to you, you don’t understand it at first, but then make out “Are you okay?” Something about the voice, the way it’s said, is off-putting. You nod.</p><p>“I’m glad,” the person smiles, bright like the sun. It’s Yui, how did you not recognize Yui? Your head is throbbing and everything’s out of focus, maybe you’re being affected more than you realize. It’ll probably help if you hydrate. You try to stand up to go to the kitchen, but fall back down on the couch. She probably didn’t notice. Where did Azusa and Adam go?</p><p>“About before, with Adam,” she says. She knows you ruined her son's game. She hates you now. You fall forward and rest your head on your knees. This actually feels better, you start to breathe more easily, your muscles feel less tense, and your heart beat stops scaring you. When did Yui sit down next to you? </p><p>“Until now, he’s only been drinking a blood substitute, this was his first time drinking human blood. I’m… I’m afraid he’ll acquire a taste for it now… You see, he’s not a vampire, he’s something called a First Blood, and to them vampire blood is disgusting. Since he’s only been around us until now, he thought all blood was disgusting, but now that he’s had human blood…”</p><p>You don’t fully understand what Yui’s saying, but you get that letting him taste your blood was bad and also that he’s not a vampire. Once your head stops spinning you’ll try to wrap your head around any salvageable scraps you remember. You try to get up to get a drink but fall down again.</p><p>“Human, what you did was irresponsible.” A voice scolds you. Your head is down and you don’t see the speaker. You deserve this. It says more to you, but you don’t understand what it’s saying so you fill in the blanks. You’re worthless and weak and slow and stupid and cowardly and unlovable and ugly and you have no redeeming qualities other than being a slightly below average quality blood supply. It doesn’t affect you much, hearing this. You’ve heard it before. You want to fall asleep and stay that way forever. There’s a coppery taste in the back of your throat. You feel your head pulse.</p><p>“That’s enough! She didn’t know!” Yui’s voice cuts through your thoughts.</p><p>“Of course she didn’t, all humans are ignorant.” Someone bends down close to you for a second, or maybe they didn’t. “Even after she turns she’ll be ignorant.”</p><p>“Will you stop with that? You fell for me while I was a human…” Yui says. She’s speaking to her husband. You forget his name… old man hair, only Yui can call him Sir, hates you, a good cook…</p><p>“You were a special case.” Ricky says.</p><p>“I wasn’t, you need to accept that.”</p><p>There’s an uncomfortable pause. Was this your fault, too?</p><p>“... I’m sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t blame them all for what was done by a few. But you <em> are </em> special, to me at least.”</p><p>You must be hallucinating if you heard him say such a sappy line.</p><p>Yui gets up from the couch. Your head is still pulsing. You feel like you shouldn’t be listening to this conversation so you try to get up and leave, but you fall back down on the couch. You hope no one noticed. You need a drink.</p><p>You sit up as the two separate. You feel like you missed something, but not something you wanted to see. </p><p>“I’m going back to work, I’ll see you when I get home.” Rucksack says.</p><p>Yui goes to the door to see him off.</p><p>You’re not sure how much time passes, but you have a moment of clarity and realize that you should probably ask Yui to get you a drink. You’re still not sure where Adam and Azusa went.</p><p> </p><p>After long enough passes where she doesn’t return, you try to stand again. It’s possible. It feels unnatural and painful and you’re off balance and wobbly and have to lean on things for support, but it’s possible. You hobble to the kitchen.</p><p>You look around, the kettle is already on the stove. You check to see if there’s water in it, and though it’s heavy enough that you would assume it’s full, it’s empty. You fill it at the sink and have to use two hands to support it’s weight. The water looks so cool and crisp and refreshing, but you’ll have to wait for it to be boiled and brewed before you can actually drink it. Looking at it just makes you thirstier.</p><p>You turn on the stove, then collapse on a chair by the table as you wait for the water to boil. You close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing.</p><p>“Hey…” Azusa’s soft voice says.</p><p>“Hey…” you say back, straining your dry throat.</p><p>Azusa places a hand against your forehead.</p><p>“You feel… hot… why are you… making tea…?”</p><p>“I’m thirsty.”</p><p>“Then why don’t… you drink… water…?”</p><p>Why didn’t that occur to you? That you can drink water? Isn’t that the most basic drink? Why did you think of tea before water? What’s wrong with you?</p><p>“Azusa, you’re a genius!” You croak. Maybe that was too many words, it’s starting to sting when you speak. </p><p>You stand up again, swaying, as you slowly go to the cabinet for a cup. Azusa beats you there somehow, and fills the glass before handing it to you. He guides you back to the chair and makes you sit down.</p><p>“You should… rest…” he says with an air of discomfort. You wonder how bad you look. You realize you didn’t have breakfast or drink anything this morning, and going by the kitchen clock it’s already past noon. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal, but you <em> did </em> spend all morning playing with a very active kid. And you’re also <em> very </em> out of shape. </p><p>The second the water hits your tongue you can’t stop yourself from downing the entire glass. You get up on wobbly feet and refill it at the sink, and drink again. That’s probably enough for now, you’ll get sick if you drink too much. You sit back down and start to feel the dizziness fade as your body rehydrates.</p><p>“Are you… feeling better…?” Azusa asks, hesitantly placing a hand on you back.</p><p>“Yep,” you answer, your throat still hurts but at least it doesn’t sting anymore.</p><p>“Are you making tea? I’m parched!” Adam walks in from the dining room. On the table there’s a chess set. He and Azusa must have been playing earlier. One of the sides is winning by a large number of pieces, and by the tiny coat draped over the chair closest to it, you don’t think it was Azusa. You’re not sure if Azusa’s sweet for letting Adam win, or if Adam is just good enough to beat him. That kid is insanely smart.</p><p>“Papa made scones the other day, would you like some?” He asks with that sunny smile, completely ignoring what happened to you earlier to your delight.</p><p>“That would be great!” You smile back. Then what Yui said before hits you. You don’t know what a First Blood is, but they must be similar enough to vampires, right? And you may have given this kid a taste for human blood. What if he grows up to be like the triplets? No, there’s no way this kid is capable of that, and he’s being raised by Yui, too. He’s a good kid.</p><p>The kettle hisses and you go to prepare the tea. ‘Better than blood’ passes through your head, but you kick it out. It doesn’t have to compete with blood. You find some black tea in the pantry, measure it out, and let it brew. Adam whispers something to Azusa and they go off somewhere. You hope they’ll be back in time for tea. You let your hands hover over the heated ceramic, avoiding touching it by a hair, and let it warm you. You embarrassed yourself enough today. If Yuma and Shuu are done hanging out, you’re going to lock yourself in Yuma’s room for the rest of the day to stop yourself from making an even worse impression on these good people. And you’re going to take a nap, too.</p><p>The tea finishes brewing and you pour three mugs of it, bringing it to the dining room table where Adam and Azusa were playing. You take a seat and wait for them, trying to figure out what’s going on with the chess board. You know nothing about the game, so you try to make up stories for the characters. The queen and bishop next to each other have a forbidden love, one married to the king in a loveless political marriage, one pledging his life to his faith and unable to be with his beloved, yet on the battlefield their paths cross one more. The knight is a mischievous horse that just goes around neighing loudly and getting into places he shouldn’t. The pawns are starting a union, and next game they’ll all be promoted and the players won’t be able to use them as a defensive line/cannon fodder anymore. </p><p>“Miss!” Adam calls out, breaking you out of your fantasies and running to you with something in hand. “We found this for you!” He pushes a first aid kit into your lap. He’s a good kid. Such a good kid you want to cry.</p><p>“Thanks! You’re the best!” You ruffle his hair, feeling re-energized. Why can’t vampires live off tea and scones? Why is blood so important to them? Maybe he’ll begrudgingly drink his blood substitute when needed, and be like his parents and uncles and love human food instead. Maybe he’ll be the type that has to mix blood with fruit juice to make it palatable. He’s a good kid. If you stay a human, you probably won’t live long enough to see him be anything else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It took me an unreasonably long time to come up with the reader's superhero name</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Too long laughs, Short bread</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kou eats some cookies.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Thanks for not telling Ruki I drank your blood!” Kou smiles, eyes closed and arms folded behind his back. He walked in while you were taking out a tray of shortbread cookies you decided to bake for Adam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem,” you mutter, avoiding eye contact and putting the next tray in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, it’s nothing compared to Yui’s blood, but I can’t drink that anymore cuz they’re together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You set the timer. Does he actually expect you to respond to this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You paying attention?” He waves his hand in front of your face and you jump back, hitting the small of your back against a kitchen chair. The pain echoes throughout the surrounding area. You prepare the next baking sheet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You roll out a sheet of parchment paper on the tray, then arrange the cookies as close together as you can without risking them melting together in the oven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Kou yanks on your arm, forcing you to turn towards him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He places both hands on your shoulders then clamps down, too hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” You ask, masking your pain with the most annoyed, unamused glare you can muster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since I can’t drink your blood, make me that tea again. It’s the next best thing.” He gives you that practiced and artificial idol smile, showing off his blindingly white teeth and sharp yet tiny fangs. Unfortunately he also gave something similar to a compliment to your tea brewing skills, and your pride prevents you from refusing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, but it’ll take a while.” You wriggle out of his hold and boil the water.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long did you say it would be again?” He asks, eating one of the cooled shortbread cookies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least half an hour if you want it to be optimal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s booooring,” he moans, “why don’t you do something to entertain me while we wait?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something about the way he says that makes your skin crawl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t eat all the cookies, they’re for Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, did you hear me? Do something entertaining.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, as you can tell I’m a horrendously boring person. Why are you wasting your time with me again?” You glare at him from the corner of your eyes, echoing what he said to you in his room as you set the dried chrysanthemums to simmer in the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, but I bet I can pry something good out of ya. What happened to your hand?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You put the lid on the pot you’re brewing the chrysanthemums in and look down at your hands. One’s covered in bandages, the other has a nasty scar just below where it meets your wrist. He probably means the bandaged one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone tried to eat it,” you shrug. He’s not the kind of person you’d want to vent about this to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh,” he leans forward, chin resting in his hand, elbow on the table. He takes another cookie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You put the next batch in the oven. You grab the spatula and start moving cookies to the cooling rack so you can start prepping the next trays.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about the other one?” He asks, grabbing you by the wrist and causing a shock of pain to shoot up and down your hand and forearm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You laugh loudly and unconvincingly to hide your gasps and shudders. The sound comes out stilted and harsh as you tense your body to still yourself under the lasting, lingering pain. You know you’re doing a poor job of of it. You don’t care. If he thinks he’s hurting you, if he thinks you’re fine, he’ll just try to hurt you more anyway. It’s not like he can kill you or do anything to cause lasting damage without serious repercussions from  his brothers and Yui. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha! That’s a funny story!” You grin too wide, filling your voice with needless cheer. “Reiji crushed it with his jaw!” You smile wide enough to show your teeth, cheeks pushed up till they force your eyes closed. He hasn’t let go of your wrist yet. Trying to shake him off would just worsen this feeling. “Then Kanato squeezed it till I couldn’t feel my hand for a good while! Aha, I think something popped in there, there’s definitely some nerve damage going on... What a zany, whacky little happenstance, dontcha think?” You laugh, then shrug your shoulders with one hand in the air, palm up,  shaking your head back and forth as if to ask </span>
  <em>
    <span>“what can you do about it?”.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Kou frowns and squints his eyes at you. The grasp on your wrist  tightens for a moment causing you to pathetically laugh again, then he releases you. You keep laughing, this time in relief, until your panic fades. You don’t know why you’re acting like this. A look of disgust comes over his face. Something about this fills you with satisfaction. Maybe he’ll realize that his run of the mill harassment is just an annoyance to you, and there’s no point continuing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t say stuff like that so easily, it’s disgusting.” He puts down the cookie he was eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, did you lose your appetite?” You try to ask mockingly, but it comes out way too natural and concerned sounding. You’re not used to this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you worried about that of all things?” Kou sneers at you and tosses the cookie in his mouth, loudly crunching. “Are you seriously going back to living with that guy? How stupid can you be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You want to punch him for saying that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s different now.” You’re not going to explain every single one of the ways Reiji’s changed to Kou of all people. You go to the stove and lift the lid on the chrysanthemum tea. The water’s started to take on a pale yellow color, darker and more concentrated around each individual flower. You stir the tea, letting it evenly disperse, and replace the lid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like it,” Kou leans back, folding his hands behind his head, “but Ruki kept Yui locked up in the dungeon for over a week and they’re fine now, so who am I to say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He says it smugly, the corners of his lips curling up into a smirk. Why is he talking about the horrible things Yui had to go through like it’s some kind of one-up to your own experiences?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha,” you chuckle, “Reiji had a thing for locking me up too, I think someone said it was like two weeks or something the first time, but I was so out of it I couldn’t keep track so I could be off,” you smile, taking a tray out of the oven, twirling around with a flourish, and replacing it with a new one. “I guess our situations really were similar!” You warm your hands over the heat of the fresh baked cookies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kou’s face wrinkles up in disgust. Good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seriously want to be with a guy like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” His judgemental, critical tone betrays an ounce of honest concern. His eyes are wide and the right one twitches. You keep forgetting he has heterochromia, maybe because one of his eyes is almost always covered by his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s nowhere near as bad as his brothers were,” you try to reassure him, suddenly feeling like you’ve gone too far. With what? Answering his questions? “And besides, he’s changed a lot from when I first met him, and he’s probably the only reason I can feel safe or worthy of being alive at this point. He’s a good guy!” You shoot Kou a toothy grin and offer a thumbs up. “Without him, I’d probably be even more pathetic and useless than I am right now, could you even imagine that?” You laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When did you start crying? You sniffle and wipe your tears away with the back of your hand, then start laughing again. “Man, these cookies are good, right? I’ve gotta see if Yui wants to trade them for her sourdough recipe!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kou’s face continues to contort, eyebrows tilting up in the middle, corners of his lips pressed tight, his red eye glows and changes to the same shade of sky blue as his other. That can’t be right, you must have made a mistake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s… kinda fucked up…” he mutters, tossing another cookie in his mouth and crunching slowly yet noisily, you’d almost call it thoughtfully, but he’s just eating a cookie, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, right?” You try to giggle, smiling so wide your eyes squeeze close and force out the tears that were welling up. You’re pretty sure that whatever face you’re making probably won’t register to anyone else as a smile. It’s fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You hope that the emotional vulnerability Kou wanted from you so badly will make him uncomfortable enough not to bother with you again. Maybe you aren’t weaponizing this as much as you hoped. Maybe you’re using it as an excuse to talk about some of the things that happened to you, which you haven’t had a chance to speak about with anyone else because as much as you love Reiji, he’s part of the reason you’re in distress, and as much as you wish you could open up to Yui, her own trauma has been left festering so long that it’s more important for her to air it than it is for you to deal with your decades fresher wounds. You wish you never said anything. You’ve probably made a fool of yourself at best, or you’ve given more ammo for Kou to harass you with at worst. You want to hide away in Yuma’s room and sleep until Reiji comes for you, if he ever does. If given the chance, would he really choose to keep a mess like you around?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kinda get it though,” Kou shrugs, taking another cookie, holding it up, and watching the light from the ceiling lamp peek out from it’s edges. “If it wasn’t for what we had to endure together and everything we went through… being the only people who showed each other any compassion… I wonder if the four of us would’ve still become brothers. If we’d even be friends.” He shrugs again, and bites the cookie in half. He lifts the remaining half up to the light and watches how the shadows gather in the crumbling edge where it broke off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You should’ve realized it earlier. Not one of the Mukami’s look alike. They probably adopted each other to become brothers, rather than having been born into it. Now’s not the time to ask for a clarification, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you went through and you don’t have to tell me, but I’m glad you found each other,” you say, the only response you can think of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we really </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> uninteresting to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not it. There are things I’d rather not speak about to anyone, ever, and I wouldn’t want someone to force it out of me… so I don’t want to make someone else talk about something so sensitive either. I don’t even want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>about some of these things,” you hug yourself, making a sound similar to a short giggle to hide a shiver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Weren’t you the one who said something super fucked up with a smile like, ten seconds ago?” Kou pops the remainder of the cookie in his mouth and narrows his eyes at you. They’re both blue now. Now’s not the time to ask about that, either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was a physical injury, they’re easier to talk about,” you shrug and pull up a chair across from him. You take a cookie from the veritable mountain on the cooling rack. You’re so used to baking for Kanato, who eats a diet almost entirely of sweets and blood, that you fell into the habit of making two or three batches at a time. Well, the Mukamis eat a lot, this should be fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” Kou hums, eyes unfocused as he stares ahead. “There are a lot of things I couldn’t tell my brothers, either. How would they look at me?” He offers a laugh just as forced as yours from earlier. You only realize now how unsettling it is. Aren’t idols supposed to be better actors? “I’d probably lose my job, too, if word got out.” He starts to make the gestures of a loud, boisterous laugh, but the sound gets stuck in his throat and he stops, solemnly staring ahead. He takes a cookie and holds it in his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of you sit in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wonder if you should tell him some of the things that are so hard to say. You wonder if he’s considering doing the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually you give up and let your eyes unfocus, you don’t want to think about these things anymore, you’ve done enough for today. Oddly enough, you feel like you’ve done something productive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The oven timer goes off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You get up to take out the last tray of cookies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The tea should be done now, too.” You say, despite the very real chance that Kou can’t hear you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” he murmurs, shaking his head and coming out of the fog he was under. “Hah, finally!” He says with the playful tone and smile you’re more used to seeing from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You ladle the tea into a teapot, then pour it into a cup for him. You could’ve ladled it directly into the mug, but the sensation of pouring tea smoothly from the spout, silently along the side of the cup until it’s ¾ full, is too enjoyable for you to pass up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This was a nice talk, but you’re seriously bumming me out so I’m gonna leave.” With a wink Kou shoots a finger gun at you and stands up with his cup in his hand. “Next time we have a chat like this I’ll give you some </span>
  <em>
    <span>juicy</span>
  </em>
  <span> details if you do too,” he teases.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe if we get to know each other better first,” you offer him a smile. Even if you feel closer to him after having this heart-to-heart, you still have scabs on your shoulder from when he clawed into you the other day. Someone who thinks it’s fine to mistreat someone else so long as that person hasn’t suffered some unspeakable horror in the past isn’t really the kind of person you want to spend time with. What if he changes his mind and decides that your suffering wasn’t enough, and starts harassing you again?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds fair,” he nods, flashing a peace sign before leaving you alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You start putting the cookies away into containers. You want to trust Kou. You hope he just made a bad impression on you that one time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah~” Yui sighs, collapsing into a chair with her eyes closed and her arms stretched towards the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You yelp, then upon realizing it’s her, offer her some tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You made all these…?” She asks, looking at the containers of cookies piled up on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Adam said he liked them. Wanna try one?” You try to contain your pride. The cookies not only taste great, but they look beautiful too. You don’t need to be told you did a good job, but you wouldn’t mind it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… yeah, sure!” She looks at you with a cheery mask that belies an urgent yet acceptant concern. You know you made a bad impression on her, but these are </span>
  <em>
    <span>cookies</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You find yourself doubting your abilities. They taste good to you, but she’s a vampire with much more refined taste, something outside your notice could easily ruin them. Still, she builds up the courage to hesitantly take a cookie still on the cooling rack, and bites into it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, these are good!” She cries out in relief with a genuine smile. You feel re-energized seeing her honest smile, but somehow it feels like you’ve been insulted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They taste good when you dunk them in tea, too,” you smile and pass her a freshly poured mug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, I spent all morning cleaning, so I think I deserve a break! Mind if I take another?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have as many as you like!” You smile. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> that compliment you were fishing for. “Yeah… even though invisible servants are a thing, Reiji and I prefer to do chores ourselves, too.” You nod as an afterthought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Invisible… servants?” Yui looks up from her tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, the ones that drive and do housework.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean… familiars?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought there was a difference, aren’t familiars the ones used more for surveillance or gathering information?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh… they can be used for that, but they do other things too. I think that since there’s the ones that look like bats and the other ones, there </span>
  <em>
    <span>might</span>
  </em>
  <span> be a difference… Maybe it’s a difference in terminology?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bats?” you ask. You’ve seen bats flying around before, but you never registered them as anything more than run of the mill spooky haunted house stuff. “Yeah, that makes sense… the ones I call invisible servants are definitely humanoid, though.” You nod, remembering the hands on you during your stay at Christa’s tower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yui cries out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You look her way. She’s clutching her mug between the heels of her palms at a weird angle. There’s hot tea dripping from her fingers. She awkwardly lowers it to the table before wiping off her hands on her skirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… think they’re… human?” She asks, more calmly but with a wince that can’t be attributed to her spilling hot tea on her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, or at least humanoid. I touched one of their hands once and it felt pretty human to me, but then it sorta dissolved into the air.” You shrug, maybe a little too casually once you notice how wide her blossom pink eyes have become. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… can’t see them, can you?” She continues staring ahead, in your direction but not quite at you. She reaches for her mug then retracts her arms, deciding against it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… why? What do they look like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yui shakes her head. “It’s hard to describe.” She reaches for her mug again, picking it up and taking a sip. “Umm… the Mukamis aren’t pureblood vampires, so they don’t have magic or familiars and such, so Karlheinz lent them some...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t answer your question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Papa Sakamaki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right… he adopted the Mukami brothers, but now their relationship is strange because I chose one of them instead of his sons… He lent us a familiar as a driver and a few bat ones, but even if we had more I’d still do the chores myself, it makes me feel normal!” Saying the last few words she smiles, shining brightly as if she were coming out of a fog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You understand. Despite how confusing your life is, the unbelievable and sometimes horrific things that happen, you waste time on the internet and try to fill your head with mindless things just for a fleeting glimpse at normalcy. You don’t say anything, though. You don’t want to compare something so unproductive to what she does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can help with the chores while I’m here, in fact I’d be glad to!” You offer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re a guest, I can’t have that,” she tries to reassure you with a nervous smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I’d like to repay you for your generosity,” you try to return her smile with a genuine one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it would be rude of me, besides, it would take forever to explain everything to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For some reason that stings. Maybe because Reiji already drilled into your head many months ago how to properly clean and maintain an antique mansion and all the furniture inside, and you know she’s aware that this is one of your areas of expertise. No, it’s fine, every house is different, it’s probably better this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” you smile and nod, taking a seat across from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sit in an awkward silence before she asks you about your day. You tell her about how you played with Adam in the morning, then made cookies for him after he left to spend time with Azusa. She tells you about being a parent and maintaining the household, making references here and there to the things she’s given up for this lifestyle, but ultimately she feels it’s worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You can’t help notice how </span>
  <em>
    <span>outdated</span>
  </em>
  <span> some of the things she says are, like referencing buildings in town that have been replaced with shops you know for a fact have been around for decades, or mentioning how confused she is by young people today using smartphones when back when she was your age it was trendy for girls and young women collected phone straps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Comparing your experiences is fun and you hope it brought you closer, but it also makes you realize that you’re from completely different generations despite looking the same age. Maybe that’s one of the reasons you have so much trouble understanding each other.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Last Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yuma is lowkey horny (highkey?), Kou hates Eurovision, Azusa turns himself into an ethical cockblock, Reiji and Ruki look evil for absolutely no reason, and you just want a hug from your boi</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No content warnings here, other than Adam and Kou almost committing war crimes in a children's game.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’re playing soldiers with Adam, Azusa, and Kou. Yuma sits on the couch behind you, sprawled out and watching you play, but not joining in.</p><p>Somehow, despite there being three grown ass adults in the room, Adam is the only one who knows anything about military strategy and often has to break the flow of the game to explain concepts to all of you, and show you how to fill in the sections on the sheets he’s made for you that detail important aspects such as supply routes, resources, available funds, and your relationships with the nearby towns and what they’re willing to trade with you. When you imagined playing soldiers with a young boy you were under the impression it would involve making more gun noises and waving around his tin soldier figures, and while this still involves a great deal of that, you find it surprisingly educational. </p><p>You get distracted when the door opens. You thought it would be Reiji coming for you, but it’s just Yui coming in with an armful of beautiful and fragrant cut flowers. It’s a sight for sore eyes, but you still find it disappointing.</p><p>When you return to the game, Kou is preparing his ‘ultimate move’, some kind of lazer blast that you think is a reference to an anime you’ve never watched, and Adam is preparing to bomb the origin of the supply route aiding Kou’s soldiers while sending spies to dismantle the lazer. This is turning a little too intense and morally grey for a kids game, in your opinion. Azusa places one of his tin soldiers in the crossfire.</p><p>“Don’t… fight…” Azusa says, moving the little soldier side to side like it’s speaking.</p><p>Adam has him roll a die to see if he survives being positioned in the crossfire. The soldier is shot by both sides, but not mortally wounded.</p><p>You move one of your soldiers to where Azusa’s is and have the soldier hold him in it’s arms.</p><p>“Can’t you see that no one wins in war?” You say melodramatically while making sobbing sounds and bobbing the soldier up and down next to Azusa’s.</p><p>Adam makes you and Azusa roll some dice to see if you survive. Both your soldiers die. </p><p>“Wow… that’s a bummer,” Kou says, then starts to make noises to show that his lazer beam is almost done charging.</p><p>Adam looks confused.</p><p>“Maybe in real life they should settle wars with chess matches, Papa has been teaching me to play.”</p><p>“Or it could be a singing and dancing competition, that’s more my style!” Kou grins his practiced smile.</p><p>“You mean like Eurovision?”</p><p>“Get out of my house.” Kou grabs a pillow from beneath Yuma and throws it at your face.</p><p>“You shouldn’t… fight…” Azusa says, sounding so genuinely worried for your sake that you actually feel the urge to apologize. </p><p>“Gimme my pillow back,” Yuma grumbles, getting up to snatch it from you before plopping back down on the couch.</p><p>The door opens and you perk up, straightening your back and craning your neck to see who’s there. It’s just Ruki, back from work.</p><p>“Papa, what do you think is the best way to settle a war?” Adam asks, golden eyes gleaming in anticipation.</p><p>“You’re too young to think about those things,” Ruki walks up to him to ruffle his hair, offering a sad smile. You feel like this conversation is going in a direction you aren’t comfortable being involved in.</p><p>“I think they should play games!” Adam beams.</p><p>“Yes, that would be a wonderful idea,” Ruki ruffles his son’s hair even more, then begins explaining that it would be best for the heads of state to be the players rather than a chosen representative because if anyone in the country could be chosen to play it would give an unfair advantage to countries where the game is more popular and widely played, and it wouldn’t be testing the mental abilities of the people in power who are making the decisions they’re fighting to defend, thus being an unfair judgement of their ideals and strength of their wills. </p><p>There are a lot more issues to this strategy and what he’s saying that aren’t being brought up, but Adam is so awestruck and Ruki is so intimidating when he isn’t doting on his family that you’re too afraid to bring it up.</p><p>Azusa seems to be trying to follow along but is completely lost, while Kou is scrolling on his phone and not paying attention at all. Yuma is leaning over his shoulder and making disapproving faces at whatever Kou’s looking at.</p><p>You join Yuma on the couch to see what Kou’s doing.</p><p>Apparently he’s flirting with another idol in his DM’s, communicating entirely through his idol persona and saying things that are so sweet and cheesy that you have trouble rationalizing in your mind that this is <em> Kou </em> who’s talking. You can’t help but make the same disapproving faces as Yuma.</p><p>Yuma nudges you. “Imagine her face when she sees what he’s <em> actually </em>like.”</p><p>“Hey! I’m a <em> delight </em> around people I wanna impress!” Kou shoves his elbow back at Yuma, who blocks it with a pillow.</p><p>“That poor girl…” you murmur, “Kou, you’re being so cruel!”</p><p>“<em> We are the masks we wear </em>, ever heard of that?!”</p><p>“So you’re an asshole who can sometimes be nice? Cool, doesn’t make you any less of an asshole.” You mess up Kou’s already artistically tousled hair.</p><p>“Hah!” Yuma snorts.</p><p>Kou swats your hand away. “Don’t make me come back there!” He gets another message. “Huh, so she wants pictures already? Later.” He gets up and leaves, pausing for a moment to ruffle your hair as revenge, not holding back from yanking at a few strands.</p><p> </p><p>“Oi, lemme see your hand, Mesubuta.” </p><p>“Sure?” </p><p>You reach out your hand to Yuma like you’re offering a hand shake. He takes it, then presses his palm against yours with his fingers extended. </p><p>“Hah! Why’s it so tiny?” he laughs. </p><p>“Ah… it really is…” Azusa joins the two of you on the couch. </p><p>“I think his hands are just huge.”</p><p>“I want to… see too…” </p><p>You let Azusa reach past you to compare his hand to Yuma’s. Yuma pouts for a second, then complies. Azusa’s hand doesn’t look as cartoonishly small compared to Yuma’s as yours did, but there’s still a huge size difference. What does this guy eat?</p><p>You’re not sure why Yuma was so interested in your hand, Adam or any other child is likely to have way smaller hands than yours. </p><p>“Wow… you really are… big…” </p><p>“Bro, couldn’t  you read the mood?”</p><p>“I know but… I just… wanted to see…”</p><p>“<em> Bro. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>The doorbell rings. </p><p>You jump to your feet. Everyone who lives here is accounted for and it can only be one person. </p><p>To your chagrin Yui opens the door first, but the moment she calls you’re already there.</p><p>You can’t help the smile on your face when you see Reiji at the door, standing tall and looking down at you through his glasses, a cold expression in his eyes that you can see he’s struggling to maintain when you approach him. You want to throw your arms around him and leap into his arms, but you know he won’t approve. Maybe he’d go along with it, calling you indecent, then “punish” you later in a way that really won’t deter you from doing the same in the future.</p><p>“Reiji, it’s good to see you again!” You step as close to him as you can without breaking social convention, which is barely any closer than the polite distance Yui is standing from either of you. </p><p>“I hope you’ve been well,” he nods, the ghost of a smile gracing his lips. It looks like he has something to say to you, but is holding back for now. </p><p>“Would you like to come inside?” Yui gestures invitingly. </p><p>“Thank you.” He steps in and removes his shoes, then turns to you. “Darling, preparations for our new living arrangement have been completed, will you need any assistance gathering your belongings before we depart?”</p><p>For some reason being called by that pet name in front of someone else makes your heart flutter. </p><p>“I can handle it, easily! Just give me a few minutes.” You give him a thumbs up and rush to Yuma’s room. Why did you give him a thumbs up? Why are you getting flustered around him <em> now? </em>After everything you’ve done together?</p><p> </p><p>You gather up your things. You don’t pack them neatly, but you <em> do </em> pack them quickly, and that’s all you need to do at the moment. You drag your suitcase to the living room and see Reiji sitting in a chair, speaking to Ruki. </p><p>“You’re back earlier than we thought,” Ruki murmurs in his smooth, silky voice, turning to you. </p><p>“Sorry about that,” you give a slight bow. When you look up Ruki is squinting at you quizzically. </p><p>“It seems that the child has grown fond of you, would you be comfortable returning here on occasion to entertain him?” Reiji asks, instantly dissolving the weird tension that was beginning to form. </p><p>“I am not a child!” Adam pouts, balling his tiny hands up into fists and placing them on his hips. </p><p>You tousle the kid’s hair. </p><p>“I’d be glad to come back and play!”</p><p>Adam beams up at you, golden eyes practically glowing. </p><p>“Will you play chess with me next time? I can never win against Papa, and I’ve learnt everything I can from Uncle Azusa.”</p><p>You look towards Azusa, who doesn’t seem bothered at all, still holding his hand against Yuma’s while the larger of the two rolls his eyes. </p><p>“I’ll give it a try, but I don’t think I’d be very good…”</p><p>“I can teach you if you are interested, and there are various books on the subject I can direct you towards if you’d rather learn on your own. I’ve been meaning to educate you in this area for quite some time now,” Reiji pushes up his glasses, eyes gleaming at this opportunity. </p><p>“You play? Then why don’t we have a match, between the two of us?” Ruki offers, eyes gleaming the same. </p><p>You didn’t expect Ruki of all people to be more competitive than the actual child in the room. But considering the people he lives with, he probably hasn’t had a chance for a challenging match in a long time, maybe even in decades.</p><p>“Is that a good idea..?” Yui asks. “I thought they were in a hurry…”</p><p>“We are.” Reiji stands up, smoothing invisible wrinkles from his clothes. “Next time we meet we shall have our match. I’d like to see how it plays out.” Reiji offers a sinister smile to Ruki, similar to the one you’ve come to adore but missing something important. Ruki returns it with an equally sinister look. </p><p>“This is nice! Ruki and I aren’t friends with any other couples. Let’s exchange information before you leave!” Yui takes out her flip phone and looks at you expectantly.</p><p>You’re surprised she’s going so far out of her way to spend time with you again. You take out your phone and exchange info.</p><p>Yuma clears his throat. “What about me and Shuu?”</p><p>“When was the last time the two of you went <em> out </em> for a date?” Ruki sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“When was the last time the two of <em> you </em>went out for a date?” Yuma scoffs, crossing his arms. </p><p>“Last week, at the botanical garden.”</p><p>“But we were… all there...”</p><p>“...”</p><p>Yuma gives Azusa a pat on the back for siding with him.</p><p>Ruki is silent. He glances over at Yui, who waves her hands at him and shakes her head as if to say <em> don’t ask me. </em></p><p>“It’s… um… hard to go on dates when you’re a parent…” Yui offers an awkward smile, trying to look anywhere but at Yuma, Ruki, or Adam.</p><p>“Well, I hope that you sort this out appropriately. We should be off now, my sincerest gratitude for your hospitality.” Reiji stands up, bows, then takes you by the hand and leads you to the front door, some amount of urgency underlying his calm exterior. You call out your goodbyes and promise to see everyone again, hopefully soon as he pulls you along with a surprisingly warm hand.</p><p>You realize that the botanical garden was the first time you and Reiji left the house for a date. Maybe immortality makes you appreciate coziness and domesticity in your love life more than excitement.</p><p> </p><p>The moment Reiji opens the door your hand is torn from his.</p><p>You yelp as you find yourself pulled into the air.</p><p>“Actually, I’m not sure I’m gonna let you have her. I’m thinkin bout keeping her,” Yuma grins, baring his sharp teeth. He’s carrying you princess style with an ease that shouldn’t be so surprising to you. </p><p>“Perhaps you should be thinking about keeping your hands to yourself instead. You already have my brother, do you really need my-” Reiji catches himself before saying something, “Do you really need my<em> partner </em> as well?” He sighs, somehow managing to look down at Yuma despite being slightly shorter.</p><p>“What kinda guy can’t even say the word girlfriend? Besides, you took my family and entire village, ya know, this is only fair.” </p><p>“You <em> do </em> need to make reparations…” you murmur, bringing a finger to your lip and considering how he could actually go about that, instead of in whatever way Yuma is getting at, probably just to mess with him.</p><p>“Yeah, what she said!” Yuma’s grip on you tightens and you’re pressed tightly against his chest.</p><p>“Are you <em> agreeing </em>with him?” Reiji asks, aghast.</p><p>“You also gotta make reparations to <em> her </em>.” Yuma meets your eyes for a second with a smug, knowing look. You don’t need his help, but you appreciate the thought. </p><p>“I am aware, but that is none of your concern.”</p><p>“Are ya though?”</p><p>“Hey, it’s fine…” you try to wriggle out of Yuma’s grip but he just holds you tighter. You know his intentions are good, but you don’t enjoy seeing someone else call Reiji out for what’s gone on between the two of you.</p><p>“If ya can’t figure it out, I’m just gonna keep her and share her with Shuu!” Yuma lightly tosses you in the air and catches you again.</p><p>Reiji’s eyes go wide and his lips part. </p><p>“You can’t do that!” You cry out, struggling in Yuma’s arms. You feel your face heat up, turning beet red. You know he’s joking, but this is going too far. </p><p>“Why not?” He smirks.</p><p>“Because she belongs to me.” Reiji explains, pushing up his glasses and pressing his lips together in a tense frown. To at least some extent, he’s recovered his composure.</p><p>“Yeah… that sounds kinda fucked up.” Yuma grimaces after hearing that. Even to you, it doesn’t sound so great outside of the context of emotionally charged intimacy. “Guess I’m keeping ya, then!” He grins and tosses you in the air again. You grip his shirt for a second to stay grounded, then let go when you realize what you were doing.</p><p>“I <em> want </em> to be with Reiji,” you reassert, folding your arms to keep from accidentally clinging to him again.</p><p>“Do ya?” Yuma grimaces again, looking at you with squinted eyes.</p><p>“Of course!” You struggle out of his arms again and this time he lets you go easily, slowly and gently lowering you to the floor with more care than was needed. Deep down, he’s still a good guy, isn’t he?</p><p>“Thank you for clearing that up,” Reiji sighs, placing a hand on your shoulder as you walk to his side.</p><p>“You still need to make reparations to Yuma.” You scold him while savoring the warmth of his hand possessively holding on to you.</p><p>“In my defense, we were both children at the time.” Reiji looks away.</p><p>You sigh. Is this a vampire thing or do the Sakamaki and Mukami families just have particularly fucked up childhoods?</p><p>“Look, I really don’t care, things’re fine the way they are, right?” Yuma rubs his neck and looks away.</p><p>“Is it really okay?”</p><p>“Hey, if you’re so hellbent on making things right between us, let me and Shuu borrow ya some time, kay?”</p><p>Your face turns red again. Reiji’s fingertips press into your shoulder, right above the wounds left by Kou. Yuma’s just doing this to mess with him, right?</p><p>You look away from Yuma’s smug face and turn to Reiji, who’s eyes have gone wide.</p><p>Reiji pulls you even closer to his side. His fingers are digging into your arm, trying to prevent himself from trembling with the pressure.</p><p>“Do you really believe she’d agree to something as <em> detestable </em> as that?” Reiji nearly hisses through gritted teeth.</p><p>“What’s <em> detestable </em> is the way you use people.” Yuma scoffs. “I’m just giving her some options for when she realizes how much of a douche ya are.”</p><p>Reiji’s jaw clenches as he glares down at him. </p><p>“I-I’m dealing with that part of him… he’s improved a lot!” You try to reassure Yuma, but you’re becoming increasingly aware that no matter how much Reiji changes, getting others to realize it isn’t as easy. Or maybe he hasn’t changed as much as you think, and it’s just the way you see him that’s changed... Either way, it’s frustrating that no one sees the good in him that you do, especially considering how much worse others have been to you. It’s even worse that this worry for your sake is only coming after the worst has passed. Where was it when you needed it?</p><p>“Doesn’t matter, I don’t care. Why don’tcha try convincing him to lend ya out to us? <em> That’ll </em> count as some serious change for him.”</p><p>A shiver runs through your body. As teasing and playful as he sounds, you’re starting to wonder if he means it. </p><p>“We’ll talk about it later,” you shrug, brushing it off. If he’s serious, rejecting him might start a rivalry between him and Reiji that none of you would want to deal with. If he’s joking and you reject him, you’re insulting your friend and making a fool of yourself.</p><p>You turn to leave but it looks like Reiji is about to say something. Knowing him, knowing how things are going and what Yuma’s trying to do, this won’t end well. As he opens his mouth to say something to Yuma you tug on his hand.</p><p>He glances at you, then returns his gaze to Yuma. </p><p>You tug on his hand again.</p><p>“We have had our fill of this, thank you for your hospitality and have a good day.” Reiji bows and walks out beside you, wearing the coldest glare all the while.</p><p>“See you soon!” You wave goodbye as Reiji closes the door behind you. </p><p> </p><p>“There will be no ‘lending you out’ as he said before.” Reiji grips your hand tighter, staring ahead.</p><p>“I know, I just didn’t want to entertain it as even a possibility.” You squeeze his hand back.</p><p>He leads you towards the car in silence. It looked like he had something to say before, but the mood has been ruined.</p><p>“Hey, since they can’t see us out here does this count as a private space?”</p><p>“I suppose so, why do you ask?”</p><p>You stop walking and wrap your arms around Reiji, burying your face in his chest and holding him tightly.</p><p>“This is indecent…” He mutters, placing one hand on your head and another on your back, holding you closer against him.</p><p>“I missed you.”</p><p>Reiji hums in acknowledgement.</p><p>Not wanting to bother him with this anymore you try to pull away, but his hand keeps you in place. You try to look up at him to see what he’s thinking, but the hand on your head keeps your cheek pressed against his chest. Listening to the silence of his heart, savoring the warmth of his hands, you lose yourself in his embrace.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Reiji's back... very soon... I will be able to write cute shit....</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Partition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reiji gets jealous, you get fed up, sad boi hours ensure.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Slight content warning for... Reiji being Reiji I guess.<br/>I kinda wanted to hold off on posting this till next week cuz by then the next chapter would be done too and it'd be way sweeter/cuter, but this is like the only thing I sorta have vaguely under control in my life so I'm gonna be the kind of person that does almost weekly updates sometimes.<br/>Also I didn't remember the Beyonce song until after I chose the chapter title so unfortunately there's no relation.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Reiji breaks the hug after what feels like a week and a few days have gone by, pulling you out of your warm, comforting daze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you are quite done with that, we should be on our way,” he huffs, fixing his clothes and opening the door to the backseat of the car. Wasn’t he the one who stretched it out for so long? “Traveling to and from this place takes extraneous time, no matter the actual distance. I’d prefer to arrive before sunset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You get into the backseat. Reji gets in beside you. Your heart rate picks up. This isn’t going to be a repeat of what happened in the botanical garden’s parking lot, is it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the car starts moving. You can’t see past the partition.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s driving? I thought you couldn’t use a familiar without your brothers knowing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is an invisible servant that I created myself, therefore it has no ties to them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see…” so the others were given to them by their father, made to answer to all of them, like the Mukami’s? “I heard from Yui that familiars and invisible servants were the same things...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Though they fall into the same category, there is a strong distinction between how they are made and what purposes each can serve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you and I differentiate between them when no one else does?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After your awakening it will be part of your education to learn how to create and care for them. If you treat them as the same it will cause problems later on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes sense,” you nod. “But wouldn’t I need magic to do something like that? Not to state the obvious, but I’m a human.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will lend you my powers, naturally.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An awkward silence sets in. You fix your posture and expression, then turn to Reiji, who’s looking out the window with his hands in his jacket’s pockets. He seems lost in thought, something’s frustrating him. You wonder if it has something to do with what he wanted to say to you earlier.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How was your stay in the Mukami household?” he asks tersely, before you have a chance to question him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were nice to be around, easier than it is to be around your brothers for too long, but it was still kind of tiring. I like them, but I’m glad I get to spend time with you again.” What you’re saying is completely honest, but you might’ve left out the compliment to him if you weren’t trying to brighten the mood. You’re already the clingier one between the two of you, this isn’t really helping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji sighs. “Would it help if you were around humans more often?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s that coming from?” You ask, surprised he’s even bringing it up. “I was never great with humans to begin with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji nods and continues looking out the window. His face looks hard, his shoulders are tense and his brow is furrowed, his hands in his pockets are pulling the material of his jacket taut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t very popular with the Mukami’s,” you say in a light, teasing tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It bothers me, because you’re so much better than they think you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is because my outward demeanor is pristine, and only after someone truly knows me do they realize how </span>
  <em>
    <span>vile</span>
  </em>
  <span> I am in comparison to that image. After that, if they have even a modicum of intelligence, they will know better than to look any closer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not unfair for someone to keep him at a distance, considering the fact that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> just as capable of cruelty as his brothers, but it still bothers you. Even if that’s a major part of who he is, there’s a lot more that makes getting to know him worth it. Still, he doesn’t say it like he’s being hard on himself. It’s almost like he takes some kind of pride in it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not vile. I’m insulted that you’d insult the person I love like that, I assure you that as poor as it may be, I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>completely</span>
  </em>
  <span> lacking in taste.” You huff, not realizing until after you said it that you started copying his speech patterns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji chuckles and reaches over to pat your head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You realize you are the opposite, don’t you? Your outward demeanor is crude, pathetic, and horrendously awkward. So much that it often pains me to watch you…” He says with a fond smile despite his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m trying to be better…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How rude of you, please let me finish. Once your worries dissipate there’s no difficulty in seeing your worth, and that there is still infinitely more yet to uncover.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re exaggerating.” You say. He talks about ‘worth’ a lot, but you still don’t know what it even means. You don’t believe what he’s saying, but the fact that he’s making the effort to compliment you means enough. “You’re exaggerating about yourself, too. You’re capable of vile things, but that isn’t all you are.” You take his hand that’s resting on your head and bring it to your cheek. It’s warm. You nuzzle against it. “To people you decide to care about, you can be considerate and sweet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You smile, looking him in the eye as his face lightly flushes. Reiji snatches his hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is unseemly…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t you say this kind of thing is okay in private?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The driver is here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The partition is still up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji clears his throat. “We were talking about the members of the Mukami household. What did you think of them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The look in his eye becomes colder, more withdrawn. You can tell he’s trying to get at something, but you’re not sure what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yui isn’t what I expected, but I still think she’s amazing.” You say, glancing at Reiji to monitor his expression. “I’d like to keep being friends with her, we should arrange something after we get settled in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji nods. “Of course, I am not in the business of isolating you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, this doesn’t look to be what he wanted to hear. You keep moving down the list, ignoring his incorrect statement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ruki’s kind of scary, and I definitely got off on the wrong foot with him, but he’s a good dad to Adam so maybe he’s not as bad as I think. You two seem to get along, after all. Adam is a delight, I’ve never met a kid that smart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji nods again, with his lips pressed together. You wonder why he can’t just ask you what’s on his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Azusa’s great too. He’s incredibly sweet, and we have a lot in common.” You see Reiji frown. He’s not jealous that you’ve made friends, is he? “Kou is kind of two-faced, but I’m starting to warm up to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Yuma?” Reiji asks in an overly casual tone a split second after you finish your sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s loud, yet easy to be around. Despite what happened earlier, he’s a pretty great guy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The two of you seem oftly compatible.” Reiji says, his words dripping acid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then you realize what’s going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> jealous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s kind of exciting to you, in the case that he actually feels that way, but you know you shouldn’t push it. It could lead to a “punishment” that actually feels like one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there’s no way he’d be that insecure, is there?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, this is Reiji, underneath his cool and occasionally adorable facade, he’s a ball of pent up frustrations and insecurity, ready to explode. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But does he actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>care</span>
  </em>
  <span> enough about you to be jealous?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might. You’re starting to realize that. You’ve gotten jealous over admittedly minor things that boil down to your imagination running wild, it’s not impossible for him to get jealous seeing you get propositioned for a three way with his least favorite brother and a guy who’s basically his exact opposite, even if it was obviously not meant seriously. If you watched someone even imply something like that with him, it’d send you into a spiral. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, you don’t want to be presumptuous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, are you worried about that? I know how it looks, but he was just trying to get a rise out of you. Nothing’s going on between us,” you try to reassure him. It’s not jealousy, it’s probably just suspicion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> Reiji tilts his head up and looks away from you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t washed off his scent.” He says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I can never tell stuff like that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you smell like him to begin with? As a matter of fact, you smell faintly of Shuu as well.” He asks, accusatory and piercing. He’s facing the window now and you can’t see his expression. Judging by his voice, it’s probably cold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I had to share a room with someone, and he seemed like the safest choice. I didn’t know he was in a relationship with Shuu, but looking back on it, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> think he was the safest choice.” You try to say casually. You feel guilty, but you know you didn’t do anything wrong. Letting that guilt show will only make him even more suspicious of things that never happened, and cause you even more trouble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you choose to share a room with Yui?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t an option. She already shares a room with her husband.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t an option either. How could they let a child get involved in these kinds of problems?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see…” Reiji murmurs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wait in anticipation for his next words. He isn’t accusing you of being unfaithful, maybe he’s changing his mind? Or maybe he’s waiting for you to apologize for not doing more to prevent this? It’s not like that was even a possibility.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what would you think if I agreed to what he said?” He inquires with a voice smooth and calm, despite the strain of his fists in his pockets, pulling down on the fabric of his coat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel a shiver run down your spine. He’s not serious, right? This is a test, isn’t it?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d refuse!” You shout. You slap your hand over your mouth when you realize how loud you were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d refuse? But for a woman as lustful as you, wouldn’t it be fitting to have two men to feed her desires?” There’s something dangerous in his tone, something you haven’t heard in a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not interested in either of them! You’re the only person I want to be with!” You defend yourself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Given the chance, you’d easily give in to your adulterous nature.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's not the kind of person I am! How could you say something like that?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s the case, then explain to me in precise detail why you’d choose me over those two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You see Reiji’s reflection in the window. He’s grinning sadistically, confident and not showing any sign of being hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel the tension and fear that was building up fade away. He’s not suspecting you of anything, he’s just being himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re being cruel… but fine.” Did he really have to accuse you of something like that just to get you to stroke his ego? As pathetic and in love as you are, you find yourself doing it unprompted on your own constantly. “Just so you know, since you’re making me do this, I’m going to have to consider them in that light…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re as uninterested as you say, surely it will be a fittingly insufferable punishment for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You frown and face forward, looking at him while thinking these things would be too awkward. Did he plan this as your punishment all along?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you. Isn’t that enough of a reason?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your task is to explain why they are inferior to me, not state what we both already know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You glance over to him and his smile only grows wider. Why can’t he be normal?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shuu’s too lazy,” you say, “and Yuma’s too loud. I can excuse and even appreciate those things in friends, but not in a partner.” You play it safe and keep it simple. As weird as your relationship with Shuu is and despite how Yuma acted before you left, you really don’t want to insult them when they’re not here to defend themselves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji forces his face into a mask of cold calmness, the ghost of a smirk peeking through as he crosses his arms and taps his finger against his sleeve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go on.” He coolly  commands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still have trouble being in a relationship with just one other person, if there were two I don’t think I could handle it. I’d be too insecure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You look to Reiji expectantly. You really don’t want to dig any deeper than this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t stop on my behalf, continue until I grant you reprieve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This seems like torture. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… I don’t think Yuma and I have much in common, he barely knows how to use the internet and he doesn’t read or like tea that much, and he only grows vegetables in his garden so there isn’t much I can do to study medicines or poisons… And the Mukami’s always eat dinner together as a family so there wouldn’t be any eating quietly, alone in the dining room, like you and I do… And he can be kind of rough when he’s being casual, he nudged me on the arm one time and it felt like a punch, if we were to start a relationship it could get much worse…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now Shuu.” Reiji commands, to your relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have much in common as far as interests go either. I can appreciate music, but he wouldn’t do much to share my interests in return, plus it’s not like he’d be willing to do much together. He doesn’t really do chores or housework, or even take care of himself, so I’d be cleaning up after him constantly…  Um… even though me just being with anyone else would hurt you, being with Shuu would hurt you the most so even if I was going to do something that awful, I don’t think I could handle being </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> cruel… Plus there’s at least a chance you’d come back into my life if I was with someone other than him, if I was with Shuu then you'd probably never want to speak with me again, let alone spend time with me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That will do.” Reiji smiles, still in a commanding voice but unable to hide his satisfaction. “I suppose that will be enough to earn my forgiveness, but I’d like you to be more explicit next time.” Something gleams in his eyes from behind the cold frames of his glasses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” you say, looking down, wondering if any of that was necessary. And what does he mean by next time? You look up at him, looking him in the eye. “But that was needlessly cruel. I didn’t do anything wrong, you just needed reassurance because you were jealous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s eyes widen and his lips part for a second before he returns to his condescending and neutral state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jealous? How absurd. Perhaps you need further punishment. I can assure you that I am only ever as cruel as I need to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t though. When I was attacked in the dungeon you could’ve done something, but you just watched.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve told you already, it was to teach you to rely on me more, and to show my brothers that you are under my protection. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you stood there and watched while something horrible happened to me! Back then I thought you let it happen because you were disgusted by me, or hated me, or that everything between us was a lie and I was just tricked into thinking that you cared… You’re the person in my life it normally hurts the least to be around, I know you don’t owe anything to me, but I still felt betrayed...” The words pour out of your mouth, completely off topic, the wrong place, wrong time to bring it up. Why do these things connect in your head? Something about unearned punishments? Fears over infidelity? You’ve received other punishments countless times, why do these stand out? “Sorry, that was all useless to say, it’s my fault for putting that responsibility on you in the first place…Let’s drop it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. You shouldn’t have brought it up, you already knew he was cruel to begin with, you’re taking for granted the fact that he seems so much kinder now. For some reason it’s starting to make you expect more from him, even though at the beginning of your relationship you would’ve accepted any treatment he offered you, as long as he treated you some way at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, that was… </span>
  <em>
    <span>gratuitous</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he winces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is he actually agreeing with you?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji furrows his brows, looking straight ahead instead of at you. “Truthfully, I lied about my reasoning. I should have helped you sooner. The fact of the matter is, I am a vampire and I am unable to escape my own nature at times. Seeing your face contort in pain, watching the betrayal and disgust you felt towards the very men who monopolized so much of you, your time, your efforts, and your affection wash over you like the surging tide… I was unable to resist standing back and relishing in your agony and burgeoning hatred until you broke me from my trance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that’s what happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You should’ve expected this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I already mentioned, beneath my exterior and my excuses I am rather vile. If you’d like for me to sleep in another room tonight, or even stay at a hotel, I would completely understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiji, it’s not that bad. Just remember the shame and guilt and humiliation you feel right now and try to make choices going forward that won't make you feel this way again, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You offer a smile and reach out to rest your hand on his shoulder. What he did wasn’t okay at all, but seeing him remorseful and guilt-ridden is more than you can bear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji looks up at you with a tired, resigned look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already know you revel in these things, the fact that you’re actually admitting that it’s a bad thing means a lot to me.” You say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji brings his hand to yours like he’s about to brush it away, but leaves it there instead. He sighs. “How can you show me such patience?” He sounds defeated, disgusted with himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though it’s probably a good thing for him to react this way to his own actions, you can’t stand letting him feel this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Despite your massive ego, you’re better than you think you are,” you sigh and lean against him. You really aren’t sure how he sees himself. How much of him is confidence and sadism, and how much of him is falling apart over realizing his own immorality? Something’s changed in him and it’s completely at odds with a part of him he can’t fully separate himself from. How long has he been this way? Why didn’t you realize it sooner and try to help him? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course you didn’t realize it, you were terrified. You were accepting and submissive and loving, but you were terrified. You just took in anything that came your way and hoped you could endure it, because you thought doing something about it would get you hurt. But somewhere along the line reality changed from your perception. Somewhere along the line Reiji started to care about you and the distance the both of you created to shield yourselves turned into a weapon instead. Now that the gap is starting to close you actually have to deal with it, and it’s scary and painful, but you get the feeling it’ll be worth it. Despite everything, you’ve found yourself trusting Reiji too much to stay away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you truly believe that?” He asks, staring straight ahead. “I won’t transform into someone else just because you treat me like that person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you if you were someone else. I think calling you a good person might be difficult to do, and by some definitions objectively false, but you’re the person I love and want to be with. Since you’re so devoted to believing I’m smarter than I think, please don’t make this into a poor decision on my part. It'll make us both look dumb.” You consider wrapping an arm around him, but he’d probably be against it. You decide to compromise and hold onto his arm, leaning in. He looks down at you and pets your head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I suppose that would be best… I wouldn’t wish to spend the rest of my life with an imbecile.” He gives you a wry smile. “When did you become so bold? To actively criticize me in such a way seems out of character for you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re silent. You can’t read his tone, it’s musing and thoughtful, you aren’t sure what’s coming next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate it, having someone to rein me in before I go too far will help me grow in power. May I ask what brought on this change?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He meets your eye and you quickly look away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I um… I came to a realization at the Mukami’s.” You try to dodge the subject.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes narrow. “What was this realization concerning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course he’s suspicious, he just finished acting out because he was insecure about you being close to Yuma. You can’t leave this ambiguous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You might have feelings for me.” You say, looking him in the eye, your face heating up and turning bright red.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulls his arm away from you and leans forward, holding his forehead in his palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of person do you see me as..? Did you believe I’d do the things we’ve done together with someone I didn’t at least care for?” he says, precisely forming each syllable like he’s struggling to even speak. He’s shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You put a hand on his back. This wasn’t what you were expecting. Maybe him getting flustered and being unable to admit that he has feelings for you, but not whatever this is. Shock? Horror? It’s not heartbreak, it can’t be, but watching him like this hurts. It feels like you’ve done something awful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t reflect poorly on you, I gave you permission, after all.” You rub his back but there’s no change in his condition. “As long as I was allowed to love you, you could use me for whatever you wanted. It was a fair trade. I tried not to think about the fact that you’d toss me aside when you found someone you actually cared about.” You explain. You were fine with your situation, even though you struggled with it. Now, though, you don’t think you’d be able to put up with it. Maybe you’ve gotten weaker. Or maybe you’ve gotten stronger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji is silent, holding his head. He turns his head slightly to look at you, then returns to staring down at the empty floor of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t say such horrible things,” he says, his voice is breathy, strained. “I wouldn’t have saved you from the curse if I saw you as disposable, neither would I have kept you to myself the way I did. If that is how it seemed to you, how could you have possibly seen it as something acceptable to continue?” He sits up and looks at you. His eyebrows are tense, uptilted, and his lips are parted. “You should have tried to leave me. Though I hate the thought of it, I’d place no blame on you for choosing to do so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You weren’t expecting that either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I loved you, and I didn’t care much for myself. It’s as simple as that,” you say, but that sounds too sad. “Now, though, I love you even more and I’m starting to like myself more too. I want us both to be better.” You place your hand on his shoulder again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s expression softens, but he still looks conflicted. Something pleading, something resigned. “I never should have allowed you to feel that way. Why did you not ever tell me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You consider what to say. When you hate yourself you don’t realize it’s a problem, in fact you think it’s perfectly reasonable. You keep catching yourself thinking things that are frankly absurd, that you should’ve realized were ridiculous sooner. You couldn’t look at things from an outside point of view. Even when you knew something was wrong with you, it’s not like you could’ve gone to him with something you saw as so minor, or so close to being what you deserved. Sometimes you still think you deserve it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always rely so much on you, and you rarely rely on me. If I opened up anymore, wouldn’t it just make our relationship more unbalanced?” You decide to say. “And I honestly thought it was warranted.” You add for the sake of trying to rely on him more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji looks at you again, that incredulous and somewhat defeated look. He takes a moment to try to recompose himself, sitting straight and tall, but in your eyes it really isn’t that effective. The cold look he’s trying to force doesn’t reach his eyes, and the corners of his pressed-together lips are weighed down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I don’t rely on you, even with the amount of vulnerability I show to you alone? Would you truly want to be with a man who is constantly prone to such a wretched emotional state regardless of place or time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand what you’re saying, but you don’t really say much about how you’re feeling…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nor do you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod. Maybe you’re both at fault for this, you should’ve done something earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Though considering that in a relationship between a human and a vampire the power imbalance is unavoidable, I should have predicted your hesitation to purposely place yourself in a weaker position. Given how obvious your fear of me is, I should have taken the initiative. I apologize, you deserve better.” He looks at you with a solemn expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shouldn’t be so surprised he’s being considerate towards you, he’s been like this for a while now, and it’s confused you, but now unable to deny the meaning you can’t help but notice how your heart races. It’s unbearable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you for the apology,” you stutter, “even though I think it’s fine. Let’s just get better at this moving on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even now you are afraid."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not afraid! Just… I’m not good at dealing with this kind of thing…” You blurt out. “And even though I’m afraid of you, you’re constantly proving me wrong about my fears…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You have to stop yourself from looking away. You know you’re blushing, but you refuse to look away after he’s gone so far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji raises an eyebrow at you and smirks. It’s lacking his usual edge, like he’s taking joy in your embarrassment in spite of his own wishes. He takes the hand still resting on his shoulder and takes it in his, then presses a kiss to the back of your palm. Your heart rate picks up even more. When he draws away you see that his grin has widened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you keep looking at me with such kind and forgiving eyes,” he says with a voice smooth as silk, before leaning closer to murmur in your ear, “I may be tempted into doing something treacherous. After that, will you come to fear me more?” </span>
  <span>You can just barely see that his eyes seem to be glowing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The car slows and rolls over a bump. It begins driving up a long, winding driveway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that will have to wait till later, I seem to have gotten carried away,” Reiji sighs, straightening his clothing. “That aside, going forward I’d like for you to continue being so bold with me. If you come to believe I’ve gone too far or hurt you in any way, I give you permission to punish me as you see fit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes widen. Did you hear him right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Punish you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he smirks. “Are you experiencing hearing loss?” He briefly leans in to whisper in your ear before drawing away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course that bastard leaves you blushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’m as experienced with that sort of thing as you are…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That may be true, perhaps you should experience more yourself so you will know how to implement my techniques to the most effective degree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll pass…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And, naturally, if you punish me unfairly, whether it be too harsh or light for whatever my misdeed may be, I’d have to properly discipline you in return.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m good!” You wave your hands desperately trying to drop the subject.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Don't spill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reiji's just being himself tbh</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Surprise bitch, I bet you thought you saw the last of me</p><p>Anyway, I'm not dead and this fic is still updating! Sorry about the surprise hiatus, school got super intense and life just sorta happens to people sometimes. Life happens so much. <br/>We are. Almost done. I was gonna make this chapter a little longer to cover more ground, but I guess I'm splitting it in two because what I have so far is over ten pages and I really wanted to update as soon as possible. Also we're gonna stop paying attention to the chapter count because my organizational skills are Bad. I have like 30 pages of the doc this half of the story is written in devoted to scenes I had to scrap. Just know that the end is coming and you won't have to put up with this for much longer 👍</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The car rolls to a stop before a grand Victorian mansion. All monochrome bricks and rocks arranged in complex geometric patterns, pointed arches and high windows, and a spire to the side that stands high above the rest of what basically looks like a stone castle. It’s smaller than the Sakamaki or Mukami mansion by a considerable amount, but it still seems like way too much space for two people. As if to make up for not being enough of a ludicrous display of wealth, the garden sprawls behind it and at the sides like a lush cape draping further than you can feasibly imagine. None of this seems unreasonable based on the kinds of houses Karlheinz has given his sons in the past, but the fact that Reiji would purposely choose this for the two of you has you shaken. This must just be what he’s used to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you pleased with our new home?” Reiji asks, taking your hand to help you from the car. His hands are warm, warmer than a vampire’s hands should be unless they’ve just fed, and you’re only realizing now how peculiar this is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s lovely!” More than the Sakamaki mansion, this looks like a haunted house. Now that you’re getting a closer look, the garden is not just lush, but overgrown. The hedges are thorny and resuming their natural shapes from neglect, and through the wrought iron gate you can see that the pathways are crowded with renegade leaves and vines escaping the confines of the flowerbeds. It’s not formal, it’s not proper, but it’s definitely your style.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji sighs and pushes up his glasses. “Unfortunately it will not look this way for long. The garden and interior will be undergoing major renovations. To think you find this satisfactory…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think it’s charming,” you shrug. Why did he even ask?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me show you the garden first, so we can plan how best to take advantage of it’s space.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leads you past the wrought iron gate into the garden. You’re overpowered by the sweet and spicy scents. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honeysuckle, bloodroot, kalmia, andromeda, obviously kalanchoe, manchineel… I’m not really sure if I know most of these, but this seems like a garden you’d grow.” You smile at Reiji. As beautiful as it is, the contrast of bright, pale flowers and the canopy of dark green leaves, most of these plants are harmful if touched or ingested. It’s yet another poison garden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Reiji looks at you with inquisitive, narrowed eyes. “What can you tell me about manchineel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The sap can cause skin irritation and blistering, and eating the fruits can cause bleeding, tightening of the throat, bacterial superinfection, and fluid retention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you make any connection between that and my interests?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s an incredibly dangerous poison.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it’s useless for anything other than poisoning. Think before you make such assumptions,” he shakes his head, “Though you did well remembering that, at least. You’ll receive your reward soon enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji walks towards a manchineel tree, circling one of it’s round, green fruits with his hand, but not letting it come into contact with him. You notice that he’s not wearing gloves today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am fond of these, however. Look at how closely they resemble an apple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t know any better, I’d probably mistake it for one. Good thing they don’t grow around here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes… now wouldn’t it be unfortunate if you were to eat a tart slaved over by one that you love, only to find it was made with such poisonous apples? What a miserable fate that would be…” He gives you a knowing look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to poison Kanato.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is that relevant? I am only musing on the tragedies of being uneducated on basic botany.” Reiji smiles and turns away from the tree, returning his hand to his pocket while he walks the short distance to you, then takes his hand out again to grab yours. You see something small and rectangular fall from his pocket. Something you recognize.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A pocket handwarmer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s been carrying them around this whole time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s no benefit to him in carrying them so that must mean…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You hug Reiji’s arm and nuzzle your cheek against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please control yourself,” he sighs, looking down at you with an unconvincingly unenthused look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiji, you’re the best,” you smile up at him, reluctantly backing off but not letting go of his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For not attempting to murder my brother? I shouldn’t be surprised by how low your standards are, but somehow...” He shakes his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Walking along, you notice that there are several arched trellises overtaken by the same white flowers you saw at the botanical garden, giving off a light, sweet scent. Going further in, you also notice that not all of these plants are poisonous or medicinal, just certain areas seem to have been set aside for them, and now they’ve grown to dominate a large portion of the garden. A distance away you can see a white rose bush that’s grown to an intimidating size, threatening to consume the bushes in its surroundings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who owned this place originally?” You ask, wondering what could have happened to someone to leave such a finely planned garden to fall to such a state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One of the head researchers at the botanical garden,” Reiji explained. “He was something of a mentor to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How sweet!” You say, surprised he grew that close to a human other than you. He says it bluntly, but you think you can sense a bit of fondness in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, he passed away several decades ago, and there have been sightings of his ghost on the property ever since. No one has been able to live in this house for long because of the hauntings, resulting in it being fairly simple for me to obtain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You don’t think he should be smiling in that way while saying something like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh, well if that’s the case I’d like to pay my respects to him.” You nod. You start to feel jealous that another human had a major impact on Reiji’s life, and can bring a smile to his face like this. He’s lived for centuries, it shouldn’t be surprising, but somehow you had it in your head that you were special.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you believe ghosts exist? Don’t be foolish, it was merely humans coming into contact with the poisonous plants, causing hallucinations influenced by the power of suggestion. Towards the end of his life the man cursed these plants for causing his health to decline, yet he cared for them regardless. Naturally, his condition worsened. Though, the last time I visited him, he spoke of a beautiful woman appearing from within this bed of flowers,” he stops in front of a bed of poppies, with a few stems of wild marjoram poking through here and there. “I heard that he spent days kneeling right here, waiting for her to make another appearance before his death.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, wow. Did that happen or did you get that from another Hawthorne story, where you get an interesting commentary on the human experience only after digging through layers of this guy’s not-too-great feelings towards women and other people’s intelligence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean from the book I lent you? I haven’t read his works since I was a child, I must have forgotten about those elements,” Reiji muses, kneeling down to look at the flowerbed. You kneel next to him, reaching out to take a red poppy in your hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I thought you were trying to tell me something with it. There was a bookmark with fresh-pressed flowers in it right before a sorta relevant story, after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… Well, everyone has access to the library, perhaps one of my brothers took an interest in it. Though I doubt any of them have the literacy for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair,” you chuckle, letting go of the poppy and letting it bounce back into place, balanced atop it’s long, slender stem. You believe Reiji when he says he had nothing to do with it and no ill intent, it seemed unlike him anyway, but you can’t think of which of his brothers would leave that bookmark there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you lend me that particular book, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem to have an interest in gothic elements, and his works are classics in the genre. Their short yet poignant nature also suits your keen mind and limited attention span.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only Reiji can insult and compliment you in the same breath and still leave you feeling warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod, looking deeper into the flower bed. “Do you think she’ll appear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be foolish,” Reiji stands up. “Her appearance was likely just another result of the man tending to the poisonous plants without taking proper safety measures, leading to particularly vivid hallucinations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or it could’ve been someone trespassing.” You add. “Wait, we never take safety measures with poisonous plants.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t interact with them in this high a quantity, and I am mostly immune to dermatitis and other effects due to being a vampire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji takes your hand and continues deeper into the garden, walking faster than before. Every now and then you have to jog to keep up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once the haunted flowerbed is out of sight, Reiji’s pace slows into something more casual but still hurried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He… isn’t trying to run away from it, is he? There’s no way a vampire could be afraid of ghosts... Still, you find yourself squeezing his hand comfortingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji glances down at you, squinting his eyes in disapproval, but doesn’t say a thing. Then, he squeezed your hand back. His skin is warm against yours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He silently leads you somewhere. Though it’s a comforting silence, one the two of you have shared many times before, you’ve been apart so long that you thought you’d have more to say. Even though Reiji isn’t much for idle chit chat, you find yourself worrying if you’re boring him. Still, wrapped tightly in the sweet scents of the poisonous garden, with your hand tenderly enveloped in that of an undead predator, you’ve never felt so safe, nor free from your constant torrent of thoughts. A cloying voice inside of you wonders if something’s wrong with you, but it’s easily brushed away. You bask in the feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before long your consciousness overtakes you again, returning your anxieties. At least you can be thankful for a brief reprieve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This house is awfully big for just the two of us… What’ll we do with all this space?” You think out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In houses of this size, a few rooms tend to be reserved for guests. Though they didn’t visit often, the home I grew up in had rooms reserved for Subaru, the triplets, their mothers, and our father.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your father? Why didn’t he share with one of his wives?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you not see the state Christa was in? If he chose one of them over the others there’d surely be a bloodbath… Though that didn’t stop Cordelia from seeking entrance to Father’s quarters once she thought the others were all asleep. Yes, I remember it vividly. Father and I were at his table, drinking tea and discussing some of his past experiments, when all of a sudden we heard her mewling at his door like a cat in heat. The things she said… truly a disgusting woman. Sometimes I question his judgement in marrying her, but she </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Demon King’s daughter, so I suppose that bears some weight on his decision…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, she’d be the triplets’ mother? And a princess at that… From what I’ve heard of her, it kind of explains some things about how the triplets act…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see… Then, would it explain anything to you if I tell you that Christa, Subaru’s  mother, was Father’s first cousin?” Reiji says with a gleam in his eye, as if he made some big reveal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Subaru actually told me that already.” Does he really think this will lower your opinion of Subaru or Christa? You brush it aside. By now he probably knows that these things don’t work on you. “Cordelia was a princess, Christa was a blood relative… then, what was your mother like? Her name was Beatrice, right?””</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was… merely an average noblewoman. I suppose the only thing of note about her is that she was considered the perfect lady.” Reiji says coldly, looking straight ahead. A shiver runs down your spine and you grip his warm hand tightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I should try to be more like her, then!” You smile, trying to fix the mood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Even in a thousand years, you could never be anything like her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? I thought that given enough time, especially under your </span>
  <em>
    <span>strict</span>
  </em>
  <span> instruction, I could become more ladylike. At least, enough to be acceptable to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is certainly true, but I’d prefer that you bear as little resemblance to her as possible. You are already by far superior to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His grip on your hand tightens, and the natural coldness of his body starts to seep through. You remember that Reiji killed his mother. What exactly did she do to him? You decide to change the subject. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, since you own this place, does it count as somewhere private?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To clarify, this property belongs to </span>
  <em>
    <span>both </span>
  </em>
  <span>of us, but of course, I wouldn’t be speaking with you of such things if that were not the case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad!” You say and cling to his arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel his toned muscles tense beneath the thick layers of his coat and shirt, but he doesn’t brush you away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji relaxes, a soft pink dusting his face as he stares forward and continues leading you deeper into the garden. You’re surprised he’s putting up with this so easily, until he abruptly stops. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re in for it now, aren’t you?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If the tea has grown cold by now I can reheat it with magic, but I’d prefer if that were not the case.” Reiji pushes up his glasses with his free hand. “I failed to anticipate that I’d be held up telling you ghost stories for so long.” He glances down at you with a look of lukewarm disapproval. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Didn’t he tell that story voluntarily?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that,” you nod as Reiji guides you to a table, neatly arranged with a lacy tablecloth, a three tiered dessert stand, and one of his favorite tea sets. A classic Spode bone China set, with a willowy dark blue pattern and gold and black accents. You haven’t seen him take it out of his display case until now, you’re not sure you’d be able to drink from something so precious without having a heart attack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you keep your offenses to a minimum, I’ll be able to forgive you.” Reiji pulls out a chair and offers you a seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” you nod, feeling like a bobble head as you sit down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji sits across from you with his hands folded in front of him, balancing his chin just above his interlaced fingers. He looks at you expectantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The tea hasn’t grown cold just yet, but it will if you don’t pour it soon. Or were you expecting it to pour itself? Though my magic is great, I wouldn’t waste it on such a minor thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I was just a bit stunned by your surprise,” you smile, squinting your eyes closed so he can’t see you rolling them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your hands tremble as you pick up the tea pot, but you manage to take a deep breath and still them. You pour his cup first, a gentle and silent stream till it’s just over two thirds full. The scalloped edges are a gorgeous design choice, but it also means that it’s easier to spill while drinking. This really should be on display instead of in use. The color of the tea is a deep red, with a slight purplish tint. Is it fruit or poison? Maybe both? No, you really shouldn’t be doubting him at this point. But old habits die slow, excruciating deaths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pour your cup next. It’s closer to you, and it must be the lighting that reveals a thin, oily sheen on the surface of the liquid. That’s to be expected in Earl Grey and similar teas because of their use of oils for flavoring, but why didn’t you see it before? Why is it only present in the cup you poured for yourself? Maybe it’s the angle, or the lighting? You do your best to still your hands, but when you place the pot back on the table you do so with a noticeable thump. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s expression acknowledges your transgression, but he doesn’t mention it aloud. Instead he lifts his cup in a silent toast and takes a sip. You do the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Darjeeling with pomegranate, there might be a hint of bergamot somewhere in there too. Maybe he used Earl Grey as the base for the blend? That would explain the oily sheen. Either way, you feel more comfortable in the fact that you’re not being poisoned right now. Even if you were, you’d really prefer not to think about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji looks at you expectantly again after you place the cup back on its saucer with hands shaking less than before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does this remind you of?” He says in his smooth, deep voice as a slight smile comes over his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pick up the warm cup of tea and take in its scent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d have to say… the last time you took me on a date like this, in the rose garden. It’s a shame we were interrupted, but it’s still a precious memory to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to soften your opinions when you’re with me,” Reiji shakes his head. “Nevermind. I meant the tea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You look down at the cup in your hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When was the last time you had pomegranate tea? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was with Reiji, in his room as you recall…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bright color of pomegranate juice and a strongly brewed tea can mask the color of most additives so long as they don’t cloud the liquid, and the sweet and sour scent is uncommon enough that most won’t realize if there’s something off about it. Nothing about this didn’t look suspicious. The first time he served it to you, you drank it half convinced it was for a mercy killing so you wouldn’t die from being cursed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your heart rate picks up. Your hands can’t stop shaking. You look up to see Reiji’s calm smile melt away into concern. Were you not supposed to catch on? No, he wouldn’t taunt you like this if that were the case. Something is wrong, something he didn’t predict. The tea cup falls from your hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if you’re dying now, some part of you still fears Reiji’s wrath enough to try to save the piece of tableware. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You reach for it just in time to have your hand cut by shards of china, and be splashed by the warm liquid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blood dripping from your hand is indistinguishable from the tea on the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately, Reiji rushes to your side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t a deep wound, you should be fine… But what has come over you? You seem ill despite being fine moments before…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji takes out his handkerchief and begins to dry your hand, then wraps it around the still bleeding yet shallow cuts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s always your hands, isn’t it?” He shakes his head before tilting your chin up to look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though you’re sitting, he’s still standing and you would have to look up to meet his eyes. Even if you wanted to you’re not sure you could right now. Things are too fuzzy, too slow but too fast all at the same time. You should be doing something, saying something, but you just want to sit and wait for this horrible feeling to pass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you put in my drink..?” You manage to say in a voice that doesn’t feel like your own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Autumnal flush Darjeeling leaves, dried pomegranate seeds, pomegranate rind, and an infusion of bergamot oil. Why are you asking this now? Your current state is a more pressing matter.” Reiji finishes treating your wound and raises his hand to pet your hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last time you gave me pomegranate tea, you poisoned me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji is silent. He lets go of your chin and kneels down to face you at eye level, moving his hand to cup your cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You play with the handkerchief tied tightly around your hand. It’s smooth and soft, probably silk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… remembered that night more romantically… I’m sorry for bringing up an old wound.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, it’s healed now, it was stupid of me to get so freaked out. And I broke one of your favorite cups, too. I’m sorry, I’m the one at fault here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The only moronic thing you did was apologize. The cup is replaceable, possibly even repairable. What am I supposed to do if you continue being so terrified of me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel your heart rate slow. It completely slipped your mind that… </span>
  <em>
    <span>your feelings are reciprocated</span>
  </em>
  <span>, in his words. An unhealthy codependency that’s perfect for someone as broken as you, and someone as broken as him. Even if he tried to poison you again, would you be able to hold it against him? You close your eyes and lean down to press your forehead against his. You want to tell him you love him, but he already knows and you feel you’ll cheapen the words by throwing them around so often. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji presses back. You flutter your eyelids open for a moment to see that melancholic look on his face. You want to smile to reassure him, but you can’t bring yourself to right now. Instead you quickly kiss his nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji looks at you, puzzled. Then he kisses your forehead and returns to his seat across from you. He calls for an invisible servant, or a familiar since his insistence on a difference is only in name, to get you a new cup from the set. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you still upset? You’re crying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am?” You bring a hand to your face, and find it wet with tears. You do this way more often than you’re comfortable with. “I think I’m just happy. Relieved, maybe.” You shrug it off and wipe away the tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji looks away. You can tell he feels guilty. As much as you want to tell him everything’s okay, and as much as you want to say that you forgive him completely, you’re not sure how honest that would be. You want to be with him, isn’t that enough?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be spending the next week working from home, to make up for the time we spent apart when you stayed with </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He says, changing the subject without the least amount of subtlety. You’re glad, you’d rather not think much more about what happened with the tea. Drinking it now, though, it’s quite a rich and comforting flavor. It’s a shame you couldn’t enjoy it last time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In our new home, with the time we’ll have together, I think now would be the time we start thinking about our future, isn’t it?” Reiji looks you over to check your reaction, “I have a legacy to continue, and you had a valid point about the house being quite large for just the two of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel your face flush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You try to say something but the words get stuck in your throat. You take another sip of your tea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not now of course, we’re both too young and inexperienced to be parents, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> something to keep in mind. To be honest, part of me only brought this up to see your reaction. I didn’t expect you to be ready yet.” His glasses flint and you see that sadistic smirk appear on his face. How can he be so sweet and concerned one moment, then immediately switch back to this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s been something weighing on your mind since speaking with Yui, and right now you’re too out of it to bring it up tactfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can the two of us even have kids? I heard that turned vampires were nearly infertile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji frowns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard this from Yui, didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod. You at least have enough awareness to understand that he didn’t want this question brought up. The one you actually want to ask is even more unpleasant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That may be true, but there are several theories that I and a few others have come up with in order to solve this problem, though most of it has been hypothetical till now. This kind of research is not in high demand in the Demon Realm, I’ll have you know, but it’s likely an easily solvable issue. If it isn’t, we always have the option to adopt, though I’d prefer not to because it would be a waste to not pass down my lineage's magical abilities. More important than that, however, is educating our potential children based on our own beliefs and values.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sounds confident, so you take his word at face value. It still hasn’t addressed your greatest concern. “I hope we can be good parents one day,” you say looking into your new teacup. The tangy scent is carried up to you by the steam. “Yui and Ruki have been good to Adam, I think we can do the same...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji frowns. “They’ve been trying to have another child, haven’t they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He meets your eyes with a cold expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you want me to help them with that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… since you’d already be doing the research I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t, I just wish you would stop worrying about others so much when we’re meant to be enjoying our time together. If you made an active effort to be more selfish you may end up as merely humble. For now, either focus on me or yourself.” Reiji sips his tea, his eyes still meeting yours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually wanted to know if you’d think about going to someone else if I couldn’t give you kids...” You break eye contact and focus on your tea instead. Slightly tart, but a more mellow flavor than fruit juice. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Reiji sighs. “I said I was willing to adopt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but your dad had three wives...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I may admire him, but I often find myself questioning his judgement.” Reiji sighs again. “I’ve never had this kind of interest in any man or woman before you, why would I allow anyone else close enough to me to produce offspring? Don’t bring up such a distasteful thing again, at least not while I’m trying to enjoy my tea.” He looks up at you. “Why are you smiling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn’t realize you were smiling till he pointed it out. “It’s… kind of heartwarming to see you get so defensive about this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drink your tea before it gets cold,” he says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You can’t stop smiling at him. He adjusts his glasses and turns away, bringing a macaron to his mouth and taking a bite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should try some, they aren’t as high quality as the ones you make, but their taste is exquisite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay… this is starting to feel like too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s the case we can always finish eating the desserts later, don’t push yourself to continue past when you’re full.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I meant you being this nice to me, if it’s this much it feels kinda forced...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it natural to treat the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with at least the bare minimum of kindness? It would be stranger if I didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teacup is warm in your hand. You should put it down on it’s saucer, it’s precious and as long as you hold it without drinking you risk spilling tea or breaking the cup. You hold it nonetheless. He’s holding onto his too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mean to keep badgering you about my insecurities, but what exactly do you see me as? What role do I fill in your life? Just… if I knew the position I fill, it might explain things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji frowns. You wonder if he’s getting annoyed with you, but you meet his eyes regardless. You shouldn’t have let him get away with leaving things ambiguous for so long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you pick up on any nuance at all?” he sighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I know your answer, but being the way I am, I need to hear it from you to reassure me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pouts for a second, then regains his composure, leaning forward with his elbows propped up on the table and fingers laced together in a bridge. It’s cute, almost childish, the way he tries to hide how he feels, yet so easily gives in only for you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me ask you a question: What were you when you came to the mansion?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he’s answering your questions like this. You know you’ll get your answer eventually, so you play along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A tenant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji scowls for a moment. “To clarify, what was your relationship to me and my brothers? You have two more tries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe a hint would help. “Prey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A… sacrificial bride?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nods with a slight smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve escaped punishment this time.” The glare hitting Reiji’s glasses hides his eyes for an instant. “Now, I’ve taken you as a sacrifice, so what is there left for you to be?” His smile widens, the corners of his mouth curling up into a teasing smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That wasn’t the answer you were expecting. You feel your face become flushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you say the answer, or should I assume you still don’t understand, even with it so easily laid out for you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your… bride?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So even you can understand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You notice that he’s blushing too. You want to tease him about it, to point out how awful this would be if it were a proposal, but you’ve pushed things far enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks for clearing that up… Maybe next time you’ll be able to say it out loud too.” You find yourself pushing him further despite yourself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m perfectly capable of saying it aloud, I merely-” he catches himself, “I apologize, I’m still new to this as well. I’m still lacking in practical experience when it comes to romance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You keep saying that, but you seem to know what you’re doing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I know what I’m doing, I’m at least capable of performing the basics. Just… the intricacies of these things are where I draw a blank. Thank you for putting up with me through all of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles warmly. Both bizarre and precious. You already knew that he’s changed, but sometimes it still shocks you how much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, we can learn these things together. I don’t have much experience either, to be honest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that much is apparent.” He smirks and takes a sip of tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, some things about him haven’t changed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chair Ghosts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reiji's trying so hard to be romantic. You're kinda confused but also here for it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Now that you know what your role is, I suppose it would be best if I properly taught you your place...” Reiji muses in a voice so smooth that you easily take his hand and allow yourself to be led wherever he wants. </p><p>The hand holding yours is large, comfortably and completely enveloping yours, and still warm from the teacup. Ahead of you, his face is silhouetted by the amber glow of the sunset, against a backdrop of countless lush green leaves that seem to blur together, dotted with pale blooms and buds. When you finally catch on to the danger behind what he’s saying, you’re too lulled to question whatever it is he has planned. </p><p>He guides you back towards the house, to the trellises overgrown with twining vines and clusters of tiny, sweet-smelling white flowers.</p><p>“Stand here, won’t you?”</p><p>You do as he says, stepping to the side to make space for him to join you.</p><p>He takes one of the long, thin, flower-covered branches, and snaps it from the trellis. He bends it, manipulating it’s shape and length with his long and nimble fingers, fastening the ends of the branch into a circular shape.</p><p>“Will you be joining me…?” You ask, unsure of his intentions.</p><p>“Not just yet.”</p><p>He looks at you with an expression you can’t quite parse, then down again at the branch. Stoic yet soft, with a warm light in his eyes that you feel shouldn’t look so natural on him, yet undeniably is. You want to see him make this face more often.</p><p>“Yes, this shall do,” he says, eyes on you as he finishes his work. He joins you under the trellis and places his creation on your head like a crown, then takes your hands in his.</p><p>“Yes, this is quite fitting for you,” he purrs, leaning down to press his forehead against yours.</p><p>You’re taken aback for a second, then smile and press back against him. You’ll gladly give in to this flower crown of madness. You lean up to brush your nose against his. His eyes are still on you, still with that soft brightness. It fills you with warmth, but it’s so intense that before long you have to look away.</p><p>“Keep your eyes on me,” he whispers, hardly a command.</p><p>You return your gaze to his, but upon meeting his eyes your face is overcome by a blush and your heartrate quickens. You squeeze your eyes shut.</p><p>“That was not a suggestion,” he whispers again, squeezing your hands in his.</p><p>You look again, expecting to see annoyance or disappointment, but instead a sly smile graces his lips. His face is so radiant to you that you have to focus on a spot next to him to keep your eyes open in his general direction, but you can’t help drifting back to look at those soft, supple lips, or that harsh glint overtaking the softness in his eyes.</p><p>“Has something stolen your attention?” He says with such smugness that you know he knows the reason behind your distraction.</p><p>You decide to take the offense on this. “Sometimes I look at you, and you’re so enchanting I can’t draw myself back to the rest of the world.”</p><p>You blush harder after admitting this, but now his face is starting to flush too. Sweet revenge.</p><p>Reiji stumbles back with your hands still in his, pulling you with him as his eyes go wide. He catches himself gracefully, swinging you around in a motion akin to a waltz, then has you fall forward against him. He takes you into his arms, with your hands pressed against his chest, before leaning down and pressing his forehead against yours once again, leaving your lips inches apart.</p><p>“Is that so?” he asks coolly, despite you knowing full well what just happened. “Then, what do you suppose would happen if you continued to look? Should we perhaps test it? Again I’ll say it, keep your eyes on me,” he says, more teasing than commanding.</p><p>Your heart pounds as you look into his crimson eyes. So smug. He knows what he’s doing. Hearing your heart pound, your breathing grow heavy, seeing your lips part and pout in anticipation, it’s only feeding his ego even more. </p><p>With one hand on your back and another around your waist, he pulls you closer to himself. You have to crane your neck to keep your forehead against his, your hands grip at the shirt covering his chest. Despite the thick material, you can feel his muscles shift as he adjusts his hold on you.</p><p>Reiji hums with satisfaction. “Are you feeling okay? You’re becoming quite feverish...” The corners of his mouth almost imperceptibly curl upward.</p><p>How are you supposed to answer that? </p><p>You make a sound in the back of your throat, meant to be an answer to his hum, but it comes out as more of a moan.</p><p>Reiji chuckles under his breath.</p><p>You feel your blush intensify, your head grow lighter.</p><p>Those lips, curled up so mischeviously, mocking you. His eyes are the same, shining with pride at the knowledge of the nature of your discomfort. At least causing him to stumble the way he did puts you on more even ground, to some extent.</p><p>Reiji hums again. “Hold out just a little longer and you will be rewarded,” he whispers, cool breath brushing softly against your lips. They’re even closer now. More than just mocking you with his smile, he’s mocking you with this insufferable closeness. If you tilted your head just a little more they’d meet, and you know you’d be lost in his kiss. But you know that if you did that, you’d surely be punished. Just a little longer, and you’ll get what you desire.</p><p> </p><p>“Well done,” he says, drawing away after what felt like an eternity, keeping his eyes focused on you. </p><p>You feel cold and lacking when his arms are no longer around you, but you ignore it, immediately closing your eyes and turning your head away to calm yourself.</p><p>“Was it truly such a wretched experience?”</p><p>You look back at him. He tilts his head back to adjust his glasses and looks down at you, then straightens out as he lowers himself to you again.</p><p>You decide to tease him again. Getting revenge by being brutally honest with your feelings. Smiting the captain to take down the ship.</p><p>“No, it’s just… You’re so beautiful that it feels like I’m doing something indecent just by looking at you.”</p><p>“I didn’t realize you had such an obscene mind,” he smirks and steps back, stretching out his arm as he takes your hand in his.</p><p>“T-that’s not it! I mean… you’re so lacking in flaws that it feels unnatural, like you aren’t even real.” </p><p>“Ah, I suppose it would seem that way to a human…  Now, come to me and collect your reward.” </p><p>Any bashfulness you still hold gets thrown away as you close the distance more quickly than you need to. You stand directly before Reiji, looking up at him eagerly. He grins at your desperation. Maybe you should be playing hard to get, or showing more restraint, but right now you really just want him to spoil you a little. You’ve waited long enough.</p><p>He places a hand on your cheek, tracing his thumb against your skin, before tilting your face up to look at him again. You find yourself looking away for a moment, then catch yourself and resume your focus on him, like he wants.</p><p>“Close your eyes,” he softly commands. You easily obey.</p><p>You find your chin tilting up even more in anticipation, your lips parting.</p><p>When you feel the soft press of his lips against your skin, however, it’s on your forehead.</p><p>You open your eyes to see his soft, glowing smile, holding nothing but reverence for you. Seeing him make such a face, you can’t find it in yourself to voice your disappointment. You return his smile.</p><p>“Is there something else you’d like?” he coos, stroking your face.</p><p>“I-I’d like to kiss you too,” you manage to say, “If that’s okay...”</p><p>“As you wish,” he leans down and presents his forehead to you.</p><p>You take his face in your hands, tilting his chin up, and press a quick kiss against his lips.</p><p>“I was hoping to keep this more chaste,” he sighs, “but it seems your desires have bested you yet again...”</p><p>Despite his tone, his smug aura promptly returns.</p><p>“Very well, I will do as you request.”</p><p>Reiji kisses you, scraping his teeth against your lip and caressing yours with his. You drink him in, pressing closer and moving against him, letting the scenery melt away to focus on him and him alone.</p><p>Then he breaks the kiss all too soon, looking down at you with a face dusted with blush and lips left bright pink by your overzealousness.</p><p>“Certainly that will curb your appetite for now,” he says, like a challenge. “There’s more to do before we can indulge.”</p><p>“O-of course,” you say, still blushing at how brazen you were moments earlier.</p><p> </p><p>----------------</p><p> </p><p>The tour of the interior of the house isn’t nearly as interesting to you as the garden. As long as you can live there and you know how to clean everything, it’s good enough to you. </p><p>This place is clean enough, some rooms are covered in dust because they were locked off during showings, but the real estate agent who was in charge of this place did a good job of keeping up with it’s maintenance. Reiji has some complaints here and there about the cleaning products they used on the antique pieces of furniture, but that’s to be expected from him. </p><p>“Now for the curtains in this room, normally one would use a pale color to make the most of the natural lighting, but to go with the overall palette and style we tend to prefer, I’m considering a deep red or purple made from a thin material that will still allow light to pass through.”</p><p>“I think crimson would work, a nice blood red would give it a delightful haunted house vibe,” you nod along.</p><p>“Please take this seriously. The story I told you about the ghost was obviously false.”</p><p>“Sorry, I’m just a fan of silly things like that, I thought it would be interesting to live in a haunted house.”</p><p>“The style of the Sakamaki mansion, as well as the one I’m trying to emulate here, is Gothic Victorian, though there are liberties taken with it. There will be no Halloween decorations on display, pumpkins and plastic skulls are hardly becoming of any respectable home,” he snaps. “Authentic skulls however, especially those from rare specimens, may be interesting...” </p><p> </p><p>“The lab is being renovated to suit our needs. I’ve already begun transferring over my samples and research, but the larger pieces of equipment will take time.”</p><p>You nod along, you’re not too knowledgeable about any of the equipment Reiji uses that are larger than a microscope. You know that one of them is like a big safe, and it makes a whirring noise while sterilizing things, and that another somehow identifies materials based off the lights they emit, but neither of those are things you’ve worked with much.</p><p>He takes you to the drawing room, where most of the furniture is covered in white sheets. They look like spooky little misshapen ghosts sitting idly around, a large flat-topped one in the center, surrounded by wide ones with depressions as if for seating, and others with low, flat fronts and high backs. You start to imagine them waltzing to a ghastly groove, something to keep your mind occupied while Reiji talks you through the state of the house and his plans for it. </p><p> Reiji lifts sheets off the couches one by one, releasing a cloud of dust into the air and revealing a matching set, with a handful of worn out pillows stacked to the side. The removal of the ghostly cloths break your trance. </p><p>He hums in thought, then lifts the sheet off the table in the center and nods his head. You sneeze into your elbow from all the dust being thrown about. He runs his finger across the table’s surface, looking at his fingertip with a scowl at the dust still present despite the measures the realtor took.</p><p>“If we leave the sheets on, we can pretend we have ghost furniture… Though I don’t think a chair can die in a meaningful enough way to become a ghost...”</p><p>“Are you bored? Or perhaps <em> restless </em>?” Reiji sighs before turning to you. “You can’t seem to concentrate on what is at hand.”</p><p>“Sorry, I’ll try to remain more present.”</p><p>“Nonsense, we can tour the house and discuss our plans another time, it <em> is </em> rather much to absorb in what remains of the day.”</p><p> “There’s no need to stop, I’d like to cover as much ground as we can before midnight.”</p><p>“Appraising the house, taking inventory of the pieces left, assessing what we need to obtain, and making decisions regarding style and decoration will be a task that takes several days at least. Losing some time today won’t put us any more or less behind schedule.” Reiji replaces the cloths he lifted off the furniture, returning them to their ghostly forms. “You must be tired from all that’s happened today, if you’re too tired to continue we can stop here for now.”</p><p>You aren’t prepared to reap the consequences of telling him that you’re feeling pent up from what happened in the garden.</p><p>“Maybe a little...”</p><p>“You can take a short rest for now, but there’s one more place I’d like to show you before we retire for the night. Do you feel well enough to continue?”</p><p> </p><p>--------------</p><p> </p><p>You shouldn’t be surprised that this house has a dungeon. A home for Reiji without a dungeon is like a parrot enclosure without a leather chew toy. He needs the enrichment. Parrots or Reijis, they need their leather toys to thrive.</p><p>Still, being in a familiarly cool and dark setting sends shivers down your spine. You have fond memories of dungeons, equipment maintenance with Reiji or hiding from the brothers to get some time alone, but overwhelmingly more you remember the bad. The skin on your back still pulls tightly at the taut marks on your back when you move the wrong way. Kanato’s pitiful eyes return to your thoughts, but it’s his unrepentant joy in your vulnerability that sticks in your mind. </p><p>Unconsciously, you find yourself gripping the corner of Reiji’s sleeve as he leads you down the seemingly endless, creaking stairs.</p><p>Catching yourself, you let go of his sleeve but stay close. You would have preferred an hour or two more of Reiji lecturing you about interior design than being here this late at night. </p><p>You take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Nothing here can hurt you. Nothing here but Reiji can hurt you.</p><p>“How does every mansion seem to have a dungeon…?” You ask, trying to lighten the mood, which you now realize only you felt grew heavy. “Rich people must be into some weird stuff...”</p><p>“Don’t be preposterous, not every mansion has a dungeon.”</p><p>“Then how can you explain this?!”</p><p>“The previous owner of this estate was a mentor to me in some ways, but in others we were peers. In fact, there was much overlap with our hobbies and interests.”</p><p>“That doesn’t explain anything.”</p><p>Reiji turns to you briefly, squinting his eyes, then continues looking ahead into the darkness being illuminated by the candelabra he holds. Now at the bottom of the stares, he leads you further into the dungeon.</p><p>“The man and his wife used this place recreationally.”</p><p>“... So basically, rich people are into some weird stuff..." You smirk and look to Reiji to see his reaction.</p><p>“Don’t give me that look,” he says without turning your way.</p><p>“I had this place refitted with tools more suited to my tastes. Only the cells and chains have been kept, but they’ve been completely sanitized. The rest of the equipment has been replaced, you have no need to worry.”</p><p>“Shouldn’t I be worried about the number of canes and whips on the wall?”</p><p>“I’m sure you will come to find them immensely enjoyable in time. Would you like for me to give you a demonstration? I still need to punish you for your actions earlier.”</p><p>Your heart drops to your stomach. </p><p>“You said the cup was replaceable...” you say in a shaky voice.</p><p>“The cup? That was an accident, and in addition you were injured because of it. I’d hardly punish you for such a thing.”</p><p>Your apprehension melts away in an instant, only to be replaced by confusion.</p><p>“Then what did I do wrong?” You try to think further back. “I thought you were fine with me being friends with Yuma, and you already punished me for that anyway.”</p><p>“I’m fine with it, but please don’t remind me of him at this moment. What I was referring to was your immature jokes about this house being haunted, or being infested with ghosts.”</p><p>“<em>That’s </em> what you want to punish me for?” you ask, temporarily struck in wonder about why it would possibly warrant this amount of discipline. Reiji may be sadistic, but he’s still fair. And when he’s not acting fairly, it’s because he’s in a <em> certain </em> kind of mood that being in a place like this could have put him in.</p><p>“By any chance, are you afraid of ghosts?” you wonder, not meaning to say those words out loud.</p><p>“You have your choice between a crop, whip, or cane.” Reiji snaps.</p><p>“If you just told me I wouldn’t have made those jokes. I really am sorry about it, if I had known it would have been terribly rude of me to do.”</p><p>“Must I chain you up too?”</p><p>“If you get scared, just hold my hand and I’ll protect you.”</p><p>“If you keep this up it will only compound your punishment. I gave you your choices.”</p><p>You pause to grimace. None of the options he offered seemed ideal to you, and it looks like you aren’t going to be able to change the subject.</p><p>“Look, I don’t have any fond memories associated with dungeons <em> or </em>whips, is there anything else I can do as punishment?”</p><p>Reiji looks directly at you through the dim candlelight, eyes narrowing slightly as he examines your expression.</p><p>Denying him to any extent isn’t easy for you, and the current situation has you even more on edge. You hold his gaze steadily as you clench your fists to stop yourself from shaking any more than you already are. If you tried to smile to soften his rage, it would only look unconvincing and make things worse for you. So you’ll try to stay strong, maybe even succeed in being strong if you find it within yourself.</p><p>Reiji sighs and ruffles your hair, still looking down at you with narrowed eyes, an expression somewhere between disappointment and fondness that speaks of compromise.</p><p>“I have other, equally pleasurable ways to torture you.”</p><p>You only half understand what he’s talking about, but offer a smile anyway because of his mercy.</p><p>“I understand that your experiences at the previous manor’s dungeon were… less than ideal, but I assure you that things will be different here. And please don’t make that face at me, I thought it was only reserved for my brothers. Honestly, it’s making me uncomfortable.”</p><p>“It’s just a smile.”</p><p>“You’re uncomfortable. You have no need to lie in my presence.”</p><p>Reiji pats your head. As he does so, you realize how stiff your neck and shoulders have been all this time. </p><p>“This isn’t alleviating your anxieties, is it?” Reiji frowns.</p><p>“Sorry. Even though I trust you I’m still a little on edge.”</p><p>“You have no need to apologize, either. Perhaps this will help,” he sighs and blows out the candles.</p><p>For a moment you’re standing in the dark, unable to make out your surroundings, but by the next you’ve been swept up into Reiji’s arms. </p><p>“Wh-what are you doing?”</p><p>“Can’t you see that I’m carrying you?”</p><p>“Then… <em> Why </em> are you carrying me? And why are the lights out?”</p><p>“You always seem to be in a better mood when I hold you like this, and if I left the candles lit unattended it would be a fire hazard. Do you dislike your current position?”</p><p>“No, it’s just...” you hesitate for a moment. You don’t actually <em> want </em> him to put you down, but the fact that he thinks that all he has to do to alleviate your anxieties is hold you bridal style confounds you. “You’re a rather strange man, do you realize that?”</p><p>“You are rather strange yourself. I’ve had to adapt. Now, do you want to stay here in this dungeon shrouded in darkness, or should I carry you to bed?”</p><p>“I want to leave,” you say, clinging to Reiji as you relax in his arms. </p><p>He starts to make for the stairs with long, smooth strides that make you feel like you’re floating through the air together.</p><p>“I can walk, you know...” you murmur aloud without meaning to.</p><p>“At least let me indulge in this much.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Railing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reiji teases you, you tease Reiji, Reiji makes a pun, [censored]</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys, did you miss me? Have 10 pages of vampire porn as an apology ;-;<br/>School got kinda intense and I didn't have much time to write. I'm a lot busier than I was before, but chapters will keep coming out till this story is finished. I've been heartbroken by unfinished fics enough times that I really don't wanna end up doing that too...</p><p>This chapter is another case of me having a fairly short outline, then just going ham on details and it ends up way longer than I originally intended and I have to split the chapter in two. Normally it's cuz I want to detail the feelings of the characters and add in a ton of micro-expressions to pile on that good subtext, in this case it was probably cuz I was thirsty for Reiji lol.<br/>I've got no excuses</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You feel like you’re floating as Reiji carries you up the stairs. His strides are so smooth you hardly feel as the two of you move, and his strength is great enough that your weight hardly seems to register to him. As if carrying you is the easiest thing for him to do. You relax in his arms, closing your eyes as you lean your head to rest against his chest so you can listen to the comfortable silence of his heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Far too soon you hear him open a door. You look up to see a vast room, with a high ceiling and windows hung with flowing curtains, and a large bed with high posts draped with bolts of gossamer fabric. There’s a pair of soft armchairs by the fireplace, and a crystal chandelier hangs from the ceiling. The deep, dark blues and blacks remind you of Reiji’s room back at the Sakamaki mansion, but the furniture and decorations look like antiques, and give off a much homier vibe than you’d associate with him. As if you’re retreating into the gentle darkness of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, is this the aesthetic you want for the rest of the house?” You murmur, reluctant to lift your head away from him as he places you on the bed. The quilt feels luxurious beneath you, and the bed itself seems larger than any you’ve seen before. You try to chalk it up to Reiji’s taste for high quality essentials. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, this is one of the few I had time to complete before we were forced to move in earlier than expected,” he says, his lips brushing against your cheek before he pulls away, leaving you cold. “Would you like me to fill you in on the details of these pieces? The architecture alone will take hours to explain. I promise that you won’t catch a wink of sleep tonight if you agree,” he smirks down at you, tracing his hand down your thigh as he stands up.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, go on. Starting with the historic basis for beds of this size, I’m sure there’s an interesting explanation!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take this seriously,” he scoffs, removing his vest and placing his glasses on the bedside table. “Do you truly believe I’d force you to sit through our first night together- in </span>
  <em>
    <span>ages- </span>
  </em>
  <span>listening to me lecture you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with that? I love to learn, and I’m always interested in listening to whatever you wish to share with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t feign ignorance, it’s unbecoming,” the corners of his mouth tug down slightly as he flicks your chin up with a long, delicate finger, forcing you to look him in the eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not feigning ignorance, I really do appreciate what you have to say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I didn’t realize the reason for your restlessness earlier? You’ve been anticipating this moment since at least the garden, perhaps even as early as the car ride here. No, knowing you, you’ve been waiting for this reunion since the night you were forced to share a bed with that beast…” Reiji muses, scowling as he leans closer. As he lifts your chin higher so that your eyes still meet though his position has shifted, a familiar sadistic look makes it’s appearance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And? If you’d rather talk about architecture, I’m willing to indulge you. Don’t feel the need to put it off for my sake,” you offer him an understanding smile, enjoying the look of disappointment on his face when he realizes you won’t be giving in so easily. As much as you want him right now, and as long as you’ve waited, you won’t let him get away with acting like you’re the only one who wants to be together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Tell me about this!” You spring up off the bed, ignoring how dizzy standing up so suddenly has made you, and walk to the glass doors leading to the balcony. You unhook their metal closure and push them open. “The railing looks newer than the rest of the building’s facade, do you know what caused it to be replaced?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gaze out at the expanse before you. The garden is bigger than you realized, and even more overgrown. It looks like a jungle cloaked in darkness, housing countless ghosts or unknown beasts that could attack at a moment's notice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A cold hand is on your shoulder, suddenly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was an incident, involving railing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course it involved the railing, since it needed to be replaced. What kind of incident was it? There has to be a story there!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You turn your head to look up eagerly at Reiji. He meets your gaze with a grim expression and narrowed eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh… Sorry, you were perfectly clear, I just didn’t-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll speak no further on the topic. I’ll have you know that the one that replaced it is reinforced with steel, so it will be able to handle several times the force of what originally broke it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I see…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You turn to look out at the garden again, but Reiji catches your chin between his fingers and faces you towards him once more. He leans over you, closing the distance just slightly as you’re cornered in between his body and the railing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t expect me to reenact the incident with you tonight, you seem so enthusiastic about being lectured that it would be unbecoming of me to disappoint you,” the arm not gripping your chin is raised to rest on the railing, cornering you in even more. There’s no way to escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You try to turn to look out at the garden again, but Reiji has your head held in place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t the garden so lovely at night?” You say, “I can imagine all kinds of beasts and creatures finding sanctuary there under the dark sky… And the pale cast of the moonlight almost brings to mind images of…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finish that sentence and we’ll finish the tour of the dungeon,” Reiji snarls in your ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You choke back a laugh at how quickly the mood changed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… Is that what it is?” Reiji asks, drawing back and letting go of you, leaving you vulnerable to the chilly night air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slowly approaches the railing, slouching slightly to rest his arm against the top of it, and props his other arm up to rest his chin in his hand. He looks out at the tangled forest of poisons and specimens, regardless of their potential to house ghosts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was the dungeon too much for you? When we were in the garden I could have sworn you were pushed almost to the point of breaking, and now you seem to be doing everything in your capacity to derail my advances.” His eyes flicker towards you for just a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh…” You lean against the railing next to him, mirroring his posture to buy time for your next words. “No, the dungeon freaked me out but I’m fine now. I’ve got some bad feelings associated with places like that, but I trust you not to put me in those kinds of situations again… I just wanted you to be more clear about your intentions. I was just teasing you a little…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are my intentions not clear enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly you’re turned around, the edge of the railing is digging into the small of your back, and your wrists are pinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji leans down, covering your body with his own, yet somehow the distance feels like an endless chasm. “What about my intentions are unclear to you?” He whispers in your ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was genuinely concerned for your wellbeing, but it turns out you were just being a </span>
  <em>
    <span>brat</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And aren’t you the one speaking unclearly now? If you continue with such improper speech, it will compound with the punishment you already escaped. You’ll be fine tasting my whip so long as we’re above ground, correct?” You can hear that familiar sadistic grin forming through on his face, just through his tone of voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You test his hold on you with a weak struggle. He doesn’t seem to be planning on letting you go without receiving an answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re acting like I’m the only one who wants it… If that’s the case I’m willing to do something else. If it’s not, then you can tell me. There’s no need to hold back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You hear Reiji make a low hum, and he rubs one of your wrists with his thumb. He draws away enough to show you his expression, which isn’t one that surprises you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I not tell you earlier that I would reward you? So often when we’re together you’re being subjected to my basest urges, I thought you would find it enjoyable if I restrained myself for once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes are practically glowing when he says this, not betraying a single ounce of mercy. Maybe his restraint is more intimidating than his indulgence. Yet somehow, you’re overcome with the urge to wrap your arms around him and bring him closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to hold back around me, remember? You can indulge as much as you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji squeezes your wrists tighter, to the point where it’s bordering on discomfort. Your numbing fingers grip the railing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be restraining myself no matter which path tonight takes, whether I take you to bed or I give you the architecture lesson you seem to </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> desire. Tell me, which would you truly prefer?” Reiji leans in again, hot breath hitting your skin as his lips hover above the side of your neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gulp. Your mouth is dry and you can’t muster up the power to urge it to speak the words you cannot seem to find. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When you hesitate to answer, he presses his fangs against the surface of your skin, threatening to pierce it’s surface. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it obvious which I’d prefer?” you whine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, yet you were the one who spoke of a need for clarity, so you’ll need to offer me the same convenience. Or, would you prefer that I pry my answer directly from your body? However, if I were to do so, I wouldn’t be able to act on the restraint I spoke of. The choice is up to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want you to treat me gently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is nothing I can do that will cause you less physical harm than an architecture lecture.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I want you to indulge me...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In your desire for an architecture lecture? If that is truly your wish…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want the reward you promised me originally!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm… Whatever that may have been has now utterly slipped my mind, would you care to remind me of what it was?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You want to smack Reiji for making this so difficult for you. More than that, you want him to just touch you the way you need him to already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… want you to…” you glance down, away from him, letting your eyes wander to whatever will make this less embarrassing to say. Then your eye catches what you’re pressed against. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rail me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s hands constrict your wrists, if it lasts much longer it might cut off your blood flow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going inside.” He drags you by the wrist back into the bedroom, closing and fastening shut the balcony door behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You will refrain from such… </span>
  <em>
    <span>crude</span>
  </em>
  <span> language tonight. Do you not want to make our first memory here together a pleasant one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that, but you </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> make the joke first...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji scoffs and guides you to the bed, pulling you onto his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should thank me for indulging you in your immature sense of humor. You didn’t think I’d tell that joke of my own accord, did you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I um… I thought it was a lame attempt at flirting...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please assume I have more dignity than that.” Reiji takes your hand and presses a kiss against it’s back, then leans in to whisper in your ear. “Or would you like for me to teach you what happens when I leave dignity aside? There’s no accounting for your safety, however...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm… maybe another night,” you moan, “f-for now, let’s continue with what you had planned...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you’ve seen how my brothers have acted. Without restraints, vampires become beasts,” Reiji bites your earlobe for a moment, then begins pressing kisses down your neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s them, not you… I actually like seeing you unrestrained,” you bring your hand up to tangle in his hair and bring him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say things like that, I can’t promise that I will be able to treat you gently tonight...” he murmurs before unbuttoning your shirt and pushing it off your shoulders. He begins to nip at the base of your neck, without breaking skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as it’s you, I’ll enjoy anything,” you purr while wrapping your arm around his waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then you’re flipped onto your back, with your wrists pinned on either side of your head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>vixen</span>
  </em>
  <span>… Do you really wish to say such dangerous words to me, after I told you my intentions for this night?” Reiji hisses in your ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You struggle with all your strength, knowing perfectly well it’s a futile effort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you be able to control yourself?” You smile at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I can control myself, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> who I doubt. Perhaps you will have to be restrained in order for us to continue...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You struggle in his hold again, moving your wrists and wiggling your hips that are being pressed down by his own. You feel him stiffen up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said I would be gentle for </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> sake...” he says in a low growl. You can feel the vibrations of his voice reverberating in his chest, pressing down against yours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You turn your head so you can press a chaste kiss against his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s fangs pierce your neck, barely breaking the skin at first, but the moment your blood reaches his tongue he pushes them in further, stretching the skin of your wounds as he sinks in deeper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time when you begin to squirm it’s not on purpose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...” you gasp, “I missed the feeling of your fangs...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel Reiji’s moan vibrate against your skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll behave yourself,” he commands before thrusting his fangs back into the same bite mark, biting into the thin flesh of your neck even harder this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your head feels light with the blood escaping your body and Reiji’s weight keeping you in place, and your face feels unbearably hot. You arch your back, pressing closer against his cool body, urging his fangs deeper into your neck, trying to escape the heat that’s flooding through your whole being. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji hungrily bites down again, with a bruising force. He gulps down your blood, dragging his tongue against your skin to collect stray drops, so that none is wasted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he draws away from your neck, his face inches from your own, and his lips painted red with your blood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was willing to be gentle,” he murmurs, crimson eyes aglow, “but now you’ve earned a punishment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reiji tears your shirt off, abandoning it to the side as he strokes up from your hips, to your stomach, to your chest. His eyes run up and down your body, before flicking up to meet yours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sit up and begin kissing his sharp jawline. He lets out a groan and tosses his head back, exposing his neck that you’re more than eager to lavish in attention. As you’re doing this you begin to unbutton his shirt, but he grabs your wrists in one hand and forces you back against the mattress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I not say you’d be punished?” he sighs, taking your shirt and using it to tie your wrists to the headboard. You pull at your restraints but find them to be firmly in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seemed like you were starting to forget.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> much of a senseless creature...” Reiji laps at the bitemark on your neck, now no longer bleeding, then moves down to press a kiss against your collar bone. “I said I’d treat you gently tonight, and I fully intend to keep my word.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you said-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji cuts off your protest with a soft kiss against your lips, followed by a narrow-eyed glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji runs his hands up and down your sides, before settling them at your waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so cute and precious, it’s only right that I treat you as such...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You blink in disbelief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he’s kissing you, slowly and passionately, maybe even gently if it weren’t so dominating. He deepens the kiss and you’re lost in it, moving against him and feeling the world around you melt away. When it’s like this, when all there is is him and you, life becomes so much more endurable. Despite the pressure of his weight resting against your body and the forceful way he’s claiming your lips, somehow you manage to feel lighter than you have in a long time. You try to wrap your arms around him, only to be stopped by your restraints. As if reading your mind, Reiji pulls your body closer to his. You arch your back and press up against him, all you can do to combat the unendurable physical distance between him and you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he breaks the kiss, you’re panting and out of breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji looks down at you, brows furrowed in worry. You pout at him in an attempt to look alluring, but it quickly disappears as you can’t stop smiling at him. He tries to glare at you, but his pupils are blown wide and his face is too flushed to look appropriately cold. You can’t help but smile wider, unable to take your eyes off of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you giving me that look?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re precious to me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As one would expect from their fiancee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, your face manages to heat up even more. As much as a relief it is to know what he sees you as, you still aren’t used to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re adorable~” you tease him, trying to turn his attention away from how flustered you’re becoming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re reprehensible,” he sneers before nipping at your chest. Shallow yet harsh bites that leave pinpricks of blood pooling at the surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm~ Then why do you put up with me~?” you moan as Reiji begins caressing your breasts with cold, strong hands. His touch is gentle, until his hands approach the areas he’s biting. There, he squeezes harshly, springing rivulets of blood from the tiny marks he’s carved into your flesh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somehow, despite seeing parts of me no one else has, you choose to stay by my side,” Reiji says, taking an oddly serious turn, looking up at you from under hooded lids. “I won’t let you come to regret your decision.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji kisses you again. Earnest and sweet, and you begin to lose yourself as you did before, until a harsh sting on your chest brings you back to reality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blood he milked from you is beginning to pool and drip lower down your torso. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, darling. I won’t spill a drop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji lowers his head to lick up the blood on your chest. Sucking at the delicate skin to clear blood away, and lapping at it with small strokes of his tongue to accelerate the healing of your wounds. His cool fingertips collect the blood threatening to drip down from your sides and onto the sheets, and rubs it into the flesh of your breasts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You moan for him as he takes you in while caressing you. You arch against him, hoping to encourage his dominant nature into playing roughly with your nipples, which he must be neglecting on purpose. Instead, he gives a possessive grope, as if testing how much strength he can use without crushing that part of you, and returns to licking up the mess he made on your skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You cry his name in a desperate, whiny voice that you refuse to acknowledge as your own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Impatient, are you?” he acknowledges in a self-satisfied voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-stop teasing me! You said you’d treat me gently!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it harsher to stimulate your most sensitive places right away, rather than to slowly work up to them? Please try to think more before speaking.” Though his words say that he’s looking after you, his face and voice make no attempt to hide the pleasure he’s taking in your suffering. He begins to trace the feather-light touch of one long, cold finger around the border of your areola, and you try to shift to feel more pressure from his touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, you’re so ungrateful… Even when I’m holding back for </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> sake...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s thigh presses harder between your legs, and you can feel that his hardness is straining against the fabric of his pants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You start to rub against him, trying to hold back but desperate for something more from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s strong hands grab your hips and forces them down against the mattress. </span>
  <span>“Why must you turn my innocent appreciation for your body into something so lewd?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about what we’re doing can be considered </span>
  <em>
    <span>innocent</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” You ask in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you implying? There’s nothing more decent than two betrothed lovers coming together in their marriage bed.”</span>
</p><p><span>You tug at your shirt, which is tying your hands together above your head.</span><br/>
 <span><br/>
</span><span>A smile tugs at your lips.</span></p><p>
  <span>You erupt in laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-Reiji…!” you’re barely able to say as you succumb to useless giggling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, my darling…?” He asks, suddenly giving a harsh and violent tug on your nipples, making you arch your back to follow his pull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re no longer laughing, now moaning from the painful stimulation he’s given you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up at his face, Reiji’s wearing a softer smile than before. He gives a light chuckle before kissing you on your cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that better, my beloved?” he whispers sweetly while rolling your nipples between his thumbs and forefingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you’re such a jerk...” you laugh, purring at his ministrations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushes his thigh down against you again, harder, moving it against you in a slow rhythm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And yet you seem to be enjoying yourself immensely...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say it was a bad thing...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji hums in acknowledgement, then moves a hand lower to unfasten your lower garments. After shoving them aside, he looks you in the eye and begins to lightly stroke you through your panties.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment his eyes go wide. Then, with a knowing smirk, he tears the fabric of your underwear and tosses the scrap of fabric to the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what are you doing?!” you cry, but he silences you with a quick yet deep kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were ruined anyway. You really are lewd, to be so aroused by my </span>
  <em>
    <span>innocent</span>
  </em>
  <span> gestures of love and appreciation...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your face goes red at the word ‘love’, even when spoken in such a teasing way. The smugness in his expression only increases, he must know by now what effect that word has on you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji traces a finger up and down your wet folds, never parting them, just teasing the entrance with lilting touches. Every time you buck against his hand he pulls away, instead granting you copper-tasting kisses you until your hips still and you calm down. He offers no relief to you, or the heat pooling inside of you, or the tight pressure building in your stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… I wonder...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” you ask in a high, shaky voice that fills you with shame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so wet even from just this, that I wonder if you can take me without any further preparation… Perhaps I can forgive you for your earlier behavior if you agree to this, and I may even rescind your punishment...” He’s making a clear attempt to sound composed, but his voice comes out strained and unsteady. Against your bare thigh, you can feel the wetness of his arousal soaking through the fabric of his pants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, you’re too far gone to try to make him fold first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yes! Please!” you moan with a shudder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beg for me,” he commands, eyes glowing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please Reiji, please take me already! I-I need you inside me!” you cry out as lewdly as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji freezes for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wasn’t this what he wanted? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then you notice it. His face has turned bright red, almost as red as his crimson eyes, or the blood painting his lips. His eyes are glancing away from yours, unable to maintain eye contact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You moan again, and he visibly stiffens up, exhaling harshly from his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A hand reaches up to adjust the glasses that haven’t been on his face since the two of you entered the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You-” he starts, but stops when his voice cracks. He squeezes his eyes closed and pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath before starting over. “You have become far too good at this...” he sighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-you were the one who gave me so much experience!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I...” he starts, then pauses again to take another breath. “I will be needing to give you harsher training in the future...” he pretends to sigh to mask a shuddering groan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiji...” you cry again, trying to bring his attention back to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling...” he purrs, suddenly regaining his composure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gives you another all-consuming kiss, forcing aside all distractions and making you focus only on him. You hardly notice the several uncharacteristically clumsy attempts he makes to undo his belt. He finally succeeds and pushes his pants down, freeing himself from his constraints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re starkly aware of when he inserts himself, stretching you to your limit. He muffles his cries with his kiss as he slowly fills you even more with each slow, shallow thrust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This tightness, more than anything, is evidence to me that you stayed faithful during your stay in that house...” he murmurs against your neck, before biting down on a fresh patch of skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-did you really think I’d be with anyone but you…? T-that would be horrible!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you wouldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>choose</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, but I couldn’t help being worried...” he punctuates his confession with a smooth thrust, driving himself deeper into you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-please don’t make me think about that, I’m with you right now, I don’t want to think about anyone else, and I don’t want to think about such horrible things!” You wrap your legs around Reiji’s hips and pull him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking your encouragement, Reiji pushes himself further in, and you both gasp as he hilts himself within you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My apologies, darling. Right now, focus only on me,” he whispers in a smooth, low voice. He looks down at you with glowing, blood red eyes, and an expression that tells you that the only thing keeping him from completely devouring you is a thread of composure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’ll focus only on me too, right?” You ask, pulling your legs tighter around him and leaning up for another kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he grants your unspoken request and kisses you again. He starts to thrust into with deep, yet slow and gentle strokes. While you’re soaked and clenching down around him, you still feel some pain at his size, and you’re still too tight for him to be able to move without being forceful. Normally at this point you’d expect him to slam into you, forcing you to feel a pain mixed with pleasure that makes you lose your sense of self, but he’s clearly taking lengths to be considerate towards you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling him twitch inside you, you try to take pity on him by squeezing him with your walls and grinding against him at a faster pace to urge him on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji tries to hold back a moan as he suddenly fills you with a fast and rough motion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He breaks your kiss, looking down at you with narrowed, sadistic eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Behave yourself, darling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You smile up at him and move again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s hand is around your throat, squeezing down. He gently strokes the patch of skin beneath your chin with his thumb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you realize the danger you’re in…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time when you squirm against him, it’s involuntary. The hand constricting your neck somehow fails to do anything to suppress your moans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re shocked by how much of a masochist you’ve become at his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji isn’t unaffected by this, choking you harder as he does his best to maintain his composure, yet he’s unable to stop his own groans. You can’t help blushing at the state he’s in, blushing and losing himself to pleasure… you could get used to this sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s back to himself before you get a chance to commit his image to memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You brought this on yourself,” he growls, something primal and cruel clouding his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reiji pounds into you at a fearsome pace. The bedframe hits the wall so loud and so often that you’re afraid one of them will break. He’s merciless, and you’re left gasping incoherent, broken syllables making up his name, begging to fuck you harder, begging to treat you even more mercilessly. That sadistic look in his eyes… why do you find it so comforting? And why do you find yourself wanting more of this, of anything he has to offer? Kind or cruel, you’re drawn in by everything about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is your punishment for your disobedience… for such… </span>
  <em>
    <span>brazen</span>
  </em>
  <span> lasciviousness!” he groans, almost ecstatic, not even trying to hide his delight or arousal at being able to treat you so harshly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji tears your legs from around his waist, hiking them up over his shoulders instead to penetrate you more deeply. Somehow he manages to be faster, rougher, crushing your lips with a dominating and biting kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re completely lost to him, weakly yet greedily returning his intense kiss, letting yourself be overtaken by his power. You’re being devoured, claimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s hands sink into the softness of your hips, bringing you closer to him with each loud, wet thrust. The sounds of skin slapping against skin, mixed with both of your moans and heavy breaths, echo in your shared bedroom. If a single soul heard this, you’d be completely mortified. Even with just the two of you here, sharing equally in this, it feels like too much to handle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your wrists fight at your restraints, your hands are desperate to cling to him, to bring him closer, if that’s even possible, and claim him as yours in turn, but you’re completely restrained. Helpless and subject to his whims.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Completely overwhelmed by him, you feel a searing heat wash over you and you lose yourself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji doesn’t slow for a moment as you’re overcome by your orgasm, continuing his brutal ministrations and biting down on the tender column of your neck. He moans against your skin, an animalistic sound unbecoming of the gentleman he appears to be before public eyes. This part of him is just for you. The rumbling of both of his and your moans in your neck create a feeling you’ve never experienced before, like even your voices are becoming one. Despite his intensity and brutality increasing by the moment, there’s something vulnerable about the way he’s being. No one will ever see this side of him but you. You want to encourage this, pull him closer, but yet again, you find your hands restrained above your head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji tosses his head back, letting out a strained sound between a groan and a shout. Your blood is dripping from his lips, down to his neck. You lean up to lick the ruby droplets from his pale skin, now  bearing the warmth absorbed from your own body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel yourself become filled with a warm, wet heat, as he continues to thrust into you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji’s gasping now, desperately pressing kisses against your skin and lapping up the blood he spilt during his fits of passion. Something about seeing him lose himself as much as you did previously fills you with joy and affection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he’s finished filling his seed, he begins to calm down. First his thrusts begin to slow, until his hips still against you. His kisses last longer, after clearing away the blood he spilt he continues to press his lips against your skin. Finally, he collapses on top of you, completely spent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His head rests against your chest, and you’re filled with the urge to tangle your fingers in his dark, silky hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is your fault,” he murmurs, slowly stroking your skin, “for being so irresistible. You tempted me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” you coo, once again wanting to caress him, to pet his hair or hold him close. Your modesty has been tossed aside in favor of the intimacy of the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, my darling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiji sits up, pulling his body over yours once more. He holds your face carefully in his hands, like you’re something fragile that even the slightest pressure will break, and grants you a chaste kiss against your lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is no longer necessary...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He undoes the restraints on your wrists, and you immediately toss your arms around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment Reiji’s body tenses in surprise, but the tiredness you both feel quickly soothes it away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is the meaning of this?” He asks in a voice filled with warmth and affection, confused yet accepting, encouraging your action. He rests more of his weight against you, wrapping you in his arms as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t help wanting to be closer to you, I want more...” your voice is tired and whiny, lacking any attempt at sounding composed or dignified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you falling asleep?” he sighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Reiji’s sitting up. Your arms are still around him, and he’s carrying you bridle-style.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to wash off first, we are complete messes...” he mutters. As grumpy as he sounds, he finishes his statement by kissing your forehead. “Really, you’re impossible...” he shakes his head. </span>
</p>
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